Complication
Light in My Eyes" It’s weird seeing myself like this
All day, it’s a continuation of waiting
Even when nothing really happens
My mood goes up and down
Maybe this is what it feels like to be sentimental "
"Sentimental" from Kim Sunggyu's True Love.
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"Unnie... Just this one time... Please...?"
The costume trainee was begging me for help. I looked at the clothes, it wasn't something difficult that I couldn't do, so I nodded and set her free.
"Thanks unnie! I owe you big one! Tomorrow's lunch, my treat!!"
She kissed my both cheeks and ran off to the lift. I was really shocked by her reaction but at the same time I was glad that I've decided to help her, she must be very desperate. With the tool box she handed to me, I carried the clothes to my working table and started to work on it. The embroidery was already glued on the jacket, I just need to put on some thread to secure them so that they wouldn't drop after some massive movements. She also gave me a photo with all the buttons arranged in their assigned places on the trousers, all I needed to do was to sew them at the right spot which showed in the photos. It was really easy and simple, I have no complain.
I put on the headphone with my favourite playlist on, then I started with the needle and thread. The embroidery was a bit thick at some parts, it took me more effort to push the needle through the fabric and the embroidery itself, and that my thumb started to feel hurt after a few try. Now that I could understand the difficulties of the costume team, it wasn't only about the design that mattered, it was about all the artwork and the hand work too. One couldn't have done it with less passion. With the songs I listened, I felt energised with more passion, and I have plenty of time, so I would do it slowly and nicely.
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The new choreo has been giving Sunggyu a hard time, as if every of his muscles were protesting to break away from him, even though they had practiced together for weeks. When the practice finally ended, he lied on the floor panted furiously and tried not to move as to sooth the body ache. The members were preparing to go back but Sunggyu didn't follow, he still want to rest and later have another round of practice for his new songs. When he regained his strength, he got up and headed to the recording studio, he wanted to practise his singing.
He didn't walk straight to the studio, instead he took the detour to go pass the office. It has become one of his habits now, that walked pass the office and get a glimpse of Lily from her working table. It was around 9pm, he knew that Lily would probably back at home resting, still, he walked to the office just to sooth his nerves. When he got nearer, he saw the office still bright with light on, he walked faster and when he reached the glass door, he saw Lily still working at her table, alone. He got annoyed. It's not that Lily never stayed late for events or concerts preparation, usually the staffs stayed as a group, not like this leaving someone to work alone in the office.
Sunggyu pushed the door opened and walked in but Lily didn't look up, she seemed not noticing his appearance. He thought Lily must be very concentrated on what she was doing, until he heard her humming to a very familiar melody, and he noticed that she had her headphone on. At first he was a little startled and thought he heard it wrongly, until she finally sang it......
"...I miss you... Oh yes I do..."
It was his song, Shine.
Lily told him before that she listened to his songs and he believed her, but listened to her humming and singing to his song like this, he couldn't tell how he actually felt like. He stood there afar looking at her, too shy to go near or to disturb her, or too stunned to react.
'Lily sang my song.' He told himself.
"...I miss you... Yes I still do..."
Sunggyu stood there looking at her until she finished the whole song, that was when he found his feet again. He slowly walked to Lily and sit beside her table, and then, she finally saw Sunggyu and jumped. "Omo... Sunggyu! My heart nearly stops!!" He smiled weakly to her and kept saying sorry. He was still overwhelmed with what he just saw and heard.
"When did u come in? You should have nudged me or waved to me, don't scare me like this again..." Lily pulled off her headphone and put her hand at her chest as if her heart was really going to stop. "I was... I just came in, you were very concentrated. What are you doing, noona?" He tried to swift her attention and looked at the outfit she was working on.
"Just... adding some thread to these little things." She looked at him smiling, as if waiting for something to happen. He looked at the familiar outfit, then something came into his mind, "Isn't this... " He looked at Lily again while pointing to his own chest, she smiled and nodded a few times. "But why are all these? I don't remember I saw them when I tried on the clothes." She explained, "They thought it's too plain and it looked similar with another set of your outfit, so they decided to add these on."
"And they asked you to stay until you finish the work?" His voice suddenly changed to the serious tone which caught Lily in surprise. "Huh... No no no... It was Seung Mi who told Chae Yoon to do it at the very last minute, like around 6:25pm? And she wants it by tomorrow, but Chae Yoon couldn't stay late, it's her boy friend's birthday, so she begged me for help." Sunggyu's face still harden, "She can tell Seung Mi noona about her reason, not begging you for help."
