It has been three days Yongbae keep ignoring Jiyong’s calls and messages. He still not in a mood to has any interaction with that guy after knowing about the truth. Jiyong being a gay is one thing, but all the lies that Jiyong created from the beginning are hurting him the most. He keep remembering everything which had been happened since they have known each other. All the memories they have shared together were something that Yongbae cherish the most but now everything seems fake. “I should have known from the beginning when everything seems too perfect” he mumbles.

“Yongbae…Is there anything wrong? You seems distracted these few days. Are you having a fight with Jiyong or what? I didn’t hear anything from him since last time he came here and you also didn’t leave this house like you used to do. What happened?” Yongbae had taken back when his mother asked him suddenly while they having their dinner. His father just look at him without a word.

“Nothing mom. Everything is fine. Jiyong has something to do, so we can’t meet that often.” said Yongbae, creating the lies.

“Does he has a girlfriend? Someone who is handsome like him surely does, isn’t it?” his mother smile brightly. “He must been busy dating right now, that is why you don’t join him, right?” added his mother. Yongbae just smile. “I think so, this is the only chance he has time to spend with his girlfriend.” said Yongbae but his wound feels like it has been sprinkled with salt that make it awfully hurt.

“If you are lonely, just find one. I know you are popular in your university.” said his father half joking.

“You both know what type of person is I am. People will easily get bored when they are with me. Moreover, I just want to focus on my study until I’m graduate.” answered Yongbae, try to carve a smile on his lips.

“You should spend your young age to do things like this..get a girl, dating, do the silly stuff with someone you love..so that, when you get old, you don’t feel something was missing in your life. I’ve got to know your mother quite late. Your mother is pitiful cause she didn’t has many romantic story to tell.” said his father and smile appeared on his face.

“Aishh…don’t listen to your father, he always mention things like that.” His mother quickly elbowed his father and Yongbae can see his mother is blushing.

Yongbae back to his room after having dinner. The conversation that they had makes Yongbae thinking about something. “What about Dara? Are they dating or not? or did Dara also involved in this lies? Arghh..I don’t want to know.” Yongbae shakes his head. He sit on his study table and bring his sketch book out from the drawer. His eyes focusing on the word “Friendship” which was written in that blank sheet.  He couldn’t finished it back then when Jiyong called him that morning. He wrote that word while thinking about Jiyong before, but now he has no idea what he should write. Yongbae lean his back against the chair. He can’t deny the loneliness that he suffered at this moment. He miss his bestfriend. How many time he trying to forget about Jiyong but his mind never stop thinking about him. Actually there are many things about Jiyong that he is grateful with. He really found himself attached to Jiyong compare to what he and Seunghyun had. He had experienced a lot of new things while they were together. Deep in his heart, he could accept if Jiyong really interested in a guy. Jiyong much better compare to Seunghyun because he never take advantage when they are together even though he slept beside him. It’s just that, he is afraid everything that Jiyong did was just pretending to be his friend. He never trust anyone after what Seunghyun did to him until he met Jiyong. Sometimes, he thought it is better if he does not know the truth.

***************************************

Jiyong hold his phone while various feeling linger in his heart. How many time he had dialed Yongbae’s number and all the message he had send never get any reply even though its clearly showed that it have been read. “Does he really mad at me?” thought Jiyong alone.  He stare at the cloth that belong to Yongbae. “Should I go there and use this cloth as an excuse?” Jiyong get up from his couch and step closer to the folded cloth on his bed.  He take that cloth and put it in a paper bag and walk out from the room. He doesn’t know whether that is a good idea or not, but that is the only way to confront Yongbae.

Jiyong stand in front of Yongbae’s house, hesitates to ring the bell. He look at the window that belong to Yongbae’s room. From the open window, Jiyong assumes that Yongbae is there. With pounding heart, Jiyong push the button and he can hear the sound of the bell echoing inside the house. In a minute later, Jiyong hear Mrs. Dong voice  ask him to come in. Yongbae’s mother appear at the door with a warm smile as always makes Jiyong force himself to return back the smile.

“Jiyong, how are you? We were just mention about you recently. Now, you are here.” said Mrs. Dong and walk Jiyong to the living hall.

“You all talk about me?” Asked Jiyong a bit surprised and worried.

“Owh..nothing, since you didn’t came here, so I asked Yongbae about you. He said you are busy…busy dating, huh?” said Mrs. Dong with mischievous smile.

Jiyong just smile and shook his head, denying. “Not dating aunty, just busy with some stuff” he said.

“Here, some gift for you.” Jiyong hands over a box of cake which he managed to buy on his way to Yongbae’s house.

“Waaahh…Thank you. How thoughtful you are. This is really my favorite and Yongbae’s as well.”said Mrs. Dong while take the box from Jiyong hand.

“Glad you like it. Erm…Where is Yongbae, aunty? Is he home? Can I see him?” asked Jiyong.

“Yongbae as usual, always in his palace. Go upstairs, help yourself. This is not the first time you come here. Just treat this home like yours.” Said Mrs. Dong before walk to the kitchen.

