Interlude Chapter 6

At Soul's End

Image from tumblr user theencompassingworld

 

A/N:  This and future Interludes continue where the prologue left off. I hope you enjoy this short alternate point of view. 

 

 

The world around me feels so cold, so desolate, so bleak. I watch my feet as they carry me through the quiet streets of this city I don’t remember the name of. I don’t remember any names but I know I knew many at one time. I try to understand how I came to lose all of who I am, all of what once made me me but thinking seems to be too much for me.

 

A sudden high pitch squealing comes from a distance to the right of me and I stop walking to turn towards the sound. I’m not the only one. There are about 20 others who turn in tandem with me. As they begin to walk towards the sound, I remain in place. My body wants to follow the others, to satiate some unknown need, but an even stronger need keeps me rooted in place as I try to reason out these two divergent desires.

 

There seems to be no discernable reason for either pull within me, no purpose I can deduce. There is just the sense of inevitability driving me to move forward. When my body seems to be unwilling to remain still any longer, I return to my original path for no reason other than that it seems to be the right thing to do. Is there a such thing as right and wrong for me anymore? I’m pretty sure that there was at one point but I can’t remember when that time would have been.

 

As I continue on my way, the buildings around me get smaller and smaller until I’m walking along much narrower streets lined with what my mind tells me are houses. Where my mind gets this odd tidbit of information from I’m unsure. I don’t understand what the difference between these buildings and the large ones from earlier are but again, I know that I knew at one time.

 

It hurts knowing I’ve lost my self so completely. It’s not a physical pain however. I know that at one point I could feel physical pain but no longer. In a state of being where physical pain does not exist, what other pain can there be? In fact, if I can’t feel physical pain, how do I know I truly exist? I used to exist, that I’m sure of. Yet, if I feel this inexplicable pain, if I feel this insatiable pull, if I am surrounded with this sense of inevitability, I certainly exist, right?

 

My mind is a brewing storm with no land in sight. I feel nothing but confusion and pain and a sense of loss. I’m beginning to wish I didn’t exist. How I am now is so wrong, so broken. I have no hope of ever being anything more than I am in this moment. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to continue forward but, unconscious of my inner turmoil, my feet continue to move, slowly lurching farther and farther from where I awoke.

 

In the distance the sun begins to set. The face of the mountain range grows dark as the sky behind glows orange, merging with pink and eventually purple bleeding into the black of night. On one level I process this information yet I know I would have thought more of it at some point. It’s just one more reminder that I’m not me anymore. I’m not right. I’m not whole.

 

I want to stop moving. I want to collapse right here, right now. I want to give up even if I don’t know what it is that I’m giving up. I can’t though. My feet won’t stop plodding forward. They move without my permission, without my will involved at all. It’s as if I’m a machine that was left on, unattended. I no longer have a purpose but I continue on anyway. I continue on even if it is completely pointless as I’m sure my existence is. There’s too much of me missing to be worth anything at all.

 

A/N: So, what do you think of this point of view? Any guesses as to what's going on here or maybe even who this is? I won't give any spoilers but I'm curious as to what you think. Sorry this is so short. I think these pov's will all be rather short but I like trying something new like this. It isn't easy for me to write in first person tbh. 

One more night of work and then I'll be free to write a whole lot once again. I'm really looking forward to it, although I think I'll stretch out my updates this time so I don't bombard you with them. It'll be hard for me to resist though. I get a sense of accomplishment when I post that I don't have when my writing is just sitting in my doc folder. *shrugs*

I hope you enjoyed this. Please don't forget to comment (your comments light up my dark world so PLEASE say something... anything...) Plus, please subscribe and upvote! I'll be back with you soon!!! <3

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Rwalton566 #1
Chapter 29: Welcome back! I hope that you are able to recover. We all go through tough times and have to take the time to heal. Even though you don't feel as if you have progressed I am proud you even thought to give us this author's note. I think just updated on here and putting edited would be fine, at least for me. But do what ever makes you feel best. Thank you for not abandoning this fic! <3
samasbananas #2
Chapter 27: Finally Jimin's been knocked out of his stupor ^^ I can't wait for him to rejoin the team and go out and kick some zombie !
Also, Rachel just kind of annoys the out of me
Minmin1993 #3
Chapter 23: i still think that yoongi still a live and i hope soo bc jimin and yoongi be long together
samasbananas #4
Chapter 23: Okay, Namjoon is my fav. No doubts about that now. The way he protects Jimin just makes my heart swell and how he absorbs Jimin's grief. Nobody would I'm be able to understand what Jimin is going through better than Namjoon, who's already lost his soulmate.
What makes me like him the most though is he says that he'll be whatever he needs to be and do whatever he needs to do. That gets to me because that's my way to get through life. Not the best, but certainly not the worst.

