Blu3Wind - Trapped in a K-Drama

(Requested: 9.27.14, Finished: 10.6.14)

*****Reviewer's Note: Hello, Blu3Wind! Thank you so much for subscribing to my shop! I know that we have many conversations going on about your story right now, but I will use this opportunity to be completely honest and unbiased in your review (though, I can't guarantee the "unbiased" part). I'm so sorry for the long wait! I realized that I had a lot more to say than when I first intended... ^^ I hope that this is useful for your future fanfics!*****

FIRST IMPRESSIONS - Since I'm already well-acquainted with your story, I'm going give a "second impression" of your Foreword by simply skimming through it. I have never noticed this before, but the layout of your Foreword is very simple: a poster that displays all of your main characters, a short description, a character board, and an Author's Note explaining what inspired you to write the fic. I appreciate the simplicity of your Foreword because there's no need to be elaborate. The sole purpose of Forewords is to give a small preview of your story. I have a thing for simple Forewords (even though mine are far from simple >.<). I'm amazed at how Authors can condense their stories' themes into a few sentences or paragraphs because I can't do that with my own stories. I feel the need to be elaborate. I think it comes with being an English major, haha. 

Maybe I mentioned this to you before, but I really like your poster. I'm glad that all of Infinite's pictures are from the same era because there are other posters that have the boys from different eras and it bothers me a little. The color dynamic of the poster is fairly neutral and warm, therefore it's very pleasing to the eye. I find it interesting that you made your own poster because not many Authors are multi-talented. XD I have no idea how to use Photoshop or Gimp or any other of those poster-making applications, so anyone who has the ability to make posters receives my thumbs-up.

TITLE - In complete honesty, your title is very simple, at least in the scope of other titles with the same concept (not same plot, but same concept). It states what your story is about and that's it. There is no mystery or wit behind it, nothing that would prompt your readers to think deeply about your story. It is similar to titles such as, "Locked in a Maze" or "Caught in a Love Affair". Since your story is meta-referential (in simpler terms, a work of fiction that has elements that refer to other forms of art), it would be interesting to have a title that imitates the same concept. Basically, you need to have a title that encompasses the overarching theme of your story. An example of a great title is Michael Jackson's post-mortem album, "HIStory". Not only does the title suggest that it will contain Michael Jackson's history as the King of Pop (as well as his famous songs and other memoranda), but also HIS STORY. The title is ambiguous and very, very clever. I know that it's too late to change your title, but maybe that gives you a little insight into creating titles for future fanfics? Seeing as to I'm not great at making titles myself, perhaps my opinion about yours isn't quite valid. >.<

However, I do want to point out that your title is very relevant to your story. Yes, it may be simple and it may not have an ambiguous meaning, but it works. It gets your readers interested in your plot. They understand the concept of being "trapped" and being "trapped in a K-Drama" is a fascinating concept. That is the reason I subscribed, as well. I wanted to see how you would write the story based on the title and so far, you have impressed me greatly. ^^

FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION - Taking a deeper look at your Foreword, I realize that although it delivers the basic plot points of your story, there are other suitable ways to adjust your wording, or even the layout of your words. Now, don't get me wrong. I love your story and the simplicity of your Foreword. I think my biggest beef is the shifting voice in your Description. The slight arrogant tone in your first paragraph will make your Description much more impactful if it is consistent throughout. Here is your Description:

Arrogant Tone

Nam Eun Hee is an aspiring writer who watches K-Drama for a living. Not because she enjoys it, but because there are so many things to criticize at. What happens when she wakes up the next morning and sees that her whole life has turned upside down? She is now trapped in a typical K-Drama parallel universe with no way out.

In this typical K-Drama story, Nam Eun Hee's family is broke. Her father has disappeared, leaving a tremendous debt his family has to take care of. Eun Hee was still a university student and was forced to find a job. Her only talent was writing. What jobs could she possible gain with that? In her journey, she meets typical K-Drama lead protagonists. She knew how the story would end. However, the difference is that all these protagonists came together in one story. How will that affect her story?

