Key’s POV

                I gripped my mother’s hand tightly as the ambulance sped toward the hospital. The EMTs flitted around her like hummingbirds at a birdfeeder, hooking her up to an IV and desperately trying to stop the blood that coated their gloves like paint.

                I bit my lip as her breathing became increasingly shallow. “She’s going to be okay, right?” I asked softly.

                One of the EMTs glanced at me in surprise, as if he had forgotten that I was there. “Of course,” he said matter-of-factly. “The bullet is still lodged in her shoulder. It didn’t even make it near any of her vital organs.”

                “How much longer until we get to the hospital? She’s losing so much blood…”

                “Only another minute or two. Don’t worry; everything’s going to be just fine.”

                I nodded mutely and kept my gaze on my mother’s pale face. She had lost consciousness before the ambulance had even arrived, and I couldn’t help but think that she hadn’t looked so peaceful in years. For one brief, painful second, the notion that she might be better off dead flashed through my mind. What did she have to look forward to when she woke up? She was going to get hauled off to jail, just like my father.

                She deserves it. What has that done for you lately? I could imagine the small devil sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear with a mischievous smirk.

                In the same instant, the angel appeared opposite him. But she’s remorseful. She realizes what she did, and she feels terrible about it. Doesn’t that count for something? Deep down, she’s still your mother. She still loves you.

                “But that doesn’t change what she did…,” I whispered sadly. The EMTs glanced at me as the devil on my shoulder cheered victoriously.

                “What did you say?” The female EMT asked curiously.

                I looked up quickly and waved a hand. “Oh, um…nothing.”

                But the angel was persistent. She’s the person who made you special birthday cakes for years. She took care of you when you got sick; she hung your assignments on the refrigerator. She was always there for you, no matter what. Even before your father got fired, he never did those kinds of things for you.

                But it’s not like he did nothing, I retorted mentally, not stopping to think about how strange it was that I was having an argument with myself. He helped me with my homework and taught me how to tie my shoes. I remember, before I started school, he bought little posters and flashcards to teach me Hangeul because that’s what his father did for him. He loved me just as much as my mother did.

                I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears began to build. I hadn’t thought about those things for years. All the little things my parents had once done to show their affection. But I had different people to care about me now. I had Jonghyun’s mother to cook me breakfast and look after me. I had Jonghyun’s father to make sure my parents never hurt me again. And, most of all, I had Jonghyun to hold me tightly and never let go. To stay by my side forever and never stop loving me, no matter what I did. And that was all I really needed.

                The ambulance turned sharply, and I hastily grabbed the edge of a stainless steel shelf that was bolted to the wall to keep me upright. As the vehicle screeched to a halt, the EMTs flew into action once more, throwing open the back doors and rolling my mother’s stretcher onto the asphalt.

                I scrambled after them, flinching involuntarily as the doors to the ER slid open and an onslaught of noise crashed over me. White-robed doctors swarmed around my mother, flanked by dozens of nurses dressed in a lifeless shade of pale green.

                One of the nurses waved a dismissive hand at me, ordering me to stay in the waiting area.

                “But… She’s my mom!” I said indignantly, taking a hesitant step toward the quickly retreating mass of doctors. “I can’t just -”

                “I’m sorry, but you need to wait here,” the nurse said forcefully. “We’ll keep you updated on her condition.”

                I took a deep breath and nodded. The nurse glanced at me sorrowfully before running down the hallway to assist the other medical personnel.

                I sank into one of the waiting room chairs – an uncomfortable thing coated in cheap maroon vinyl – and rested my head in my hands. The past few days had been unbelievably chaotic, pulling my emotions back and forth until all I could manage to feel was a sort of emptiness. My eyes ached, but the tears refused to come. My head was pounding, but I couldn’t focus on the pain. A dull buzzing sound echoed throughout my skull as I twisted my hands into my hair.

                “Key!” An urgent, strained voice broke slowly through my emotionless haze, like the lazy tide of a lake carefully obliterating the edges of a sand castle. I glanced up through bleary eyes and saw Jonghyun running toward me, his face a mask of concern.

