Since their hardwork has been paid off last night, Jiyong and Yongbae decided to spend their time by enjoying the calm and relaxing weekend. Both of them sitting facing each other to have their lunch. The atmosphere still awkward but they are trying hard to keep it calm.

“When was the last we had our lunch together? Feels like it’s been a while, isn’t it?” said Yongbae trying to start the conversations.

“I think so. We were both busy back then. I feel relieves when the event ended. We also might be busy with other thing after this, so let’s enjoy this moment while we can.” replied Jiyong.

“Yeah, you are right.” agreed Yongbae.

They are back to their silent mode while feeding themselves. Both are desperately thinking what else they can do to cover their awkwardness and they secretly glaring toward each other without being cought up.

“Thank you for this meal. I’ll be leaving after I finish.” said Jiyong suddenly.

“Eh? Why so quick? Do you need to do something?” Yongbae look at his bestfriend in surprised.

“No..it’s just…” Jiyong can’t figure out what reason he should give to Yongbae. He still being hesitate to stay in the same place where there is only consist the two of them.

Yongbae stares his bestfriend intensely. Eventhough he knew the reason behind it but he felt very frustrated when things keep being worse.

“Ji…..I think this is the right time for us to discuss about something. I’ve been realized that you keep avoiding me since that day.” said Yongbae calmly.

“What do you mean? Why should I avoiding you? Maybe you thought it wrongly. There is no reason I should done that.” replied Jiyong, shaken.

“Stop pretending!!! Can we just being honest toward each other? I’ve already sick of it. Day by day we are being farther away. Even we sit together like this, you treat me like I am a stranger. Is there anything you want to tell me?” asked Yongbae losing his patient.

“Hah..Stop pretending you say? So, what about you? Don’t act like you know nothing. I’m sure you’ve already noticed it. But, why don’t you say anything?”

“It just…. I thought it might be impolite for me to ask.”

“So, does it makes me even worse to talk about it when you don’t seems interested to know?”

“But, I really want to know.”

“Even you know or not, there’s no difference. In your case, I really hope that you will forget what had happened before. It just misunderstanding.”

“Misunderstanding? Really? So, you mean, what I had in mind all this while is just false assumption?”

“Well, I don’t know what is in your mind, but yeah…Maybe.”

“If you say it is just misunderstanding, so why are you treat me like this, Ji? Why are you avoiding me?”

“I said earlier, I don’t avoiding you.”

“YES YOU ARE!!! How many days you didn’t show up in this house. When we were at work, you acted like I wasn’t there. We talked less. Even right now, you are so cold. That’s totally not you. Ok, it’s just misunderstanding, I got it. But, are you really need to do all these?”

“It’s up to you how you thought about it. I don’t think that I have treated you differently. Literally, this house, I don’t really stay here. I have my own too. So, what is weird about it if I don’t show up here? Can we just stop discussing about this?”

“YAAAHH…KWON JIYONG!!!”

“IT’S ENOUGH DONG YONGBAE!!! I said…it’s enough. This discussion is going nowhere. Let’s just stop.”

 

Both are panting heavily while staring towards each other. Without waiting any longer, Jiyong stand up and quickly clean up his dish and direct to the bedroom to get his things. Yongbae just looking from far, trying hard to calm himself. He doesn’t expect this thing would happened like that. A few minutes later, Jiyong show up from the bedroom while carrying his backpack.

“I think I need to go. Sorry for bothering you and thank you for the meal. So, see you at the office later on.”

Yongbae quickly run towards Jiyong and grab his wrist before he reach the front door. The sadness is clearly shows in his eyes.

“Jiyong ah….why are you doing this to me? Can we back to how we used to be? I miss the time when we spend it together. I miss all the moments when we talked about a lot of things. We used being carefree. And I really miss having you in this house. You have said before that you won’t leave me alone.Then why?”

“You know that we can’t be like that anymore. Thing have change Yongbae. It makes me really uncomfortable to be with you. I’m sure you are aware of that.”

“Even if I said I don’t mind and need you here, do you still need to go?”

“Yes.”

“You are really mean. Fine!!! if that what you want, then go. I won’t stop you anymore. But, if you step out from this house, I will consider….between you and me….our friendship…will totally over.”

 

That words strike direct to Jiyong’s heart. The memory of misery that threw him in the forlorn state seems coming back to him. Jiyong shooting a soft gaze towards Yongbae. “I’m sorry Yongbae, I am really pathetic, isn’t it?” thought Jiyong silently and slowly moving towards the front door with a painful heart.

