“But does Kyungsoo oppa really have to come with me,” Jae whined. “How about Jongdae oppa,” she offered. Chen cleared his throat with delight and went to grab his coat. Kyungsoo caught the end of his shirt and stopped him in his tracks with the shake of his head.

         Kyungsoo glowered at Jae. “Yah, I’m not that boring.” He nudged her. “I make you laugh sometimes.” She shrugged. He turned his attention to the rest of the group. “I’m fun, right guys?” Most kept silent as they continued about their tasks. “Whatever!” He returned his intense gaze to Jae. “You said you’re treating us to a home cooked meal and I’m the only one who knows the recipe.”

         “Help me,” she mouthed as the guys cleaned in preparation. They chuckled as Kyungsoo dragged her out into the cold night air, her arm reaching for them.

         As soon as the door closed behind them, he pinned her against the wall with one thick eyebrow arched. “Don’t you think you’re over doing it?” She laughed quietly. “You’re really starting to hurt my feelings,” he frowned. “Jongdae hyung? Really?”

         “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to throw them off our tracks.” She lightly kissed his pouted lips. “I won’t be mean anymore. Instead, I’ll just be indifferent when they're around.”

         He groaned and shook his head. “I really hate this.” He kissed her, his full lips then softly placed kisses along her jaw. “I don’t want to hide how I feel about you.” Their lips connected and for a moment they forgot where they were. If he was being honest with himself, hiding it from the others was making it all the more enjoyable. Also, if they found out there was a big chance they’d make an awful scene of it all.

         She broke their kiss and leaned her head against the door. “It was your idea. I was fine with telling them. It’s really not a big deal, we’re just… Testing the waters.” She really did hate keeping things from Suho. It felt utterly wrong hiding something from someone who held his heart on his sleeve. Suho truly cared about her and genuinely wished her happiness, she knew that. Yet, she was sneaking around with Kyungsoo.

         Kyungsoo. The more time she spent with him, the more she realized just how different she first thought he was. She supposed his gentle features had misled her. His large eyes made her feel as if he were goofy, thoughtful, and honest. She cleared as that sounded like some else she knew. No, Kyungsoo was stubborn, cynical, and opportunistic, but he was also spontaneous, light-hearted and kind. Not to mention, he was a wonderful distraction from all of the crap running through her mind these days.

         He sighed and shrugged. “Let’s go.” His large hand took hers tightly, but eventually let go as they neared the more crowded streets, shrinking into their face masks and scarves. “Do you think getting around in America would be easier,” he whispered with his head down.

         “Maybe. I mean K-Pop is gaining popularity there. But I’m sure the amount of fans there are significantly lower.” She laughed as she thought of the hordes of screaming fans in Korea. “I will say, the fans here a lot more uh hot-blooded.”

         He shook his head with a deep chuckle. “Is that what you call it?” He met her gaze. He couldn't help picturing them on a beach. She'd wear a ridiculously big hat, but still look gorgeous. He felt color reach his cheeks as he pictured the warm sun on her beautiful skin, a red two piece suit would be incredible... He cleared his throat, pushing his day dream away. “Maybe, we can go on a trip their together someday.”

         She tried not to show just how shocked she was. “Yeah, maybe,” she breathed.

*     *     *

           Dae drank a long swig of water. She wiped at her dripping forehead, out of breath and exhausted from the lack of sleep. She couldn’t help looking at her watch once more. “She’s not coming,” Nae sighed. The girls behind her shook their heads in disapproval. Their upcoming music video required numbers and who else than SM trainees. It was perfect for self-promotion. Dae capped her water. She hated being with Nae without Jae around. '“It’s gone to her head?”

            Dae’s brow furrowed, she felt heat in her chest as she looked at the pompous girl. “What?”

            Nae scoffed cynically. “Oh Dae, don’t you get it? She’s made it big. Not only has she debuted in a popular girl group, but she also has EXO sunbaenims in her back pocket. She’s ‘above’ us now.”

            “I heard she’s going to have another project with them,” a small Korean girl joined.