                He hastily sat down next to me and lifted up a hand, reaching forward slightly like he was considering touching me, but wasn’t sure if it was the best idea. After a few seconds, he dropped his hand into his lap.

                “Have you heard anything?” He whispered.

                I shook my head and untangled my fingers from my hair, clasping and unclasping my hands for lack of anything better to do. Jonghyun reached over and took one of my hands in his.

                “She’ll be okay, though. It was just her shoulder, wasn’t it?”

                I nodded. “They said it didn’t even come near any of her vital organs.” My voice was weak and quiet. I cleared my throat softly.

                Jonghyun nodded. “That’s good, then. There’s nothing to worry about.” He squeezed my hand reassuringly. “Everything’s going to be all right.”

                I drew in a shaky breath and shook my head. “I… I almost wish it had…”

                Jonghyun’s lips parted slightly as he stared at me with wide, worried eyes. “You almost wish what had what?”

                “I almost wish the bullet had gone through her vital organs,” I whispered, pulling my hand from his gently.

                His eyebrows lowered in confusion and shock. “W-what? Key…you can’t-”

                “It would have been easier for her,” I said forcefully. “What does she have to look forward to when she wakes up, Jonghyun? They’re just going to throw her in prison like they did with my father. And” – my breath caught in my throat as my supposedly dried-up tears decided to make another appearance – “she’ll have to live with that guilt… She feels so, so terrible about all of this. She wanted to make it better; she wanted to fix it. And now she’ll never get the chance… A-and… I-I guess it’s stupid of me to w-want her to have that chance after…everything…” My voice trailed off as sorrow stole my breath and my eyes clouded with tears.

                “Hey,” Jonghyun said softly, reaching over and brushing my tears away with the tips of his fingers. “It’s not stupid at all. She’s still your mother, and it makes sense for you to still care about her. But…Key… she understands what she did. She knows it was wrong, and she feels remorse. Being punished for it might actually make her feel a bit better. Did you ever think of it that way? I mean, if she just went back home with nothing but a slap on the hand, she’d probably feel horrible. How could you go through so much, while she doesn’t have to suffer through anything?”

                I sniffed and scrubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. The image of my mother being sent home with nothing but a warning flashed through my mind. She would be listless; sitting in the darkened house with nothing but a bottle of soju to distract her from the burning pain of overwhelming guilt. She would do absolutely everything she could to make it up to me, while continuously reminding herself that it would never be enough. The thought of her sobbing uncontrollably and apologizing to me every second of every day made me cringe. She would probably be better off in a prison cell, where she would be free to sort out her emotions without interference. She wouldn’t be able to apologize or try to fix what she’d done. She wouldn’t be able to see the sadness in my eyes.

                I swallowed and nodded. “Y-you’re right. She needs some time away from me. She needs to think about what she’s done and…and be punished for it.”

                “I think that’s what’s best for her,” Jonghyun said, his soft voice barely audible over the low sound of the waiting room television.

                After an excruciatingly long wait that felt like the better part of an average human life span, the nurse who had originally told me to stay strode down the hallway.

                Her lips turned up in a small, sorrowful smile when she saw me. “She’s awake now, if you’d like to come back.”

                I scrambled to my feet and followed the petite woman down the hallway, stopping suddenly when I realized that Jonghyun wasn’t behind me. I turned and glanced back to the waiting room. He was still perched on one of the uncomfortable maroon chairs, looking at me with a sad half smile playing across his lips.

                “I’ll be right here when you get back,” he said, gesturing for me to keep walking.

                I opened my mouth to protest, quickly shutting it again when I realized what he was doing. He didn’t want to intrude on my meeting with my mother, which was most likely going to be quite dramatic. He was giving us some time alone, and, though it hurt to walk away from him, I was grateful for his consideration.

                I followed the nurse down a long, blindingly white hallway lined with thick wooden doors. The light from the fluorescent bulbs reflected off the polished tile floor, making my head only hurt worse. I rubbed my eyes and desperately tried to stop the worry and anxiety coursing through my veins.

