Doubts, Darkness, and Realizations

A Personal Sunrise

Mi Sun’s POV

                I smiled sweetly and waved to Jonghyun as I shut the classroom door behind me. I leaned against the door and sighed, massaging my face with my fingertips. I wasn’t used to smiling so cutely. I was feeling confident, though. He would be proud that I had done so well.

                Phase One: Complete. A total success.

                I peered through the door’s small window until Jonghyun’s blonde head was entirely out of sight. The cold metal handle gave easily under my hand as I eased the door open and ran down the hallway. He had asked me to report as soon as possible.

                I pulled open the thick door at the end of the hallway and blinked rapidly as my eyes attempted to adjust to the pressing darkness.

                “Mi Sun? How did it go?” His voice filtered through the shadows and settled around me like a warm summer breeze. It always made me feel comfortable and fearless.

                I laughed lightly. “Perfect. Better than I expected, actually. My face hurts from smiling so much.”

                My eyes had adjusted, and my breath caught at the sight of his beautiful face. He never failed to take my breath away. His perfect lips tilted upward in a triumphant smile.

                “Ahh, I knew you could do it!” He exclaimed, wrapping his arms around me. My eyes slipped closed as I leaned into the embrace. He had no idea how much that small gesture really meant to me… No idea at all. The thought sent a spark of loneliness through my heart, and I sighed reflexively.

                He pulled back and stared intently into my eyes. I was instantly grateful for the darkness that hid my resulting blush.

                “Are you all right?” He asked, concern lacing his tone.

                I laughed again and waved my hand dismissively. “Ne, I’m fine. Just a bit worn out from acting so adorable.” I stuck my tongue out at him playfully. “I’m not used to being so cute.”

                He ruffled my hair. “Aniyo, you’re always cute!”

                I pouted and reached up to fix my hair. “Yah, hands off! I have a boyfriend now, remember?” I rolled my eyes.

                “That’s the mindset you should have!” He said, grinning. “It makes for a better performance. I picked you for a reason, you know. I know you can do it!”

                “You have too much faith in me, oppa. I don’t know how long I can keep it up. Acting so adorable might make me sick…”

                “I already told you, you’re naturally adorable! You’re perfect for this. And you must have done amazingly well because he accepted the chocolates… That was the first step.”

                I blushed at his praise. He really did overestimate me…

                “I’ll try my best to keep it up. I promise. But what if it doesn’t turn out how you want it to?”

                He shook his head and grinned at me. “It will, don’t worry.”

                I sighed and turned toward the door. “If you say so, oppa. I have to go to class now, but I’ll report back to you tomorrow. We’re moving on to Phase Two, right?”

                His eyes shone in the dim light. “Right. Thank you so much for doing this, Mi Sun. You’re the best!”

                “Yeah, yeah. Get too demanding and I’ll start charging you. 20,000 won for every time I have to say, ‘Jonghyun oppa, I like you so much~’.” I put on my sickly-sweet schoolgirl voice and batted my eyelashes for emphasis.

                He laughed. “That was pretty good! No wonder he fell for it.”

                “It’s disgusting. I feel like I’m stuck in some cheesy drama.”

                “Yah, I know it isn’t easy… But we’re friends, right? You already said you would do it for me… I’m holding you to that, you know. You promised.”

                My heart ached at the word “friends”. Couldn’t he tell by now that I thought of him as so much more than that?

                “I know, I know. I’ll do it for you. But I’ll have you know that I’m not enjoying it as much as I thought I would.” I pouted.

                He smiled. “It’ll get better. Just go with it.” He hugged me once more before turning and disappearing into the shadows.

                I ran my hand through my hair and pushed open the door. After school, I would go home and review Phase Two. I shook my head at what I had gotten myself into.

                Aish, Mi Sun. The things you do for love.

Key’s POV

                I kept my face neutral as Jonghyun came back to the table. Why did he even bother returning? Lunch was almost over. He sat down next to me and casually snatched my water bottle from its place. The simple action made me inexplicably angry, and I grabbed it roughly from his hand.

                “Yah, don’t touch things that don’t belong to you,” I muttered.

                His eyes widened and he glanced down at his empty hand. “Oh. S-sorry…”

                Taemin bit his lip and looked between the two of us anxiously. Minho whispered something in his ear and placed an arm around his shoulders. The two of them stood up, plates in hand, and left the cafeteria.

                I clenched my fist in annoyance. They were honestly leaving me alone with him? I scoffed and stood up, throwing my plate in the trash can with a flourish.

