" Hey it’s ok
  You can rest your tired body
  In my arms
  You can leave all your heavy baggage  
  Hey it’s ok
  You can lean your tired body on me
  On my pillow
  You can leave all your tears behind

  Til sunrise, don’t leave
  Because the world is here in this place
  Til sunrise, don’t sleep
  Don’t go

  And I’ll kiss you "

"Till Sunrise" from Kim Sunggyu's True Love.

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It was the departure day, everyone gathered at Woollim building since early morning. The members needed their make up and hairdo while other staffs had their final checking on all equipments and packages. When everything was readied, we departed to the airport. Only Lovelyz members, the boy trainees, their managers, their coordinators and a few clerks in the office stayed for their own schedules and practices. 

The members went in 2 vans, they needed to show up for the 'airport photo shoot' by fans and fansites, and Jung Yeop joined them too. A few staffs of the costume team went with my car. Since we didn't have to show up for fans, I straight away parked my car at the airport parking lot then waited for the rest to join us at the sitting area after checking in. When the members joined us, they kept some distance from us to avoid us being captured by the fansites' photo shooting. Only Jung Yeop and the other staffs sat together with us and waited for boarding. 

The flight came on time and we departed as planned. The staffs and members sat at the assigned seats while Jung Yeop, me and Sunggyu were sitting on the same row. Jung Yeop asked to change seat with me since he didn't like the window seat. I should thank him for the seat changed because I really prefer the window seat, and that also avoided me from sitting next to Sunggyu. We haven't spoken to each other for about a week since that evening. I wasn't sure if he was angry at me but he didn't seem awkward when he saw me. He didn't come over to check if I've taken my lunch or dinner, he also didn't show up at my place like how he usually did. We just stopped talking. I couldn't deny that I thought of him sometimes, I missed his small eyes and his big smile, I missed his caring nagging too. The only thing I felt glad was the gaze party didn't bug me as much as before, which left me in peace for daily routines and I was able to sleep at night. So, I had nothing to complain.

"Lily, when we reach Taiwan later, a friend of mine will be there waiting for us at the airport." Jung Yeop suddenly spoke. I looked at him and waited for him to continue. "He's one of my good friends since long time ago. He's about my age, and... he's single." I nearly choked to what I just heard and I looked straight to his eyes. "He's a nice guy." He replied and looked straight to my eyes too. "You can't be serious." I looked away and sighed. He continued, "I know you won't like this and you know I never did this to you." I turned to looked at him again, "Then why this time?" "He's really a nice guy, and he's a Taiwanese, you both can communicate well since you speak mandarin." He explained sincerely, and I saw Sunggyu's hand twitched on his armrest. He must have heard our conversation. "No pressure, just to know a new friend, that's it." Jung Yeop added on, then a voice rang in my mind...

'...noona, don’t you think you should go out more often and know new friends? And... get a boyfriend... maybe?'

Why everyone wanted me to know more friends and get a boyfriend? Did anyone really care of how I feel or what I think of? Why couldn't they just leave me in peace? I was really annoyed by what Jung Yeop had suggested, I decided to ignore whatever he was going to say and turned to look at the window, hoping that the blue sky would lighten my mood. 

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Yes, Sunggyu heard what they had just said. He didn't like Jung Yeop's suggestion at all, what if Lily turned out to like that guy? Was she going to leave Woollim, leave Seoul and move to Taiwan? Was Jung Yeop really approved that? What was his hyung thinking? He sighed quietly and looked at Lily, she looked out of the window and ignore Jung Yeop since their conversation ended, which he felt glad. She obviously didn't like the idea and probably unhappy with Jung Yeop too. 

Sunggyu didn't speak to Lily for about a week and he really didn't like it. Now that he have heard their conversation, he wanted to talk to her desperately. He wanted to know what she thought about Jung Yeop's suggestion because he remembered that he said the same thing to her and caused her so much pain in remembering all her bad memories. He still kept the Mickey Mouse T shirt inside his wardrobe. But then, he also remembered what Lily said that he was only her dongsaeng. Right, a dongsaeng shouldn't be too bossy to the Noona. Sunggyu clenched his jaw and looked at Lily again, she was still looking at the window but he knew that her thought must have flew to somewhere else rather than looking to the blue sky. She didn't look happy if compared with her before boarding, but at least she looked calm. Well, there shouldn't be anything to worried, after all, he was just her dongsaeng. He kept reminding himself about that and tried not to look at Lily's direction again. 

