Hello. I've finally returned. Please enjoy this chapter.

Trying to realign yourself when your world has been turned upside down is hard. It was harder than anything Jinyoung had ever done. Not even the past couple of months while balancing the tremendous amount of schoolwork and working a full-time job and a relationship were this hard. When your significant other is in the hospital it's hard, but when he is in a coma and it is unknown when he’ll wake up, the experience is a special form of agony. There are no good morning texts or phone calls. No tiny presents delivered randomly throughout the week. No surprise visits at the restaurant Jinyoung worked at to buy an expensive lunch and give a generous tip with a sweet note on the back of the receipt. Without the little things, life was harder and less enjoyable. Life without Jaebum was hard.

Trying to find a way to move in the right direction in an upside down world is just… It’s not easy. Jinyoung didn’t know what to do now that his time with Jaebum was limited. He was usually a rational person. He didn’t make decisions without thinking of the consequences. Well… that was before he met Jaebum. Jaebum who was so instrumental to the rotation of his world and the beginning and end of his day. With his everyday, previously, so well situated for spending time with his boyfriend, now he didn’t know how to spend his days now.

The first day went pretty ily. It was so ty Jinyoung couldn’t find a better word to describe it. He went to his job to talk to his boss about the past couple of weeks he’d missed. He explained what happened and what he was doing. Of course like any normal person, he expected his boss to be sympathetic. She wasn’t. She reacted in the worst way possible.

“So what?” She continued to type into the computer. Her long, red, chipped artificial nails clicked on the keyboard. The small office smelled like stale coffee breath and cheap perfume.  “You’re not in a coma so you should have been at work.”

“My boyfriend is in a coma. He was in a terrible accident.”

“Well as unfortunate as that is, he wouldn’t have noticed your absence.”

Jinyoung took in a breath sharply. This person was just so…indescribable.

“So why are you here?”

“I’m here to maybe rearrange my hours and try to makeup the work I missed.”

“Well you should have just called instead of coming here.”

“Why?”

“You don’t work here anymore. I’m not going to keep someone on the payroll if they don’t show up.”

Jinyoung was speechless. It wasn’t like he was particularly devoted to his job, but being fired while dealing with the wreckage in his life just made him want to pull his hair out. On the list of other things he was dealing with, now he needed a job.

“Fine then. When should I expect my last paycheck?”

“It’s been sent out.”

“Great. Have a pleasant day.” Jinyoung stood up and walked out while slamming the door behind him. He didn’t wait for whatever inconsiderate thing his former boss would say.

He walked to his apartment. Nora, thankfully, seemed to have missed him. She walked around his feet, but when he entered the kitchen, he realized she just wanted food. Greedy cat, he thought. He filled her bowl and added water to the other side. He ordered some food before taking a quick shower.

Nora decided to be nice and sit next to him while he ate dinner. This day had overall; the only good thing was that because he cried so much after leaving the hospital he had the best sleep he had gotten in awhile. He hadn’t seen Jaebum today, he lost his job, his last paycheck was measly but enough to pay his last month of rent. Luckily, he’d been able to negotiate staying another month before moving. Overall, it wasn’t exactly the best day of his life.

“Nora, what should I do?” He pushed his plate from in front of him and plopped the cat in his lap. “How can I make this time without him bearable?” He petted her gently. “I know I need to do something. What Grandma said was right, but it’s so hard to distance myself from this situation.” Jinyoung chuckled. “When did I become such an irrational person?”

Jinyoung did a decent amount of thinking while he cleaned his apartment for the first time in two weeks. It was kind of surprising and ridiculous how much cleaning he did. He washed all his clothes, bathed Nora (she scratched him for the first time), mopped the floors, dusted everything, cleaned the windows, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned all of his shoes, and cleaned the bathroom. Strangely, it was one of the best decisions he had made in a while. His head was clear, his apartment was pristine, Nora was hiding from him, and he was physically tired. The physical exhaustion he’s ignored over the past weeks had caught up with him. With this realization, he started making a list. As he started writing, it evolved into something more:  Rational Jinyoung talking to emotional Jinyoung.

