"Please stop doing it- you know smoking is bad for your health but it is much more worst for the health of others. You don't want me nor your Mom to be a victim of second hand smoking don't you?"

I lectured him while doing the dishes. I smell the cigarette from his clothes and mouth when  I gave him his welcome kiss when he arrived. Jiyong was a heavy smoker but he's trying to reduce taking it when we started dating but, I just want him to stop it because we don't know how harmful it can be for him, most specially for his voice. He's a singer and I want him safe, singing is his first love. 

"Stop nagging my Queen, I am trying my best to do that. Promise. It just takes time"

He said hugging me from the back. He then spin me around and make me face him as he kiss me deeply. He just came out from the shower and really smell so good. 

"You know, if you continue kissing me that way I might not end up washing every dishes"

"Know one told you to do that. Leave them alone and just go with me in bed"

He said whispering the Bed word when no one can even hear aside. We're alone. He inserted his hand on my shirt to touch my skin and it somehow tickles me.

"Yah"

I said but the truth is I love it. His touches are addicting and it calm the whole part of me.

"I want you"

He once again whispered and before I can even answer, he carry me like a kid as he run our way to the bedroom. 

-

I close my eyes as I remember the details of that night. After our small painful talk about cigarette, I decided not to go back to our table on our lunch earlier. I just sent Daesung a quick message not to wait for me because I have an important thing to do. He just replied with a "take care" and I don't know the rest of what happened with their lunch. Jiyong also cancelled the meeting for the project today since Seungri and him wants to bring Nana to some places in the country. 

"Hay"

I sighed the moment I reached the studio, I chose to go straight here because I have no place to go to. I just want to review some changes with the song we'll be producing. I want to make myself busy. We left TOP here earlier but I can't find him here now. I grab the folder with the first song they completed first, "If you" I read. I heard the melody for this but I never have the chance to read the lyrics. 

She is leaving
And I can’t do anything
Love is leaving
Like a fool, I’m blankly standing here

My hold on the paper gets tighter after reading the first four lines of the song. Something stings inside me. It was painful.

I’m looking at her, getting farther away
She becomes a small dot and then disappears
Will this go away after time passes?
I remember the old times
I remember you

TOP stated that Jiyong wrote the song for along time and he just added some of it along with Teddy. 

IF YOU
IF YOU
If it’s not too late
Can’t we get back together?
IF YOU
IF YOU
If you’re struggling like I am
Can’t we make things a little easier?
I should’ve treated you better when I had you

I remember the day I am leaving, Jiyong showed up in front of my apartment. He doesn't care if Harin was with me, he once again kneel down and beg me not to leave. He said he will not insist to get me back if I just don't leave. He said that he don't know how to start over without him seeing me. I saw how vulnerable he was that night but the voices inside my head won by forcing me to leave even my feet doesn' t want to do so. I love him but I was jailed. I was lost. I was a coward. 

How about you?
Are you really fine?
Guess our break up is setting
I should forget you but it’s not easy

He was the perfect man. I am the most lucky girl to have him but I took him for granted. I left and broke his heart. I was never sure with my decisions, all the time since we started dating, I always make sure that he will be part of my every plan. My decisions once depended on him but then suddenly I get tired. I feel hopeless and I feel like I don't deserve him because he achieved so much, he's famous and loved by many. I've read a lot hateful comments to Kiko because the people thought it was her, his girl