Youngjae.

About two months have passed since Youngjae and Yoongi's unplanned meeting. Since that cruel day Youngjae was back to his old depressed and suicidal self. It was good he didn't turn back to self harming himself, though. Youngjae greeted the mornings with the same old frown and went to bed with that exact frown he kept on his face the whole day. Just as Youngjae's old self returned, his nightmares came back as well. He would wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and as soon as he woke up loneliness and old memories of Yoongi would flood in, drowning Youngjae. Youngjae already being a really reserved and introverted person became even more reserved, pushing everyone, including his new friends - Mark and Jaebum, out of his life. As Youngjae stopped hanging out with them and started to ignore them, Mark and Jaebum also soon enough stopped trying to reach out to him and convince him into going to different places with him.

But as he lost two friends, he quickly gained another one - Kim Yugyeom, a high school senior who's dream in life was to become a JYP Entertainmet trainee. It was a stupid dream in Youngjae's opinion, but what could he do? Yugyeom at least had a dream, which already made him better than Youngjae. Yugyeom and Youngjae met while Youngjae was getting beaten up by random stranger he had unintentionally disturbed while he was drunk out of his mind a few weeks ago. Yugyeom had spotted the fun event happening and called the police on the two huge guys who were happily getting their rage out on poor small Youngjae. Youngjae couldn't see and smell anything for a few days as the two scary looking men had completely messed up his face. Youngjae was lucky that they didn't do anything to his body other than leave thousand bruises and cuts. After that eventful night, Yugyeom have been stuck to Youngjae's side and wouldn't leave him alone. Even though Youngjae acted like he didn't like Yugyeom, deep down he was thankful that this weird seventeen year old apperead in his life out of nowhere and was keeping him somewhat occupied.

Youngjae and Yugyeom would often hang out at a random abandoned amusement park near Yugyeom's house. Yugyeom would rehearse and practice for the upcoming JYPE audition, while Youngjae would 'explore' the park, searching for 'adventure'. Every week or so Yugyeom would do a small concert for Youngjae so that he could evaluate his performance and 'give him feedback'.

"But why do you need me to 'give you feedback'? I'm not exactly a gifted person." - Youngjae frowned after hearing Yugyeom's request.

"Don't lie. I heard you singing the other day and it's really good! Plus why would you take a music theory class if you weren't somewhat talented?" - Yugyeom said, catching Youngjae's strong gaze.

"Did you stalk me or what? Yugyeom, you're getting creepier by day." - Youngjae teased Yugyeom, making him glare at him.

Besides Yugyeom, there was nothing else that 'entertained' Youngjae or made him want to get up from his bed and live an active life. Everything was just too dull and boring.

Youngjae was currently walking towards his music theory class. As he was walking he overheard two annoying voices squealing about some random . And even though Youngjae would rather get stung by a huge bee and die than listen to their irritating , he still couldn't stop eavesdropping.

"Oh my gosh! Do you actually think Suga oppa likes Jiminie oppa?" - girl number one asked the other one. Youngjae sighed hearing a name that brought back every single bad memory Youngjae contained in his brain.

"Suga oppa definitely likes him. And I think they're actually dating!" - another high pitched voice, that belonged to girl number two said. 'That's stupid. Why would they just randomly assume two people are together?' - Youngjae thought to himself, already losing his mind because of how ing annoying the two girls' voices were.

"I even have proof!" - girl number two continued to talk. Youngjae really wanted to just stop and listen to her useless and stupid 'proofs'. Really he just wanted to walk up to the girl and ask her to tell him what 'proofs' she had that would actually indicate that Yoongi and this other guy were indeed dating. He then wanted to curse her out for assuming two people's lives purely based what they saw on the internet. He wanted to yell at them for supposing things without knowing the people in real life. But he couldn't because that would be psychotic and would gain a lot of unwanted attention from everywhere. He might even get suspended for yelling at people just because they shared their opinions on things they liked. Youngjae didn't want all that trouble, so he just kept walking, trying to ignore the conversation he had accidentally heard.