                “Yah, Key,” Jonghyun called as I began to leave the room. “Is something wrong…?”

                Is something wrong? Yes, you dense, clueless moron. Of course something is wrong.

                “Everything is fine,” I muttered without turning around. I headed down the hallway, focusing on the alternating pattern of the floor tiles.

                Jonghyun’s fingers wrapped around my wrist, slowing my progress and spinning me around. I jerked my arm roughly from his grasp.

                “What do you want, Jonghyun? Can’t you give me five minutes of peace?”

                He stumbled back a step at my vicious tone. “You...,” he began softly. He cleared his throat and spoke with more force. “You can at least tell me why you’re angry! What have I done to you to make you treat me like this?!”

                “Really, Jonghyun? What haven’t you done? If you can’t see it by now, you never will! I had no idea it was possible for someone to be so completely, utterly stupid!”

                He gaped at me as I turned and stormed down the hallway. Groups of students stared and whispered as I pushed past them, hastily wiping away the tears of frustration that ran down my face. I threw open the door to my classroom and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that every desk was empty. It was too early for other students to show up. I placed my bag on the ground, slid into my seat, and rested my head in my hands. I was angry at myself for being so emotional. I was stronger than this. Or at least… I thought I was.

                But everything I had previously thought seemed to be crashing down around me like a fragile house of cards. At this point, I didn’t know what to believe.

Taemin’s POV

                The carpet gave easily underneath my feet, retaining the shape of my footprints as I paced the same route again and again. The frustration was proving to be too much.

                “Taemin-ah,” Minho called softly from his place on the couch. “If you don’t stop, you’re going to wear a hole through my carpet. Come sit.”

                “But hyung! Jonghyun accepted her confession! He accepted it! He took her chocolates! Did you see Key’s face? Did you see it? I could almost see his heart breaking… Do you have any idea how hard that was for me?”

                My voice broke and I closed my eyes in annoyance. I froze as Minho’s arms wrapped around me and pulled me close.

                “I know, Taemin-ah,” he whispered. “It was hard for me, too. But I have to believe that something good will come out of this.”

                “I’m tired of thinking that,” I muttered. “That’s what I’ve been thinking ever since Key hyung moved here, and it never turns out the way it should. I’ve tried so hard… I’ve done everything I could think of to get Jonghyun to just see what’s going on…”

                Minho sighed and pressed his lips against the top of my head. “I know you have. I know. But we might just have to let it all run its course and wait for Jonghyun to see it for himself. He will eventually. I know he will.”

                I pulled away from his embrace and sat on the couch, resting my head in my hands. “Have you ever thought… That maybe Jonghyun isn’t in love with Key at all? And that we’re just looking too deeply into everything?”

                Minho laughed and put a finger underneath my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. “You worry too much, love. Don’t think like that. Saying Jonghyun doesn’t love Key is like saying the Earth doesn’t spin, or that the sun won’t rise tomorrow. It just isn’t true. I know that for a fact.”

                I felt my face begin to heat up. Did he really just call me “love”? That was unusual for him…

                “What we need to worry about now,” Minho said, sitting down next to me and lacing his fingers through mine, “Is how we’re going to tell everyone about… you know. Us. Everything is so awkward when we’re around them…”  

                “Aish~!” I moved away from him and rubbed my eyes in frustration. “Hyung, I don’t even want to think about all that right now.”

                He chuckled and lightly kissed my cheek. “Fine, fine. We don’t need to tell them right now. As long as we can be like this, I’m happy.”

                I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me once more. “It makes me happy, too, hyung…”

                I closed my eyes and tried my best to forget about the day’s events. Minho’s soft voice in my ear was an acceptable distraction, and I let his soothing words play across my senses, easing my stress and allowing me to fully relax. I brushed my lips lightly against his and smiled as he blushed.

                “Hyung, you always seem so embarrassed… Aren’t you ever going to get used to me kissing you?” I said quietly, absently playing with a strand of his hair.

                He smiled mischievously and pulled me closer. “Maybe if you do it more often, I will…”

                I stuck my tongue out at him and pulled away. “You wish, hyung.”

                He laughed and rested his head on my shoulder. “So what should we do about Key and Jonghyun?”

                “I don’t know. I really just don’t know anymore. Like you said, maybe we should just let it go… And hope they work it out for themselves…”

                “Ne, that might be what we end up doing,” he mused. “But for now, there’s nothing wrong with giving them a little…push in the right direction. Is there?”

