Exams were over. Time had passed, but the weather never changed. It remained cold, windy and most important of all, snowy. Chen felt like he could not complain, with summer coming near he should embrace what chillness there was left. Winter was calm, silent and serene. Summer was noise, sweat and endless guilt for not doing anything.

Speaking of not doing anything, that was exactly what kept him occupied right now. He was on his bed, covered in a blanket Minseok had left at his dorm. He had to admit his were simply better. Not only because his friend's scent was embedded in every fiber it contained.

He was listening to music, eyes closed. No more exams. Nothing for two weeks. He would have been home right now. He could have been. But the stubbornness within himself remained strong. There was no way he would break his promise to his parents. He had given them enough sorrow already.

When he had to think back on the time when he tried taking his life, a numbness could be found traveling through every part of his body. He had no intense emotions tied to the ordeal, except for the actual mess he had created after. His dad had never spoken about it, but he knew what kind of heart his father possessed now. It was covered in thick scars.

Back then, he had cared for nothing, not even his parents. He was so fed up with everyone and everything, all feelings seemed to have eroded away. There was nothing left for him to work with. His body was an empty shell, a thing not worth carrying around. So he tried to rid himself of it. He remembered taking the pills and realizing what he had done. Not even the smallest hint of anxiety had taken him by surprise. He remained perfectly calm.

He knew exactly which dose was lethal. Still in the end, by a glitch of fate, it had not been enough. The first thing he remembered after this complete blackness, was a doctor's face. Which face, he could not say, but it had belonged to a doctor.

That was another thing that still hurt. He was a medical student, training to be that person, that doctor that had helped him. That had saved his life. Back then he had felt like a waste of space, a waste of time. A failure, to be shunned by society. He should have quit medical school. Chen had trouble living with the thought of saving others, after trying taking his own life.

He stayed at the hospital for longer than a week. The precise number was still a vague thing to remember. The countless therapy sessions and being supervised by one of his parents wherever he went, was still as clear as day. It had been both humiliating and sad. Ever since that day, something was different about his parents. Their eyes deprived of the light that once had been so bright.

Chen tried as hard as he could to shun those memories, but there were meant to stay. To remind him of what he had done. To make him question whether surviving was a blessing or a curse. He still did not know.

His eyes found his phone. He had no messages. In the past that would not have bothered him. It now did.

He tried typing a message, but could not find the words.

Chen left his bed and got dressed, still as much layered as possible. He searched for his coat and was well on his way to Minseok.

When he got there, he saw Baekhyun standing in front of the door of the building. He seemed grinning because of something displayed on his phone. He looked up and put his phone away. "It's so cold!"

"Yeah, I know." he tried going for the door, but Baekhyun was faster.