“Hey…Jiyong ah…yaaa…Kwon Jiyong..You’re really….” Yongbae’s voice cracked up. His tears start to form in his eyes. His body doesn’t move a bit eventhough he is dying to hold Jiyong in his arms. He can’t believed that Jiyong will leave him just like that even he said those thing. His tears running out heavily when realized that Jiyong already gone behind the close door. He quickly open the door wish that Jiyong is still standing there but none. “That rascal… He’s not even hesitate to go.” thought Yongbae while gripping his fist tightly.

 

*************************************

 

Jiyong leans against the wall, crying in silence. “You are doing great, Jiyong. Everything gonna be alright.” he murmured between his lips, encouraged himself from self destructions. He just want to spend time alone when he noticed there are a lot of people near the lift area, so he decided to use stairs. His energy drained away, however he push himself to continue his steps. Along the way, his mind been busy thinking about Yongbae. “He must be angry at me right now but this is the best I can do. I know he just pitying me. I don’t want him to force himself to accept who I am. It’s hurt me when he trying to please me.But, by ended it like this…will I be regret later?” Jiyong suddenly stop walking. He turn back to look at the pace that he left behind. “Should I return back to him? But, if I do that, I will not be able to let him go anymore. What if I do something that he doesn’t like? He will hate me for the rest of his life like he did to Seunghyun. No, I can’t let it happened. I prefer to be by his side silently like this instead of being hate like that. Yeah…I think this is the best.” Jiyong speed up his steps before his heart change. He wish to leave that place as soon as possible. “I’m sorry Yongbae. I’m doing this for good. Hope you can understand me.”

 

*************************

 

Jiyong prison himself in his room after he came back to that place. He lost interest in everything since his mind still thinking about Yongbae and the guiltiness is killing him. Everything that Yongbae said before he left has poke his mind. He can’t deny, he miss Yongbae a lot. But, he knows how they felt toward each other might be different kind of feeling. He reach his phone, wish to send some messages to Yongbae, but he still hesitates. While he busy considering wether to contact Yongbae or not, his phone suddenly vibrate showing the incoming message.

 

“Is this your revenge for what I had done to you 3 years ago? I threw you out when you need to stay that time, and now you leave me when I need you the most. I think you are right, this is just misunderstanding. I thought I’m still your bestfriend but I realized I’m no longer important to you. I thought there is a special bonding between you and me, but it’s clearly just my delusion. I can’t believed I trust your drunk words. That was just an empty and gibberish talk, right? Now, all these misunderstanding make sense. I’m such a fool.” ~ Yongbae

 

Jiyong reading the message in shocked. That message clearly shows that Yongbae is really mad at him. He can’t believed that Yongbae could think that way. Without waiting any longer, Jiyong decided to call Yongbae to explain everything. He trying to get through the line quite sometimes before Yongbae pick up his call. He knew the line has connected eventhough Yongbae didn’t say a word, both of them being silent at first, but then Jiyong pull his courage to speak up.

 

“Yongbae…It’s really nothing to do with that. How could you think that way? It’s not about revenge or anything. It’s just…..no matter what is the reason, please don’t say like that.” explained Jiyong. There is no response received from Yongbae but Jiyong know that guy still hold on the phone. “Our friendship is not something that I can throw away easily.” he added.

“But you already did. You still go when I said it will be over.” replied Yongbae intensely.

“I left you not because I want to end it. I just try to protect our friendship.”

“If you really concern about it, you won’t leave me. But you did….even I beg you not to go.”

“Yongbae ah…you know that you are someone who is important to me. I will try anything to keep you close and this is also the reason I have to go.”

“What a nonsense. You think I can trust you when you leave me without turning back.”

“If I could…. I really want to be with you. I want to be there right beside you. I want everything going well between us. But it’s not as easy as I thought. I’m just afraid you will hate me.”

“Yeah…you are right. I hate you. Don’t act like you care when you are not.”

“Yongbae…I lo…”

“It’s enough Jiyong. I don’t want to discuss about this anymore. I think I’ve got your point. Our friendship, it must have no meaning at all. Just because we know each other for so long,…it doesn’t mean it’s special, isn’t it? Moreover, we are both guy, like we can get more from it. As you said earlier, thing have changed and you feels uncomfortable when we were together. So, there is no point for us to keep this friendship like we used to.”

“Yongbae..no!!! That’s not what I mean. I..”

“I really not in a mood to talk right now. Since it’s over, I wouldn’t care anymore. So.. that’s all. Goodbye Jiyong.”

 

The line has been cut off and Jiyong try to dial back crazily, but Yongbae won’t pick up. He try continuously until the line didn’t reach out because Yongbae already off his phone. Jiyong panic. He doesn’t want to over it. He quickly run outside wish to return back to where Yongbae is but suddenly he receive an incoming call. Without looking at his screen he answered.

“Yongbae!!!..”

“Yongbae?”

“Ah..Soo Hyuk.”