When they arrived at Taiwan airport, Sunggyu tried to walk slowly so that Jung Yeop and Lily could walk past him. He wanted to walk behind them because he wanted to see that guy whom Jung Yeop wanted to introduce to Lily. When they reached the 'Arrival Gate', many fans were there waiting for them, some were shouting their names and of course many were taking photos and video recording them. Sunggyu smiled politely to fans, waved to them, hands carried as many gifts from fans as he could and also tried to look around and search for Jung Yeop's friend. 

There he was, a man in dark blue shirt was hugging Jung Yeop and then smiled and nodded to Lily. Lily was always friendly and polite, even though she wasn't happy to Jung Yeop's arrangement but she didn't show through her face. She smiled in return and shook his hand as if to say hello. Then, Sunggyu was pushed by the security and he was forced to walk faster to go through the big crowd. When he reached the van, he quickly turned around to see where was Lily, but there were too many fans, he had no choice but to get inside the van. When the van was full, the driver started the van and moved. Jung Yeop and Lily didn't join his van, he quickly called Jung Yeop and asked where were they and where was the van going to. Apparently, all of them were going to a Chinese restaurant to have late lunch.

When they reached the restaurant, they were brought to a room which contained 10 tables and each table fitted for 10 persons. Lily, Jung Yeop and his friend were already there sitting at a table, Sunggyu joined them and he sat beside Lily. He couldn't help to looked at Lily and waited until she noticed his gaze and looked back at him, he wanted to know if she was alright. Lily got what he meant, she dropped her gaze together with a nod and smiled weakly, as if to say she was alright and not to worry. She stood up and took a jar from the table and poured some Chinese tea into Sunggyu's glass, then returned to sit quietly. Jung Yeop was talking with his friend the whole time, and from their conversation, Sunggyu get to know that man was named Kenny. He looked decent, seemed friendly and polite, but he looked like 40's and he was definitely too old for Lily. He looked at Lily again, she just sat quietly and sometimes smiled in responded to Jung Yeop's conversation. That Kenny man asked Lily if there was any food she wanted to eat, she answered "Dou fu hua." She said she had been craving for it but didn't see anyone sold it in Seoul. Sunggyu was curious, a food that couldn't be found in Seoul? That Kenny man promised to bring her and Jung Yeop to a nice 'dou fu hua' shop afterwards, Sunggyu felt glad that at least it helped to ease Lily's craving. 

The waiters started to serve them food and everyone started to eat. That Kenny man took some meat to Jung Yeop's and to Lily's plates, Jung Yeop ate all the portion but Lily only ate some of it. She wasn't the heavy meat taker, so Sunggyu got her some vegetables and put them on her plate. She said 'thanks' softly and started to eat the vegetables he gave her. It has been a while since their last conversation, Sunggyu felt really good when he heard Lily spoke to him even though it was just a word. He smiled quietly and finished his bowl of rice. After they finished the meal, the members and the sound and lighting team had to go to the venue for the set up and rehearsal, while the others would be checking in at the hotel. That Kenny man wanted to bring Jung Yeop and Lily to visit some places. Before they left their seats, Lily turned to look at Sunggyu, "Stay focus..." She knew that he would be worrying for her, but as she said so, he looked to her eyes and said, "I will." 

The rehearsal went smoothly. He did what he promised, he didn't forget any steps or mess up anything. However, they didn't want to stress out their bodies, so they just went through everything once and decided to end it before 9:30pm, because they needed enough rest for tomorrow's show. The van sent them to the hotel and everyone went to their own room to rest. Yes, the company had earned enough to provide each member a spacious room with a king size bed. 

When Sunggyu got to his room, his luggages were already there. He went for a warm shower then put on something comfortable. After he dried his hair, he went to the bed and checked his handphone. No calls or messages from Jung Yeop or Lily, he wondered if they already came back from the visiting. He asked the staffs for Lily's room number and that he found out she shared the room with Chae Yoon. He couldn't get it why she had to share a room with that trainee, she could get herself a room and Jung Yeop would not object to that. He put on a hoodie and walked out from his room. He was heading to Lily's room and to his surprise, there was only Chae Yoon inside the room, Lily wasn't back yet. He said goodnight to Chae Yoon and retrieved to the walkway. It was already 10:50pm, where did that Kenny man brought Jung Yeop and Lily to? 

Sunggyu hesitated if he should text Lily, he didn't want to end up receiving a reply of 'you're not my boyfriend.' Still, it was almost 11pm and they were still outside, he typed a few letters and hit sent: 'Noona, where r u?' The message was sent, but not yet been seen. He waited impatiently and started to walk back to his room. After 10 minutes, Lily's reply finally reached him: 'Coming back now. Have a good rest, I'll see u tmrw.' Sunggyu felt very annoyed that the Kenny man had kept Lily outside until this late. He lied on the bed and reread her message, his lips curled up without himself realised it. He switched off the lights and went to sleep, he needed to get some good rest as Lily told him to.