The smile on Jiyong face vanished as soon as Mrs. Dong left him alone. His heart beating so fast, still hesitate to face Yongbae. He inhale a deep breath and slowly climb up the stairs, heading to Yongbae’s room.

Jiyong knock on the door, waiting a reply from the person inside. His breath almost stop when he see Yongbae standing in front of him. Yongbae slightly shock but quickly cover it with his poker face. Yongbae pull the door and give a way to Jiyong to enter his room. Once Jiyong step in, he shut them close.

“How are you, Yongbae ah?” asked Jiyong, just try to start the conversation.

“As you can see, I’m fine.” answered Yongbae, sound a bit annoyed.

“I come here to return your cloth back. Thank you for lend it to me.” Jiyong hands over the paper bag.

“You don’t have to come just to return it back. I had taken your cloth back then, so it is not a big deal.” said Yongbae.

“Yeah..you are right. I don’t have to come just because of that. Actually, I want to see you since you didn’t pick up my call and never reply my messages. Are you hate me that much, Yongbae?” asked Jiyong while locking his gaze on his bestfriend that he miss so much.

“It’s not about hating. It’s just that I don’t have anything to say to you.” replied Yongbae.

“Are you happy being like this? How long you want to ignore me? Did my mistake doesn’t deserve your forgiveness? If there is a thing that I can do to make you forgive me, I will do it. I really can’t handle all of this. I keep thinking about you… I miss you. I know you will hate to hear it, but I can’t help it. I really miss you, Yongbae. It’s nothing wrong for best friend to have this feeling, right?” said Jiyong, expressing his feeling that he hold all this while.

Yongbae just keep being silent. He doesn’t want to admit that he miss Jiyong too. He miss his best friend so much until he almost jump toward him and give him a hug when he open the door just now. But because of his ego, he hold that feeling. Everything has change now. He can’t look at the person in front of him with the same thought like he had before. Now, being with this person seems so awkward.

“My life never been happy until I’ve got to know you. But, thanks to you  because makes me realized all this while, everything that I experienced was the fake friendship.” said Yongbae while shoot a sharp glare toward Jiyong.

“I’ve told you before, I never lied to you about that. I am really happy to be friend with you. Everything happened between us was not just pretending.” Jiyong counter back.

“Are you satisfied now seeing me being fooled?” asked Yongbae. There is  sadness and anger in his tone of voice.

“Yongbae ahh…..do you ever listening to what I’ve said?” asked Jiyong with frustration.

“What?!!!What do you want me to do? Before this my life already miserable because of the past. You never knew what I had suffered through the years. I thought knowing you will cure the wound, but you had create another wound…and its deeper than its already had.. Yes, whenever you are not around, I keep thinking about you but when I see your face, I can’t help from being annoyed and angry. I don’t know whether I can trust you anymore, Ji…I really hate it.” said Yongbae. His voice a bit shaky try to hold his anger. His tears start to form in his eyes, so does Jiyong.

With the teary eyes, Jiyong looks at his best friend. He slowly step closer towards Yongbae and hesitantly give him a hug. Since there is no reaction from Yongbae, Jiyong hold him tightly. He knows Yongbae are now crying over his shoulder. He also can’t hold his tears that start to flow. He really feeling guilty this time. He doesn’t know that Yongbae suffered that much. “What should I do? What can I do for him to be happy? Seems that I had hurt him deeply.” his mind thought silently.

“Yongbae ah, I’m really sorry. If I can turn back time, I will make sure you will not be hurt like this. I know it’s nothing I can do about it. I just want you to be happy. But, if being with me makes you feels more miserable, I will go. I’m really sorry. But, please believe in me, knowing you is something that I am grateful about. I know it is hard for you to believe after what had been happened between us but you has become part of my life. You said I cured your past but for me you are the one that bring light to my world.” Jiyong tighten the hug before he release it slowly. “Please, let us be friend again. I don’t want to lose you. I really can’t answer about me being a gay or not, because I also confuse about it. However, I promise you that I will not crossing the border as a best friend, if that what you want. I just want us to be comfortable with each other like we always do. So, don’t ignore me…don’t push me aside. Please, give me another chance.” said Jiyong pleading toward Yongbae.

Yongbae wipe his tears. His heart still burden with his own feeling. He want to believe every word that Jiyong said to him, but he can’t deny the uneasiness which linger in his heart. He look at Jiyong with absent minded. Without knowing he nodded slowly. Jiyong just return the gaze, not sure what is Yongbae thinking about, but as long as Yongbae not chase him away is enough for him to be thankful.

“Yongbae, Jiyong…let’s have some tea.” Mrs. Dong’s voice echoing from down stairs makes both of them quickly wipe the remaining tears. “Ok mom, we will coming down later.” answered Yongbae. He really doesn’t want to show their face in front of his mother now. He is very sure that his mother will notice their red eyes.

“Ok..better be quick, or else this tea will getting cold.” said his mother.

