Chapter 8

Nana’s POV

                How will I make Kris go away? I was starting to melt down at him. Sooner or later he will find out my secrets. The more I spend time with him, the more he knows. Should I tell him? If he found out I was weak, ugly, scarred and broken he would stay away from me, right? Why would he associate himself to someone like me? A danger to everyone.  Dad will find a way to get back at us and hurt everyone I love. Love? No.

                I was contemplating the whole night whether I would tell Kris about it. He deserved an explanation. He hasn’t brought anything up tonight. We were too busy to even bicker at each other. That’s a good thing right? At least he knows his boundaries. But with everything that has happened, I’m sure he has an idea about it. I was trying to live a low life but there are these kinds of people like Kris who trigger your inner being. May be if I tell him about it, he would finally leave me alone.

                “Kris? “

                “Hmm?” Did I say his name out loud? Oh God no. Thank God he couldn’t see me.

                “Can you keep a secret?” I suddenly blurted out. Great Nana, no turning back.

                Kris immediately turned around to face me. There are only a few good inches and slow deep breaths that separate us. I felt something strange within me, and I didn’t know myself if I liked it or not.  We were both frozen in place, not knowing what to do. I couldn’t get a hold of myself. His eyes are so beautiful, I don’t mind drowning in the beauty of those and his lips, ugh they are so full. I only want to do one thing on those.  Nana, shut it! I closed my eyes and looked away.

                “What?” Kris tried to hold my arm but he didn’t proceed on doing so. At times I like these, I strangely long for Kris’ comforts. But due to my freaky self, I had to ruin it.

                I sighed heavily  “I asked you if you can keep a secret? I said without looking at him this time. Kris, unaware of my thoughts, just nodded.

                “Last night, you asked about this right?” I traced the scar on my arm

                “And with all the actions I showed you whenever you’re being in control, aggressive and crazily annoying?” I continued. Kris just stared at me, processing everything I was trying to say.

                “I supposed you have a good idea of what’s happening”

                “I’m just really afraid of someone hurting me” I finished as I lowered my head. I was disappointed at myself because I couldn’t get the right words. Kris moved closer and reached out for my chin to face him.

                “I’m afraid of someone hurting me again Kris. The reason me and my mom came here in Cali is because we’re running away from my dad. He abused me and my mom, physically and verbally; he hurt and beat us to no end until we can barely move. This scar? It’s not the only one. I have them all over my body. “ Telling this to him brought a wave of memories. Everything he did to us was engraved into me forever. Nobody knows how I badly want to scrub these all out, but I couldn’t. They are all etched in here in a lifetime.

                Kris just stood there and looked at me with concern in his eyes. I couldn’t figure him out, but I’m sure he’s disgusted with me. It’s working; he’s going to leave me alone. But why did it hurt? The idea of him staying away from me hurt. And that scared me more. Without knowing, I shed a tear. Kris then immediately and harshly pulled me into a hug. I couldn’t remember the last time someone hugged me this way before. It was really comforting and assuring. I needed this. All this time, it’s Kris who I needed. Chanyeol’s comforts were different than this; I didn’t feel the need to be under his arms. But with Kris, there’s this desire in me to stay longer under his touch. In a matter of seconds, I was sobbing at Kris’ shoulder. It’s the first time I had a good cry after arriving here in LA. I’ve been holding everything well not until tonight. I couldn’t believe I have let my guard down to Kris, the guy who reminds me of dad, who makes me insane, who annoys me to death, and who makes my heart flutter.

                “Cry all you can, we have all night long”.  He rubbed my back softly. Kris finally broke the silence filled with my tears. He wasn’t supposed to be comforting and saying these things. This was not I planned. I awoke from my short fantasy and slowly moved away.

                “Kris, you’re not getting it. I’m dirty and I’m broken and I’m not good for everyone else” I reasoned out in between sobs. Kris moved closer again and reached out for my face as he wiped my tears gently.

                “Hey hey listen to me. You’re not dirty or whatever you think of yourself. All I see is a beautiful strong woman who has her own ways to do things” I instantly looked at him. Kris called me beautiful. No one, except mom, has told me I was beautiful before. I shook my head. He wasn’t getting any of it. I needed him to stay away from me before he gets hurt. Or before I get hurt.

