In which Mina notices Momo's lack of self-confidence and tries to fix it a little.

Wordcount: 3479 

 

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Momo walked out of the room after practising her vocals for an hour. She used to do this occasionally when TWICE had just debuted, for she felt that she really had to work harder than the rest, being the member that was added into the group after elimination. However, ever since that day she chanced upon articles that labeled her as 'only in the group because of popularity and visuals', 'can't sing', and worse still, 'no talent', she made it a routine. Sometimes she wondered why she had scrolled around that day, why she had chosen to click those articles, despite knowing that it would hurt her so greatly. But she was also glad, for it became a source of motivation. While it made her a lot more stressed than she was before, she was determined to prove them wrong. Slowly, but surely.

What made her really surprised was when a fellow member came into her line of vision as she came out of the room that day. The girl had her head down, her hair covering her face, making it hard for Momo to see her face or any expression on it.

"Mina? What are you doing here? Are you okay?" Momo was worried, she could not stop thinking of possible scenarios. Maybe Mina was really upset and not wanting to head back to the dorm yet. Maybe something was troubling Mina so much she was crying but she did not want other members to see.

She quickly approached the girl. Squatting down and shifting aside the hair that was covering her face, Momo heaved a sigh of relief. The girl was just sleeping. She found herself smiling at how peaceful the girl looked as she sleep, but the smile changed into a frown when she noticed how uncomfortable it was to sleep in that way.

"Mina," she called out softly while shaking the girl. She watched as the sleeping girl slowly opened her eyes. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you back at the dorm?"

"Ah, I was waiting for you," Mina replied, grasping the situation. Then she gave a sheepish smile. "I must have fallen asleep while waiting."

"You shouldn't have, especially if you're so tired already," Momo said, concern evident in her voice. "I'm not done yet though, maybe you should go home first and get some rest."

"No, it's okay. I'll just go wash my face and wait for you, refreshed."

***

Mina took quite a while to freshen herself up, and when she was back Momo was already dancing. It was a song that Mina had not seen Momo dance to before. She watched her from the door, the dancing girl so focused she did not even notice that her fellow member was back. Mina saw Momo's expression from the reflection through the mirror. She loved it, Momo's expressions when dancing were always so different from those she had on a regular basis. It was an intense one - one that Mina had seen lots of prior to their debut, but not quite the same one. It was similar to the one that had intimidated Mina the first time she joined the company.

 

Mina stood at the entrance of the tall building. It was her dream, and also where she was going to be at for the many future years of her life. She took in a deep breath before entering, a nervous smile on her face.

With the limited English signs around, she managed to find her way to the office she was looking for. She was afraid, for she had close to zero knowledge of the Korean language and it seemed like everyone around spoke Korean only. The language barrier frightened her. She only relaxed a little when a company representative who knew how to speak Japanese approached her after she was told to wait. 

A quick tour of the building was done, which made Mina even more scared because trainees she met along the way all spoke Korean to her, to which she was only able to give a shy smile back and a slight bow. She hoped she did not come off as unfriendly, the last thing she wanted was to leave a bad impression on the first day of her trainee life.

After the tour and introduction, the company representative brought her to a room, telling her that everyone in the room was part of the 'Japan Team', and she was going to be part of it. Judging from the name, Mina supposed they were all Japanese, and was glad that there would probably be no language barrier. However, she was still nervous and worried - socialising was never her thing, she was a shy quiet girl.

The door opened, and Mina saw four girls practising their respective stuff. Of the four, one of them really caught Mina's attention. She was dancing, her dance steps powerful and her gaze intense. After the introduction facilitated by the company representative, she came to know the girl was Momo.

 

Because of that strong gaze, Mina was afraid of approaching the girl back then.

 

Mina had been with them for a couple of weeks, and was gradually settling down. However, she had difficulties approaching them. Since there were five of them, Mina usually walked alone at the side. She never really initiated conversations, and only gave short replies when the more outgoing ones talked to her. It really was not her personality to talk much.

In these few weeks, the one that she had the least interaction with was Momo. Though Momo was relatively more bubbly and appeared more approachable when they were out of the practice room, Mina was always apprehensive towards talking to her. Whenever Mina had questions to ask, Momo would be last on her ask list. She was really scared of the girl, and it all started by the girl's seriousness. Momo, on the other hand, never really talked to Mina as well. Contrary to what people would expect after seeing her interact with her friends, Momo was a shy girl too.

 

However, Mina also remembers very clearly the day that she realised Momo was in no way a girl that she should be scared of.

 

That day, Mina broke down. She had been practising the same steps for a few days now and she still could not get it. She was frustrated, for her 11 years of ballet did not seem to help her in any way. She really could not understand why. After their instructor lectured her that day, she could no longer hold her emotions in anymore. She ran into one of the vocal practice rooms and let her tears freely roll down. She missed her family, she missed her friends, she missed her carefree fangirl lifestyle. If she was doing so badly here, maybe it would be better for her to just give up now. 