                I stepped through the door the nurse held open for me, inclining my head in thanks as she closed it softly behind me. I exhaled loudly and anxiously ran a hand through my hair. Turning to face the rest of the room, I saw my mother sitting in the inclined hospital bed. Her hands were clasped tightly in her lap, and she glanced up at me with watery eyes.

                I slowly walked to the chair by her bedside, hesitating for a moment before I sat down. The room was encased in silence for several minutes. The clock on the wall ticked softly as the seconds dragged by.

                “U-umma-” I began, twisting my fingers together in my lap.

                “Kibum,” she said, surprising me with the amount of force and conviction she managed to put into her voice. “I don’t want you to feel bad about any of this.”

                My eyes widened in surprise. “I… I don’t…” I lied, fixing my gaze on the sleek tile floor.

                “You’re worrying about me, though, aren’t you? About what’s going to happen to me after I get out of here?” My mother’s voice was strained as she struggled to keep her emotions in check.

                “Of course I am, umma.” I sighed in exasperation and tore my gaze from the floor. “I can’t just turn my worry on and off like a water faucet. You’re still my mother, and I still care about what happens to you.”

                “I understand that,” she said, her tone still forceful. “But I’m going to be okay.”

                “You don’t know that,” I whispered. “They’re going to take you…take you away to-”

                “Prison. I know. And, Kibum, isn’t that exactly where I deserve to be?”

                My head turned sharply toward her, my gaze locking with hers as my lips parted in surprise. “Umma…”

                My mother’s hands began to tremble as she pushed her hair back from her face. “After everything I’ve done to you” –her voice dropped to a whisper – “that’s exactly where I deserve to be.”

                I shook my head in an effort to clear it. The fact that she had already accepted her fate threw me off guard. I had expected her to sob and plead to go back home; to beg for a second chance. Yes, I understood that prison was indeed where she deserved to be, but her ultimate acceptance of the inevitable made me feel as if she had given up any and all hope.

                “But, umma,” I mumbled softly. “It’s not like you’re going to be there forever…you…you’ll still get a second chance…e-eventually…”

                She turned her head to look at me, and her eyes were filled with nothing but a deep, piercing sorrow. “I’ve already had a second chance, Kibum. And a third and a fourth and God knows how many others. Every single day gave me another chance. All I had to do was wake up and say, ‘Today’s the day. Today, I’ve finally had enough.’ But did I ever do that? Did I ever defend you or protect you like a mother is supposed to? No.” Her breath caught as tears began to build in her eyes. “I didn’t. I just went along with it, letting him manipulate me like a puppet. I had a chance every single second of every single day for five years, Kibum. If I never took the chance then, what makes you think I’d take it now? Opportunity is the last thing I deserve.”

                I blinked rapidly, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over. As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. She had had dozens of chances to fix the hell that my life had become. It was as easy as putting the cap back on a bottle of liquor and telling my father that he couldn’t control her anymore. It would have taken five minutes, and those five minutes could have prevented five years of pain. She had had her chance. And she had let it go.

                I flinched as my mother’s shaking hand wiped away the few tears that had managed to fall down my cheeks.

                “Don’t cry, Kibum. This is what I want. I want to be punished for never taking those chances. I want the opportunities to be taken away. Because letting all those chances slip away hurts more than you can imagine. And I don’t even want to think about how much it must have hurt you.” Her voice shook slightly as she pressed her hand gently against my cheek. “I won’t be able to hurt you anymore, Kibum. Your father and I both will never be able to hurt you again.”

                I bit my lip as the struggle to hold back the tears became too difficult. I placed my hand over my mother’s, sobbing quietly as true realization began to sink in.

                I was safe.

                For the first time in five years, I was completely, utterly safe.

                My parents would pay for what they had done to me. I wouldn’t give them any more chances that they didn’t deserve.

                I nodded. “Ne, umma. I know.”

                She smiled sadly, and a small sigh left her lips as she brushed away the last of my tears and returned her hand to her lap. “I just… I hope you have somewhere to go. Somewhere safe…”

                “I do, umma. I have someone who will take care of me and give everything he has to make sure I’m okay. He’d give up his life if it meant saving mine.”