Lily sighed, "Sunggyu, Chae Yoon is just a trainee, how would she say no to the senior? Seriously, if you want to put ur blame on, it should be Seung Mi, not Chae Yoon. She told Chae Yoon to do this when Chae Yoon was preparing to go back, it was already 6:25pm, and she wants it by tomorrow morning. It's not that urgent though, we still have one week until your comeback."
Sunggyu asked carefully, "Did any of them... did this to you?" "Me? Well... I guest I'm old enough to be their senior, besides, I'm with you guys since debut time, and Jung Yeop and I are closed, so... I'm all good." He nodded and Lily continued, "Actually, I could ignore Chae Yoon and just went back, but... she might end up doing the work hatefully, just to have the job done then rush to her boyfriend." She returned her gaze to the buttons while her hands started to work again, "I really prefer to do it myself nicely and patiently, it's your comeback after all, everything should be done perfectly."
Didn't expect to hear that, Sunggyu's face turned soften and embarrassed to his sudden jumpy. He nodded awkwardly and swift his vision to the embroidery and the buttons she has been putting on, and that she knew his hot temper was over. So, she continued with the buttons which just a few left. Sunggyu stayed silent and looked at the concentrate Lily. She wasn't clumsy in sewing but neither fast too, from the way she sew the buttons, he can tell that she wasn't familiar with the sewing work, but she was still willing to help and stayed back alone to get it done.
'I really prefer to do it myself nicely and patiently, it's your comeback after all, everything should be done perfectly.'
A new wave of emotion formed inside Sunggyu, before he could tell what was that, something caught his eyes: the red marks on Lily's fingers. He reached out to her hand and flip it over to have a clear view. The red marks only appeared on her thumb and her index finger, it was where she held the needle. When he realised what caused those red marks, sorry filled him entirely. He looked at Lily who was also looking at him and before he could speak, Lily pulled away her hand and looked at the marks, "Ahh... this, it'll fade very soon, before I leave Woollim building, maybe? Don't worry, it's really nothing serious." She reflexed her thumb and index finger and rubbed them a few times, as if to assure him that she was alright, but he didn't buy it.
"Noona, stop doing this. Let's go back now, let the trainee continues her work tomorrow." He stood up and pulled one of her wrist to follow him back, Lily was panic and pulled his hand to a stop with her both hands. "No wait... Sunggyu, if I go back like this, Chae Yoon will get into trouble." "I don't care." More forces from Sunggyu to pull Lily away from her table. "Wait! I only have 2 buttons to finish, if I go back like this I'll become an untrustworthy person, just because of 2 buttons! All my hard work and those.. red marks, it'll all be wasted!" Sunggyu came to a stop and weighing what Lily just said. "Let me finish it, just 2 buttons..."
Finally, he loosened his hand and let go of her wrist, but he didn't look very good. Quickly, she sit down and put the needle through a button. They were both quiet until Sunggyu broke the silent, "I'm sorry, noona... I shouldn't be so... I was just... I don't know......" Sighed his heavy sigh, he avoid her gaze. Lily didn't look up, she spoke while her hands were still working on the button, "I know... you were just too stressed..... and tired... You just need more rest and you'll be good."
Sunggyu felt thankful to her understanding, she seemed to be able to read his thoughts and emotions very well, and she always been very kind to him, which left him speechless most of the time. "And you know what? It's done! Which means... we can go back now!" Sunggyu finally turned to look at Lily and saw her bright smile, he couldn't help to smile with her too, and that instantly swept away his dreadfulness. Patiently, he waited for Lily to hang up his outfit at the costume rack. The embroidery and the buttons were perfectly done, he saw her sweeping away some dust on the sleeve and smiled satisfying, and then she turned to him, still smiling, "Let's go!'"
When they left Woollim building, it was almost 9:45pm. Lily suddenly thought of something, "Sunggyu, why were you left alone? The manager should be here just now, I saw him." "Uhh... I was... I thought to practice my new songs..." Sunggyu answered sheepishly. "And you ended up nosing around me in the office!" She shook her head disapproving.
Sunggyu smiled his big smile shyly, "You looked so pity to be left alone in the office, I couldn't just ignore and walked away." "Did I? I was happy to be able to help, I feel good about it. Should I turn back? I've caused you ditched your practice." Lily looked at the rear mirror to find a place to make a U turn. "Nah... It's late now and you were right, I should get some rest. Wait... Noona, did you eat for dinner?" Lily was startled as if she remembered something, "I think... I... forgot about... dinner..."
"What???" Sunggyu definitely sounded angry. Food was always important to him and he couldn't understand what was 'forgot about dinner'. Panic, Lily quickly explained, "I was concentrate on the sewing... and I wasn't feeling hungry, even now I still don't feeling hungry, so, no big deal. Really." Sunggyu insisted to stop at any restaurant or called for delivery but she didn't want to, until she got annoyed. "Sunggyu, I really don't feel hungry, can you just drop it? Why does it even bother you?"
