上海, 中国 (iii)
Panic Button
Dear BTS,
I once read a story that started with the words: "Life , and then you die."
That's a really pessimistic way to think, isn't it?
Okay, before people start thinking I'm crazy: I know no one will read these. I don't even know where you guys are being sent or are right now.
But I already miss you, and if I can't talk to you or see you, I can write to you.
I'm in Shanghai. I'm not sure why.
I'm terrified. Shanghai is so huge, and I'm so small and alone in comparison.
There were times in BTS where all I wanted was to be alone. Now I'm alone and all I want is someone here with me.
I got here last night and I spent the night cowering in this bed in this apartment I'm supposed to now call my own.
But I can't. It's as foreign to me as this city. It's as foreign as this name I'm supposed to go by.
My name is supposed to be Shǐ Yòngliàng. But that can't be who I am. Shouldn't I know who I am?
I'm supposed to start my job as - wait for it - a singer tonight.
Why am I so terrified?
I wish you were here.
I wish I wasn't here.
I wish I hadn't done what I did.
Love,
Taehyung
stay with me (iii)
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