                “It sounds like he already has saved your life,” my mother said softly.

                I smiled slightly, turning my gaze to the pristine floor. “Yeah, he definitely has.”

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                Jonghyun looked up as he heard my footsteps echo through the silent hallway. His hair was sticking up in random places, as if he had been running his hands through it anxiously. A small smile turned up one corner of his mouth.

                “You look happy,” he said softly.

                I strode over to him and gently took his hand in mine. He looked up at me curiously as I carefully smoothed down his hair with my other hand. “I am happy,” I stated simply.

                “How is she?” He tilted his head in the direction of my mother’s room.

                “Better than I’ve seen her in a long time,” I replied quietly.

                Jonghyun stood up slowly and turned his hand until our fingers were entwined. “That’s good.”

                I nodded mutely.

                Jonghyun looked at me quizzically before reaching up and gently brushing a stray lock of hair back from my face. “So are you ready to go?”

                I nodded again. “Yes. I’m ready to go.”

                The drive back to Jonghyun’s house was spent in comfortable silence. My heart still pounded every time he took my hand or looked at me with absolute adoration in his eyes, and I still found it a bit hard to believe that he could be in love with someone like me. The fact that he reciprocated my feelings made my head feel light, and the mere thought of spending my entire life with him made me smile like an idiot.

                We slowly pulled into the driveway, Jonghyun’s face unreadable as he turned the key in the ignition and glanced up at me. “So you’re okay?” He asked quietly.

                I raised an eyebrow. “Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”

                “You seem really quiet…” His voice trailed off as he looked down to his shoes.

                “I’m just…thinking.”

                “About?”

                “You,” I said with a small smile.

                He glanced up in surprise. “Me? What about me?”

                I shrugged. “I just find it kind of hard to believe that you could love me so much.”

                His eyebrows lowered. “Why?”

                “I’ve been nothing but a burden to you,” I said softly. “I’ve dragged you into my family’s problems, and I tried so hard not to… You’ve had to worry so much because of me.”

                He shook his head quickly and put a finger to my lips. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear it. If I had wanted to stay out of your problems, Key, I would have. You didn’t drag me into anything. I was head over heels in love with you before I knew about any of this. Sure, I was too stupid to realize that it was love, but seeing you in pain hurt me more than you can imagine. If anything, you shouldn’t love me because I’m selfish enough to do anything I can to take away my pain. It just so happens that your pain is my pain.”

                “But your pain is my pain, too,” I mumbled quietly. “So, really, we’re both selfish in that way. I tried to keep everything from you because I didn’t want you to be hurt. Because seeing you hurt is…” I sighed. “So painful.”

                “So, then,” Jonghyun said, glancing at me with eyebrows raised. “Doesn’t it stand to reason that, using your logic, you shouldn’t love me because I’ve been a burden to you? Because you’ve had to worry so much because of me?”

                I cringed as he turned my own words back on me. “It…it doesn’t work like that. I worry because I love you… I-it’s hard to explain…”

                Jonghyun chuckled softly. “Don’t be a hypocrite, Kibum. If I didn’t love you, why would I worry about you? Why would I care? I worry because I love you. Your pain is my pain because I love you and can’t stand to see you hurt. I’m sitting beside you right now because I love you. And I’m going to be by your side forever because I love you. Got it?”

                I laughed softly and shook my head. “Yeah, Jjong. I got it.”

                He opened the driver’s side door and stepped out onto the driveway. “Good. You better. Perhaps you’ve been too busy worrying about impossible things to notice, but we’re home now. So come on.”

                I started slightly at the word “home.” I opened my door and stepped outside, folding my arms tightly across my chest in an effort to block the chilly winter wind. The dull sunlight, obscured by thick, ominous snow clouds, shone on Jonghyun’s fairytale brick house. I thought of my home with my parents: small, cold, and coated with peeling gray paint that had never been enough to obscure the horrors it held. It was a place I dreaded returning to; a place that supported my greatest fears. For years, the word “home” had made my heart pound with anxiety.