            Nae rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well I'm not surprised." She gave a spiteful smile. "Who do you think she’s sleeping with?”

            Dae’s mouth gaped. “Sh-She’s not.”

            “She is American isn’t she? Don’t they sleep around,” Nae’s mini-me added. Dae studied the other five trainee girls nodding. She knew they all weren’t truly that bad. However, the environment, the competition, the need to be accepted had them agreeing to this ludicrous idea. An idea that could tarnish anyone's image, especially a woman. Such notions long existed, as if a woman could only get anywhere by using her body.

            Dae laughed. “So you think she slept her way to where she is now?” She pulled her black hair into the ponytail, approaching them. “Since when do you think she started? From auditions? Training?”

            The girls chuckled. Nae shrugged. “I honestly wouldn’t be amazed if it were right before auditions. She was just working here wasn’t she? As an intern or something. She wasn’t dancing professionally or for competitions like we were. How does that even make sense?” She tossed her hair aside. “I mean you, Daerxi, worked your off at competitions didn’t you? It was through your victories that you gained notice from SM scouts.”

            Dae rubbed at her cheek, nodding slowly. “Yeah, you’re right.”

            Jae let her head fall back against the wall as she let out a sigh. Her back was pressed against it, chest rising and falling quickly as the words settled in the air. She closed her eyes. She’d been standing there from the moment Nae said she wouldn’t show. Her inner voice had told her to leave, but she remained with seven iced Americanos in a tray. The opinion of one person only really mattered to her. She didn’t know the trainees and she knew Nae wasn’t her biggest fan, but Dae… She was her friend. At least that’s what she had thought.

            “Now her on the other hand…”

            “Are you done,” Dae interrupted. Nae and the girls looked at her in shock. “Why are you making up lies? Why are you filling their minds with stupid ideas?” Her hands balled into fists. “It’s all bull.” Stunned expressions continued to look at her. “Jae has been dancing since she was eight. She’s been busting her off since she got here. She has always been the first and last person to leave this studio. She’s learned over two dozen dances including this choreography. She tried to help the other girls. She’s helped us.”    

            “And where is she now Dae?”

            The strong woman appeared. “Sorry I’m late girls, I thought I’d bring you all coffees since we’re going to be up late.” Each girl bowed as she handed them their drinks. “No sugar, right Nae?” The tall, distrustful woman shook her head. She turned to a wide eyed crowd. “So I know we were having difficulty getting the moves at the beginning of the second verse so I asked Tae Woo oppa yesterday to slow it down.” She gave Dae the sweetest smile and handed her a coffee, taking her hand after. “I can teach it to you guys.”

            “Thank you Unnie,” the girls said in unison, a slight shake in their voice. They slightly created space between them and Nae, slowly made their way to Jae's side of the room. Their eyes studied Nae distrustfully, whispering between them. Nae raised an eyebrow and set her drink a side, making a face as if she'd been handed a used diaper.

            Jae squeezed Dae's hand and pulled her in close. "Thank you, friend." A smile inched it's way on her lips. "I'm going to buy you plenty of meat tonight." The girls laughed, it was good to have a friend in a place like this.

*     *     *

           Jae squinted at the sky, noting just how cloudy the day had become. She smiled at Kyungsoo through the window who was on the phone, he grinned back. She let out a small sigh as she reveled at how happy they were today. Well, most days were like this. Her lips pursued together as she admitted how short tempered Kyungsoo was at times, how easily he would get irritated over ridiculous statements or simple actions. She was too outspoken, too nonchalant for her own good. Her shoulder instinctively shrugged, accepting this as one of his quirks and one of her acceptable flaws. Kyungsoo wasn’t perfect. However, no one was. She was far from being perfect herself. All that mattered was that he cared about her and there was the way his kisses made her forget just how miserable life could be. A strumming guitar made her reach for her cellphone.