1. Sleep properly. I need to rest. I should sleep at least eight hours a day (probably six or seven)

2. Eat healthy, regular meals. Don’t skip or eat something light to drive away the hunger

3. Go grocery shopping. Why? Because I need a new hobby and cooking sounds like a good one

4. Visit Jaebum

5. Get a new apartment for us

6. Make Nora love me a lot (easy)

7. Move stuff out of Jaebum’s apartment

8. Hang out with Mark and the others

9. Buy some clothes

10. Visit family

11. Read some books. Go to the bookstore. Make a list of what to read with Jaebum

12. Don’t let yourself be too sad. Jaebum is still alive. He’s breathing. He’ll wake up when it’s the right time

The list went from being a simple reminder to something encouraging. Jinyoung seemed to have lost his sense of self while dealing with Jaebum’s incident. Of course it was understandable, but it was time to make some changes. Even though two weeks didn’t seem like a long time, his life was at a standstill which wasn’t good. He needed to shift his energy into something else. He needed to reestablish his life. Unfortunately this required him to do something drastic. Jinyoung refused to see Jaebum for a whole week.

It was a hard decision, but as Jinyoung settled down, Nora cuddled with him, he realized it was the right one. He needed to get a job, visit his parents, hang out with Mark and Yugyeom, maybe go dancing, and read a book. He needed some separation which was hard to admit. Over the past couple of weeks he’d made his life about Jaebum which was never what he would have wanted. Jaebum wanted to fit around his life. That was what made their relationship so easy and great. Jinyoung needed to find himself again, and that meant spending a little time away from him.

Fortunately, saying that was only slightly easier than doing it. One of the first things he did was board a train to Busan. He needed to go home. He left Nora with Jaebum’s family. They’d been really supportive of his decisions and future plans. They were apologetic that they were using such drastic means even though they knew Jinyoung’s intentions. He was grateful for them. They were becoming like his own family. Jinyoung left with a slightly heavy heart, but he knew he was going back home.

The three days at home were pretty great. He finally told his family about Jaebum.

“Mom, Dad I'm dating someone.” Jinyoung said rushedly. This was the first relationship his family would know about.

“Who is it?”

“His name is Jaebum. He’s majoring in photography, and we’re in the same grade.”

Jinyoung’s parents looked at each other. They exchanged glances before exchanging small nods. “That’s all you have to say about him?”

“No. He’s really sweet, even though he looks tough. He’s also can be dumb when it comes to relating to people.” Jinyoung looked at his lap and twiddled his thumbs. “Jaebum is also a good dancer. He’s super smart too. We read similar books, We even have our own book club going on.”

“What do you like about him?”

“Everything. I like his roughness. I appreciate how much he comforts me and how supportive he is. He smells like cologne, soap, and something earthy.  He smiles really brightly, and I’m no longer sad when I see it. He’s really good at speaking. He gives in to me without too much fuss.”

“Do you have any other reasons?”

“No, he just feels right within my soul. It feels like the sun is shining on me.”

“We want to meet him. Where is he?”

“Well that’s part of the reason I’m here.”

“What do you mean?”

Distractedly Jinyoung looked through his phone. “Oh! He also has a really awesome cat that I’m taking care of now. Her name is Nora. She’s so pretty and warm and lovely.”

“Jinyoung... why are you taking care of his cat?”

“Umm…”

“Jinyoung…”

“He’s in the hospital, in a coma. The doctors say he’ll wake up, but when is the question.”

Jinyoung’s mom stood up and walked over to him. She wrapped him in her arms and his hair as he began to weep. “I believe he will wake up soon. Believe in him.”

“I do. It's just…”

“You have to have absolute faith.”

Jinyoung carried those words with him a he moved through the rest of his list. The visit had been good. Being with his parents and eating at home made him feel alive again. Once he returned, he decided to face the future optimistic and strong.

He got a job. It had taken a while, but he was lucky to find that the library on campus, which was also a public library, was hiring. It had taken two weeks and lots of roaming around the city to find suitable employment opportunities. He got a handful (literally only three) of offers, and the best one got was the library.