                But Jonghyun’s use of the word only made my heart flutter with happiness. Could this place really be my home? Could I walk inside the door every day without having to anticipate attacks and insults? Could Jonghyun’s mother and father take care of me like the parents I hadn’t had in so long? I bit my lip as my hopes soared, every bit of my soul longing for it all to be true.

                I jumped as I felt warm fingers lace their way through mine. I looked over to see Jonghyun beside me, one eyebrow raised quizzically as he took in my ecstatic expression.

                “What is it?” He asked with a small laugh. “You look like a kid who just got a puppy for Christmas.”

                I stuck my tongue out at him. “I wouldn’t want a puppy for Christmas. A pair of designer jeans would make me happier.”

                He rolled his eyes. “I should have guessed. I’ll keep that in mind for next year. But seriously, come inside, it’s freezing out here.”

                I smiled slightly as he pulled me toward the front porch. “It’s just…you said ‘home.’ Like…like this is my home, too…”

                He stopped with one foot on the bottom step and turned back to look at me. “This is your home. Why do you sound so surprised?”

                I smiled again at his casual tone. He said it as if it were something completely obvious, like the sky being blue or snow being cold. “It just made me happy,” I replied softly. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had a home I want to be in as much as this one.”

                With those words, a slight sadness crept into Jonghyun’s eyes. He stepped down from the porch step and pulled me close, pressing his lips against the top of my head. “You don’t need to worry about that anymore,” he whispered, burying his face in my hair. “This is your home now, and everyone here will always love you no matter what happens.”

                I nodded and rested my cheek against his shoulder. “But I can have the guest bedroom, right? Because, quite frankly, the color schemes in your room are atrocious. I don’t think I could stay in there without making some major changes.”

                I felt his shoulders shake as he laughed. “Of course you can have the guest bedroom. I don’t think I’d be able to sleep surrounded by pink, bedazzled things.”

                “Yah.” I slapped his arm playfully. “None of my furniture is bedazzled, thank you very much. My GeMagic machine broke and I never got around to it.”

                “What a shame,” Jonghyun muttered under his breath.

                I grinned. “Don’t worry; Taemin already said he’d buy me a new one for my birthday.”

                “Oh God,” Jonghyun groaned.

                I laughed lightly and pulled away from him, heading up the porch steps. “Nothing in your house will be safe.”

                “I’m buying a lock for my bedroom door.”

                I smiled and shook my head as we crossed the threshold and gently shut the door behind us. “Yeah right, Jjong. I think you like sleeping next to me too much to do something like that. If you lock your door, how will I get in?” I raised my eyebrows.

                Jonghyun glanced down at the floor as his face flushed a bright shade of red. “Okay, okay,” he muttered. “I’ll just lock up the GeMagic machine.”

                I scowled. “You wouldn’t dare.”

                He stuck his tongue out at me. “Try to stop me, diva.”

                I rolled my eyes. “You’re lucky I love you.” With that, I pressed my lips lightly against his cheek, turned, and made my way up the stairs, laughing at the blush that still colored his cheeks as he followed close behind.

       Finally~~~ ^___^

Sorry for making you guys wait so long and worry about whether or not his mom would die >_<

I was originally going to make her die, but then I started writing the chapter and realized I couldn't do it. :/   Key's been through enough, I think.

But things are looking up ^_^

This story is almost over, and that makes me kind of sad  :/    I've been writing it for nearly a year, so I've grown a bit attached, haha XP

But the ending is all planned out in my head, and it has been for a while now. *nod*  

Not going to say whether it's good or bad. XP

And, by the way, I actually have one of those GeMagic machines. In my defense, it was a birthday gift. >_<

I'd like to be able to say that I've never used it... but... I have a weakness for gems and other sparkly things. But it's a pain in the to use; not simple at all. So I don't really use it that much. XP

Anyway~~~ I hope you liked this chapter ^___^

Comments are happiness and joy, as always <3  Subscriptions are also nice *hint*

You guys are the most amazing people ever~  <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3  ^____^  *gives a big hug to every reader*