The next morning when he woke up, the handphone was still in his gripping. He left his handphone on the bed then went to brush his teeth followed with a warm shower. He changed to some clean and stylish clothes because they would be heading to the venue after breakfast. He didn't see Lily or Jung Yeop at the cafeteria, so he ate his breakfast with the members. When they reached the venue, it was almost 11am. They did the final sound check, solo stage rehearsals and even took lunch at the waiting room since fans prepared lots of food and drinks for them. They stayed and rested in the waiting room, members slept or played games as usual, only Sunggyu was impatient and kept checking on his handphone because Lily and Jung Yeop still haven't turned up yet. That Kenny man must have brought them out again and he felt very annoyed just the thought of it.  

By the time Lily and Jung Yeop appeared in the waiting room, they had to start changing and took turn for make up and hairdo. When Sunggyu done everything, Lily was helping Sungjong to practice his mandarin speaking. Sungjong really wasn't into language, he kept pronouncing wrongly and that made Lily laughed continuously. Sunggyu sat at a corner looking at the cheerful Lily, he couldn't tell how pleased he felt when seeing her laughing like that. When Sungjong was done, Sunggyu brought his in-ear monitor and went to Lily, "Noona, can you help me?" Lily smiled and said, "Sure." The costume team had made a small pouch along their trousers' back pocket to hold the small-squared monitor, it was the earphone's wires that needed to be hidden under their wearing. He could tell that Lily was trying not to touch any part of his skin but the wires had to be placed under his shirt, she couldn't avoid to have touched his neck and his waist when adjusting the wires to keep them in place. Sunggyu felt her cold fingers, he wondered if she was nervous to be this close with him. When it was done, he thanked Lily, "Shie shie ni der bang mang." which caught Lily in surprise. She rose her eyebrows and smile, "Very well!" Sunggyu smiled shyly, "I learnt mandarin when I was small, I might not able to speak fluently but I could understand most of it. You can speak mandarin with me if you feel like it..." Lily looked at Sunggyu as if she caught his meaning, then dropped her gaze and smiled quietly. 

***Translation :       

shie shie = thank  

ni = you

der = 's (for your)

bang mang = help

The concert went well as usual, fans were excited and every members were having great time on the stage. As always, they went for supper to celebrate after the concert, and Sunggyu didn't feel surprise when that Kenny man showed up too. They had food and beers but Sunggyu wasn't really into it, he was hoping to finish it soon. He haven't really talked to Lily during this Taiwan trip and he desperately wanted to know her thought about that Kenny man. However, he wasn't able to sit beside Lily this time, she was caught up to sit between Jung Yeop and that Kenny man which he felt so annoyed to look at. He didn't understand why that Kenny man had to be here, it was the company's celebration, it shouldn't be opened to outsider. Since it was the last night in Taiwan and the concert went well too, Jung Yeop didn't set a time for them to leave, everyone just relaxed and enjoyed the food and the drinks. When the members wanted to go back to the hotel, Sunggyu didn't have any choice but to follow them because they traveled in the same van. He looked at Lily's direction and she waved him goodbye, which actually disappointed him. He thought she would at least wanted to follow them back to the hotel too. So, he went back to his room grumpily. 

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It was almost 2:10am when we reached the hotel lobby. After saying goodbye to Kenny, Jung Yeop and I went up to our room. We stayed on different floor so I walked back to my room alone. I saw a man squatted beside my room, when i got nearer, that man looked up and it was Sunggyu. I quickly got him up, "What are you doing here?" Sunggyu looked released when he saw me, "It was late and you weren't back yet..." "Yeah, it was a long day..." I obviously looked tired but Sunggyu wasn't moving. "Can we... have a moment...?" I wanted to say no but when I rose my gaze, I saw his desperate eyes. I knew he had been wanting to talk to me since he saw Kenny. "I need some shower, would you wait? " He smiled and nodded gratefully, "2207, my room." I nodded and went in my room. Chae Yoon was already slept, I took my stuffs carefully and went to the bathroom. The hot shower helped to wake me up a bit, I sped up everything because I didn't want Sunggyu to wait for too long. He should be sleeping by this hour since he had such a long day. 