For the rest of the day Youngjae spent time wondering who was this person named 'Jiminie' and why people thought he was dating Yoongi. Not that it was any of Youngjae's business, as Youngjae and Yoongi's lives parted long ago. Youngjae had to stop himself several times from actually searching the name 'Jiminie' up on the internet. "It really shouldn't concern you, Youngjae. Just mind your own business." - Youngjae kept telling himself, as the day carried on. But of course no matter how much effort he put into not caring about this 'Jiminie's' and Suga's supposed relationship, he couldn't not care and move on with his own life. As it turned out, Youngjae still gave a few s about who Yoongi did and did not date, which was why he was at the moment in the cafeteria reading every article and fan written posts about this guy named Jimin instead of eating. Apparently Jimin was in the same band as Yoongi and was the main vocalist. He was fairly good looking so Youngjae couldn't even judge him based on his looks. He also couldn't judge his voice, as it wasn't his place to criticize other's voice. Youngjae angrily put down his phone, furious that he didn't find anything that would make Jimin a bad person, so that Youngjae could freely hate him. It seemed that Jimin was better than him in everything. Youngjae sighed heavily, trying to stop caring, trying to cope with the fact that Yoongi would never choose Youngjae over Jimin, trying to assure himself that maybe he didn't need Yoongi in his life. But the more Youngjae tried, the more ridiculous his thoughts seemed. Of course Youngjae needed Yoongi. Yoongi was the reason why Youngjae's life so ed up and sad. Yoongi was the reason why Youngjae woke up every night drenched in sweat and tears. Yoongi was the person Youngjae saw before going to bed and after waking up in the morning.

"But you know what, Choi Youngjae, it's fine. It's all fine. You'll get over it." - Youngjae said to himself, as he got up to leave the cafeteria and the university building. Although Youngjae still had a psychology class left for the day, he didn't care anymore. He needed to relieve the amount of stress he received today as it was exceeding the normal level by a lot. Youngjae got out of the building and started to walk in the direction of one place he knew he was safe in - the infamous park near his university.

Youngjae arrived at the park shortly and started to head towards the swings. But as he got closer a human figure was becoming more and more visible. Someone was definitely sitting on one of the swings. Youngjae got scared for a minute and wanted to runaway. But as the distance between him and the swings got a bit shorter, he noticed the familarity of the person who was on the swings. He noticed the familiar dyed in red hair, the black leather jacket, ripped jeans and muscular build that was close to Youngjae. A person he haven't seen in a few months - Jaebum was sitting on the left swing, he was humming his favorite song, as his head was hanging low and he was staring at the ground.

Youngjae's anxiety level got low and he felt confident now that he knew that Jaebum was sitting on the swings. Youngjae bravely walked up to the swing set and sat on the remaining swing. Jaebum noticed him but didn't bulge at all. Maybe he already knew that it was Youngjae, as no one else than him dared to get close to him, because he had a strong gaze and a big body - two things that would scare any normal functioning human being. Jaebum kept on humming the song and swinging back and forth a little. Youngjae also just sat there, clearing out his mind while listening to Jaebum hum a familiar song.

"Mark got a puppy." - Jaebum said out of the blue, but he still didn't bother to look at Youngjae.

"Good for him." - Youngjae said, not very interested in Mark's or his puppy's life.

"But he still haven't named her." - Jaebum continued, still swinging back and forth.

"Name her Coco." - Youngjae replied, thinking of some random name.

"I'll tell him that." - Jaebum said and then shortly after silence fell upon the two.

"I have a new friend named Yugyeom. He's still in high school though." - Youngjae stated, not caring if Jaebum was listening or not. 

"He also really liked dancing for some reason." - Youngjae said, smiling to himself while remembering Yugyeom's silly dance from the day before.

"Dancing sometimes can be fun." - Jaebum replied, indicating he was indeed listening to Youngjae. Maybe this is what Youngjae needed at the moment. Just someone to keep him company and listen to him without trying to give him advice. Someone to just sit with him and be with him. And Jaebum was perfect for that at the moment. Maybe Jaebum was here for the exact same reason and Youngjae just happened to be here with him. The two continued to sit together in silence for a few hours enjoying every second of it, until Yugyeom called Youngjae for their daily 'date'.

"Thank you for keeping me company, hyung." - Youngjae said, as he left the park to meet Yugyeom and witness another one of his dance practices.

Yoongi.

It's been what it feels like a few hundred years since Yoongi last saw Youngjae, so their sudden and unplanned meeting felt unnatural, weird and nice. When Yoongi saw Youngjae he felt as he had just let go a breath he had been holding for too long. Seeing Youngjae made Yoongi feel warm and cozy inside as Youngjae felt like home: Youngjae felt like Yoongi's mom's unexpected kisses that Yoongi used to dislike so much, but missed now that she couldn't do it anymore; Youngjae smelt like the very familiar delicious smell that came from Youngjae's mom's mouth-watering cookies; Youngjae's familiar brown locks reminded him of his brother's dark brown hair that Yoongi used to pull as a kid. Seeing Youngjae brought back thousands of Yoongi's happiest memories. Memories like running away from his hyung after calling him stupid for messing up on a school test and then hiding behind his father for protection or memories like waking up early in the morning at Youngjae's request just so that they could play basketball just a little bit longer. But all of that disappeared as soon as that strange red haired dude appeared and took Youngjae away, which was why Yoongi's been in a bad mood ever since.

