(LJS)

"SURPRISE!" The woman immediately throws her arms round his neck as she comes through the door.

His happiness is not less than his surprise upon seeing her. The odd relief on his face reflects a tender concern. He must have missed her, even if they were just on the phone this morning.

"Don't you have a shoot?" He asks her in his warm, caring voice. It's only a few months since they were together, but it seems they're already inseparable.

Like a small piece of furniture, I look on quietly at a corner. A heavy feeling slowly engulfs me and I feel a huge rock pressing uncomfortably against my chest. It is hard to breathe. The late summer rain, it must have a bigger effect on me than I thought, and I must be coming down with a cold... a very bad cold. I really need to get some air.

Lovely dimples showing, she winks her cat eyes at him, "They called it off - the first camera was protesting!" The beautiful woman giggles at her luck, filling the man's staid quarters with cheery feminity. In time, she notices me, an awkward figure standing by himself near the breakfast table.

"Oh, Jong Suk, I didn't know you're here!" She thoughtfully removes her arms from his neck. I flash her a widest grin, and look towards the door for an escape. But the striking couple blocks a narrow path.

I try hard to work a dull mind, which can only gather the answer for 1 plus 1. Where there were two in this room, now there is another. It is a simple equation gone wrong, and I know, I should be leaving. It is simple math.

I smile charmingly back at her and move courageously towards the door. I said, "Don't mind me, I was just leaving," and put my acting skill to good use.

"Hey, Jong Suk," he calls out. Or maybe, he will ask me to stay. "Don't forget your groceries," he walks past me and gets them out from the fridge.

"Right, the groceries," of course, it's not for me to stay. Buddies make way when girlfriends appear. I take the groceries from him, my face not hinting a blade that passes through somewhere within me.

The picture that was left at the breakfast table should have been changed months ago. A pretty frame holding it does not mean a thing. Like he said, he was too lazy to change it. Yet just like the picture, something else must have been freeze-framed at that time - trapped, and unable to get out; helpless, and living in a world it created on its own. It is unfair, but wholly self-earned.

I glance at the familiar apartment, and know I should stop making wrong turns. I shouldn't end up here time and time again, no matter how much cozier this place is than mine. There are some places that do not belong to me, and there are some things in this world that one cannot begin to hope.

I keep back a wistful smile, replacing it with a wide one that stretches from ear to ear.

"Mi Na-ssi, he's been nagging me the whole morning. Tell him to take pity on me and let me off..." and I choke on a flat joke that never gets to leave my lips. Instead, my fists freeze near both my hurting cheeks and all I can show is my famous buing-buing gesture. I hate it. But it cracks her up. His deep laughter resounds in perfect rhythm with hers. They make a beautiful pair, like yin and yang, perfect and natural.

Suffocation.

It suddenly becomes real.

I leave the place with their laughter still ringing in the apartment, my legs buckling from trying hard to remain cool and not tear out of the place.

The quiet street has dried up from the rain yesterday but a puddle remains at a dim corner that the sun could not reach. How long will the puddle remain in the shadow, without the warm sun to dry it... of course, with time, the water will be gone. I am sure of it. But I don't know how long that will be.

Across the road, the rubbish truck is picking up trash that residents had thrown out. I walk over, lifting the bag of groceries to dump. The clanking of glass bottles in the bags stop me. I take them out. Sojus are his favorite - I always make sure there are some in the fridge. The rest, are not important.

Too soon, I open the door to a stark white apartment. When I bought it I thought it was cool looking. Now it is just cold. This place is too new... I miss the older one. My own blown up picture on the wall stares back at me, I wonder if it is mocking me or I'm laughing back at it.

The green bottles go silently into the empty fridge. I stare wordlessly at them. When did I start to remember it's bitter content... I don't even drink that much. I don't know how long I stood there but if the drinks are plants they would have sprouted.

Tired.

Too tired. Like so fecking tired and burnt out I feel like lying in bed and never getting up.

Which is what I do for a while now. Scripts pile beside the bed, rejected before a page is lifted.

The bed is cold, and hard.

I curl myself desperately seeking warmth from nothing.

My body shivers.

My head spins.

My eyes water and they sting.

I... must be coming down with a cold.

(tbc)