Once he started working, lots of things fell into place. He was able to afford food (Imagine that, he thought sarcastically to himself), his bills and was now able to send money back home. Jinyoung was also able to create a budget for his new apartment which he would eventually move into with Jaebum. He was really excited for the day that happened.

The cooking thing didn't happen. Jinyoung decided cooking would be too strenuous, so he ordered healthy food as often as he could. The one time he cooked was with Jaebum during their first sleepover. Ever since then it was Jaebum who did it. Now, the only time he went to grocery store was for snacks.

Somehow, he was able to become somewhat like himself again. He hung out with Mark, Jackson, Yugyeom, and Youngjae at least once every other week. He made sure to keep practicing dancing as well, he neglected to a little bit after the festival a couple of months ago. Even though there was a definite absence, Nora made sure to fill it a little more at night. Each day he was could cope a little better. He was sure he was moving in the right direction.

The best part of his days were visiting Jaebum. He made sure to keep his visits reasonable. Jinyoung only spent the night the nights before his off days. The other days, he'd spend a couple of hours in the hospital room reading, talking, listening to music, and watching Jaebum. The best part of his day was spending time with him.

It had been five weeks since he resumed seeing him. It'd been a total of nine weeks since the incident. Time seemed to pass slowly and quickly at the same time. Jaebum was losing muscle mass slowly; he'd be mad when he woke up. Jinyoung could imagine him getting up early in the morning to run then later that day go to the gym and then the dance studio. Jaebum always thought that Jinyoung found his muscles to be a main point in his attractiveness, which wasn't completely wrong, but Jinyoung would feel the same way no matter what.

As he did every Saturday afternoon, Jinyoung went straight home after work. He packed an overnight bag. The only other day he spent the night was on Tuesdays. He folded his clothes neatly as he swayed to the background music of one of Jaebum's playlists. This one was for car rides when they went to the beach; they’d only gone once. No matter what, any activity was nostalgically tinged with thoughts of Jaebum.

Jinyoung shook his head and brought himself back to reality. He threw toothpaste and a toothbrush in the bag before zipping it up. He got Nora's carrying bag and placed her inside. She was spending the night with Jaebum's parents, who adored her. He grabbed his other bag, with his wallet and the book of the week (two weeks to be exact). He slung one bag over his shoulder and gently placed Nora’s bag on the other before he shoved his keys and change in his pocket. He was meeting Jaebum's parents at a cafe for a snack and as a cat drop-off destination.

Jaebum's mom and dad were having a conversation when Jinyoung walked up. They both looked worn out. The whole ordeal had been pretty hard on them even though Jaebum had been in similar positions before. Although, it'd never been this long.

“Hello.”

They turned toward him as he placed his bags next to the empty seat he was about to occupy.

“Jinyoung! It's good to see you. What do you want? I bet work was really draining so you should get something yummy,” exclaimed Jaebum's mom.

“It has been draining, but I’m fine. I get to see Jaebum today so I’m really happy.” He turned to the menu and ordered something.

They made small talk until the food arrived. As Jinyoung cut into his food, the table got quiet. Not the type of quiet of people focused on eating. It was a silence laced with awkwardness and wrapped in some sort of weird covering that hid its true purpose.

“Jinyoung…” Jaebum’s dad started.

“Hmm?” Jinyoung looked up and finished chewing what was in his mouth.

“What’s your plan for the future?”

“I’ll probably be a teacher or a professor if I decide to continue my education. I could be a librarian. I could do something else. I won’t get any job offers until I start next semester.”

Jaebum’s parents nodded. “What will you do if Jaebum doesn’t wake up?”

He looked at them quizzically. “What do you mean?”

“What if Jaebum doesn’t wake up this year, next year, or even in the next five years? What will you do? Will you move on? Will you stay? You have to think about these things.”

Jinyoung couldn’t fathom Jaebum remaining in a coma for the next five or ten years. He couldn’t even imagine him being asleep for their first anniversary. It was a possibility, although highly unlikely. He had deep feelings for Jaebum. Would they wane over time? Would he focus on his career and forgo any sort of romantic relationship with someone else? Would he sleep around to aleve any frustration or needs? How could he lose his ity to a stranger? Did that mean he’d abandon Jaebum and move on to another person since he wanted to do it with someone he loved? Would he find someone that made him feel the way Jaebum made him feel?

