Jonghyun’s POV

                “Oppa… I can see what you’re going through…and… I think it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore.”

                My head hurt. Images of Key’s arm, spotted with bruises like teardrops on a sheet of paper, swam before my eyes. His face: surprised, then anxious and reserved. His eyes: dark with sorrow and a steadfast determination to hide everything from me.

                He doesn’t trust me…

                Mi Sun’s words slowly passed through the haze of tears and confusion, but they failed to register in any logical portion of my mind.

                “I can see what you’re going through…”

                What was I going through?

                Her eyes were wide with concern, and her warm fingers laced through mine didn’t bring the comfort I would have expected. I suddenly remembered what it felt like when Key wrapped his arms around me; when his lips met mine… That was more comforting than this.

                “Wh…What?” My voice was soft with the weight of my emotional onslaught.

                “We shouldn’t see each other anymore,” Mi Sun repeated quietly. “I think it’s best for both of us.”

                I shook my head in an effort to clear it. We hadn’t even been dating for an entire week…

                Key just walked away… He took Taemin and walked away from me…

                Where did he go?

                And why did I care so much?

                “Oppa… Did you hear me?”

                I shook my head again. It was so difficult to focus… So difficult…

                “Ne, Mi Sun… I heard.”

                “Do you understand why, Jonghyun? I need you to listen to me.” She reached up and placed her hand under my chin, forcing me to stare into her eyes.

                I expected myself to blush at her touch, like I did every time Key came too close, but I didn’t. The proximity had no effect on me at all.

                “Jonghyun,” she began, her voice clear and forceful. “Look at me. Just look at me, all right?”

                I hastily brushed the tears from my eyes and turned my gaze toward her. Her eyes glistened with sorrow, and her long lashes darkened their perimeter, creating unreadable shadows that put me on edge. Key’s eyes were clear and bright…his lashes framed them perfectly and, although I sometimes had to guess at the secrets they held, there was something about his eyes…

                “Oppa.”

                Mi Sun’s voice shattered the illusion my mind had carefully constructed, slamming reality back into my conscious and bringing her face before my eyes once more, even though I found myself desperately wishing for a different face…

                “Oppa, you aren’t really seeing me, are you?” Her voice grew soft as she reached up and slowly waved her hand in front of my face. “I know there’s someone else that you’re wishing for.”

                How did she know that? Was it really that obvious? I had tried to focus. I had tried to tone down my mixed signals and sort through my complicated feelings, but my mind didn’t want to comply… It always conjured up images of his face, no matter what I did.

                “No,” I said slowly, forcing my brain to process the situation at hand. “I… I see you. There isn’t…anyone else…”

                “Stop it, Jonghyun.” She shook her head, causing her choppy hair to brush across her face. “Consider me your lifeguard, okay?”

                I rubbed my eyes in frustration. My head was beginning to feel fuzzy. “My what?”

                “Your lifeguard. To save you from the sea of denial you’re drowning in.”

                Denial? What denial?

                “Let me guess,” Mi Sun said, shaking her head incredulously. “You’re in denial about being in denial. That’s so like you.”

                I let out an exasperated sigh. It seemed like all of my friends had a knack for never getting to the point. “Mi Sun, please don’t beat around the bush. Just tell me what you mean.”

                The corner of tilted up in a small smile. “Pabo,” she said softly. “Think about it. Who’s the one person you think about more than any other? I may be your girlfriend, but I know it isn’t me. Who’s the one person who brings tears to your eyes and makes you stutter like a fool? The person you couldn’t live without; the person you’d willingly die for?”

                I glanced at her, hoping that my confusion was evident in my eyes. “Mi Sun…”

                “Just think about it. Really, really think about it. It shouldn’t be that hard. There’s someone like that in your life, isn’t there?”

                Of course. I was surprised at how quickly Key’s face appeared in my mind’s eye. I didn’t even have to think about it; it was automatic. But I had never thought about it in that context before. He was my best friend; of course I thought about him… Of course I would die for him. I had accepted those thoughts long before. So why was she listing those reasons as if they meant something…special?

                “Ne.” My voice was soft and weak. I cleared my throat and ran a hand through my hair. “Ne, there is someone like that, but I don’t see how this pertains to-”

                “Us?” Mi Sun scoffed. “Jonghyun, this has everything to do with us. You think that kind of behavior is normal?”

                “I…” The pain in my head increased. That behavior seemed perfectly normal…

                “Jonghyun.” Mi Sun reached up and gently brushed my hair to the side. “How would you know if you were in love with someone? What signs would you look for?”     

                Why did that matter? Wasn’t she breaking up with me? My views on love had nothing to do with this, and if she was trying to get me to admit my love for her, she was bound to be disappointed. I had only known her for a week… That wasn’t long enough to fall in love with someone…

                She was staring at me intently, and I knew that she wouldn’t let me go without an answer. “Um…,” I began hesitantly. Love wasn’t something I thought about much. What signs would I look for…? “If I was in love with someone, I would…always want to be by their side. I would cry when they cried, hurt when they hurt, laugh when they laughed. I would do anything to make them happy, even if I had to risk my life. To see them suffer would be…the most painful thing…” My voice trailed off as the signs I was listing became more and more familiar.

                Mi Sun smirked as my eyes began to widen in astonishment. “Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?”

                “But… I… No, it’s not…”

                “Someone call for help,” she muttered sarcastically. “He’s drowning in the sea of denial again.”

