I waited backstage, only having Kyuhyun, and Si Won to accompany me even if it was packed with people. I was rubbing both my palms together and I couldn’t contain my nervousness. Tiffany was doing her make up, and she was one of the backup dancers for the musical. I was already dressed up snow white, and we were waiting for the show to start.

“Nervous?”  Kyuhyun asked, giving me a hug from the side. I nodded my head, feeling rather queasy. Kyuhyun and I had been really, really close. Especially after meeting my real family, there was a special bond between us that I couldn’t quite put my fingers on. It was nice having him around and he made me feel rather childish and happy. When he was hugging me from the side I was quite nervous that he might feel my shivers.

“Why? Is it because I’m watching?” He smirked. I hit his shoulder and denied it right away. “No… because my father is watching outside, with my step sister. Professor Lee Dong Wook, Yoo Hyo Rin unnie, and Changmin also came.”

“Why isn’t your mother here?” He suddenly asked. He could sense I was feeling rather comfortable at his question and apologized for asking. I shook my head, telling him that it was okay.

“She never watches my plays.” I said. “She’s afraid she might be embarrassed by me… My father used to watch every one of my plays. He would sing along with me if it was a musical… and he would be so proud until he boasts to the people around him.” I smiled even if I was  almost in tears. Si Won who was beside me gave me a tight hug and told me to stop crying. “This is my first play without him being one of the people in the audience. I don’t know if I can make it.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll do great.” Kyuhyun patted my head. “Just pretend I’m your father.” He said. I smiled like a little kid and fixed my hair and my dress.

“Five minutes.”  The people around me reminded.

“Break a leg.” Si Won smiled.

“Ahh, it feels like de ja vu.” I giggled, remembering Si Won’s piano recital.

The two boys left the backstage after finally giving me flowers and words of encouragement. I gulped, placing both my hands on my chest, feeling my heart beat. I was never nervous to be on stage before. What made me nervous? I’m not so sure.

Was it my dad?

After finding out that I was his daughter, he wouldn’t let go of me. The moment he found out, he couldn’t stop crying for an hour, and eventually he was out of tears and he kept on hugging me and repeatedly saying “I found you… Taeyeon ah… I found you.” He asked me to stay with him, but I knew that he couldn’t take care of me. He couldn’t take care of himself and his two children, how would he take care of me?

My twin sister, Kim Min Na who looked almost identical as me, except she had bigger, prettier eyes and perfectly shaped lips, wasn’t truly excited about my presence.

“Why do you come now? Even after all these years, why now?” She yelled.

So yes, maybe I was nervous and felt pressured to impress both my dad and my sister.

My twin brother, Kim Hyung Seun was sick. Not deathly illnesses like my adopted father, but he has ‘special needs’. He couldn’t speak clearly and he definitely couldn’t hear, and the only way he could move around was by using his wheelchair. He couldn’t come to my play because he had to stay at home. My father’s restaurant helper took care of him while my dad and sister watched my play.

Professor Lee promised to come to my play and he did. He brought along his friend Hyo Rin unni that I met during the opera show and Changmin. So I was extra nervous.

I was also nervous because I  had two kissing scenes with Junsu. Actually, that was one of the things I’m most nervous about. Everyone was going to see me kissing Junsu and it made me uncomfortable. Of course I had other kissing scenes with him before in our previous musicals and plays, but I don’t think it was suitable for my father to see me kissing a guy twice in a musical after recently meeting me.

-----------------------------------------------

The musical ended well, and my worries were over, well sort of. After taking off my costume and make up, and changed it to jeans and a shirt, everyone cheered for me and told me the play was great, which was very heartwarming, indeed.

“I was so amazed by your voice.” Professor Lee said, giving me a bouquet of flowers. He congratulated me and told me that I did really well. I blushed a little, trying to contain my happiness.

“Yaa~ my little sister was great.”  Si Won hugged me tightly. “I’m so proud of you~”

“You were really great. Those opera singers that we saw performing the other day couldn’t be compared to you.” Hyo Rin unnie said, also hugging me. I could see Tiffany glaring at me. She doesn’t know that we went to see an Opera show together. “We should watch it again, you know, the four of us.” Hyo Rin unnie said. “Dong Wook, Changmin, and us.” She pointed.

“I don’t know…” I said, being really hesitant. “Maybe…” I said. I didn’t dare to make any eye contact with Tiffany, because she seemed really upset.

Kyuhyun suddenly held my hand tightly. “You were amazing,” He said simply.

“Wasn’t she? I was so mesmerized by your singing, unnie.” Min Na suddenly said, excitedly. I was actually quite surprised by her sudden compliment, because it seemed as if she hated me the first time we met. I thanked her politely and denied it modestly.

“Taeyeonie, we should probably prepare ourselves for the after party.” Tiffany reminded. The casts and staffs of our musicals usually have after parties after every musicals or plays. It was our tradition. And as the main character, everyone had to make sure I came.

“Why don’t you ditch the after party and come dinner with me, Min Na and… your brother.” My father suddenly voiced. I stared at him in disbelief. “This tall guy.” He pointed rudely towards Si Won.

“Father… I”

“You would rather go partying than having dinner with your long lost father?” He said, as if he was hurt. It was getting awkward, because everyone was watching us.

