13.

Chen had attended his own funeral a thousand times in thoughts and dreams. It was a reoccurring constant in the chaos his mind provided him time and time again. It was difficult fully picturing the scene that would be taking place. How many people would eventually show? He did not have a lot of friends. Even his family was rather small. Would people care to attend a funeral when the cause of death was pitiful? Would they be ashamed in his place?

"Who would do such a thing?" He had told himself many times, knowing it was an embodiment of his own shame.

"Do what?" Minseok sounded lost in thought, both were. They were at a bookstore late in the evening, the smell of fresh paper luring them into lingering ideas.

 "Nothing. I was just thinking about a book to read. Do you want to buy something?" Minseok shook his head in reply and sat down on a chair.

For the first time in weeks there hadn't been a strain on their relationship. Chen had been pretty fine most of the time. His thoughts still lingered to bad places, but it seemed easier to climb out of that pit. Minseok was more lighthearted too, not having seen his mother in a while.

There were other things on Chen's mind too. His grades this year would decide whether or not he could be the doctor he wanted to be. This was a turning point in his life. Just like his old suicide attempt was before. Only now he had a purpose. He needed to succeed.

Once they were back on the way home, Chen felt a shiver race down his spine. Minsoek's eyes traveled to his, understanding the sudden change that happened in a matter of seconds.

 "You're not late. That meeting is tomorrow. Today we have nothing to do. We can just hang out. Cecil got better at flying. You'll stay over, right? I have a good movie we can watch."

Minseok had fallen asleep during said movie. Chen watched the entire thing. The credits started rolling and the music eventual stopped, leaving him to stare at a black screen. The room was dimly lit. Cecil seemed to be asleep in his newly bought cage. Everything was peaceful, it soothed Chen's soul.

There had been so much hurt in his life, he wondered if he could carry it all. His spine would break at some point if he did not allow some memories to fade. His near death experience was the only thing he could not let go. It had hurt the few people around him and caused damage to his soul no magic could cure.

However, sitting next to a softly breathing minseok, listening to the few sounds left in the room, it made Chen think about how much his life has changed the moment he had met his friend. There were days when Chen felt like they were more than just friends, days when he wanted to comfort Minseok more than he had ever done before. But he did not know how. There was so much Chen was confused about.

Kyungsoo sipped on his coffee as he shared outside the window. His bony hands seemed to be grabbing the cup as if his happiness depended on it. His mind was somewhere else, not seeing Chen approaching him inside the cafeteria.

"Here on nightshift too?" Chen joined him at the table with his own hourly dose of caffeine. Kyungsoo nodded and gave him a small nod.

"Filling in for a colleague. I'm at the unit all night. What are you up to?"

Chen shrugged and stared at the clock, which seemed to be going slower than usual. "Paperwork. A lot of paperwork. An intern's life."

Kyungsoo managed to give him a small grin and finished his drink. "I'm just going to