“What happened? Is there something happened to Yongbae?”

“No..its just..”

“Where are you now?”

“I’m at home.”

“Good. I’m already in your area. Let’s go out together.”

“I don’t think I can go out with you right now. There’s something I need to do.”

“Come on Jiyong. It’s weekend. I don’t know who else I can ask.”

“But I really can’t.”

“Is it because you have planning something with Yongbae? Can I join both of you?”

“No..It’s not like that.”

“Ooooh..come on Jiyong. Let me join. I’m really bored right now. I’ve already slept half of a day and now I don’t know what should I do to kill the time.”

“Just go anywhere with someone else. I really have something to do.”

“Wow…it’s harsh. Seems like I’ve been thrown away just because that guy is more important to you.”

“Don’t be like this Soo Hyuk.”

“Okay sorry to bother you. I should call before I came, isn’t it?.. Eh, no, I should just stay at home and sleep until the sun completed it’s cycle.”

“Argghhh…it’s enough. Okay, hold on a second. I will go out with you.”

“Really? Okay. I will be there in 5 minutes.”

 

Jiyong cut off the line and quickly go back to his bedroom to get change. He looks at himself in the mirror after washing his face but his face is a bit swollen because of crying. “Maybe I shouldn’t go there, I bet he doesn’t want to see me. Let him calm for today and settle back everything when the time is right.” thought Jiyong, still concerned about Yongbae.

 

***************************************

 

Yongbae slowly walking around in the house after sorting his thought about Jiyong. He realized, there is nothing will change if he just sit and doing nothing. The sun almost setting down when he stand on the balcony. He observing every movement below him. People still been busy with their own activity eventhough the night will take over its path. He glance inside the house and the darkness makes him realized how lonely he was. Memories of Jiyong keep reflecting in his mind and sometimes he can hear Jiyong voice echoing like he was there. Yongbae inhale a deep breath, trying hard to hold his frustration. “How will I get over with this feeling when everything about this house reminds me about him?Did I’ve been too harsh towards him?” thought Yongbae alone. He quickly heading to his bedroom and put on his hoodie sweatshirt after decided to take a walk to constrain his empty feeling. The more he stay in that house the more he felt suffocated. There is no place that he can think of, so Yongbae just follow wherever the path will lead him. That is the first time he ever walk like that since he came to Japan.

 

After walking quite sometimes, Yongbae spotted a convenient store on the other side of the road and decided to get something to drink. While he is ready to cross over, his sight accidentally landed on the car that stop right infront of him. His heart almost stop its beat when he saw the familiar persons inside the car. His mind which is just being healed for a moment starts to distract. “Did our path are destined to collide? Why do wherever I go, it’s ended with you?” thought Yongbae when he saw Jiyong and Soo Hyuk together and noticed the wide smile creeping on their faces. Yongbae quickly cover himself with his hoodie try to avoid from being seen and speed up his steps to cross the road. He turn back to look at the car just to confirm that he didn’t saw it wrongly. Suddenly, the frustration rise in his heart. Instead of being upset and distressed, Jiyong looks so happy beside Soo Hyuk.“So, I’m just the one who is foolishly worried about him when he was concerned about nothing.”Yongbae sighed and without waiting any longer he turn his back and quickly entered the convenient store with a broken heart.

 

*******************************************

 

“Good night my dear friend.©© © ”~ Jiyong

 

It’s already late at night and Yongbae just staring at the message with sadness. That’s the message which he always grateful when he received it. Even it’s just a simple words, but it always makes Yongbae smile when he read it before he going to sleep. Whenever Jiyong couldn’t stayed over, he never miss to send it to Yongbae. But, the routine has been stopped for quite sometime. He didn’t realized when it’s gone, but he start to miss it, especially in this moment. Yongbae turn to look at his empty side. It is not the first time he sleep alone but this night he feels like his bed is wider than before. Knowing that person who is always being there will never show up bring a torture to his broken heart.”Why is it hurt so much? This is not the first time.” the pillow that once used by Jiyong already in his arms and driven him in a melancholy.

 

Later, his sense has been knocked by sudden.”I can’t be like this. Why should I burden myself with this feeling towards a guy? Even before I met him, I’m used being alone. He is just a person that come to my life and then disappeared. Just like the others. So, why should I being like this? Friend can be replaced. Right, I can overcome this.” Yongbae encourage himself, pulling all the remorse out of his thought. Just when he got his strengh back, his phone suddenly vibrate by incoming message and Jiyong’s name appeared on the screen.

 

“Yongbae, no matter how much I try not to bother you, I still can’t hold myself.

I’ve done everything to distract my thought from thinking of you, but it makes me want to meet you even more. I don’t want to lose what we have. Not anymore.

No matter how much hate that you have towards me, I’m still here.