            “Yes, yes, I can leave now,” Kyungsoo replied. “No, sir it is not last minute,” he lied. Of course it was last minute. They wanted him to re-film a screwed up scene now. He scratched his head, his eyes returning to Jae, who was also on the phone. He wasn’t going to argue, it was easier to agree and seethe silently. “I can leave now.” He nodded. “I will be there in a couple of minutes.” He grabbed his keys after hanging up and headed out the door. As he did, Jae hung up her phone quietly. “Hey, jagi, I’ve got to go. The director just called me.”

            Jae gulped, the news processing in her mind. Her eyes slowly glanced over at Kyungsoo who squeezed her hand and headed back inside, utterly unaware that her face had gone at least three shades paler. “Kyungsoo,” she softly called.

            He turned around, looking slightly impatient. “Yeah?” He stared at her, her words stuck behind her lips. His right eyebrow rose and then his brows swiftly knitted together when she was silent. He sighed in annoyance, he was punctual person. “I’ve got to go Jae. Is it important?” His large doe eyes watched her, trying his best not to come off too harsh, yet her inability to simply say what she was thinking bothered him.

            was dry. She began to shake her head. “No, just go oppa.” He nodded and ran out the door. While she remained, she couldn’t move, couldn’t properly think. Her hands rubbed against her knees in an old nervous tick. Her mind couldn’t help reminiscing. He had been awful near the end, but before then he’d been caring and sweet. How could she forget the way he carried her in his arms. She stared down at her small hands, remembering the way his rough ones had encased hers when she cried. Her eyes stung with oncoming tears.

            “Jae,” Chan called from inside the house. “What are you doing out here?” In her shocked state, she hadn’t noticed the rain start to fall. He looked into her eyes, noting they were utterly panicked, though her face emotionless. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He lightly shook her. “Jae?!”

            She let out a deep breath. “My mom just called—she told me—my dad’s sick.”

            “What? Oh God, I'm sorry. Are you okay?”

            Jay’s chest began to gain pressure, and shortly she was lightheaded. She shook her head. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in almost ten years. Not since—" The heavy weight suddenly became all too familiar. Her breaths came out short. She closed her eyes, the world spinning around her. She bit her tongue as the abating sensation brought her back to a very dark time in her life. “Great,” she managed.

            Chanyeol fell to his knees. He studied her pained expression, her small hand against her chest. “Jae, what’s wrong?”

            “I’m-- having a-- panic attack, “she breathed.

            He impulsively took her face in his hands, his thumbs brushing against her cheeks. “Look at me.” She did, her eyes red from the threatening tears. “Breathe, breathe.” He dramatically took in breaths as to lead by example. He’d never dealt with someone in such a situation, yet his reflexes took over. “You’re okay. I’m here, you’re okay. Just breathe.”

            After two minutes of deep breaths and not letting go, Jae managed to get her breathing under control. Her head ached and the resulting nausea came with a vengeance. “Thank you,” she whispered. She at last closed her eyes to take in her first controlled breath.

            “Come on, let’s get you inside.” He rubbed her arms as he guided back inside to the warm, lonely house. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her shaking shoulders. His heart raced as he wanted nothing more than to stop that pained expression. He pulled her into his arms, feeling her lips quiver against his chest. He rubbed her back. “It’s okay. Everything will be okay.”

            He knew her so well. How he’d known that she detested to cry, she’d never know. Her head spun as she recovered from her attack. She hadn’t had one in years. “I’m sorry for that.” Her cheeks burned in embarrassment. “I almost forgot what they felt like…” She shut her eyes, forcing the debilitating memories away. She’d never wanted to remember how everyday life had become impossible with these surprise visits. “I--I started to get them after... After my little sister died,” she whispered. Chan’s heart sunk, he hugged her tighter. “Which was coincidently a month before the last time I saw my father.” He closed his own eyes as if absorbing her pain. After a while, she met his gaze. “I shouldn’t care. He left us, he abandoned my mother and I, and never turned back, not until a few weeks ago." She went silent for a few seconds as the realization hit her.  "He left. I--It shouldn’t hurt Chanyeol,” she sighed, at last a tear escaping her eyes.