                I glanced at him, instantly suspicious. “That depends on what you’re thinking, hyung…”

                He ran his fingers along the back of my hand. “I’m not quite sure yet. But we’ll think of something…”

                “Ne, hyung. Whatever you say…,” I replied, wary of his plans. We had already done so much to get those two together. What more could we possibly do?

Key’s POV

                I hesitated before opening the door, my hand hovering uncertainly over the doorknob. My parents were fighting; I could hear the insults flying back and forth like the ball in a tennis match. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. If I ran, I could make it to my room in less than thirty seconds. That wouldn’t be enough time for either of them to hit me. I slowly turned the handle.

                My father was wearing a disheveled suit that was at least two sizes too small for him. His tie was tilted at a haphazard angle, as if he had tried to rip it viciously from his neck. His hand was twisted in my mother’s hair, and her face was contorted into a mask of pain.

                “You worthless ,” he hissed in her ear. “Don’t you ever say that to me again. I’ve actually gone out and tried to make a living for you and that , and this is how you treat me?” He threw her roughly to the floor and dug the toe of his shoe into her ribcage.

                My fingers curled into a fist as hot tears of anger began to blur my vision. I ran over and seized the back of my father’s collar, hurling him to the ground and kneeling next to my mother. Her body shook with sobs, and a thin line of blood s down the side of her face.

                “Umma…,” I whispered, my voice breaking. I pushed her hair back from her face and tried to brush away the tears. For an instant, I forgot that she hated me. I forgot about all the times she had beaten me in a drunken rage, forgot about all the times she called me worthless or said she wished I was dead. In this instant, I saw how vulnerable she really was. She was my mother, my caring, loving mother who made me birthday cakes and fed me homemade soup when I was sick. The person who held me when I cried and told me everything would be okay.

                I had to remind myself that none of this was her fault. She was vulnerable and weak. She had been pulled into my father’s web of drunken hate and just hadn’t been able to find her way out. But I knew that underneath her hardened, alcohol-induced demeanor, my real mother was still there. I could see traces of her when she looked up at me with her wide, tear-filled eyes. She placed her hand gently over mine, and I was surprised at how sober she seemed. Her eyes were focused despite her pain, and her breath held only traces of the alcohol she had downed the night before.

                “Kibum…,” she whispered, tightening her fingers around mine. “Get out. Go anywhere you can. You can’t stay here, he’ll -”    

                “Umma. I can’t… I need to -” My sentence was cut short as my father came up behind me and wrapped his fingers around my neck. I gasped in pain as my air supply was slowly cut off. He picked me up until my feet were hanging nearly an inch above the carpet. I clawed at his hands in desperation, my lungs screaming for air.

                Pain seared down the back of my head and through my spinal cord as he slammed my body into the wall. Bright spots flitted across my vision, and my chest felt as if it were slowly caving in. I felt a line of warm blood make its way down the back of my neck, soaking my shirt collar.

                “I don’t need this,” my father hissed, his face mere inches from mine. “I go out and try to get a decent job for you and that , and you can’t even respect me for it.” I cried out in pain as he tightened his grip around my throat and shoved my head harder against the drywall. A soft blackness began to crawl in from the edges of my vision. “I’m too good to you. You could at least show a little appreciation.” He said this last word through gritted teeth as he flung me to the floor.

                I threw my hands out to break my fall and winced as a sharp pain flew through my arms. White points of light swam before my eyes once more as oxygen flooded back to my brain. I coughed painfully and did my best to ignore the drops of crimson pooling on the carpet underneath me.

                I froze as I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I brought one arm up, ready to fight back, when I heard my mother’s voice in my ear.

                “Kibum,” she whispered, her voice tight with worry and fear. “Are you okay?” She stiffened as a drop of blood spilled across her hand. “Oh my god…”

                “Go away, umma,” I gasped. My arms began to shake and I struggled into a sitting position. The warm trail of blood was beginning to make its way down my back. “You have to get out of here…”

                “I’m not leaving you here,” she said forcefully.

                I glanced up in surprise as the sound of sirens pierced the air. The chaotic cacophony grew until my head was swimming with the noise. All the commotion only made my headache worse.

                “What…?” I whispered.

                A sudden pounding on the door made me squeeze my eyes shut in pain. Didn’t they know how badly my head was hurting? Couldn’t they stop the noise?