                “No Kris, you have to stay away from me. Everyone who stays close with me has always ended up getting hurt. My dad, he’s a powerful man. Once he gets out from prison, he will track me and my mom down and kill us. He won’t hesitate to hurt you or Chanyeol” I put my hands on his chest to push him away slightly, but he was too strong. This time it’s not the aggressive, bossy and bad boy Kris who I am with. It’s the loving Kris who I badly want to kiss right now and I have no idea how much longer I can resist him. Kris held my face in between his hands, studying me without him knowing how much effect he has on me right now.

                “I’m going to protect you and your mom from him. He won’t find you here. If he’s powerful, I’m more powerful than him. I have connections throughout the US that would keep him out the states.”  He assured me. I seriously wanted to listen and follow him, but something tells me this wouldn’t end any sooner, not until my dad is dead. I don’t know to what extent dad can go to find and kill us.

                “Kris, I’m really scared. I can’t let anyone get hurt because of me” Tears were starting to form in my eyes again. Kris hushed me with his index finger and brushed the pool of tears that ran down my cheeks.

                “He can’t hurt you, your mom or even me. As long as I’m here and you stay with me at all cost, you’re safe”  He ordered and I shivered. I somehow like the way he ordered me to do things when he’s furious. I couldn’t help but bit my lip.

                “How many times have I told you not to bite your lip” He stared at me. He looked at me as if my eyes were windows to my soul. I slowly walked backwards to avoid him, but he followed back. I was blocked by the wall behind me, I had nowhere to go. Kris cornered me like what he did before, but now I have no reason to defend myself. I was completely stuck with Kris.

                “You’re crazy” I chuckled and shook my head.

                “You make me crazy. “ He replied, still staring at me. I blinked my eyes a few times because I couldn’t process everything he was saying. Do I have the same effect to him as he has on me? To break the awkward situation, I looked at my watch. To my surprise, it’s already eleven thirty.

                “I need to go, Kris. It’s getting late” I pushed past him, but he got a hold of my arm. His hold was neither tight nor controlling. It was gentle but needy.

                ”Please stay. I promise to drive you home later. Just please, stay a little longer” He begged. Kris rubbed the back of his neck like a nervous wreck. The way he begged was a sight to behold. Kris has always found a way to entranced me; whether he’s a grievance or overflowing with beauty. I found myself agreeing to him at all times.

                “Just a few minutes okay?” He nodded. Kris then walked towards his bed and sat down. He patted the space beside him and smiled at me. I, without hesitation, followed his request.

                “Tell me what happened here?” He pointed at my scar. I closed my eyes for a second and heaved a sigh.

                ”It’s okay. You can tell me next time” Kris smiled. If I wanted to be protected, he might as well know all about it, right?

                Reminiscing all the bad memories is hard enough, but telling it to someone is harder. I couldn’t think of any other way to tell it without being emotional. I thought my tears have drained long way back; I was surprised I still had it.

                “I got this when he had his knife against me. He beat my mom for trying to escape him, but I couldn’t just let him hurt mom. He was punching and slapping her endlessly. I lunged at him. He was too strong, you know. I flew all the way our kitchen when he threw me like a ragged doll. Then he knocked mom unconscious.  After mom, he vented his anger towards, pulling my hair out while his knife bore into my skin.  Good thing our neighbours have had enough of the beatings and yells coming from our house, they called the police and soon they came. “  Telling him about this was exhausting. It’s not even the full story, yet it narrating it was so tiring. I looked at Kris only to find him staring blankly at the wall. I hesitantly reached out for his hand, but successfully touched it anyway and so I tightened my grip. He looked back at me with anger in his eyes.

                “Was that the only thing he did to you?” He waited for my answer impatiently, thus I just shook my head. I intertwined my fingers into his and squeezed it. Kris’ features softened and his hand squeezed my hand in return.

                “That bastard. He’s going to get what he deserves. He can no longer touch you, hell he can’t even take a look at you. I won’t let that happen”  He promised.

                Kris and I spent the night sharing stories at each other. It’s a revelation to me how I finally opened up to someone.  All these years, I’ve been keeping everything together. I’ve lost my friends because of dad’s threats. It’s like the world has been taken away from me, and I was left with nothing but scars and bad memories. I quitted singing and dancing because dad said practices were hindrances to my house chores and that I was going nowhere with my lack of talent. I believed him, though. He influenced my life choices that led to me being a freak and a loser. I shoved away from the world. I didn’t know the reason why he was so angry at me. I am his daughter; he was supposed to be taking care of me and mom.