The girls who saw what happened were worried for her, but they did not know how to handle the situation. Definitely, they were significantly closer by now, but they had never seen such a situation before, and they were unsure of whether Mina was the type who preferred to be alone. In the end, it was Momo who decided to head into the room. The girls also had faith that Momo knew how to handle it, because Momo had always been their pillar of support as well and she was a good listener who gave wonderful advice.

"Hey," Momo called out as she opened the door, not forgetting to knock before that. She walked over to the crying girl and embraced her. "It takes some time to adapt. We all think you're progressing very well already, many of us were worse when we first came in. The instructor scolded you only because she wanted you to do better, because she knows you have the potential to do better."

"Momo," Mina's voice was soft, as it had always been. "Should I just go back? Maybe this just isn't my kind of thing, you know, maybe I'm not made for this. Isn't it ironic, me as a reserved girl who hates attention, wanting to be an idol?"

Momo was not happy at how easily Mina gave up, and she was not one to keep her opinions in. Her soft tone turned into a stern one. "Look, Mina. Just think back at the months you spent here. You left the place of comfort, left everything and everyone behind, started a new life here, simply because you wanted to be an idol. The fact that you were ready to give up so many things goes to show how badly you wanted this. And now, just because the instructor scolded you, you want to go back? How can you give up so easily? We still believe in you, but if you have given up on yourself, then nothing we say will help."

Momo went out and slammed the door behind her. The other girls ran to her, but Momo simply shook her head and looked down. "I scolded her instead," Momo said, realising that she was perhaps too harsh earlier, "I was just so disappointed that she gave up so easily. We even talked about debuting together."

The girls hugged Momo to comfort her from feeling so guilty, but the girl was more concerned about the other that she had left in the room. She made a decision to settle everything, since she was the one who might have made it worse. Telling the others to leave first, she opened the door once again.

Guilty and apologetic - the only two emotions Momo felt as she opened the door and saw the girl crying harder than she was before. "I'm sorry," the words that barely made it out of , as she went back to hugging the girl once again.

Momo practised till late again that night, as she usually did. The only difference was that this time, she was not trying to perfect her steps, but teaching Mina the steps that the latter had been struggling with. 

 

Ever since that day, there was no end to how grateful Mina felt towards Momo. She had helped Mina slowly adapt to a new dance genre. The girl was talented and had a flair for dancing, and she was kind-hearted enough to share and help others. 

However, Mina also remembers the day that changed Momo. The Hirai Momo she knew, they knew, was not quite the same one anymore.

 

"I'm sorry, Momo, you're eliminated."

As the words came out from JYPark's mouth, the teargates of everyone opened. Their hearts hurt at the thought of someone's dreams being shattered. Someone they regarded as their sister, someone they knew wanted to debut so badly, someone who they knew worked harder than any of them. Everyone felt unfair for her. But other than Momo, the ones that were the most affected were Mina and Sana. They had a goal and a promise - to debut together. They cried in each others' arms as the comments for Momo continued.

Momo had left the filming site before anyone else, and no matter how the two girls tried to contact her, it was to no avail. They searched the practice room, her favourite jokbal stall, everywhere that Momo frequented, but was unable to find her. They were utterly worried, yet having no choice, they went back to the dormitory to wait. Neither the dormitory for the Major nor the dormitory for the Minor, but the one that Momo was going to have to live in alone from now on. It was basically their old dormitory, the one that Japan team shared.

The missing girl did come back that day, they woke up the moment they heard the door unlock. Momo was all in smiles, though her puffy eyes gave her away, and insisted she was fine. They wanted to scold her for acting strong. For seeming like she's fine when she's obviously not. But if Momo wanted to at least appear happy, it was not their position to not allow that, right?

Momo quickly dismissed herself from their view, stating that she was going to take a shower. In the midst of the sounds of the water from the shower head hitting the floor, they could also hear faint sobbing sounds coming from inside. They sighed. Momo was just being Momo, not wanting to bother anyone and settling all her issues on her own.

When Momo stepped out of the bathroom, she was actually surprised to see that the other two girls were not waiting for her anymore. She headed straight to her room, exhausted from all the crying she did. It was then she decided to switch on her phone - close to 60 missed calls from the girls and several messages. Momo did not read them, she knew she would start crying again if she did. She was about to put down her phone and just head to bed when she noticed a small piece of paper on the table.

'Hey, we know you're not okay but it seems like you want to be alone, so we thought maybe it'll be good to let you have some alone time. But we're always ready for you, so just message or call us whenever okay? We'll drop by from time to time too. For now, rest well, Momoring!'

For the next three days, neither of the girls received any message from Momo, nor did the girl ever drop by. One night, Mina and Sana went over to the dormitory, but Momo never came back. They started to think it was a wrong decision to leave her that day. They felt bad. Their best friend obviously needed someone, yet they had to continue with this show and could not spend time with her.