Like I said, this delivers the basic plot points of your story. It just doesn't pack a punch. Here are my suggestions (you may take or leave them at your leisure, haha):

*Suggestions

[Possible things to delete, irrelevant]

(Comments)

Nam Eun Hee is an aspiring *dramatist/novelist/screenplay writer (specifying what sort of writer she aspires to be solidifies her character) who watches *Korean dramas for a living. *She does not enjoy watching those so-called K-Dramas, as they are referred to by fans worldwide. *Rather, she finds them easy to criticize. (Sorry, this sentence is a little weak. There are ways to strengthen it.)

*After a night of prescribing her daily dosage of criticisms to an episode of "My Love from the Star", Eun Hee wakes the next morning to find her life turned upside down. *She immediately realizes that she is trapped in a typical K-Drama, in a parallel universe with no way out.

*In this K-Drama, Eun Hee's family is broke. Her father has disappeared, leaving a tremendous debt *for his family to take care of. *She is, without surprise, a university student who is in dire need of part-time jobs to pay for said debt. [Her only talent was writing. What jobs could she possible gain with that? (The fact that she is a writer is never again mentioned past the second chapter. If it is, it is very brief without much significance.)] *Throughout her K-dramatic journey, she meets seven all-too-familiar male protagonists, each one flawed and cliched like the ones found in K-Dramas. [She knew how the story would end. However, the difference is that all these protagonists came together in one story. (A bit irrelevent. Adds unnecessary fluff to your Description.)]

*With each K-dramatic encounter, Eun Hee wrestles with a single question: How will *this affect her *K-Drama? (There are other ways to reword this and make the question more impactful.)

I'm not sure if I gave a great example, but this is what I meant in terms of keeping the arrogant tone consistent throughout the Description. By acknowledging that she is a "critic" time and time again, you develop some of her characteristics within the first few paragraphs. Using puns like "K-dramatic" and "prescribing her daily dosage of criticisms" suggests that she is very learned in her art and practice, that she is an aspiring writer for a reason.

I'm sorry. I hope this doesn't seem too harsh. I wasn't picking at your grammar, just finding ways to make your Description more impactful. I didn't plan on criticizing your Foreword to this extent. >.<

PLOT - Your plot is amazing. I don't think I need to repeat this over and over again, but perhaps I need to so that you will finally accept this fact. The concept is genius, really. You are consistently breaking barriers with every encounter Eun Hee has with a K-Drama scene. It is exciting to see which drama, song, or K-Pop reference you will use next because it keeps the readers guessing and engaged. Recently, I see that you ask your readers a rhetorical question at the end of your chapters. This adds to the interactive game between you and your readers. It's very smart and useful at keeping a consistent reader base.

Since you are well past the opportunity to add to or rewrite some chapters, this suggestion will be directed towards your completed fanfic. If your exposition (prologue or background, however you view it) was a little longer, it would give your readers a clear idea of the Nam Eun Hee and her life before the K-Drama debacle. As I reread your first few chapters, I realized that I missed something: the "real" Nam Eun Hee. Obviously, she is trapped in a K-Drama in your fanfic, but she wasn't before this fanfic. Therefore, your readers have no clue about who she was before this wonderful event happened. Perhaps your intention is to have her grow in the K-Drama she is stuck in; I have nothing against that. I just want to know a bit more about Nam Eun Hee as a character before becoming a "character". Haha, I don't know if that made sense. Let me know in the comments if this bothers you. >.<

CHARACTERIZATION - (Since we have discussed your characters many times, I will point out what works and what doesn't work for your characters.) Nam Eun Hee is a fairly well-rounded character that seems a bit arrogant, especially in her knowledge of K-Dramas. She's not a damsel-in-distress and that is what makes her so likeable. She isn't entirely sweet. She knows exactly which buttons to press when she grasps whichever K-Drama scene she is in. She may be shaken by the reality of her situation, but that doesn't change her rationality or her resolve. In a way, her character is very real and relatable. What is unrealistic is how quickly she recognizes a K-Drama scene. She isn't allowed time to be confused or to question her sanity, making her approach a little too perfect. In order for her to grow, she needs to react to situations in very realistic ways, she is the only "real" character in her K-Drama. If she is confused by how Woohyun can predict her movements and thoughts before she commits to them, show it. Perhaps even have her interact indirectly with his character so that she can explore that confusion a bit more. She is, after all, vying for his attention. 