That was a very good question. Even Sunggyu wanted to know why but he couldn't tell her that.
He looked at the windscreen and fight for something convincing to say, "Noona, I'm already so stressed for the comeback, I don't want to add on any stress because of other things, for example, you worked on my outfit until you get gastric or fall sick because of me."
And it worked.
"I'm... sorry... I didn't mean to......" He started to regret when seeing Lily in guilt, he quickly soothed her, "Just eat something alright?" "It's so late now, I really don't feel like having solid food... I'll get some milk or hot chocolate. Happy?" Sunggyu finally smiled and said, "Okay!"
When they reached the condo, Sunggyu walked Lily to her door and hesitated by the door frame. Lily thought he should go back to rest, "It's late though..." "You might forget to drink your hot chocolate, or milk..." The stubborn Sunggyu insisted, Lily sighed heavily and let him in. She didn't angry or annoyed, she just couldn't understand why. She made 2 mugs of warm milk, one for herself and one for Sunggyu. "I had dinner before the dance practice." He protested. "For you to sleep better." She pushed the mug toward him and waited for him to drink it, and he did, so she started to sip her mug of warm milk.
"I came here and stayed alone for almost five years, you really shouldn't doubt on me, besides, I'm old enough to take care of myself well..." She didn't look up, as if speaking to her mug. Sunggyu looked at her, "I don't see you that way." "You think I couldn't take care of myself?" She started to feel annoyed. Sunggyu defended, "I didn't mean that..." "Then what?" Lily looked straight to Sunggyu. "It's... I don't see you old." It was Sunggyu who spoke to his mug now.
Lily laughed at his reply, "Gosh, you don't have to say sweet things for a mug of milk, really." Then, he snapped. "Noona, is this what you think of me? Seriously, you don't look old at all, and you look like those women around me who needed to be taken care of, and I couldn't help to keep an eye on you since that crazy woman slapped you. Don't ask me why, I just..." Sunggyu stopped abruptly, he just realised that he had said too much. Lily was shocked by what he just said. That incident happened like more than a year, and she couldn't understand his sudden mood changed, why he has to be so mad...
Everything seemed so weird and he became so serious now. She cracked for words to lighten the mood, "So... a guardian angel? You?" "If that's what you called it." He returned his gaze to the empty mug again. "You've been worried too much... silly boy......" She reached out to ruffle his hair, tried to make him smile but Sunggyu caught her hand and pulled it down.
"Am I really looked silly to you?" He looked sternly into Lily's eyes, and that held her gaze until she felt butterflies in her stomach. She couldn't even speak, just shook her head weakly. He sighed softly and dropped his gaze to her hand which he was holding. He pulled her hand closer to check on the red marks, it did fade to pinkish but the mark was still there. "I felt really bad when I saw the red marks on your fingers." He returned his gaze to Lily's but this time she saw unexpected tenderness in his eyes. She some how felt melted in his gaze and didn't know what should react.
"Would you please do me a favour?" He spoke with his soft voice and Lily just looked at him waiting for him to finish.
"Can you try to eat on time? And don't do things you don't familiar until you hurt yourself again, can you do that? Give me less worries... would you?" He looked so gentle and genuine, she could only nodded to ease his busy mind. He smiles satisfyingly, "Good......" He dropped his gaze to Lily's hand again which he was still holding, gently, he caressed the pink marks until he spoke again, "I think I should go..." Sunggyu released her hand and smiled to her, and then, he turned and walk to the door.
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I followed Sunggyu to the door and felt like patting his back to make him feel better, but I held my hands tightly because I didn't want to create another ripple of emotion. He opened the door and turned around to look at me, "Noona... I'm sorry if I've... frighten you..." I reached out to his arm and gently rubbed it until he looked to my eyes, I shook my head and smile to him, he just nodded quietly. Retrieved my hand, I said, "Have a good rest..." He nodded again, then turned and walked away. I could only looked at his back until he turned left to the lift.
Closed the door, I stood there for a long time thinking of what had happened. He was being weird the whole night, his mood changed drastically and he said weird things. Everything was so unusual. I hoped that he was just too stressed for the comeback, but deep down me, there was a voice that whispering indifferently. I shook off that noice to clear my mind, I really shouldn't think of the nonsense at the moment.
However, what troubled me the most was his stern gaze. It was so strong and so sharp as if an arrow shot directly through my eyes into my soul. No matter how hard I tried to focus on other things, it kept flashing in my mind, worse, the butterflies followed. Therefore, I went to the kitchen and made myself another mug of warm milk, in the hope that it would help me for a good night sleep.
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