                “For a change, Tao will have a party tomorrow. You should go and meet people.” Kris encouraged. Meeting other people is not my strong suit. I’m an awkward person and I wonder why Kris was wasting time with me.

                “I’m not a party person. I haven’t been into one and I’m not so sure how it will go.” I shyly said.

                “Come on. I will be there. Trust me, it will be fun for your first. There’s a whole world out there waiting for you, Nana” He winked at me. God, I’m back with these feelings again. How can I tell him to stop being so beautiful?  Right, I can’t because he naturally is. I envy him.

                “I don’t know Kris”

                “I’m going to pick you up at your house tomorrow”  Kris and his orders are undeniably y.I decided to end the night, therefore he drove me home. This time, there are no walk aways.

                Kris lowered the window of his car and said “six pm tonight?”  I nodded and bid him goodbye after that. I watched his car drift away from me under the moonlight. Tonight was hell of an event, I couldn’t believe myself. I just let someone in; someone that’s not my mother.

                I was awakened by the sun light shining upon me. I have never looked forward to another day ever since we were with our father, but now every waking moment is a new beginning. It was already one o’clock in the afternoon; hence I got up and cleaned myself first. When I went downstairs, I was greeted by a sumptuous smell from the kitchen.

                “Hun, great you’re awake. I cooked you breakfast. What time did you go home last night? I didn’t wait for you when it’s already past eleven”

                “Ugh, I just had to teach Kris a few more lessons” I lied. Mom eyed me suspiciously. She knows me too well. But she let it go anyway.

                “Listen, I won’t be home till midnight. Your aunt and I have to go somewhere. I cooked food that’s good until later. Have this heated in the microwave” She ordered. I was contemplating on whether I would tell her about the party, I’m sure she would be ecstatic and question me endlessly.

                “Here’s the thing mom, I won’t be home till midnight too” She turned around to face me while I fidgeted with my fingers.

                “I was invited for a party”

                “And who’s party is this?”  I looked up at her.

                “A friend’s. Kris invited me last night” Mom smiled like her lips were going to break anytime.

                “You’ve gained some friends huh. Gorgeous friends. Oh that boy is gorgeous” I lost it. I was blushing so hard if Kris was here, he would have died of laughter.

                “Mom!!” I whined.

                “What? I’m telling the truth. It’s really nice you have finally gained gorgeous friends. I never doubted you, I know you’re my daughter for a reason”  I couldn’t believe the words coming out from her now. I love my mom, but the way she embarrasses me? It’s out of control.

                “I won’t be surprised if you and the handsome boy date”  She left me in the kitchen in awe. I have never thought of dating anyone. And I have no idea if I wanted to have one.  I mean, I just wanted someone to like me despite my flaws, but dating someone who loves my flaws? There’s a difference. They would probably chicken out if they found out how gravely flawed I am. I won’t blame them, though. Therefore I wouldn’t risk it. I wouldn’t risk myself of getting hurt again.

                Mom left right after she prepared food for me. I ate the superb meal and washed the dishes. I still have a few hours to spare. I didn’t have any idea what to wear for my first party. Kris told me it’s just going to be one of those casual parties thrown by the beach. It turns out Kris and his friends are richer than I what I expected. Kris is the only the only heir of their business. He hasn’t told me more of his family yet, I wouldn’t intrude his personal life even though he has managed to intrude in mine. I’m the type of person not to barge into someone’s life.

                My anxiety was getting worse. I couldn’t find the perfect clothes for my first party. I was getting frustrated as I rummaged through my closet. Not one screamed party. These are all sweaters and jeans and jumpers. I made a mental note to shop for clothes when I get my first pay next week. This isn’t working! Maybe I should skip the party and sleep the day off. That’s a good idea.

                I heard the doorbell rang downstairs. It was already six and Kris wasn’t helping. I settled with a white tank top and button down denim shorts that were still unpacked in my luggage. I think my clothes match well with the California weather. My outfit was paired with my favourite gladiator sandals. I made a final look in the mirror and decided to let my wavy brown hair down. My hair is the only thing I’m proud of.

