It’s been two months since I started working with Bigbang. We’re almost done with the song, we're just adding some bonus songs for everyone and some finishing. The boys said that they want to leave the fans a good songs before saying goodbye as a group for the mean time since one by one, they'll be enlist in the military. They are working hands on with the album and I adore the unity they are showing. All of them contributed to make sure that it will be one of the best. No doubt that they are considered as legendary. It will be the last album they’ll be releasing before TOP’s enlistment to the military. I can feel the sadness on them since most of the time they are reminiscing some performances. Even I, I feel sad that they’ll go on seperate ways for the mean time but we all have to accept it since it's really a part of our life.

Well, for Jiyong and I- we still don’t get along well. TOP oppa keeps on provoking him to finally give in but he didn’t. He never give me a single chance and I hate him for acting that way.  He’s a damn tough man although he can’t help but express his jealousy most of the time but never admitted that he still feel something towards me. As much as I want to be with him as soon as possible, I want to respect his decision. I deserve to wait because I gave him nothing but heartache. I am not able to tell him what I really feel yet because he doesn’t want to give me chance to do so. I am like a girl who's loving someone from afar. It's indeed hard but I don't have the right to complain.

He gave the boys a short week break to atleast rest while he do the rest of the song alone. TOP oppa wants to help him but he advise him to just rest and have good time and with TOP oppa being silly, he told me he just wants to have an alone time with me so he ordered others to take a break but I don’t know if that’s true since we never even had a decent conversation. All he did was get mad at me, shout at me or just play mute with me. I can’t read him, sometimes I caught him looking at me like he wanted to hug me or kiss me, like he miss the hell out of me but then all of the sudden he’ll play cold. TOP oppa said that I always need to understand because it is his defense mechanism. He probably do not want to be hurt again. I will not hurt him again, I don't want too. That was the biggest mistake I did in my life.

Today will be the last day of the week and tomorrow, the boys will be back. I ask Jiyong to just stay home for today since it’s Sunday and for him to be able catch some sleep, he look restless. But, being him not wanting to take orders from me, he refuse to listen and still decided to go to studio. He told me to not just show up today but I don't want to, I want to help him. I saw one ofs his favorite foods at the restaurant I dined in and bought some for him knowing that he’ll not be minding about his food for the day for sure like he always do when at work. He’s the type of person who’s too focus with what he’s doing.

When I arrive at the studio, I quickly fix myself before  slowly opening the door,  I found Jiyong sleeping, his head resting on his arms. He look so good when he sleeps. I've never seen him this peaceful and calm.

“Ji-“

I almost called but decided no to wake him up, I want to take this chance to look at him freely. Not being afraid to be caught any minute. I sit beside him placing the bag of food I bought carefully on the side of the table as I just focus myself on staring at him. His mustache and beard are growing, he always look like this when he's busy with a comeback and I do not care since I lalways love his bad boy look. He’s blonde now, and that’s my favorite color of his hair. My hand automatically stop on his face as my finger carefully traces the bridge of his nose, up to his brows and down to his lips when he suddenly grab my hand and I was taken aback. His eyes remain close so I tried to pull my hands away but he didn’t let me go. He’s holding me too tight but it not hurts at all. He then open his eyes looking at me blankly.

“I’m sorry, I was just trying to wake you up since I bought you food but then-“

I said trying to make an excuse, he loosen his grip and I take that as a queue to stand up and walk away but then he grab my hand again and I lose my balance. I end up sitting on his lap as he pull me closer until our lips met. He's kissing me agressively like he wanted to do it for a long time His hands explore my back up to my head and down to my legs. I place my hand behind his head caressing his hair. I missed this, I miss his hair, his lips, his touches and his scent. I just miss the whole of him and there’s nothing I want more right now but him. He broke our kiss as I feel his lips moving down on my neck, he once again giving me the this amazing sensation and I can't help but to release a moan. His name escaped my mouth and all of a sudden, he stopped pushing me away like I was a contagious disease he need to stay away from. I almost fell on the floor but I manage to balance myself. I look at hin surprise as he inmediately stood up, reaching for his bag pack, ready to leave but I won't just let it happen. I immediately run to stop him by hugging his back.

“I’m sorry”

Finally, I said it. A tear automatically escape my eye and I felt his body stiffen. “

I- I made a mistake but I regretted. Ji, please forgive me”

I said, he breathed hard and I can feel the tension from his back. I tighten my arms around him but he didn’t move a bit.

“I’m sorry for everything I did. I am very sorry. I know I don’t deserve you but I can’t live without you”

I said and then I heard him laugh sarcastically. I feel his hand on mine, It took some second befire he starts removing it from his body. He turn around and take a few steps back away from me. He's looking at me the same way he saw me for the first time after I left him. disgusted.

“You already did"

Another tear escaped my eye.

"Have you forgot how you lelft me, living in your dream”

He's tone sounds bitter, I close my eyes as I was about to say something. I want to explain, I want him to u