Sugamon... Awkward cuties

“Are you doing okay in LA?” Jin asked as Yoongi walked into the apartment. He was about to ask what the the eldest was talking about but then noticed he was talking on the phone, not to Yoongi. Jin was sitting on the couch, brows furrowed in concern before relaxing again.

“Oh, good.” Jin sighed in relief. “How is Vegas?” he asked.

“Who are you talking to?” Yoongi mouthed when the elder noticed him. Jin just held up one finger, telling him to wait. He nodded his head that he understood then bent forward to remove his shoes before walking his backpack to his room and tossing it on the foot of his bed. When he returned to the living room Jin was finishing his call.

“Okay, okay, I’ll let you go. See you in a couple days. Oh, and stay safe.” he added the last part just before ending the call.

“Who was that?” Yoongi asked curiously.

“My cousin, Tae,” Jin answered absentmindedly.

“...the delinquent?” Yoongi asked after some thought. He remembered Jin talking about a cousin who used to get in trouble but hadn’t heard anything about it in awhile.

“Yah. Don’t call him that.” Jin chided. “He had a hard time when he was younger but he’s good now. He’s even a trainee to be an idol.”

“Seriously? What’s he doing in the US then?”

“HIs company sent him and three others to train in dance. Didn’t I tell you guys they’d be meeting us at the airport to fly home together?”

“Talk about a day of revelations.” Yoongi teased his hyung. “But, seriously, we’ve got to babysit a bunch of brats on the way home? If I had known I would have booked a different flight.”

Jin rolled his eyes at the smaller male. “No, Yoongi. We’re not babysitting. I just told you Tae’s a good kid nowadays.”

“So you say.” Yoongi began teasing again.

“Ugh. Where’s Joonie?” Jin asked to change the subject.

Yoongi shrugged. “Probably still studying or finishing up some experiments or something.” The youngest was often out late working on his educational pursuits. The semester was winding down however so they expected him to be home earlier than usual.

Suddenly the door exploded open, bouncing off the wall and almost hitting Namjoon in the face as he tripped over air and nearly fell into the entryway. Jin and Yoongi both jumped at the sudden noise, turning to watch the disaster on two left feet make his entrance.

“Holy , Namjoon.” Jin screeched in his most unmanly voice. “You scared the out of me.”

Namjoon looked up sheepishly. “Sorry hyung.”

“Oh, my gawd.” Yoongi hooted, bent over he was laughing so hard. The other two just stared at him. It wasn’t often he let himself go like that. As he finally caught his breath he saw the others looking at him. “What?” he asked, doing his best to regain his cool composure.

Namjoon knew better than to answer the prickly male. “I need a ing drink. Want to go out?” he chose to change the subject instead.

“Have you started without us?” Yoongi teased.

“Screw you, hyung.” Namjoon shot back playfully. “I’m so ing tired of exams.” he continued. “Seriously, let’s go out. I just need to shed the stress for a couple hours.”

As a grad student, Jin didn’t currently have any finals to study for and Yoongi had just finished his last exam before he came home. “You sure?” Jin asked the youngest. He didn’t want to be a bad example by taking him up on his suggestion if he had more important things to do… like studying.

“I’m positive.” Namjoon insisted. He really couldn’t handle even one more hour of studying. His last exam was scheduled for tomorrow afternoon and then he’d be free for the summer.

“Fine, but we’re getting food at The Sink first. I don’t want you drinking on an empty stomach.” Yoongi insisted. The other two were quick to agree and soon they were off.

The Sink was your average American college town bar and restaurant. The walls were painted red, the ceiling white and everywhere you looked were marker drawings and names, even on the low ceiling. There were markers on the tables for the patrons to add to what was already there too. Not only was it an interesting atmosphere, they were well known for their amazing burgers and pizzas as well as their large selection of craft beers from nearby breweries. A waitress sat the three guys in a back corner table and took their drink orders before giving them a chance to decide what they wanted from the menu.

“Are we getting burgers or sharing a pizza?” Jin asked as he looked through the options.

“I’m thinking pizza would be great with our beers,” Namjoon answered, sounding as if his mind had been made up before they even arrived.

