ScarletBallerina - To My Dearest

(Requested: 10.7.14, Finished: 7.1.15)

*****Reviewer’s Note: Hello, ScarletBallerina! Let me first apologize for my very, very, very late review! Today was the first day in while that I was able to relax and review in peace. Nevertheless, I was finally able to get to your story! I hope you like the review and as always, if you have any questions or concerns, please let me know in the comments below!*****

FIRST IMPRESSIONS – How can I describe this without being redundant? As you already know, I love short and simple Forewords. They are a stark contrast to my own, which are often so filled with information that most readers have to gasp for air once they reach the end. I have no idea how to condense my entire story into a single sentence, therefore I admire Authors who can do so, especially if they can do it well. And you can do it extremely well. There is no doubt about that.

Just the picture alone is alluring and although it is very simple, it definitely worth more than a thousand words. From the design of the box, I can infer millions of plot possibilities that have the chance of being completely right or completely wrong. Happy faces, a dog on a leash, a lightbulb, and the sun? Likely a childhood friend. But, the amount of letters found in the box would suggest a lover, or simply a certain longing, although it still points towards childhood friend. The box is fairly new, but it is holding a lot of older letters. This means that not only have the letters been arriving frequently, but they are still arriving. The box may still need to be exchanged if that is the case.

The point I’m trying to make here with my rambling is that your picture is enough to spark an interest. And I am most definitely interested. I actually can’t wait to read your one-shot, despite it being a one-shot. (They are often too short for my taste, but I can deal with this one. ^^) Anyway, my first impression of your piece is a good one. It can always change to a better one later. :)

TITLE – Your title is nice, simple, and thoughtful. Most authors would put “Dear ____”, but you chose to use “To…” This may seem like a useless opinion to have about your piece, but the fact that you use “To…” suggests that the narrator is giving the letters to someone, rather than receiving. Of course, I could be entirely wrong, and the narrator could very well be at the receiving end of the letters. Thus, the box of letters in the picture. “To…” is often used for the envelope instead of the letters, so from that I can definitely assume that the letters are unopened, but of course, an author would never write a story about unopened letters. Such a story is too dreary.

Nonetheless, nice title! I wouldn’t change it at all. (However, I haven’t quite read your story, yet, so that opinion might change...)

FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION – Unfortunately, I do have a bone to pick with you in regards to your foreword and description. As a reader, it is natural for me to want more. I want to know who or what your story is about. Your quote is great and fitting for a story such as this one (angsty, I believe?), but… anything else? I have mentioned this before in my other reviews and I will repeat it again in this one. Out of all the one-shots on AFF, why is this one worth reading? Granted, all stories are worth reading because it is written as a result of an author’s imagination and hard work. However, you have to keep in mind that if you want your one-shot to be read, there has to be a reason for readers to be interested and stop by for a read. Maybe even long enough to subscribe to it.

I would suggest a few things and, as always, you are free to take or leave them at your discretion. Perhaps a longer description or a list of characters with basic character traits would help. If not, then a short excerpt from the story. These aim to enhance your foreword and description, not ruin it.

But, I do know that this is a one-shot, so my suggestions may not even need to be considered. 

PLOT – To be honest, after I finished reading, I was a bit unsatisfied. Don’t get me wrong, it has nothing to do with your general plot. I wanted more from the story! The angst was there and I felt bad that your characters had to separate the way they did. But, I thought that the story was way too short. It was too short for me to look for things to comment on. If anything, I would suggest expanding this one-shot so that you can put more into the storyline and into developing the characters. That way, it can have more of a presence on AFF.

I do not mean to offend.

What I do like, though, is your usage of the soundtrack. It helps put readers into the right mood for your story. It definitely helped me feel the same feelings as what I imagined Taekwoon felt while reading the letter. With the music, it is clear how much your two characters loved each other. Excuse this harsh remark, but I do not believe your story would have worked without the music. It was an integral part of the story and from it alone, I could picture how the love blossomed between the two.