Yongbae go to the bathroom and wash his face. It has been so long he never been crying like this since his childhood’s dog, Boss died. Even he been bullied by his classmate, he never cry like this. He doesn’t know what makes his tears easily fall down when it come to Jiyong. He return back to his room and see Jiyong just sit at the corner silently.

“Go wash your face. Let’s have tea together before my mom suspect anything.” said Yongbae with stern voice. Jiyong just follow the order.

They heading to the dining table which had been served with tea and cake that Jiyong brought earlier. There, Mrs.  Dong already waiting while sipping her tea. “There’s must be a lot of things to share since both of you didn’t see each other, isn’t it? Awww…seeing both of you makes me remember my best friend in high school. We will forget about the whole world when we met with each other.” said Mrs. Dong and laugh happily. Jiyong and Yongbae just exchange their gaze and force their smile to cover their awkwardness.

“So Jiyong, what have you been doing lately? Yongbae seems so lonely when you are not around.” said Mrs. Dong and look to her son. Wide smile still on her face.

“No mom..I’m not lonely, that’s how I am normally.” said Yongbae try to deny.

“Owh..sorry aunty, there are a lot of things need to be done recently. Since some renovation is taking place to change my room, so I have to supervised their work. But, of course I am lonely too because there is no person to argue with.” said Jiyong while took a glance toward Yongbae.

“Renovation? Your room? You change your room? But your room is already nice.” ask Yongbae with surprised.

“I’m already sick of it. I told you before that I want something simple..like your room perhap.” answered Jiyong while smiling.

“You envious about my room…huh…you must don’t know how to be grateful, aren’t you?’ said Yongbae while bring spoonful of cake into his mouth.

“See aunty, I told you, I miss someone who keep arguing with me.” said Jiyong towards Yongbae’s mom. Mrs. Dong just smiling happily seeing them together.

After having some chats with the two guys, Mrs. Dong excused herself and leaving the two best friend alone at the dining table.

“Ok you two, have your time together. I want to go to the supermarket to buy some groceries. Jiyong, eat more, you become so skinny. Don’t you eat while you at home? Tonight, let’s have  dinner together.” invite Mrs. Dong.

“Eh..mom, let me go with you. You must need someone to carry that things.” asked Yongbae, try to find some excuse. He doesn’t want to be alone in that house with Jiyong. The atmosphere will be awkward if they stay there together.

“Aishh..no need, I already agreed to go with my friend. You just stay here with Jiyong and make sure he don’t go back until dinner.” said Mrs. Dong and heading to the front door and her shadow lost behind the close door.

Both of the them back to their silent mode. Jiyong looking at Yongbae. There is uncomfortable mood clearly shows on Yongbae’s face.

“Your mom said this is your favorite cake, is it true?” asked Jiyong, try to break the awkwardness.

“Emm..since my mom always buy that, so I ate it a lot.” answered Yongbae and his mouth lock up again.

“Yongbae, are you still mad at me? Is it really hard for you to forgive me? I don’t want us to be like this.” asked Jiyong but his question doesn’t get any respond. Yongbae still being silent.

“It’s ok, I think it’s better if I just leave. You seems so uncomfortable right now. Tell your mom I can’t join the dinner. Thank you by the way.” Jiyong stand up and slowly heading to the front door. Yongbae just follow with his sight. It hurt Jiyong a bit because what he really hope that Yongbae will ask him to stay. “Tomorrow….can I come again?” Jiyong turn and lock his eyes on his best friend. Yongbae avoid those gaze. Jiyong stand there for awhile waiting for an answer and he hurt once again when there is no reply. Jiyong decided to leave and before he taken the first step he hear Yongbae’s voice calling for him. With anticipation he turn back to look at Yongbae.

Yongbae look at him with a deep gaze. “Jiyong, ….I think from now on, don’t you ever come here again. Yes…I really feel uncomfortable having you around especially when we are alone like this. So, it is better if we don’t see each other again. From now on, let’s just be a person that going to the same university. No need to be close. As I said, I can’t trust you like before and I can’t look at you like I always did. So, I beg you…please just let me go.” said Yongbae.

Jiyong could feel his heartbeat start to race and its aching so much that makes him want to cry. He stand there with speechless. He really doesn’t know what he should say but one thing he sure about, he and Yongbae, their relationship is falling apart. “I know……if that what you want. Thank you for all the good things that we shared and sorry for everything. Good bye Yongbae.” with heavy heart Jiyong leave that house. He never turn back because he doesn’t want Yongbae to see his tears that running heavily on his face. “It’s hurt…..It’s really hurt, Yongbae.”

Yongbae fall on his knees. “I’ve said it….I’ve said it….” Yongbae stay there blankly while his tears falling down wetting his face. The thing that he afraid the most finally happened. He lost his best friend once again. He knows he being so mean toward Jiyong, but he can’t help it since everything between them has changed. He heading to his room with empty heart and throw himself toward his bed. He close his eyes try to hold the remaining tears.. “Time will heals everything, so does this pain…..Jiyong, I’m sorry….I really can’t.”