Yoongi shrugged. “Sounds good to me. What kind do we want?” The pizzas were all very unique at the restaurant. They ended up ordering the Tuscan with alfredo sauce instead of marinara with chicken and veggies on top. It was a garlicky masterpiece that they had grown to love. Once the waitress had returned with their pints of beer and had taken their order, Yoongi turned to Jin and asked, “You went to bed before I could ask, how did your interview in Nebraska go the other day?”

A slight shiver ran down Jin’s spine as he remembered the horror. “Why, Yoongi? Why?” he lamented the mention, his voice half joking, half serious. “You would not believe what I had to go through for that interview. I had to get up at 4 am to drive 8 fricking hours to some tiny, little, backwater, hole in the wall, hick town with a population of about 200 people. The only things this town had was a post office, a bar, and a gas station/convenience store that doubled as a diner called ‘The General.’

“That’s where I met the couple, Frannie and Jenn. And, no, their names aren’t short for anything else, no Francis or Jennifer. And yes, I asked. They looked at me like I was stupid for thinking anything so… I don’t know. Isn’t it a common American thing to shorten names?”

“Uh, yeah,” Namjoon said, not realizing it was a rhetorical question.

Jin just gave a weary sigh, the subject already tiring him out. He continued as if Namjoon hadn’t spoken. “So, I meet them at this so-called diner and I swear we’ve got an audience of practically half the fricking town. Everyone seemed startled when I walked into the place and I could hear whispering all around me. I thought I must have spilled coffee on my pants or had food smeared all over my face since I ate in the car but instead this old man asks me why I have such dark skin and squinty eyes. ME! The !? I’m lighter than the majority of the people in that place! You should have seen all the dark, leathery faces staring me down. Not to mention I have big, round eyes compared to a lot of Koreans. They have no idea. Can you imagine if either of you showed up there?”

This last statement may have sounded offensive to some but Namjoon and Yoongi knew Jin just needed to rant and get it out of his system. He didn’t mean anything personally. Besides, they were both aware the elder was somewhat vain when it came to his looks and they had to fight smiles as they imagined their friend in such a situation. In a way they pitied him.

“How’d the actual interview go?” Namjoon asked to get Jin back on track.

Jin harrumphed before continuing his story. “Honestly, it left more questions than answers. Jenn and Frannie had been born in the same hospital on the same day and lived in that little town their whole lives together. Well, you know how soulmates are born with matching black outlined tattoos on the heel of their non-dominant hand and they become colored in when they meet their soulmate? Since these two were actually in the nursery at the same time and, although they have no reason to believe they were born with colored in tattoos, they certainly left the hospital with them colored in. They’ve known they were soulmates their entire life and have always been together. They finish each other’s sentences and share the same mannerisms. It’s almost like they’re the same person, more so than any other soulmate couple I’ve ever met. I can’t help but wonder how much of it is from being soulmates and how much from just spending forever together.

“Everything about that interview was disconcerting. I had no idea anyone could be so ignorant, let alone a whole town.” Jin returned to his rant. “It must be because they’re so uneducated. I bet they never even finished high school. Almost everyone in town is a farmer. It’s not like you need schooling for that, right? Even these two women were farmers. They droned on and on about how both sets of their parents have already passed away and how they inherited all the land and grow corn and soybeans and are constantly working on their tractors and combines and whatever else they have. Oh! And you should have seen their clothes! Screw name brands, I doubt they even bought their underwear. Everything was handmade. I almost felt like I had traveled back in time or something…”

Jin’s voice trailed off for a moment as he thought his next words over. “You know, in a way, it’s kinda amazing. They are so undereducated and ignorant but when it comes to farming their expertise is incredible. They were going on about seed brands and cross-breeding hardy strains of produce and animals. I bet they know more than any botany or husbandry professor if there is such a thing. Wow.” Jin reflected out loud to himself. “It’s actually amazing how anyone can be so amazingly smart in some aspects and so amazingly ignorant in others.”

Namjoon actually laughed at this statement. “They’re probably thinking the same thing about you, hyung” he stated, completely serious. The pizza and another round of beer arrived as he was explaining his thought. “Just think about it, hyung. Some university bigwig Ph.D. candidate shows up in their little town, asking questions that seem irrelevant to them. They probably had a hard time figuring out why anyone would choose to learn about something that can’t actually feed them or clothe them or build a roof over their head. Book smart doesn’t equal survival.”