Sunggyu is a snarky character that I appreciate. He's the rain to Eun Hee's sunny days, as she is the rain to his sunny days. They literally compliment each other like night and day. The juxtaposition between Sunggyu and Eun Hee is so striking that it leaves a lasting impression on your readers (and me, haha). I love the fact that he's so narcissistic because it matches his persona very well. We "know" that he is the "God of Music". That is, until we realize that he truly does "walk the walk". His narcissism is valid and that adds a genuine touch to his character. And in a way, he's quite "flawless". Truthfully, there's nothing that I don't like about him. XD

Right now, I see Dongwoo as a literary tool, a pair of eyes, if you will. He witnesses a lot of things that Eun Hee does not and he provides an insight that Eun Hee is unable to give to your readers. While this is good, I don't see much depth in his character. Well, not yet. I think he is more of a mystery than Myungsoo, to tell the truth. He seems like one of those characters who has the potential to grow, but never does. This is sad because I really like his interactions with others. He truly fulfills the role as "The Nice Sunbae".

Woohyun's character is fascinating. His moments with Eun Hee are always filled with subtextual tension that I can't find an explanation for. I can always speculate about him, but never pinpoint who he is or what his intentions are. I think this is good because not all Authors can achieve writing a character like him. He's not lacking anything, yet readers get a feeling that he is hiding something, anything, or everything. I would think that he would make the perfect serial killer in a different story, haha. As opposed to the first few chapters, his presence is very subtle in your recent chapters, sort of like a romantic idea for Eun Hee to play with. He's on her mind, but only as a distraction, and this subtleness is surprisingly satisfying for me. I do have a concern about his character, though, and it is his engagement to Soo Yeon. I feel that it is unnecessary, but for the plot, it makes sense. For his character arc, or development, she seems so irrelevant. Of course, you aren't finished with the story, so I will look forward to what you have in store for him. :)

Hoya is another interesting character. He surprised me with every one of his appearances. I don't know why I was surprised by his vulnerable side, but I guess that it has something to do with how he approached the entire "WooHee situation". He seemed reluctant to get involved with Eun Hee, but bullied her ceaselessly upon the request of Soo Yeon. I still have no clue about his relationship with either girl and I think that is what's keeping me interested. I want to know more about his inner thoughts and demons. Why does he have a soft spot for Soo Yeon? Why does he develop sympathy for Eun Hee during HER most vulnerable times? He is another character of whom I'm not disappointed with, though there isn't much about him to be disappointed with, regardless. XD

Since I tend to spazz about Sungyeol too much, I will simply go over his good and bad points. Good: 1) He has a certain affinity and chemistry with Eun Hee that no one else in the story does. 2) Although Woohyun is known for his great timing, Sungyeol is known for his genuinity? genuineness? He is known for showing up when Eun Hee needs him the most and that is the biggest reason why I ship them together, haha. 3) He has great harmony with the other characters, not only Eun Hee. Bad: 1) He has very little time to be a "loan shark". 2) If he has a dark side, it is never shown. A character is never completely benevolent, just keep that in mind. 3) He doesn't have enough moments with Eun Hee (my personal opinion, haha).

Myungsoo's character is actually quite hilarious. I think his haughtiness and "old soul"-ness is very endearing, at least enough for me to consider him a candidate for Eun Hee's affections. His scenes are often a breath of fresh air from all the drama happening between Eun Hee, Woohyun, Soo Yeon, and Hoya. I'm glad that his supernatural abilities do not go unnoticed by Dongwoo because it shows that Myungsoo is not as careful or cautious as his character calls him to be. Apparently, aliens make mistakes, too. What I'm having trouble understanding is the extent of Myungsoo's supernatural abilities. Perhaps a brief explanation will do when the opportunity presents itself.

Just like Sunggyu, Dongwoo, and Myungsoo, Sungjong provides great comic relief to the story. The contrast between his manly and... feminine qualities are very nicely done. However, like Dongwoo, I don't see much depth to his character either. He's the childhood friend that Eun Hee has never known, yet is expected to know. But, he's just that, another literary tool to act as a companion for Eun Hee to depend on if need be. I want to know this history between Eun Hee and Sungjong. I want to see how they "grew apart". Yet, Eun Hee has no idea herself. This disconnect is the biggest problem with his character.