Also, Hobi and Taehyung make me so happy. Even though they aren't soulmates, it feels as if they are. Hoseok grew up so much in this chapter and his growth makes me happy. I'm excited to see how his character develops.

Jungkook is probably my number 2, closely followed by Jin. Jinkook is not something that I normally ship, but LOOK AT ME NOW.
samasbananas #5
Chapter 22: Oh my God... my ... my heartu
Jiminnie poor baby ;-;

This is so good! So many people are just sleeping on this story. HOW?
samasbananas #6
Chapter 21: AHHH . WHAT. THE. .

I like the time skip, I think it went pretty smoothly. The boys did a good job of causing mistrust and panic within the residents without being super obvious about it. The reader could tell what they were doing because we were given prior exposition, but I don't think the people they were talking to would understand what they were doing.

I thought it would at least be another couple chapters before somebody from BTS was going to be picked off. I always thought Yoongi was going to go first, but I never thought that it would be this soon. ing Johnson. Also, I'm happy you didn't do the whole TWD thing. Even though I like that show, sometimes it can be too stupid with the amount of people drama. I just want to watch zombies eat people tbh, not stupid relationship drama.

Low-key hoping that Yoongi somehow makes a comeback later on in the story. Maybe he cuts of his hand so the infection doesn't spread through his body. Or maybe he's actually immune to the virus, but pushes himself away from others for fear of infecting them too. Honestly though, I just want YoonMinJoon to be happy ;-;

Anyways, keep up the hard work! Looking forward to more chaos and the aftermath of the downfall of the Pepsi Centre~
samasbananas #7
Chapter 17: Namjooonnnnnn~ I swear to god this boy is going to give me a heart attack. I just want him to be happy T^T
Also, JINKOOK IS SO CUTE~ Plus VHope and Yoonmin moments.... my heart is flying
On a more serious note, I'm not excited for Yoongi's gut feeling. I'm super nervous that one of the boys will die and AHHH. But I like all of the jobs that the boys were placed in. I think I liked getting insight on Hoseok the most and how he wishes for what would've been. It's realistic because in a situation like that, a lot of people would ask what ifs and think of what almost was.
On an analytical note, I like the way you split the chapter. Every individual person got a good amount of screen time and the reader gets more insight on everybody. It can be hard to juggle an ensemble cast, but I think you succeed in doing so.
Anyways, take care of yourself~ Put the chapter out when you can and there's no rush!
samasbananas #8
Chapter 16: Yoongi is somebody who I'd want in my zombie apocalypse survival team. He's so straight to the point and pragmatically; both qualities you need in at least one team member. Also, I would like Jin on my team too. He's very pragmatic, but in a different way. Of course I'd like all of the boys, but if I only had to pick two; it would be Yoongi and Jin.
Jiin, I see what you're doing you sneaky boy. Compliment the facilities to get in good with the people who run/maintain it. Maybd it wasn't intentional, but you never know with Jin.
It's almost inevitable that the Pepsi Center will fall. These refugee camps always do in zombie narratives and especially because this one is so close to the city. When the food runs out in downtown Denver, the zombies will migrate outside to find of it more food. A zombie exodus~
samasbananas #9
Chapter 15: Jungkook noooo. Bois, don't go to the refugee sight because I can tell you it won't end well. Have they never watched any zombie movie or tv show? Like, that never ends well for the main cast. The military/government will always fall quickly and refugee sights are always a bad place to be. Ahh, I just hope my boys will make it out okay
TatibearJay #10
I literally almost cried when Sam was bitten like I legit thought him and Namjoon would somehow end together .. (●__●)
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