Jin smirked at this reasoning. “Oh yeah? What about you two. I’d like to see you do any better.”

“Yeah, well, I may not be learning about survival per se, at least not on a large scale, but I’ll be able to keep others alive so they can keep me alive. Right? I’ll fight the microscopic battles and they can fight the life-sized ones?”

“Hm, interesting. How about you, Yoongi?” Jin asked, not quite buying Namjoon’s story but interested to see what their other friend could come up with.

“Sorry, hyung, but you lose this one,” Yoongi said with a smirk.

“Oh, really? Do tell.” Jin goaded him into explaining.

“Seriously, hyung? You’re arguing the importance of mere survival,” he retorted incredulously. “Survival alone means nothing. Day after day after day after day of waking up, searching for food, hiding from the elements. Just because breath enters and leaves your body, just because your heart beats doesn’t mean you’re alive! The monotony of such a life would drive people to kill themselves. Walking around in an empty fugue, nothing more than a ghost, a shadow of what we were meant to be. What you’re talking about is nothing more than tragedy.

“As for what I have to offer the world? Color. Meaning. Emotion. Life! Only when you feel are you truly alive. My music, my lyrics, make people feel. I break the chains of monotony and breathe life into all who have ears to hear. It doesn’t even matter what we feel; love, hate, happiness, sadness, irritation, pleasure, pain… all that matters is that we feel. It’s what differentiates the living from the dead, the animate from the inanimate.

“Sharing emotion with the world is the reason I live, the reason I exist! It’s the reason I wake up in the morning, however begrudgingly. Without it, there is no reason to go on, no reason to be. There is just... nothing. I can’t live in a world of nothing and I don’t want to subject others to such a hell either.” Yoongi finally ended his impassioned rant with a sad sigh. It hurt his heart to envision a world without music. Music was his love and his life and he wouldn’t give it up for anything, not even his soulmate. He hoped, however, that if he ever found his soulmate, they would know better than to ever ask such a thing of him.

“Wow,” Jin said, sincerely amazed by Yoongi’s long-winded tirade. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk like that before. I obviously knew you love music but I never realized how much it means to you.”

“Yeah, well…” Yoongi blushed slightly, shoving a bite of pizza in his mouth for a chance to collect himself. Once he swallowed he added, “What about you? You must feel the same about soulmates, right? Otherwise aren’t you just kinda wasting your time?”

“I wouldn’t call it a waste of time.” Jin hedge. “More like a path to self-discovery,” he added.

“How so?” Namjoon asked.

“I’ve told you my parents are soulmates, right?” Jin asked, earning two nodding heads in reply. “My dad’s parents were soulmates too. He had a sister who was the only one who wasn’t a soulmate. It was really hard for her growing up. My dad told me that she was always afraid that no one would love her. In fact, she ended up marrying the first guy to claim he loved her. He was an abusive alcoholic and eventually she couldn’t take it anymore and killed herself. My cousin, Taehyung, ended up taking the abuse that had been reserved for her. Anyway, I guess I’m a lot like her only I think I’m stronger. I’m not willing to be with just anyone like she was. Still, I think I’ve probably asked myself a lot of the same questions. Why don’t I have a soulmate? Is something wrong with me? Am I not deserving? Intellectually, I know those thoughts are ridiculous but sometimes I just can’t keep them out of my heart.” Jin sighed as his thoughts become introspective.

“Why’d you choose the University of Colorado for your studies?” Yoongi asked, trying to prevent his friend from his depressing thoughts.

“Hm? Oh, well, out of the three universities in the world with doctorate programs in soulmatology, I got a full scholarship here. The school in Belgium would have been cool too but I honestly didn’t have any interest in going to Shanghai. I wanted to experience more of the world than staying in Asia would have provided.”  

“What about you, Joonie?” Yoongi asked Namjoon next.

Looking at his black and white soulmate tattoo, Namjoon replied, “My soulmate died on my high school graduation day.” The statement seemed completely off topic but before Yoongi could say anything, Namjoon continued. “I knew something was wrong at my graduation party. I couldn’t tell what but I had this horrible sense of foreboding and I couldn’t figure out why. I was starting to feel sick and ended up fainting in the middle of the party, only for a minute or so. When I woke up this horrible pain lanced through my hand and when I looked, it had turned black and white like an old-fashioned photograph. I didn’t know what it meant but I had a guess.