. . . Jinyoung thought. There were too many questions without answers. “I can’t make any decisions right now. I wouldn’t be able to decide until I felt like I needed to make a choice. I know that I can remain by his side for the next year. I can see myself by his side for the next five years. After that, I don’t know. I might not be able to stay as his boyfriend. I might be something else. I don’t know. My heart isn’t prepared to make a decision like this.”

“We don’t want you to. We just want you to think about the possibilities,” Jaebum’s dad said.

“We’re thinking, once he’s done healing, if he’s not awake, we’ll bring him home or to his grandparents. It’ll be a lot more comfortable, and we’ll feel better if that’s our new reality.”

“That sounds okay. I agree it would be best.”

“You seem to have something on your mind,” Jaebum’s mom said.

“I really hope he wakes up soon because I’ll have to move again if he doesn’t.”

Jaebum’s parents laughed.

Jinyoung pulled a chair closer to the bed. As he sat, he placed his bag down. Every time he used it, he almost felt like he was going on a picnic with Jaebum. Knowing that wasn’t the case just made his heart ache more.

“I just had the thought that after you get out of the hospital and everything is settled, we should have a picnic.” Jinyoung leaned forward and brushed his hair off of his face. His face was smaller than before the incident; Jinyoung didn’t like it. “Would you like that? We could sit by a tree, write poems for each other like you've always wanted, eat food we made together, and talk... I miss talking to you.”

Jinyoung pushed back the emotions in his throat. The suffocating feeling of everything had been building over the recent weeks. Being away from Jaebum was both torture and peace. It distanced him away from the source of his suffering.

“I really fell for you just because of your voice and your words and how you strung them together. I think I wanted to date you because I thought if you could talk about me like you talked about photography or whatever you were doing, it’d be more than worth any of your crap. I wanted to make your eyes sparkle, make you smile, break that cold facade, and become something you cared dearly for.

That reminds me. You seemed so confused when we first met. Well technically the second meeting since we bumped into each other that morning. You looked all around like a puppy when I called your name. I thought it was kinda funny. When I saw you face to face, my heart skipped a beat. We were really awkward. In case you didn't think I noticed, I noticed. I was glad that you were because I would have only been more awkward if you’d been “chic and y” Jaebum, as Jackson calls you.

I bet you don't know how much I enjoyed our first date. I was really thankful to you for salvaging my week. Even though there some awkward moments, I didn't mind. Asking about my life wasn’t really a great first date conversation, but I realized you probably weren’t the most experienced dater so I let it slide. My heart skipped a couple of beats when you helped me fix my coat and scarf. You were so close, and I could see how handsome and caring you were. I definitely fell for you a little bit then.  Then you fell asleep on me in the cold. I thought you must have really been exhausted yet you pushed yourself for me. You also bought so many desserts at the cafe, I was shocked. I ended up eating them for breakfast the next day. Because of you, I started making a special trip every week to go get some desserts from there. I'm glad you didn't notice my small weight gain, but knowing you, you'd only tease me lovingly. After the park and your desserts you walked me home even though it was far away. I was really grateful for that. I got really nervous when you brought me to my apartment door. I didn’t want the date to end, and I didn’t know how to part. That kiss I gave you was one of the most impulsive thing I’ve ever done, but I didn’t regret it. I wanted more. ”

Jinyoung blushed at the confession. He cleared his throat and continued on.

“Even after you made an of yourself, I still liked you. You and your stupid, dumb, assholish actions made me want to fight you. I would’ve fought you if you weren’t stronger than me. The only good things that came from that experience was us getting together and meeting your friends and family. Around them, you don’t have that invincible, cool persona. That’s a version of you that I’m extremely fond of.”

Jinyoung reached out and Jaebum’s hair again. It was long and perfect to play with. When he woke up, Jinyoung would have to persuade him to either keep it long or grow it out sometime.