That red haired muscled guy holding Youngjae wasn't the only reason, though. There was another factor to Yoongi's sudden aggression towards the littlest of things. That factor being that Yoongi's vivid dreams of Youngjae had unfortunately stopped. One thing that was keeping Yoongi sane and helped him go through the day had all of a sudden come to an unpredicted stop. There wasn't a happy Youngjae with a wide smile on his face greeting Yoongi every night and spending hours filled with laughter and joy anymore. There weren't fun and spontaneous dates to go on anymore. There wasn't anyone to sing Yoongi songs when he felt sad to cheer him up or when he was anxious to calm him down. Yoongi was now completely alone.

All of his anger he was taking out on his unfortunate donsaengs and occasionally even on his only hyung in the band - Jin. Yoongi was lucky that Jin and the rest of Bangtan were understanding enough not to get offended and get mad at him. It was also good that Rap Monster had told everyone about Yoongi's tough situation beforehand so that everyone knew that Yoongi was having a bad time and was sensitive and emotional. But as every day passed, Yoongi was getting more aggressive and at the same time he was getting more and more desperate. Yoongi was even at some point ready to just leave everything and go back, just so that he would get Youngjae back.

"Dude, you've worked too hard and too long to get everything we have at the moment. You can't just destroy all of this just because of some childhood friend of yours." - Namjoon scolded the out of his mind member, who was standing in his room packing his things into a huge bag, while he himself looked like hell. If hell was a person, it'd look and sound like Yoongi, who has been laying in his bed for a week straight without getting up. He had been desperately trying to fall asleep and gain back his ability to meet Youngjae in his dreams.

"But I can't live like this anymore. I can't live without Youngjae." - Yoongi looked truly miserable and poor. Yoongi was literally one finger from actually going insane.

"Yoongi, do you hear yourself right now? You sound so ing pathetic, whining like a child who's parents didn't buy him the toy he wanted." - Namjoon shouted. Yoongi continued to pack his stuff without bothering to look up to Namjoon. Namjoon who was beyond irritated at Yoongi's selfish and stupid act went over to and snatched his bag away from him. Namjoon quickly got out of the room and locked Yoongi up in there, so that he couldn't escape and 'leave the band and leave this ing industry filled with heartless monsters'.

Yoongi needed Youngjae. He needed him badly, desperately and immediately. Which was probably why Yoongi was currently on the phone with his brother, begging him something his brother had already refused to accomplish, as it was too impossible and incredibly weird. But Yoongi didn't give up, he couldn't give up just because his brother said 'no'. Yoongi needed this certain thing to be done to regain his normality so he could keep on living.

"Yoongi, it's weird. I can't." - Yoongi's brother said through the phone, not exactly believing what his little brother had just asked him to do.

"Hyung, please. I really need it." - Yoongi pleaded, sounding more and more despairing by the passing second. His hyung could bet on everything they both had that Yoongi was on his knees.

"But Yoongi, it's strange to ask someone you haven't seen for years for their number as if nothing happened and everything is fine."

"Hyung, I'm going insane here. I need his number so that at least I can try apologizing and making everything okay between us again." - Yoongi begged again, whining like his 4 year old niece  whenever she needs something.

"Hyung, please, do this one thing for me! I'm your brother! Do you really want a mentally insane brother?" - Yoongi tried threatening his hyung, which only made his hyung snigger at his sad threat.

"Hyung, if you do this, I will seriously buy you that one car you had been dying to get." - Yoongi tried the very last trick - bribing his brother into doing it, which actually worked. His brother without hesitating for even a second agreed. And with that Yoongi's dolorous phone call with his brother was done. Yoongi was somewhat calm knowing that soon enough he was going to have Youngjae's new phone number that Youngjae got a few years ago to avoid Yoongi's calls and texts. In a few days Yoongi was going to be hearing Youngjae's soft voice, even if it was going to be for only a few seconds. Yoongi didn't care that Youngjae was possibly going to hang up as soon as he heard Yoongi's voice. The only thing that mattered right now is hearing Youngjae's voice again, even if it's going to be only a simple 'Hello'. Yoongi needed Youngjae right now, even if it was for only a split second. With that strange calm feeling Yoongi went to sleep, something that has been avoiding Yoongi for the last couple of weeks.

It was almost 4 in the morning when a phone call woke Yoongi up from his deep sleep. Yoongi's body was sour and in pain from practicing too hard and too much for their upcoming big debut. But BTS had no other choice but to practice hard, unlike other bands they weren't from some huge and famous agency that everyone knew of. They had to work their butts off in order to gain worldwide success, they wanted so much, despite debuting from a company that only a few number of people had heard of.