                The pounding increased until the door was blown completely off its hinges. My mother screamed and tightened her arms around me as dust filled the air. Burly men in dark police uniforms stormed into the room with their guns drawn.

                My father’s eyes widened as the officers poured in. The lights from their police cars spilled across his face and gave the room an eerie, alternating glow. For a moment, both parties stood motionless. My father reached up and nervously adjusted his lopsided tie.

                “What’s going on here?” The officer in front demanded, jerking his gun toward me and my mother, who were both huddled in the corner.

                My father swallowed hard and glanced toward us. “Th-Thank you so much for coming!” He gushed, running toward the officer with his hands outstretched gratefully. “My son… he… He fell down the stairs and hit his head. And my wife, she’s ill. She has been for years, but she forgot to take her medication today. She’s gone crazy, she has no idea what’s happening! They both need to be taken to the hospital… I’ve been so worried…”

                The officer’s face softened as he looked at me and my mother. My mouth fell open in shock. Did he really believe all that crap my father just said? Was my father seriously playing the victim here? The concerned, worried appa who only wanted what was best for his wife and son? The injustice of the situation made my blood boil with white-hot anger.

                “Go to hell, you son of a -”

                “See what I mean?” My father interjected, cutting off the rest of my shout. “They’re both delirious, they need help!”

                The officers gently lifted me and my mother to our feet and led us toward the cars parked outside. I glanced back at my father. He smiled maliciously and waved as I made my way out of the house.

                My blood pounded in my ears and soaked the fabric of my jacket. The lights seemed to revolve increasingly slowly, and the sound of the sirens faded as I lost focus. My feet dragged across the grass, and my mother’s tears fell like blood from an open wound. The officers were speaking, but their words sounded like the static of a bad radio station. Bright spots swam in front of me like miniature suns, obliterating the scene and pushing me into a soft and quiet darkness.

Jonghyun’s POV

                I glanced up as my father shut the front door behind him. I could tell from the tired slump of his shoulders that it had been a long day.

                “Is there anything you need, appa?” I called from my place at the kitchen counter.

                “I’m all right, son. Thank you, though. We had the most…awful call today…” He sighed and pressed his fingers against his temples.

                “What happened…?” I followed him into the living room and sat next to him on the couch.

                “This woman called because she heard a lot of yelling coming from her neighbor’s house… She said it wasn’t the first time and that she was really worried for the boy inside… So we drove down and tried to get them to open the door, but they never would. We had to break it down, which I hate doing... And inside… The father was standing there in the middle of the room…” He shook his head. “And the boy and his mother were curled up together in the corner. The mother was black and blue from head to toe, and the boy’s head was covered in blood… It was running down his back and everything.”

                “Oh my god…,” I whispered. “What did the dad say?”

                “He said his son fell down the stairs and his wife had some disease that she needed constant medication for, but that she had forgotten to take her pills so she was completely delirious. She looked so terrified… And his son was screaming curse words at him…”

                “Poor guy,” I muttered. “It must be hard dealing with a family like that…”

                “It was a lie,” my father said forcefully. “I could see it in his eyes. And you should have seen him. Completely wasted in a suit two sizes too small. He’s an alcoholic, and a bad one from the looks of it. He beat his wife and son senseless, I’m sure of it. I’ve seen this kind of thing before.”

                I glanced down at my hands, my heart contracting with sorrow for the people I had never met.

                “But,” my father continued, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “The boy looked so familiar. I feel like I’ve seen him somewhere before… I just can’t place it…”

                “What did he look like?” I asked curiously. “Maybe you’ve dealt with his family in the past…”

                “Aniyo, I would remember it. He has such a weird sense of style. His hair has lots of different colors in it, like…rainbow highlights. He was wearing this really bright turquoise jacket…”

                I froze. The description sounded all too familiar. My blood turned to ice as my brain instinctively denied the thought.

                “Was he wearing turquoise boots…?” I whispered. I cleared my throat softly to make my voice stop shaking.

                My father looked at me curiously. “Ne, he was. He kept tripping over them before he passed out.”

                I shook my head violently as the tears began to build. It wasn’t true. I wasn’t going to believe it. “What’s the address of the house?”

                “Why do you want to know that?”

                “Just answer me!” My voice came out louder than I had intended, and my words shook with suppressed emotion.

                My father watched me carefully as he repeated the house’s address. I squeezed my eyes shut as my heart skipped a beat and my hands began to shake. No. No. Not him.

                “Key,” I gasped, my voice breaking.

                “What…?” My father asked. “Jonghyun, are you okay?”