“My dad spent a week looking for answers while I did my own research online. Finally, I took a picture of my tattoo and did an image search. It took me to a website that was basically an obituary page for soulmates.”

“A what?” Jin exclaimed, never having heard of such a thing before. “Holy , Joon. Why’d you never tell me such a thing exists?”

Namjoon looked contrite. “Sorry, hyung. Honestly, I haven’t thought of it in such a long time. I probably would have assumed you knew about it if I ever had thought of it though.” he admitted.

“Yah. Just because I study soulmates doesn’t mean I know everything. If I did there’d be no reason to study, right? But, please, go on.”

“Well, the site I found had a picture of my tattoo, just the black outline, and an obituary for my soulmate. Apparently, she was born with a heart condition. She had had several surgeries over time that ended up inhibiting her immune system. She had spent most of her life being homeschooled because of her immunodeficiency but had eventually been allowed to enter a private high school where she contracted MERS and ended up succumbing on my graduation day, around the same time I passed out.” Jin had heard parts of this story before but it was Yoongi’s first time learning the details. He was surprised that Namjoon had discovered so much. He was having a hard time deciding if knowing all this was better or worse for his friend. He didn’t have a chance to say anything however before Namjoon was continuing his story, his voice hoarse with unshed tears.

“To say I went into a state of depression once my suspicions were confirmed is an understatement. I basically died… at least, on the inside. If it wasn’t for my parents I probably would have died. My parents gave me my space at first, of course, but eventually, they made me see a grief counselor. In the meantime, all my old friends had given up on me and moved on with their lives, going to college, dating, living. It took a long time but I finally got a job just to be out of the house. When I was finally ready to try to move on I couldn’t because my parents were still treating me so carefully. I know it was out of love but the pity they felt for me was suffocating.

“Finally, my counselor suggested I move out, go to school, try to make plans and have goals for my future so I had something to heal and live for. It made sense but I knew that no matter where I moved to in all of Korea, my parents would constantly be checking on me, calling, visiting, keeping me from being able to move on. Eventually, I figured the only thing I could do was leave the country. My parents actually met while attending CU so, in order to honor them, I decided to come here too.” When Namjoon finished speaking he drained his half-full pint glass, definitely feeling like he needed the alcoholic pick me up.

“Wow, Joon.” Yoongi murmured. “I had no idea.”

“Yeah, well…” Namjoon tried to shrug it off.

Jin cleared his throat before speaking next. “What about you, Yoongi? What brought you to Colorado of all places?”

“Funny you should ask,” Yoongi said with an eye roll. He wasn’t really annoyed, however. He knew it was time to take the attention off his friend and his own story was a lot more light-hearted than his friends’. “I honestly don’t have a good, plausible answer.” he shrugged. “It just felt right so I moved here.” His answer was oversimplified and he could tell by Jin’s judgemental look that it didn't answer enough by far.   

“Fine, fine. It’s not going to change my reasoning though.” Yoongi grumbled. With an exaggerated sigh, he said, “You both know I’m from Daegu, but most of my childhood I spent trying to convince my parents we needed to move to Busan. I don’t know why. I didn’t even know where Busan was. I just felt like that was where I was supposed to be, not that my parents listened to me of course. They probably would have thought I was nuts even if they had been good parents.

“Anyway, things like that used to happen all the time. I’d be doing something and suddenly get this strong drive to go elsewhere. Like, I’d be working on homework and decide in the middle of it to grab my USB with my self-produced music on it and go for a walk. That’s how I ended up performing on stage most of the time. There’d be open mic nights or whoever was scheduled to perform would cancel or just not show up. Sometimes it’s the music or the lyrics that come to me out of nowhere. Whatever it is though, this ‘instinct’ or whatever you want to call it has always lead me to positive things. So, when I suddenly got it in my head to move here to study music I never once thought to question it. Actually, this is the first time I haven’t seen obvious results of following my instinct but I still feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be so I’m not worried.” He ended his statement with a shrug. “See, I told you my reasoning wouldn’t seem to make sense.”

“You’re right, it doesn’t.” Jin agreed with a baffled smile.

During their conversation, they finished the giant pizza they ordered as well as several beers each.