Yoongi looked at the called ID. "Jae" - it read. Yoongi frowned, not knowing the reason behind the early and sudden call from his donsaeng. Following his instincts, Yoongi immediately thought that something bad had happened.

"Youngjae? Why? What happened?" - Yoongi worriedly asked as soon as he picked up the phone.

"Hyung, do you remember the gigantic castle you were going to buy me?" - Youngjae's barely audible voice was heard through the phone.

"Do you remember how you promised me an enormous castle, where we and both of our families could live together so that we could play together every day?" - Youngjae spoke again, which for some reason made Yoongi really mad.

"Choi Young Jae! Do you know it's four in the morning right now?!" - Yoongi angrily shouted through the phone. He didn't need Youngjae reminding him stupid promises they made as kids when he was almost dying from practing day and night without a rest.

"I've been rehearsing one stupid dance for months without resting for a split second just so that this band would have a decent debut that would attract people. And I'm only allowing myself to get some sleep only now just so that I could go back to that goddamned practice room again tomorrow and dance until legs are so tired that it feels like are going to break in half. It's really not the time for you to call me to whine about some promise we made as two stupid children." - Yoongi yelled louder. He was furious and stressed and had taken it all on poor Youngjae, who's phone call just had a bad timing.

"Now if you would leave me alone, I want to go back to sleep and get some rest I ing deserve." - Yoongi spat into the phone speaker. Yoongi really didn't need Youngjae being a stupid and immature kid right now.

"But hyung what if I die?" - Youngjae replied just as Yoongi was about to hang up. Yoongi rolled his eyes. What in the world was this kid talking about in four in the morning when Yoongi had just told him that he was exhausted and didn't need him to complain about his 'sad' life.

"Youngjae stop being a and go to sleep."  - Yoongi hissed, hanging up and going to sleep after turning his phone off.

"Yoongi hyung, wake up! It's 7. We have to go to the dance studio or choreographer hyung will be mad." - Jimin woke Yoongi up, who had turned his phone off along with his alarm clock earlier because of Youngjae's stupid phone call, that felt more like a prank. Yoongi sighed and quickly got up to go his second home - the practice room, where he spent the day with the rest of BTS members plus their choreographer.

It was already noon and the boys were given a short break to drink some water and get some lunch. Yoongi finally his phone that has been off ever since his phone call with Youngjae. As soon as it was on, Yoongi received a text message from Youngjae.

"Good bye, hyung." - it read. Yoongi couldn't breathe for a second. It was as if someone was keeping him from breathing properly. Yoongi's whole body was suddenly cold, Yoongi was shivering and cold sweat was dripping from his forehead. Just then as Yoongi was standing there too dumbfounded to do anything, his phone rang. His brother was calling him. Yoongi didn't want to pick up the phone, but knew he had to. Yoongi slowly picked it up and put it on his ear.

"Yoongi, can you come home? Youngjae's in the hospital." - his brother's shake voice could be heard through the phone. Yoongi froze in place. He didn't know what to do or what to say. Even if he did know, he couldn't move. Yoongi was afraid he was going to hear something he never wanted to hear.

"Yoongi, do you hear me? Youngjae tried to kill himself." - his hyung dared to pronounce that one cruel sentence with his mouth. Yoongi was too shocked to react. Why would someone as happy as Youngjae do that? Why would someone who smiled so brightly and laughed too loudly try to take his life? Why would someone who's eyes blazed with passion and ambition suddenly decide to commit suicide? Yoongi just stood there, not even having the energy to freak out.

"Youngjae, no!" - Yoongi yelled as he woke up from his nightmare, that he has been successfully avoiding to have for two years. Yoongi sat up, trying his best to forget the ugly memory he had of Youngjae. Youngjae's image of him laying on the hospital bed, both of his wrists covered with giant bandages. Youngjae's skin was pale and there were heavy dark circles under his eyes. Tears unintentionally started to roll down Yoongi's cheek.

"Youngjae's brother said that he had cut both of his wrists with a kitchen knife really deep that if he was found even a minute later, he would've been dead." - Yoongi's brother said. That's when Yoongi couldn't handle it anymore. That's when he broke down in tears in front of everyone. Someone who hated crying so much, because it meant losing, was now on the floor crying his heart out, letting out everything he had been holding inside of him. If Yoongi had taken only a few minutes from his sleep so that Youngjae would calm down a bit, Youngjae wouldn't have been laying in that goddamned bed. If Yoongi hadn't taken every bit of rage he had inside of him on poor Youngjae, Youngjae would've maybe thought twice before scarring his wrists with a knife. If only Yoongi was a bit patient, Youngjae wouldn't have voluntarily said goodbye to his precious life.

"Yoongi, why did you do that?" - Yoongi asked himself, while sitting alone in the dark remembering every bit of that terrible incident.