“I… I guess not.” I stuttered nervously. “I’m sorry, Tiffany and Junsu.” I turned towards them, who were wide-eyed. “Bye the way, this ‘tall guy’ you called my brother has a name, and it’s Choi Si Won.”

“He’s not really your brother, isn’t he? Your brother is at home, sick.” My father retorted. My heart was aching so much when he said it, and I couldn’t  believe he would say something like that in front of my friends, and mostly in front of Si Won himself. I swear, I almost felt as if I wanted to punch him in the face, but Kyuhyun was still holding my hand tightly, as if reminding me that it was my father after all and I should act rationally.

“What is this? You should never mix oyster sauce with soy sauce, which is just disgusting, and this is just too bland.” My father complained, throwing his spoon into the bowl.

“Appa… this is a very well known restaurant. I think they know what they are doing.” I tried to say as politely as I could.

“Appa knows what he’s doing, too. He owns a restaurant, after all.” Min Na said.

“That’s right, see? Your sister is taking my side. That’s what daughters are supposed to do, Taeyeon ah.”

“Don’t be mad at Taeyeon, appa.” Min Na said in a cutesy way.

“See? She’s even taking your side. You should be thankful you have a sister like her, Taeyeon.”

“I am thankful… I hope both of us can be close, like Si Won oppa and I.”

“I don’t think you both should live together anymore.” My dad grumbled.

“Excuse me?”

“You two are obviously not related. I’m not comfortable having my daughter living in the same building as a stranger.”

“He’s not a stranger, he’s my brother.” I snapped.

“He’s NOT your brother!” My father yelled.

“Please, mister. Don’t yell at Soo Jin.” Si Won said, trying to calm both of us down.

“Don’t call my daughter Soo Jin, you imbecile. Her name is Taeyeon.” My father said in rage.

“APPA!”  I almost yelled. I had enough of his immaturity. He was driving me insane and i couldn't stand a single minute of it. My father looked at me as if I was crazy. I sighed in frustration and then excused myself to the ladies room. Min Na followed along.

I went to the sink and washed my hands, trying to contain my anger. Min Na was staring at me, as if analyzing my face. I looked at her and asked what was wrong.

“Oh, poo. Don’t pretend to be nice.” She snapped.

“Excuse me?”

“You hate me and I hate you.” She said, as if it was obvious. I actually had no idea what she was blubbering about, so I just stared at her for a few minutes, allowing her to explain. “I don’t like you.” She repeated.

“Why?”

“Even after years of your disappearance, my father who knew nothing about you, acted as if you were the golden child, wanting everything to be good for you. It was better when you didn’t appear at our restaurant two days ago. It was better living alone without you. We don’t need you in our family. It just adds nuisance. My dad is already suffering money problems.” She said angrily, folding her arms.

“I don’t know what you’re yapping about.” I just walked out from the ladies room and went back to our seats. Si Won weren’t communicating with my father, so I realized that they probably had a fight too, while we were gone. Min Na was also seated a few minutes later, and the awkward silence haunted us. While we were in silence, I took advantage of the time to think about what Min Na just told me. I shouldn’t have searched for my father. I did create nuisance. She was right. She was mean…. But she was right.

“Appa…” I broke the silence. “I know you are having money problems…” I said slowly. “Why don’t… you live with Si Won and I?” I asked. I could sense Si Won staring at me as if I was crazy.

“I can’t do that.” My father declined. Si Won sighed in relief.

“I have to take care of Hyung Seun. It would be a bother to drive back and forth from Seoul to Busan.” I nodded, understanding completely. “What if Min Na lives with you for a month? Will that make you feel better?”

“…Sure.” I said.

Min Na stared at our house in envy. Surprisingly, she was insanely nice in front of Si Won. She acted really cute around him and laughed at his jokes on the way home.

“This is amazing~” She smiled towards Si Won, who was blushing mad. “It must be thanks to Si Won right?” She said.

“Of course… I worked hard to earn this house.” He said proudly. I felt sick, almost wanting to vomit at their friendliness.

Although our house was big, it was only because we had big spaces for only little number of rooms, so she had to share a room with me. The moment we were alone in the room, she started to complain about everything. She hated the wallpaper, and the bookshelves and books everywhere, she wanted my side of the bed, she hated the pictures hanging on my walls and she mostly hated the bed sheets.

“How can a 23 year old like you have small ducklings patterned bed sheets?” She complained. “There must be something wrong with your head.” She said in a really mean way, twirling her fingers that was pointing at her head.

I decided to say nothing and it was already time for us to settle down and sleep. I turned off the lights and laid on the bed, checking my phone. I had a late night text from an unknown number.

“Hey Soo Jinnie~ It’s Changmin. I didn’t get to tell you that you were amazing just now. I was completely blown away~ woosh!”

I was a bit surprised to see a message from Changmin, and i've never seen his bubbly side before. I laughed silently at his cute message and replied.

“How did you get my number? You fell in love with me already after watching the show? Kekeke.”

“No way~ I just knew. Just sleep now… woosh! Goodnight, Soo Jinnie.”

“It’s Taeyeon now.”

“I’m not used to call you Taeyeon yet… hmm.. Taeyeon….”

“Will you keep it down?!” Min Na yelled, looking rather annoyed. “I could hear your beeping.”

“Sorry.” I apologized immediately.

“Whatever, Changmin. It’s already late. Goodnight.”