“Ugh, I think I’m gonna burst,” Yoongi complained, rubbing his overly stuffed belly. His statement was punctuated by a yawn.

“Me too.” Jin sighed contentedly. “Let’s get home, shall we?” Jin grabbed the check before the other two got the chance, not that they put up much of an argument. He paid for their meal before they hobbled out to his car to head back home.

Jin retired to his room once they returned home, leaving Yoongi and Namjoon on their own in the living room.

“Do you need to study or do you want to watch a movie?” Yoongi asked the younger man. He noticed Namjoon’s pensive look so he continued, “What? If you have something to say, just spit it out, Joon.”

Namjoon looked slightly embarrassed that he’d been so easy to read. “You really moved halfway around the world because you just felt like it was the right thing to do?”

“Uh, yeah. That’s just what I do. It may not seem to make sense, but it makes sense to me.” Yoongi confirmed.

“Is it because of your soulmate?” Namjoon asked in a quiet voice. He knew it was stupid to bring up such a thing but the beers he’d drunk had loosened his tongue.

Yoongi’s face softened as he realized the gist of what the other man was asking. He took Namjoon’s hand and led him to the couch, situating them so they were facing one another.

“Joonie,” he began, trying to figure out how to say what was in his heart. He may have been good with lyrics but speaking face to face about feelings was not his forte. “Okay, look, I know ‘friends with benefits’ aren’t supposed to have feelings but, you know I really like you, right? Like, if I wasn’t a soulmate, I think it would be amazing to be able to date you. Hell, I can’t really help but wonder if there really is a soulmate for me out there somewhere. And, honestly, the instinct that I told you about tonight says that you are very important. I don’t know how and I don’t know why, which is pretty much on par for understanding my instinct, but it’s true. Even without my instinct, I’d know how amazing and special you are though.” Yoongi raked his fingers through his hair, frustrated at the thought that he wasn’t getting his point across. “…” he sighed in frustration. “I’m so, so sorry if I ever make you feel bad or hurt your feelings, Joonie. It’s never been my intention to hurt you or somehow make you feel used, okay? Sometimes I’m just so confused, really. Why do I like you so much when I have a soulmate? I know it’s not fair to you, it’s probably not fair to them either, and I’m sorry. I wish I knew the future. I wish I understood. I’m such a piece of and I know it. I hope you can forgive me. If… if this is too hard for you, we can stop. We can stop anytime you want. I care about you and I’m trusting you to let me know what’s best for you because you matter. You matter so much.” Yoongi choked on the emotion filling his chest and he could say no more. Really, what else was there to say?

“Yoongi… hyung,” Namjoon spoke softly, carefully. “You’re not a piece of and you’ve never hurt me. I don’t have any answers either but I’m not ready to let you go… if you’ll have me for however much time we have. I’ve always known I’d have to let go at some point. Just, not tonight, please?” Namjoon hated the pleading timbre of his voice but he just couldn’t hold it in. He leaned forward slowly, stopping just before his lips touched Yoongi’s, giving the older man the choice of connecting with him. He wasn’t even aware he was holding his breath until it rushed out of him with a relieved sigh as Yoongi moved forward the last centimeter, connecting their lips at last.

The kiss was slow and sweet, tentative and searching, instead of all-consuming as usual. This kiss felt more honest though, neither of them pretending that the connection was just physical. When they finally broke apart for a much-needed breath, Yoongi once again took Namjoon’s hand in his as he stood, pulling the younger up with him.

As they made their way towards Yoongi’s room, no words were spoken. There was no need. Yoongi was always good at showing Namjoon how special he was to him. He would make him feel accepted, cared for… maybe even loved. Indeed, tonight would be just for them.

A/N: No, this isn't a Sugamon fic but, hey, love is complicated. Although... could you tell Yoongi's the top in this relationship??? Also, I didn't write the on purpose. I'm saving it for when it's really important when it comes to the main couple. Others will hopefully keep you satiated, however. Mwahahaha!

I know this chapter was kinda filled with a lot of background info but I'm working hard on building a strong foundation for everyone. The two groups will finally be meeting up soon. I hope you liked it. Please don't forget to subscribe, upvote, and leave comments. 

BTW: The Sink is a real restaurant in Boulder, CO. Just to give credit where credit's due, you can find the webpage for the restaurant here: http://thesink.com/