March, 2016

Even if you're next to me, it feels like you're not.

You seem so far away, I catch you sometimes looking at your phone, smiling stupidly.

Like how you’d smile sheepishly, whenever you say something cringe worthy or lame but they never made my skin crawl or made me curl up, instead it made my heart flutter.

When I do ask who you're talking to, you tell me it's your teammates.

I don't say anything after that because I trusted you enough, I gave you my trust.

So instead, I sit back and watch you instead. I wait for you. Sometimes you don't even notice.

But when you do, you apologize and you leave kisses on my face. But will it really do?

I run my fingers in your hair after, you've always loved it.

So I do it, maybe it'll help you to love me again.

That night, when you were asleep. I can't help but smile wistfully at you.

How could you act like nothing's going on?

I saw it, I saw her name on your screen. How can anyone miss it when your screen lit up with her name on the screen as you slept.

Jongin, how can you still tell me you love me when you clearly don't anymore?

If you're only staying because you feel bad, please just go.

Go.

Having you beside me, hurts me more than it should.

I wrap my arms around you, pulling you closer because at least for now.

You're no longer mine but I'm still yours, tonight.

I look