When I reached 2207, the door was opened as instant I knocked. He smiled shyly when I walked in to his room, then I realised it was my first time walking in to his room, either his room at the hotel or his room at the dorm. His room was still clean, the comforter was placed nicely and his belongings were placed accordingly too. Maybe he had just rearranged them since he was waiting for me. I walked past the bed and decided to sit on the dresser's chair while Sunggyu sit on the bed carefully. He seemed to have a lot in mind but he didn't know which to start first, so I tried to break the silent. "Did you see any pretty fans? And killed them with your winks? Or your finger love signs?" My questions caught him off guarded, he smiled widely and kept shaking his head. It was such a long time since the last time I saw him smiled so joyful, I smiled to his cute face and he seemed to loosen up a little. "So... did you get to taste any... dou fu hua?" I really shouldn't be surprised that he paid attention to our conversation, his 'protective mode' had again since he saw Kenny. "Yeah, Kenny brought us to a soy milk shop which is just nearby the hotel, I can bring you there tomorrow if you want." His face brighten up, "Really? You would bring me there?" "Yeah, before we depart to the airport, if you really want to." I assured him, and he looked really pleased with the idea. 

"The... Kenny... do you like him?" Sunggyu asked carefully, he knew that I would never liked to talk about it. "Oh gosh... Jung Yeop just asked me when we came back, not you again!" I felt so annoyed but I knew why he cared of it so much, I also knew that if I didn't answer him tonight, he would ask me again the other day. "He's just a friend of Jung Yeop, well... my new friend... that's it, no more." He looked at me thinking if he should believe me, but he nodded after a while and drop his gaze to the floor. "He's too old for you..." He was still looking to the floor. "He's around Jung Yeop's age and I'm just a few years younger than Jung Yeop if you notice." When I finished, he rose his gaze from the floor and stopped at mid air as if thinking of something, or probably calculting my age. "But you look young." He looked at me this time, and he saw me sighing too. "Not as young as you, and looking young doesn't change my real age." I hoped he understood what I was trying to say, but he replied stubbornly,"He's still too old for you." It was me that dropped my gaze this time.

I looked at my watch, it was already 3:45am, and he looked really tired, so I tried to say persuasively, "Sunggyu, it's really late now, if you still want to try the dou fu hua tomorrow, we should go to bed now." He looked panic when I stood up, he didn't want me to leave yet, so I walked to his side and tried again, "We can continue tomorrow when we go to the soy milk shop." He looked hesitated, but I felt really bad when I saw those red lines in his eyes, so I went closer tried to talk him over, "Really... you should sleep now..." Slowly, Sunggyu rose his hand to hold mine. The touch of his skin seemed to evoke the part of my feelings that had been buried deep down inside me. I looked at his hand and tried to understand the awakening feelings, that was when he saw his chances. Without second thought, he stood up in front of me and gently pulled me into a hug.   

His breathing sped up once our bodies came into contact, he buried his face in my hair and his arms held tightly around my body. For instant, I could feel all his emotions throughout the week, and I felt really bad that I had caused him this much frustration. At the same time, the way his hands held and secured my body under his arms started to spread it's effect and vanished the emotions that flooded my mind entirely: annoyance, anxiety, longing, frustrations, dilemma, worries, hesitation... In addition, the human closeness that I've been missing and craving took charge all over me, I hugged Sunggyu tightly in answering his firm embrace and rest my cheek on his shoulder as if it was the safest place to dock. Words were needless at the moment, our bodies possessed their own remedies to heal our wounds with their very own ways. After didn't know for how long, his breathing had returned to the normal speed. I loosened an arm to rub his back gently, he too loosened an arm to caressing my hair, but neither of us wanted to moved as if any movement would spoil the beautiful moment. 

Slowly, he led me to sit by the edge of the bed alongside him, then, we remained unmoved for a long while. As time went by, my senses returned. I started to feel unsure about the current situation because this wasn't what I expected, I didn't know what to do or what to say to him. I heard myself blurted, "I'm really sorry......" He felt confused by my sudden apology, "For...?" "...for... for......" I could't think of anything else, my mind simply over filled with sorriness and guiltiness. Seeing our hands still holding each other, I tried to loosen and retrieve mine but he wouldn't let go. Instead, he held my hand harder. 

"Just because I'm younger?" Sunggyu hit the nail on the head. I dropped my gaze to the floor and sighed quietly. He was right about it, I was supposed to give him advice and guidance, not to follow his flow when I knew it wasn't something right to do. "I can still be a good boyfriend... you know... like a... a guardian angel..." He said shyly, I couldn't help but smile when he mentioned the word 'guardian angel'. It was something I told him when I tried to lighten his mood some time ago. 

"No... not you...... it's me......I'm not good for you......" I was all broken in despair, I really didn't think that I could start a new relationship with him, or with anyone. Still holding my hand, he moved from the bed and squatted down in front of me, waited patiently until I rose my gaze to look at him, "It's not about you or me any more, it's about us, so... it is not up to you to decide what's best for us." It was the first time I heard him mentioned 'about us'. With him saying it earnestly while looking into my eyes, the impact was huge.