                When I opened the front door, Kris was about to say something but was lost with words when he got a sight of me. He looked at me from head to toe and gulped. Do I look disgusting?  Kris wore something casual too: white polo shirt with two stripes in the middle and white shorts. Mom’s right, he’s insanely gorgeous and here I am looking like a potato.

                “What? Do I have to change? Do I look ugly?” I held the door open just in case I had to run upstairs and  change

                “You’re perfect” He smiled. You too, Kris. You too. I couldn’t help but smile in return.

                The drive to the beach was fast. The place was already filled with people. Kris and I walked side by side to the heart of the party. The music was too loud for my ears and I didn’t know how long my eardrums would last.

                “Kris, you made it! I thought you’re not com- Oh, you’re with the new girl” Tao greeted us with two giggling girls beside him. I could tell he was already drunk and these girls are taking advantage of him. Yes the girls.

                “She’s looking good, Kris” He added while looking at me. Kris didn’t find it amusing, thus he led me away from Tao.

                “I’m sorry for that. He’s more of an than he already is when he’s drunk” Kris whispered loudly. What that makes you then, Kris? I just chuckled.

                ”Do you drink?”  He asked as he offered me one. I looked at him annoyingly. He, of all people, should know that I don’t drink.

                “What? You only said it’s your first party. Doesn’t include whether you drink or not”  He mocked. How could he make fun of me after everything I said about me? I regret the minute I let the  “can you keep a secret” slip out from my mouth.

                “Hey Hey chill. I’m sorry I was  just messing with you. How insensitive of me, I’m really sorry it won’t happen again”  I saw the sincerity in his eyes . Kris rubbed my arm and pushed me lightly to move forward. We were having a hard time to pass through the crowd of people dancing and raving to the dj’s music. Bodies were disgustingly grinding at each other and others are lip locking to no end. I’m going to puke any second now. It was very wrong of me to come here. This is not my thing. I suddenly have this urge to go home.

                I’m dead. I tried looking for Kris, but he was nowhere to be found. No matter where I looked, I couldn’t find him. I lost him. No, he left me. How could he leave me with all these people? I was wrong again. I was wrong to trust Kris.

                “You’re really beautiful and hot, you know” A guy may be in early twenties approached me. I didn’t care on the guy’s statement. I was too busy looking for Kris. I tiptoed over the crowd of people to look for a blonde haired handsome face. Great, almost all the people here have yellow locks. How helpful

                “When someone’compliments you, you need to pay attention” the guy harshly grabbed my arm and dragged me away. I tried to pull away but he tightened his grip all the more. When we reached outside, he held me against the wall and looked at me lustfully.

                       “You ungrateful ” He spitted out. I pushed him and that just angered him more. He also pushed me and the back of my head hit the wall hardly, making me dizzy. I couldn’t fight him back anymore because I was getting weaker

                   “Please stop it” I could feel his hands roaming around my body as he kissed my neck sloppily. This brought me back to when my father had his friends at home. He had me as his bait and just watched me as his friends assaulted me.  

                    “What are you doing to her??!!”  I heard a voice but couldn’t recognize him due to my blurry vision. He charged at the guy and pulled him away from me. I slid and rested against the wall, studying the situation. I started to regain my vision and I saw Kris over the guy who was underneath him, receiving Kris’ punches.  The guy’s face was already covered with blood and Kris hasn’t stop hitting him. I stood up from my position and unsteadily walked towards Kris.

                  “Kris please stop it. You’re going to kill him” I grabbed his shoulders, but he pushed me. It was just a light push, however; due to my situation, I easily fell down. It hit me that Kris can’t protect me. Tears started to fall and my breathing became unstable. I couldn’t breathe and I was starting to lose my vision again. My head was hurting so bad. I was having a panic attack. This only happened when dad was beating me and mom.

                I tried to call for Kris again, although I know he wouldn’t pay attention to me and just proceed on killing the guy. 

              “Kris—p-please- s-stop it” It came out as a whimper under my short breaths. Kris finally looked at me and I saw the horror in his eyes. He threw one last punch and immediately went to my side. He held my face in between his hands and said something. I couldn’t understand nor hear him, and suddenly, everything went black.

Ha! This chapter had me in chair for hours! I had a hard time describing their emotions.I'm sorry. I'll do better, but please will you leave feedbacks so I can improve my writing.Thankyou!