“Ever since we started dating, you’ve been there for me. You helped me out for the volunteer project I helped run, you helped me get over my ex, and you helped me when I had trouble with my parents. I don’t know how I will ever thank you for all you’ve done for me. You’ve just been so awesome, sweet, and perfect, I never know if I deserve it or not. You’re really so special to me. Our relationship is something I cherish deeply…”

Jinyoung hesitated before he spoke his next few sentences, “Our love is something I cherish deeply. Dammit Jaebum, I love you. I love you so much. I love your stupid face, your stupid voice, your photography skills, and your arms and legs and how they hold me. I love the way you love your family and friends. I love that you don’t share how you’re feeling easily. I love the way you dance. I love sleeping with you. I love your smile. I love the way you look at me. I love your jokes. I love your wit. I love your strength. I love you so much. Everything about you is something I love. I even love your grumpiness while working. You probably don’t know how spectacular I think you are, but I want you to know that I think and feel that you are everything I’ve ever needed and more.”

Jinyoung started to lightly cry. He pushed the tears away roughly with the back of his hand. He didn’t know what he was going to talk to Jaebum about would make him cry.

“Because I love you, I miss you too. The reasons I love you are the reasons that I miss you. I miss seeing your so face animated when talking about photography. I miss your hugs. I miss wrestling with you when I try to leave your apartment. I miss kissing you before and after class. I miss kissing you. I miss walking around the city with you while you take pictures.  I miss watching you dance. I miss you showing off your muscles when you cook dinner. I miss holding your hands when we watch movies. I miss you laying on my lap when we read together. I miss the way you look at me when I insist on a late night snack and I buy a lot, maybe too much. I miss twisting my ankles around yours in the library. I miss sitting with you in our corner of the library. I miss being with you so much.”

Jinyoung was bawling now. He was crying so hard with snot and tears streaming down his face, as he unsuccessfully wiped it with his sleeve (he knew it was gross and would have to wash it).

“Because I’m selfish, I want you to wake up now. I need you to wake up now. I’m so lonely without you. I miss your morning texts. I miss our late night video calls. I’m so done with you not being around. I can’t endure it anymore. Put me out of my misery and wake up. Stop taking your time you-”

“Now, now Jinyoungie, you shouldn’t blame the patient so much. Maybe if you confessed how you were feeling sooner, I would’ve woken up before now.” He pushed away the tears of his crying boyfriend with his thumb.

Jinyoung was stunned. Jaebum was blinking. Jaebum was talking. Jaebum was looking at him with a fond look. Jaebum was awake. Jaebum was awake. Jaebum was awake.

Jinyoung jumped on the bed on top of Jaebum. He wrapped his arms around him. His head was in the crook of his neck. Jaebum’s hand moved up to pet his boyfriend’s hair. He it slowly.

“I was listening to you talk for a while. I was going to pretend I lost my memory, but you were already crying, so I thought that wasn’t the best idea.”

“I would’ve killed you.”

“Many have tried. Both people, my own body, and outside things have tried. They have yet to succeed. I highly doubt you would. Especially because you love me so much.”

Jinyoung looked up suddenly. “Y-you heard that?”

“Of course.”

“How much did you hear?”

“I’ve been hearing for a while, but only recently have I understood what I was hearing. The words, when anyone talked, was mushed and indiscernible. I’m pretty sure I knew who was talking. I just didn’t know what they were saying. I truly started to wake when you came inside, but I didn’t understand until you called me ‘chic and y.’”

“Count on Jackson to rouse the living dead.”

Jaebum smiled. “How long was I asleep?”

“Nine weeks.”

“Nine weeks?”

“Nine weeks.”

“Damn.” Jaebum looked down at his boyfriend, pushing his chin so he’d face him. “Sorry I worried you.”

“I’m glad you’re back. I missed you a lot.”

Jaebum smiled once again. He pulled Jinyoung towards him, whispering, “I know.” Their lips pressed together passionately for the first time in nine weeks.

“Your breath is super gross,” Jinyoung commented when they parted, but he soon closed the gap once again.

A week later, Jinyoung and Jaebum were strolling through the hospital gardens. Jaebum had to use a walker to get around since he hadn’t used his legs in more than two months. They walked around everyday, even if they could only meet for a couple of hours. They walked around the hospital and in the gardens.

