I tossed and turned in my new bed in a strange house that was supposedly my new home. I sat up, defeated by the barrage of puzzling questions that were baffling my mind. How did my life come to this? Why did it come to this? Am I driving away the people who loves me the most or those who wish to love me? Why? I asked myself these questions but I knew beyond a reasonable doubt that no one will be able to supply a definite answer. No one.

I sat there, staring at the furniture across my room, smothered by the oppressive shadows. I endured a hectic and tedious week by being dumped in this ‘prison’, in which I have to adapt to a new lifestyle and live with people, teenagers, I mean come on. What was really happening to me? Honestly, I don’t believe I am capable of accepting a change. I’ve been through so many changes and for once in my life I refuse to go through another, just couldn’t accept another change. I didn’t even think that my life had meaning anymore. It was like the furniture, which sat on their fat bases until someone was ready to use them. Yes, I felt used like I was used by everyone and that everything I did was a disappointment. I hated that feeling. Emptiness and darkness stirred about my pitiful being as I helplessly felt an odd connection the shadows that rested on the wall, casting their darkness.

For the first time I’m scared. I am scared of the darkness. I have grown accustomed to sitting and lying on the cold floor in the dark but I think the darkness wants to become a part of my life and I’m expending too much energy refraining from sinking in a horrible state of depression. Many may perceive me as a headstrong teen who obviously has a rough exterior but maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m just a lonely teen who craves for the gentle touch of her long lost but not forgotten mother and acceptance.

At 10 minutes interval I glanced at my Blackberry Torch 2 Smartphone, anxiously awaiting a call from oppa, hoping that he will call and inform me of his whereabouts, so I can cease my intense worrying. I miss him. I really do love him but my recent actions towards him have not proven that. What am I doing?  All this anger since mom’s death have been bottling up inside me and at time I say rash things that I regret later on but I simply can’t control my outburst as they occur on the spur. I can’t help it!

As I sat there, reflecting on my sorry excuse for a life, I heard all of the jolly conversations and infectious laughter and merry making going that floated up to my room window from downstairs. I refused to participate when Minho asked if I wanted to join them and as a matter of fact it would have been perfect opportunity to meet the other boarders, sigh me and my self, alone. Ah! Tomorrow will be Sunday. How thoughtful of my oppa to bring me here so I can start bonding with others before I attend school for the first time in South Korea. I hope I can have good year at school.

I sat there in my new bed crying profoundly, releasing all the emotions I have harboured over a period of six years. With my face drenched in my tears I managed to get up and wash my face in the bathroom. When I felt calm I retired once again to my bed.

I am a sad person.

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ok so this is a really short chapter but i just wanted to depict Hei Ryung feelings towards herself and how vulnerable she is