                I stood and ran to the front door, slipping on my shoes and sprinting to the car. I ignored my father’s shouts and started the engine. My hands were shaking violently, and I clenched my fingers around the steering wheel. Tears blurred my vision as I sped down the road.

                Key. Not Key. It can’t be…

                Various scenes flashed through my mind. They all had a different meaning now: The blood soaking Key’s jacket at Taemin’s house; his hurried explanation: “Well… I was going down the stairs at home and… I tripped. And…um…there was a broken glass at the bottom of the staircase…”

                The way he was always put on edge whenever anyone mentioned his parents. He never let us meet them, never let us come over…

                My father’s words replayed in my head: “He beat his wife and son senseless…”

                All those times Key had been hurt and afraid… The times he had been on edge, the times he had burst into tears. The way he was touched by the simplest things, as if he had never seen them before, like Christmas presents and love…

                It was all because of… abuse.

                I angrily wiped away the tears that were spilling down my face. My blood boiled with a murderous rage. His father, the bastard. His father made him cry. His father hurt him. The heart-wrenching image of Key being beaten until he bled by a dark, imposing man flashed across my mind. I ground my teeth in fury. A deep, unbelievably painful sorrow stole into my heart, taking my breath away.

                Key… It can’t be true. Not Key…

                I turned into the hospital entrance and flew into the first parking spot I could find. I threw open the door without bothering to lock it behind me and ran through the glass double doors. I had to see him. I had to know he was okay. Every other need became insignificant as the image of his crumpled, broken form seared through my mind’s eye.

                Key, I’m coming. I’ll be there for you…

                Always.

 

 

        Well... Here you go... Haha >.<  I'm sorry it took me so long to update! School and work are killing me right now.  -_-   I'm working hard, though, really...  >.<   If you're confused about what's going on with Mi Sun... heh. You'll just have to wait and see~

ANNNDDD~ Happy late birthday to Yunho and Joon~~~~~~!!!!  ^;^  <3 <3 <3 <3  Cassie and A+ forever~  ^;^

I'm sorry about all the sadness in this chapter... As always, I wasn't planning for it to turn out this way. I wasn't really planning for about 95% of this fic to turn out this way...  -_-  But anyway. I'll just go with it...

Ahh~ my umma bought me this huge cookie... it's like as big as my whole face. Is it bad if I eat the whole thing before I go to sleep? The sugar might give me nightmares or something... O.O  hmmm. It's so good, though... >.<

Oh! One more thing. My brain is overflowing with ideas for an ElVin fanfic. Yea or nay? Actually, if you all say "nay", I'll still write it. So I guess it doesn't really matter. -_-   If you don't know what ElVin is, look it up. Along with the rest of U-KISS... they're kind of fantastic. Okay, really fantastic. I love them. <3 <3

Okay, my rant is really done now. Sorry. >.<  Actually, I bet most of you don't even really read these...  -_- 

I love you all~~ ^;^   <3 <3

Have a wonderful day... or night. It's night here... Anyways~~  ^;^  <3  (the sugar from the cookie is getting to me... can you tell? >.< )

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TheAlmightyStarlight
I can't believe it's been 2 years since I finished this! Time sure does fly. Thanks for still reading and subscribing!

Comments

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Sierra84
#1
Chapter 26: Well, I'm crying. This fic was honestly so good I was thrown off at how long it was. I honestly couldnt have guessed.
SteampunkInformants #2
Chapter 26: I always come back to this story because it's so brilliant.
DingKey
#3
Chapter 26: This is the second time I'm reading this. I read this few months back and wanted to read again,but couldn't find it coz I forgot the name. Then after digging and digging Fics,I finally found it! Yayyyyu!!!!!
This is so very sweet....cute...adorable! Ah.... totally loving. I love the ending very much. Nice
rorosh #4
Chapter 26: I re-read it again from the beginning and I'm emotional as the first time, you're talented author nim<3
good job
jongdae-licious
#5
Sounds really good :) but Key's story is sad... Hope things will get better for him when he meet jong
KayJay24816 #6
Chapter 26: I loved every part of this story T.T thank you <3
iamceciqueen #7
Chapter 9: This is so sweet...I just feel for key
yinyin_shawol
#8
Chapter 26: its so amazing omg
Aquaflare123 #9
Chapter 26: Could you make this into a pdf format please? U・x・U
FictionLoverA #10
this is an amazing story.......i really admire key for the way he acts even though such things happen to him at home.........