When they’d finished talking after Jaebum woke up, Jinyoung had alerted the nurses who had alerted his parents who alerted his friends. Jinyoung never left his side until his family burst through the door. He was glad to see them. None of them could stop crying. His mom brushed his tears away before he brushed hers away. Youngjae hung in the background until Jaebum beckoned him to the bedside. Jackson arrived a couple of hours later and almost crushed him in his hug when he appeared. He talked so fast and in too many languages for Jaebum to properly reciprocate the enthusiasm. Without too many alternatives, he just accepted the hug and patted his friend on the back. That day was so overwhelming for so many reasons. His parents had to remind him of he how he got to the hospital, which had been really hard to swallow. Being in a coma for nine weeks also contributed to being overwhelmed, but after spending the rest of the night processing everything, Jaebum accepted everything.

The days since he’d woken up were hectic. He’d met his doctors and nurses and the girl he saved that night. He constantly had tests, physical therapy appointments, and examinations to go to, along with visits from the people he loved. Not being able to walk normally was frustrating. Standing in the shower was hard. Looking in the mirror after showering and seeing someone you didn’t recognize as yourself was jarring. His muscles had diminished a little, not drastically but enough to notice. His hair was longer, but it wasn’t so bad. His face was more sunken in. He was also hungry pretty often. He ate the hospital meals and whatever visitors brought him that was edible and suited his tastes. Not all his visitors brought food; his classmates brought flowers, which were not to suited to his tastebuds. The flowers made him miss his camera more and more.

“When are they releasing you?”

“In three days.” He was so excited. He’d be able to go back and reestablish his routine. Hopefully it didn’t take to long since classes started in a week and a half, but he could always take an extra semester. He wouldn’t though. He wanted to graduate with Jinyoung.

“I’m glad.” Jinyoung said as he remained close to the stubbornly independent Jaebum.

They walked in silence until the made it to a bench that allowed them to look onto a patch of flowers. They sat and watched the birds, butterflies, and random other insects around the flowers. It was so peaceful.

“I’m sorry I missed our date. I shouldn’t-”

“Don’t apologize. Don’t regret saving that girl. She’ll be thankful forever. I’ll be proud of you forever. I’m not upset about what you did that night because it was the right thing to done, even if it was a hard choice.”

“...Okay.”

“Are you ready for our last year in college?”

“No. I have so many photography classes, I’ll probably in the developing and editing rooms more than my apartment.”

“Uh… well… um…”

“What?”

“So it turns out, that your family didn’t want you to live by yourself, especially the months after you woke up, so they told me to find an apartment to live with you in.”

“Why didn’t they suggest me moving back home?”

“Your family thought it’d be better to stay close to the university, and since you’ve been living independently, not with them.”

“So they want us to live together.”

“Yeah. I found us an apartment that’s really awesome. I live there now. I moved in about two weeks ago. There’s a private bedroom, a balcony, and a decent size kitchen. It’s open and has hardwood floors and a large window that has a great view of the city. The rent is a bit much but it won’t be too bad with two people paying. The deposit was outrageous though, but your family helped out with it. It’s a short walk to school, the train station, and the cafe. I think you’ll like it.”

“We have our own bedroom?”

“Yeah. Nora has a bed in the corner. She only sleeps there when the sun is out. Other than that she just wanders around. I did get her a cat gymnasium thing. She likes it. I find her there most of the time. She only greets me if she’s hungry.”

“I’m glad you’ve been taking care of her. She hasn’t been too bad right?”

“No. She doesn’t like me to give her baths so after that ordeal we don’t really go into each others spaces. She also doesn’t like when I leave so she rubs herself on my pants so I always have to lint roll them like two or three times.”

“She must really like you if she rubs herself against your pants. She did that to me too.”

“Well, hopefully she’ll rub herself on you and not me when you’re out.”

Jaebum laughed. It was the middle of summer so it was dreadfully hot and sunny. The sun shone on Jaebum’s face, illuminating him. Jinyoung’s stomach fluttered.

“Jinyoung…”

“Hmm?”

“I never answered your confession.”

“Oh… y-you don’t have to say anything. You’re recovering so focus on that.”

“No, I want to talk like you got to talk.”