Even we can’t go back to how we used to be, you are still my friend.”~ Jiyong

 

“I want to see you but I don’t know

whether I’m still allowed to use this key….Good night my dear friend”.~Jiyong

 

That messages makes his heart pounding crazily. Without waiting any longer he rush towards the front door hoping that what he had in mind was right. Once the door open, his eyes directly landed on that person, who is now looking at him in shocked.

 

Jiyong startled when he saw Yongbae staring at him. The tense fill up the air when there is no reaction on Yongbae’s face. His eyes still shooting a sharp glares that makes Jiyong feels hesitate whether to stay or just leave that place.

 

“Sorry…It’s already late, I thought you were asleep.” said Jiyong but there is no response from Yongbae. That silence makes Jiyong turn his back, planning to leave that place.

“Are you drunk again? Why are you coming here if you want to leave just like that?” asked Yongbae in a stern voice.

“It’s okay, I’ll coming back another time.” he said without looking back.

“That is what I hate about you.” expressed Yongbae with his solemn look. Jiyong stop his move. Before he realized, his hand already been grab by Yongbae and by a sudden he is already inside the house. He look at Yongbae in flustered when he had been push to the wall and being cornered.

 

“Yongbae?!”

“If you have the courage to send that messages, why don’t you say it directly to me? Why are you send those things if you’re planning to treat me like this? You said we can’t be like we used to be, but you still want me as your friend. What does the friend means, Ji? Right now, I don’t think I am your friend, you treat me like I am nothing. What is the purpose of being a friend when we can’t even stay in the same place? Friend won’t hide when they’re meet with each other. What is the purpose to keep me as your friend when I’m the reason of your sadness? So, tell me, what are we exactly? Why are you keep making me confuse?”

“Don’t act clueless. I know you’re just pretending like you know nothing. Why are you force me to say that word?”

“Because I need to confirm. I really want to know, what I mean to you?”

“Why don’t you tell me first? What I mean to you?”

“Doesn’t it obvious? You are my one and only friend.”

“Is that all? Just a friend? That is why I can’t answer your question. You will hate it if you heard the answer.”

“Just say it. I will decide whether to hate it or not.”

 

The deep silence hovered the entire house. Nobody knows what thought lingers in their mind until a sound of confession slip off from Jiyong’s lips.

 

“I love you….”

 

Yongbae gazing his bestfriend intensely while Jiyong trying hard to evade those stares. The words that flows into his ears making his soul restless. It’s not something that surprised him, nonetheless the burden inside his heart doesn’t seems less yet it’s become heavier than it suppose to be.

 

“That’s what I thought.” replied Yongbae that makes Jiyong shooting a sharp glares.

“Yes, I love you, Yongbae. I’m pretty sure you know it already. I don’t know when this feeling start to develop, but when I realized about it, I have completely fallen for you…and that makes me really scared and worried.”

“Why is that? Isn’t it normal for someone to love his bestfriend? I do too.”

“This is not something normal to start with. Maybe the meaning of love that you have is not the same as what I feels about you. Because I don’t know how long I can hold this feeling anymore. I’m afraid I could hurt you when we stay together, especially in the moment like this.”

“What it’s supposed to mean? How….”

 

Yongbae can’t finished his words when Jiyong suddenly pull him closer and pressing their lips together by force. The touch of those soft lips still not been forgotten and inside of him still burning by the taste. However Yongbae struggle himself in maintaining his flustered heart until Jiyong released it.

 

“That…That is what I mean…”explained Jiyong and hurriedly taking his steps towards the front door trying to escape.

 

“Hold up!!!” Yongbae grab Jiyong’s arm and realized that hand is seriously shivered. “Didn’t I mentioned it to you before? I really don’t mind if thing like that happened to us. It’s true that I hate it so much if someone else done that,but as long as it is you, I can bare it. Because you are the one that I cherish the most. If enduring those thing can keep you with me, so I will, because what I need is for you to stay.”

 

“I’m sorry, I don’t think it will be as simple as that. You know where this thing will lead us to. Knowing that you willing to endure this makes me really grateful. However, I don’t want to trouble you by forcing yourself to accept like it’s nothing. How can I troubled you when I know you hate it that much? I’ve seen how you hate people Yongbae and I don’t want you have that kind of feeling towards me.”

 

“So, what I’m suppose to do exactly?”

 

“For now, please just let me go….”

 

*******************************************

“Is it really hard to let it go?”

“I think….but it’s not as hard as holding onto something that wasn’t real.”

 

That words used been asked by Seungri when he was in solemn mood after Jiyong left without a traced before, and it’s haunted him back. Yongbae force his eyes to shut close, letting his mind rest from everything that unsettling. Try to calm his heart that offbeat. He’s tired.