Another thing I liked about the plot was the Valentine’s Day scene. Yes, there are many, so many, Valentine’s Day depictions out there that I wasn’t sure if it was necessary in your plot. But, then I realized that Taekwoon and Jinae were not a couple quite yet, which was what made that scene a bit more special. Also, whenever Leo does anything other than brood, I am a happy camper. ^^ You may also note that Valentine’s Day in South Korea is the day when women do the confessing. Men confess, or respond to a confession a month later on White Day. Therefore, it is rare, though not unheard of, for a man to confess on Valentine’s Day. Of course, that has very little significance when Valentine’s Day is a special day for all hopeless romantics, but in terms of your story and where it is set, it is very significant. It shows that a Taekwoon is willing to resist cultural norms because of his love for Jinae. I’m not sure if that is what you were aiming for; it is a common mistake to think that all cultures place Valentine’s Day as the universal day of love.

Nevertheless, the plot is short and sweet, but I would have appreciated more.

CHARACTERIZATION – I know that a one-shot permits little to no space for characterization, but it can be done if the story is strong enough. I will have to admit here that your characters are lacking depth. Readers can understand the love and angst that Taekwoon feels, but only because they are reading letter as Taekwoon is. However, since we don’t see much of Taekwoon to begin with, he just seems like a reader. We don’t see his reactions to the letter. We can only assume that he is saddened by her death, shocked by the arrival of a final letter, and reluctant to let go. But, note that those are just feelings. You know that characters require more than that. They need hopes, dreams, motives, moral standards, and life. In order for readers to be invested in your characters, your characters need to be worth being invested in.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, as a reader, I would like more things from Taekwoon’s perspective. Jinae’s letter is completely in her perspective. We see Taekwoon through her eyes only, so we assume that he is a jerk. We assume that he makes judgments quicker than he can process them, given the fact that he calls her a “stalker” once discovering that they live in the same neighborhood. We assume that after meeting her, he changes into a lovable, huggable, kissable human being.

I got a bit more out of Jinae, though. I’m glad that she has an array of emotions. Her voice is vibrant and positive, reminding me a lot about stock characters who are full of aegyo and love. I can only imagine how she feels writing a final letter to her lover before she passes away. It made me think, “If I had to write a letter to someone, anyone, I love before I die, who would I write the letter to and what would the letter say?” I… do not have an answer to that question yet.

Anyway, what I liked most of about Jinae is that she represents a real person. She has real feelings and while reading the letter, I could feel those feelings. I could feel her irritation at meeting someone like Taekwoon, someone who accuses her of stalking, someone who (seemingly) doesn’t know how to treat women. She uses emoticons in her writing (which, I thought, was adorable). She is real. And to Taekwoon, she lived. However, like Taekwoon, Jinae (as a character) has seldom else. She breathes emotion, but is there anything else? Humans have more than emotion in their arsenal, don’t they? Characters are the same way.

I’m sorry if this seems too harsh. When it comes to one-shots, it is vital to understand that you have limited space. As the author, you have to utilize that space so that it leaves an impactful impression on your readers. Characters are a huge part of that “utilization.” They are just as important as story, plot, diction, and everything else. I understand that most one-shots are “spur-of-the-moment” types of stories, but they still need depth. And I’m afraid that is what is lacking here. Depth.

GRAMMAR/SENTENCE FLOW – Fine, all fine. I have nothing to comment about this, really. There were some mistakes here and there, but overall it doesn’t need much consideration.

STYLE/DICTION – This is what I liked that most about your story. Even though I gave you a lot of crap earlier about writing things from Jinae’s perspective, I like the fact that you used a letter to tell the entire story. There is something personal and real about letters and that style of writing is reflected in this one-shot. Letters are meant to be informal, personal, and intimate. In a way, this style can really be effective if written well. It develops a voice for the author and the reader, a dialogue that can only happen during a letter exchange. In fact, it is because of the letter format that I appreciate the story a lot more.

OVERALL IMPRESSION – It is understandable that one-shots are difficult to write. To condense an entire story into one chapter is hard. Because of this, the story and characters lacked a bit, but your utilization of the letter format and other elements (soundtrack, emoticons, etc.) gave the story a large boost. As I suggested earlier, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to return to this story and flesh out the details. It is always good to expand on one-shots because then, you will have more creative material to work with. You have enough details to move forward and create something more. So, if or when you have the time, return to this story and expand it. I’m sure that it will turn into a chaptered story in no time. ^^

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS – I apologize for the late review and harsh comments… I know that you have been waiting for a long while for this. Feel free to send me a message expressing your concerns because… I really am sorry for taking so long.