“Fine, go ahead.”

“Don’t sound so reluctant.”

Jinyoung just pouted cutely. He’s so cute, Jaebum thought.

“The first time I saw you, my heart skipped a beat. I thought that you had impeccable style, attractive facial features, and a pretty laugh.  From then on, I wanted to get to know you better, and of course being me, a person who finds socializing difficult, made it more difficult than I should have. Somehow I mustered the courage to approach you at the library, and from there I was hooked on you. I’m sorry if I gave you mixed signals before then.

The more we hung out, the more I liked you. The more I wanted to see and hang out with you. That’s why I asked you on our first date. Of course I was super awkward, I bought too many desserts and discussed our lives (as informative as that was) which crossed the line. I also fell asleep on you, in public, in the cold. The whole time, I tried to be cool and not weird. After that date, after that kiss, I think my crush was solidified.

Then you know I had some insecurities, made some bad assumptions, made terrible decisions, and then paid for them. After we made our relationship official, I committed myself to be a boyfriend that deserved you. I was happy to hear my efforts worked.”

“This is a really weird speech. It feels forced.”

“Why are you like this?” Jaebum blushed. He didn’t want to be insulted by his inability to come up with a speech on the spot like a Literature major. “I’m trying to elegantly review our relationship in a way that is different from you, but you’re being difficult.”

“Just be honest. Whatever you’re going to say will have meaning, so don’t worry about following an example. Just be Jaebum.”

“How can you hurt me and then fix it right after?”

“Talent.”

“Whatever.” Jaebum leaned back and thought a little bit about what he was going to say. “I’ve never had much luck in life. I was sick so much. I didn’t really have friends because I couldn’t relate to them. Even the people I danced with didn’t become my friends. When I got to college, I thought those things would change. Instead, I ended up hooking up with people, and I could never establish a genuine relationship. Not even that girl I told you about evoked strong feelings in me.

Until I met you… until I met you, I thought there something wrong with me. I thought I had some disorder that prevented me from being a normal human being. I wanted to be normal. I wanted friends, a relationship, and normal experiences. I just wanted a normal, not ed up life. I wanted someone to not give me sympathy for my issues, for my illnesses. I didn’t get that until I met you.

When I’m with you, my heart constricts in a non life threatening way. You’ve never treated me like an invalid. The moment I saw you, I became obsessed with you. I wanted to know everything about you. Even though I was really awkward in the beginning, I was comfortable in your presence. The more I got to know you, the more amazing you were. I think you’re beautiful inside and out. I love you. I love the way you push your hair back. I love the way you pout. I love the way you smile. I love the way you take notes. They’re so detailed and pretty. I love the way you write quotes on your arm from whatever book you’re interested in. I love the way you dress when you’re sleepy. I love the way you dress. I love the way you talk to me. You use that sharp tongue against but you also use it to heal my wounds. I love kissing you. I love the way you wrap your leg around me when we kiss. I love how you get sleepy during video calls. I love how your selfies are attractive no matter what. I love you.

I felt like I was dying and and living at the same time. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before. I am obsessed with you. I’ve been obsessed with you since the day we met. I think I have a disease.”

“What disease?”

“Love sickness. I’m so in love I don’t know if I’ll be able to function like I used to.”

“Why would you have to? You’ve got me now. No more lonely Jaebum that doesn’t relate well to others. Be my Jaebum. Be the man that takes care of the people he loves, does all of his work with the most determination, and can get through anything. My Jaebum isn’t perfect, but he’s a person I love a lot.”

“When did you know you loved me?”

“I realized I loved you when you took care of me that day I ran away from home. You provided everything I needed, and I realized that being with you, sharing my heart with you, would be a great decision. I stopped resisting falling for you.”

“”I can’t believe it took you that long.” Jaebum smiled as Jinyoung. “I realized I loved you as I walked home from our first date. That cheek kiss kind of punched me. I saw your face and I died a little. You were so radiant. I just gave in.”

“You fell in love with me so fast.”

“Yeah.” It was true he fell in love quickly. That was his thing. No matter what the illness was, the effects hit him quickly. Love sickness wasn’t different. After all that was his thing. He was sick.