For some reason, I imagine Son Ah Ri as a very cute and bubbly girl who always reacts first before thinking. She doesn't seem conscious about her actions. This bothers me. I know that there have been other characters like her in K-Dramas, but I can't sympathize with her. This may seem harsh to say, but for now, I see her as a dispensible character... Someone who is used to create an obstacle for Eun Hee, then sent on her merry way when things are resolved between the two of them. :( I'm sorry, but that's my honest opinion about her.

Park Soo Yeon is a real pain in the you-know-where. Despite this, she is great for the progression of the story. Her entrances usually alter the pace of the narrative, depending on the severity of her obstacles. She has every right to feel the way she feels. And yes, because she is Woohyun's fiancee, she is entitled to many things that Eun Hee isn't. She doesn't seem like a character with a lot of depth either, but I don't think her character calls for a monumental growth. Of course, you may have other plans for her character development that surpass my expectations. :)

GRAMMAR/SENTENCE FLOW - There is nothing majorly wrong with your grammar. I know that English is your second language, so naturally, the mistakes that you make are common for those whose English is their second or third language. Most of your story is written in past tense, however, you tend to switch to present tense, especially when your "narrator" (not necessarily Eun Hee, but the "narrative voice" of your story) comments on a certain aspect of the story or K-Dramas in general. For example, in your first chapter:

"The thought itself made her sick. It's as if the writers of today's drama ran out of topic to write about, so they recycled old ideas."

*Contractions of -'s is associated with the words "is", "does", or "has", though mostly with "is". You used the possessive apostrophe (today's) correctly, but the first indicates your sentence is in present tense. So, your verb tense is confusing here. Correction: Perhaps writers of recent/modern dramas would run out of topic ideas and would therefore recycle old ideas to save face. (Sorry, the last part was what the tone of the sentence suggested.)

"She remembered the first time the three of them bonded through an incident involving lasagna. That's why the dish had a soft spot in her heart."

*This is the same as the first example. Correction: That was why the dish had a soft spot in her heart.

"Her mother was already up. She was sitting at the dinner while reading a newspaper. That was strange. She never reads the newspaper."

*Here, you probably meant to use a past progressive verb, just as you did the first two sentences. However, to put this sentence ongoing in the past would unbalance your entire statement. In this case, it is okay to use normal past tense because your past is "present" in your fanfic. And using "never" would indicated a negation of the opposite statement, like, "She always didn't read the newspaper", though that would be grammatically incorrect, haha. Correction: She never read the newspaper. Ever.

"Plus, her father was a good man who truly loved his family. There's no way he could have an affair."

*This the same as the first example. Correction: There was no way that he could have an affair.

Another thing you should watch out for are your "was/were"s, "but/then"s, "this/that"s, "when/while"s, and other small words that make a difference in the structure of your sentences. If improperly used, they disrupt your sentence flow. Most of these make sense in the context of spoken words, but in terms of fiction where there is a set time and time-frame, such mistakes will distract your readers.

Just keep an eye out for these things, even though they aren't major. Grammar may seem tedious and irrelevant, but it is necessary for a polished story. :)

STYLE/DICTION - I think I've mentioned this to you more than once; I love your writing style. I believe that comedy is the most difficult genre to write in, yet comedy seems to flow easily into your narrative. Although English isn't your first language, you seem very natural at it, seamlessly weaving in metaphors and meta-references like a boss. ^^ Your sentences are clear to understand and your dialogue is superb and engaging. I'm also very impressed with the strong voice this story possesses. You seem very confident in yourself and your abilities as a writer. :)

OVERALL IMPRESSION - Overall, I think that your story is well-deserving of the attention it has been garnering. Not only is the concept fresh, the story is light and humorous and the language is very easy to understand. I may have been a little nitpicky about the Title, Foreword/Description, and your Grammar/Sentence Flow, but those are minor things to keep in mind. The fact that I pointed those things out does not mean that you are a horrible writer; those are things I look out for as a writer myself. As I mentioned, you are free to take or leave my suggestions. I won't take offense. :) Anyway, I look forward to your upcoming chapters! Great job!

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS - Finally, I'm finished! Yay! I'm so sorry that this took long for me to review (nine days, yikes!), but I tried to put in everything that I observed. If it is lacking in anyway, feel free to let me know. I will accept any constructive criticisms or even complaints, if you have any. Thank you so much! :)