The next day, the girls were surprised to see Momo in the practice room, not the one they used for the show, but the one that they usually used before SIXTEEN started. She was back, dancing, and they felt glad to see Momo. But as days went by and they started to notice that Momo danced her day away, skipping her lunch and sometimes even dinner, they got really worried. The girls thought that Mina and Sana would be the best choice to talk to Momo, for they were the closest, and since Sana had something on at that moment, Mina decided to do it.

"Momo," Mina struggled to keep her anger back. She wanted to snap at Momo for not treating her own body like that. Skipping meals on a regular basis was not good, and practising so much without rest was no good either. 

"Stop dancing, Momo." Mina grabbed Momo's arm, trying to stop her from moving. However, Momo effortlessly escaped from Mina's grip and continued, pretending not to hear the girl. This trigged the younger girl, who stomped to the source of music and hit the 'stop' button.

Mina felt a shiver down her spine when she turned and was faced by Momo's glare. "What are you doing, Mina?" Momo was annoyed, she hated it whenever someone disturbed her when she was dancing.

Taking in a deep breath, Mina gained some courage before walking towards Momo. She shouted back, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Dancing, duh." Momo tried to sound casual, though her eyes darted around, avoiding looking at Mina.

"You know what I'm talking about, Momo." Mina did not know where she got her courage from, nor did she know that she could sound like that, but at the moment her emotions just got the better of her and she was determined to let Momo know that she was not going to allow her to behave this way. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Because I need to," Momo's tone was now soft, she reminded Mina of a scared child. And her voice wavered towards the end. "Because I'm not good enough."

After hearing that from Momo, Mina hugged her for a really long time and threw endless compliments, hoping that the older girl would feel better. Subsequently, Momo never skipped meals to dance for the entire day again. She led a healthy life, though she still worked really hard, too hard, but she was still not the same person she was. At that very moment her dreams were shattered, her confidence went straight down too.

 

"Hey," Momo's voice jolted Mina out of her thoughts. "Dance together?"

Momo taught Mina the dance steps she choreographed, and by now Mina learnt steps a lot faster than she did previously. They danced together, something they had not done for a long time, and the smile on their faces were genuine as they enjoyed the moment, despite being really exhausted by the day's schedule.

 

***

 

The girls - all 9 of them - were gathered in a circle, preparing for a dance party that they had not had in ages. They took turns to dance in the middle of the circle, the rest screaming like they were their number one fans. It was one of their favourite ways of destressing, though ever since they debuted they never had the chance to do so.

It was Momo's turn, and everyone's eyes was filled with anticipation. Their main dancer never disappointed them with her powerful and precise dances, complemented with her sharp gaze. Only Mina, who was sitting next to her, noticed the nervousness in the dancer's eyes. She took the latter's hands in hers, mouthing a 'Hwaiting, you can do it!'.

Momo gave a slight nod, even though she was not too convinced. With a tight smile on her face, she walked to the centre and took in a deep breath, preparing herself for the start of the music. She had to live up to everyone's expectations, she had to live up to her own expectations, she had to do well, even though she was unconvinced that she could do it. Her self-esteem was taking a toll on her.

The music started and so did she, wowing the others with her smooth dance steps. No matter how many times they saw her dancing, she never failed to leave the members in awe. Mina was not too satisfied, however. Being the one who knew Momo the best, she could see the uncertainty in both her movements as well as her expression. She hated how Momo's dance was not as powerful as before. She hated how Momo did not look as confident as before. She hated how Momo never really got over the setback she faced, even after she was confirmed as a member of TWICE.

 

***

 

That night, Momo was met with a pleasant surprise as she stepped out of the vocal practice room again. This time, instead of falling asleep, Mina was standing, leaning against the mirror. "Up for jokbal? Show me a dance then we'll go out for jokbal, my treat."

Momo decided a day of less practice would not hurt, especially if she was heading out to eat jokbal. She quickly switched on the music and started dancing. As she finished her dance, she excitedly went to Mina, but when she grabbed the latter's arm and wanted to move, Mina did not even bulge.

"We're not going yet. Show me another dance."

"Are you playing with me, Mina?" Momo's anger was slightly triggered at the thought of Mina tricking her with jokbal.

"I'm not. I just want to see you dance. I want to see you dance confidently. I want to see a powerful dance from you, Hirai Momo."

It was then that Momo realised what Mina was doing. "You know I can't do that, Mina. You know why I'm like that."

"But I don't know why you keep being like that. Dance for me, Momo. Just once, and we'll go have jokbal."

Momo sighed, the things she would do for Mina and for jokbal. She the music once again.

Mina's smile when she finished dancing was a signal to Momo that she had did it. "That was perfect, Momo. I hope you'll dance like that more often in the future."

With quick movements, Mina hooked Momo's arm and switched off the lights. The two were now on the streets, arms hooked, heading to Momo's favourite jokbal stall. "I mean it, Momo. It'll be nice if you could become more sure of your abilities, just like you were in the past. I'll help you, we'll do it together slowly."

Momo smiled. Being eliminated really hit her hard and she was not sure when she would be as confident as she was before. But she was sure that with Mina and the other girls by her side, she will slowly get there. Maybe not now, perhaps not in the near future, but eventually.