Chapitre Vingt

>Tell me why I can’t be there where you are. There’s something missing in my heart<

At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life, no matter how much you want them to stay next to you.

Sometimes, it would be better to let them go, not because you don’t love them enough, but because every so often, holding on did more damage than letting go. Love was like a knife, it can hurt you or it was too dangerous to hold on.

That was what he told himself the entire time he was sitting there at the table, eyes looking at the small flowers on the table as if it was the most interesting thing to look at. He’d been sitting there for half an hour, waiting, and preparing himself mentally and emotionally of what was to come.

She didn’t know he was there, he didn’t tell her. But soon enough her other colleagues would inform her of his presence, and she would look for him afterwards, when her shift was over and the restaurant was about to close.

Normally, MinNeul’s head chef would leave the restaurant’s kitchen for them, as the kind man had seen MyungSoo there regularly for his cooking lessons with MinNeul. The both of them were forever grateful to him for his kindness, and MyungSoo could only smile in sadness as he thought of the last time he was there, and how there would be no more next time.

Sighing, he drank the water from his white wine glass, not that he was drinking wine anyway. The waiter was nice enough to serve him the cold water he ordered in a wine glass, and he couldn’t say no to that. It wasn’t every day that he had the chance to drink from a white wine glass.

His brain was flooded with thoughts as he continued waiting for MinNeul, whose shift was about to end in matter of minutes. Most of the customers had left, and the ones left at the restaurant were finishing their meals and they were about ready to leave as well.

And after patiently and anxiously waiting, the restaurant was now empty, and from the corner of his eyes, he could see a figure walking towards him, still in her chef coat.

MyungSoo took a deep breath, bracing himself as she settled herself on the seat in front of him. He lifted his eyes to look at her and his gaze softened. He hadn’t seen her for so long and no words could describe how much he missed her.

And from the look on her face, he knew that she was thinking of the same thing too. The separation was driving them both crazy, but it wasn’t as if they could do anything about it, nor did they want to be separated that long.

“Hi.” She said, her voice soft and it was the sound that MyungSoo missed the most. He could detect her holding something back from the way she spoke, and he sighed again. “Hi, MinNeul.” He replied with a smile, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes like it normally would.

Silence engulfed them for a minute, before MinNeul cleared and sat straighter. “Have you eaten? Do you want anything to eat? The others have left by now and I have the kitchen all to myself.” She offered, suddenly felt dry now that she was in front of him. She tried to hold back the sob that was threatening to escape and she forced herself to stay seated instead of going over to MyungSoo’s side and enveloped him in a hug.

“No, thank you. I have already eaten.” MyungSoo replied with a smile. That was so MinNeul anyway. No matter what the circumstances were, she would always make sure that the people around her had full stomachs before anything else. But he didn’t have the privilege to adore those things about her tonight.

“It’s been so long, hey.” He said, referring to their time apart, which, to him, was the longest by far that he was away from MinNeul. She nodded her head, agreeing to what he just said. “So long indeed.”

MyungSoo leaned across the table; hands clasped, and looked at her directly in the eyes. “I have something to talk about with you.” He began, and noticed in her eyes the look of realization, as if she knew what he was going to say. If she was distraught about it, she didn’t show it, but MyungSoo knew her all too well that she was hiding it away.

“I am sorry.” He started, and that was all MinNeul needed to understand the whole thing. She did see this coming, though at times she kept telling herself that it won’t happen, but it didn’t surprise her even so that this would eventually come to pass.

Oh, how the only thing she could hear right now was the sound of her broken heart.

Taking a deep breath and releasing it, MinNeul forced a smile on her face and said, “I understand, MyungSoo.” Tears were glistening in her eyes, but she kept her eyes on him, who had the same look she did. MyungSoo was as broken as she was, and his face was flushed red as he tried to restrain the inten