Himchan pinched his phone between his ear and shoulder, freeing his hands to button his coat up. He was in the clinical white light of his seminar room, student's essays tucked neatly into his satchel and all the instruments locked away. The only other souls in the building were the cleaning staff and a small group of second years rehearsing tirelessly. Otherwise, the halls were dark with only a handful of streaks of colour like a piano keyboard where single rooms were lit with their doors open.

“Are you going to be single on Valentines day again?” His mother was asking in a worried tone.

“Why are you so invested in my love life? I've got a stable career and a nice home and all you ever ask about is if I'm seeing anyone.” Himchan pursed his lips, marching down the hallway with his phone in hand.

“You're moving towards your late twenties, dear, you should be settling down with someone by now.”

“Mother,” Himchan grumbled. The lights of the different rooms slid over him, illuminating him then dropping him back into darkness. “My life is fine how it is.

“Don't you think you should at least have a boyfriend by now? I can give someone your number if you like – There's always that Kim Junmyeon boy.”

“Junmyeon already has my number, but he's just a friend. Look, please don't give my number out to random guys. I'm fine.”

“You just seem awfully lonely these days.”

“Mother,” he hissed, fumbling to swap his phone to the other ear to shift his bag strap, “Everything's fine. I-” he slowed a little as he thought of something to say, “I'm already seeing someone!” He stopped in one of the dark blocks of the hallway, almost immediately regretting his lie.

“Oh What's he like?” His mother asked, voice perky and interested.

“Um,” he cast around nervously, “Nice, well-mannered, soft hands...” He passed through a strip of light into another dark block, “His name's Yongguk.” He bit his tongue, irritated at himself.

“Well you should introduce him to the rest of us sometime, don't keep him a secret.”

“Yeah well... We've only gone out twice. I need to know it's going to go somewhere first. Look, can we talk later? I need to get home and grade these papers.” He stopped beside the doors of the building, palm resting on the handle. The grounds were well lit but he knew that was all a façade. Without the huge floodlights he wouldn't be able to see his hand in front of his eyes. There weren't even stars in the city to guide himself by.

“Okay, but call back soon. I want to know how things are going.”

“Yeah, I will, I will. Goodbye, mum.”

“Goodbye, dear.”

He hung up quickly and stuffed his phone in his pocket, shoving the doors open with the same motion. He stood outside and breathed in a lungful of cold night air, then let out a long sigh that turned into a groan.

That was a stupid lie.

As if to make matters worse, he bumped into Yongguk on his way home. Guilt was gnawing at his chest from the phone call and only intensified upon seeing the man.

“Himchan!” Yongguk grinned, his smile making Himchan's chest tense. “Seems like I see you every other time I walk home.”

“Weird timing,” he replied, wishing he could run away.

“Shall we walk together?” the older asked, stepping closer.

He willed himself to say no with some excuse. “Yeah sure.”

They walked on along the path, the cool night breeze ruffling their hair. Light rolled over them, stretching their shadows out and around them like circling buzzards. Around them the world was silent and dark, as though as empty as the night sky that spread out above them into the infinite void. Himchan kept his eyes forwards on the black expanse before them, focussed on the bead of light at the end of it like it was a lifeline.

They stepped into the void and Yongguk stepped a little closer to him, their arms brushing against each other and sending small shocks of nerves through him.

“You've very quiet today,” Yongguk eventually said, voice quiet and soft. It punched a lump into Himchan's throat.

“It's been a long day.” He wasn't exactly lying. It had been a long day, just like every working day.

“I can understand that.”

And that was that, and somehow that made it worse. Himchan almost wished Yongguk had pried him about it, had pushed the lie from his mouth and scolded him for it. Somehow keeping the lie a secret made the entire thing worse. It set an uncomfortable sense of wrongness in him, as though Yongguk might discover it written down and confront him about it. The guy had saved his life and he was just using his acquaintance as a means of getting his mother off his back.

They reached their break-off point and Himchan fought the strong urge to run off home before he could say goodbye. As he turned, his eyes met Yongguks own, full of concern.

“You seem stressed, anything I can help with?”

His chest tightened. “Nothing. Honestly, I'm just tired.” Now he was lying. It just made things worse.

Before Yongguk could say anything more, he'd given his arm an awkward pat and turned away out of the light of the street lamp at the end of the road and made his way home.

The house was dark when he stepped inside. Cold from the heating not turning on yet and empty. It had never bothered him before, but suddenly it seemed like there was too much space. He lay in bed, one arm stretched out over the empty side, and lay awake like that in the dark for some time.

Soundtrack: The Ataris - Not Capable of Love