                I quickly closed my mouth and stared at my shoes. Okay, so those were the things I looked for to see if I was in love with someone, but that didn’t mean…

                Mi Sun laughed and lightly tapped my nose. “It’s love, oppa. Those signs are the key.” She giggled. “Get it? Key? Ahh, I’m clever. Anyway, oppa. You think about all that, okay?” She stood on her tiptoes and lightly kissed my cheek. “Don’t make him wait anymore. He loves you, too.” With that, she turned and began to walk away. “Oh,” she called over her shoulder. “My umma is coming to get me, so don’t worry. Just go home and sort through your emotions, okay?” She gave a quick thumbs-up sign before she turned away once more.

                I watched her retreating figure, desperately trying to sort through the dozens of emotions that pounded through my brain. I squeezed my eyes shut.

                To see them suffer would be…the most painful thing…

                I would do anything to make them happy…

                There was only one person who fit the criteria, and, as much as I didn’t want to believe it, I knew I couldn’t deny it anymore. Just the thought of being by his side forever set my heart pounding. I had never thought of it before…

                To see his face every day… To hold him in my arms without distress and confusion… The thoughts made me happier than I would have expected, and I felt my lips turn up in a small smile.

                “It’s love, oppa.”

                Love…

                I looked up to see Minho and Onew standing a few feet behind me. Onew had a small smirk on his face, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he had overheard the conversation. Minho was speaking into his cell-phone urgently, and I could tell from the worried look on his face that it was Taemin on the other end.

                My heart felt light, and it was as if the combined weight of the solar system had suddenly lifted from my shoulders. Was love supposed to make you feel this way?

                “Guys!” I called. “I’m going home, okay? I… There’s…someone I need to talk to.”

                Minho ignored me, all of his attention solely devoted to Taemin. Onew’s grin broadened as he nodded and waved.

                I ran to the parking lot and hastily started the car. There was one person who would truly understand; someone I could always turn to for advice.

                My head spun as I maneuvered through the sparse traffic. The light, carefree feeling from before was beginning to be replaced with a cold, lurking worry. Sure, I had admitted it to myself, but how would I admit it to him? I knew he didn’t feel the same way, although Mi Sun had assured me otherwise. There was just no way… He didn’t trust me. He hid things from me and only gave harsh retorts when I tried to help. He was too stubborn to let anyone in…

                It was then that the full complexity of my situation truly hit me. I was in love with my best friend; a person who was too stubborn and afraid to truly accept feelings from anyone. The person with whom I had been relentlessly arguing for the past week. Were we even friends anymore? All we did was fight and disagree…

                I laughed bitterly as tears began to build in my eyes. He had made me cry more in just a few months than I had ever cried in my entire life. How had I not noticed my feelings before? How could I have been so incredibly stupid? All of my friends’ previous comments played over and over again in my head, like a scratched CD that wouldn’t stop skipping:

                 “Have you seen yourself lately, Jonghyun? ...  Don’t you know how frustrating that is? And how do you think Key feels? We don’t like having to sit back and watch you two, either!”

                “Don’t talk about any of my feelings when you’re too much of a coward to admit your own!”

                 “I know there’s someone else that you’re wishing for.”

                And even my umma… She had realized it before I had:

                 “Jonghyun, I’ve never seen you act this way about anyone before… I understand he’s your best friend, but…have you ever thought that maybe…he means a bit more to you than that…?”

                He did mean more. So much more. How the hell had I not seen it before? How was it possible for someone to be so deep in denial? Everyone else had seen it… It must have upset them so much…

                I froze as a paralyzing thought slithered through my mind. If everyone else had noticed it so quickly… Had Key noticed it as well? All this time, I had been hopelessly in love with him, but my denial and stupidity had blinded me to the fact. So I had treated him harshly, giving curt remarks to hide my embarrassment and, at times, simply walking away without even telling him goodbye. Even if he didn’t care for me in the slightest, that must have hurt.

                I sighed and could only desperately hope that he hadn’t noticed. The brief scene with Mi Sun had hopefully wiped any ideas from his mind. I couldn’t love him if I had a girlfriend. He surely didn’t suspect anything…

                And he could never love me back. A piercing sorrow shot through my heart as I thought of it. It would be painful to keep my feelings inside, but I would do it. I wouldn’t risk ruining the last shreds of our strange relationship. My previous ideas of holding him close without worry shattered into a thousand heartbreaking pieces.

                I shook my head violently. Bottling up my feelings would be ten times less painful than ruining our relationship and never seeing him again. As long as I could be by his side…

                That would have to be enough.

                I turned into the driveway and hastily ran up the porch steps. My headache had only intensified, and I was in desperate need of advice. All I wanted was to sit down and tell everything; to vent and confess and have someone else tell me what to do.

                My mother glanced up from her seat at the kitchen table. Her laptop was open in front of her, and her hands were securely wrapped around a large mug of tea.

                “Jonghyun.” Surprise laced her tone. “You’re home early, aren’t you?”

                “Umma,” I said hastily, running up and pulling out the chair next to her. I sat down heavily and rested my head in my hands. “Umma… I… I don’t know what to do… I’m so confused…”

                “What’s wrong?” Her words were stilted with anxiety as she pulled her chair close and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.

                I took a shaky breath and looked up at her. “I’m… I’m in love with Key.”

      Ke ke ke ke ^;^  That's all I can say, really. I've been waiting for this moment! Haha >.<  <3 <3 <3

Oh! And I promised you picture/gif spam since you guys are pretty much the greatest people ever. ^;^  So here you go~~  <3 <3 <3

And~ let me know what you thought of this chapter! Comments make my day all bright and happy~~  ^;^  <3

Heh. Jjong's dino hair... ^;^  <3

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Geh... Minho... >.< 

<3 <3  I hope you all have a fantastic elastic day~~  ^;^

I love you all~~