Youngjae.

It's been a whole week since Youngjae was introduced to Jaebum and Mark. Although a week wasn't such a long time to get to know a person so well, still Youngjae got to know their general personalities and behavors by spending a few hours with both them along with Jackson every day for a week. Mark was, just as Youngjae guessed, the quiet and introverted one. But nonetheless, Mark was the one not to be messed with, as he was strong, confident and very observant. If someone tried to me up just a little, he'd spill all the dirty details and their sneaky attack would backfire them instantly. As for Jaebum, he was the one with the most intense look, deep voice and huge and strong body. It looked like as if he worked out every single day for 10 continuous hours. But even though he looked like he could beat up 10 people by himself, Youngjae learned that he was a soft soul with a kind heart. He was the one in the group that always took care of everyone and made sure everyone ate and were feeling okay. And then there was Jackson, the loudest person Youngjae's ever met. Jackson was really fun to hang out with, though. He set the mood and always made people around him laugh, wherever he was. 

On the other hand, Youngjae's happiness was at it's all time highest. Being around these three not very special looking guys made his life much happier for some reason. And Youngjae just knew that it wasn't just Jackson's fun personality that made his life a bit better. Youngjae very clearly understood that there was something about Jaebum that made Youngjae feel stuff he hasn't felt ever since Yoongi... left. Another improvement was that Youngjae spent the entire week without wondering about Yoongi every second of the day, thinking of possible ways that Yoongi and him could just accidentally bump into each other. Instead he focused on his studies more, thanks to Jackson, and not ing up with new friendship with Jaebum, Jackson and Mark. 

But being okay in daylight still didn't mean that it didn't still hurt even a tiny bit when the night time crept in. As Youngjae laid in his bed, his brain would slowly bring up old suppressed memories about his happy childhood, which would obviously be tied with Yoongi. Then his thoughts would become captivated with a weird guy with a stupid gummy smile. That one single smile would then up his entire night, making him lose his ability to sleep. And when he did manage to somehow fall asleep, he'd dream of Yoongi. Not a happy dream where everyone's happy either. That kind of dream where that one incident repeats itself again and again.

The exact same thing happened to Youngjae tonight as well. Youngjae woke up covered with cold sweat, while screaming out his name. Youngjae sat up straight, not having the energy to even get angry. He's been waking up in this condition every single night for 2 weeks now. And every single damn time it would be that one memory to wake Youngjae up. Tonight was no exception.

"I don't want to see you ever again! Get the out of here!" - his own voice rang in his ears. Youngjae wanted to cry. Why did he say that? He really was stupid to let him like that. Just why the couldn't he control his damn temper for just once?

"That's just your damn luck, Youngjae." - Youngjae whispered to himself. Youngjae truly hated himself down to his core for doing something so narrow minded. If it wasn't for that one single phrase maybe, just maybe Yoongi would be here with him, talking about music, the universe, aliens, books and a load of other things. Maybe if Youngjae hadn't said that one phrase, he wouldn't have nightmares every day.

"I really do miss you, though, hyung." - Youngjae whispered, crying to himself. Memories, happy memories of Yoongi flashed into his mind, making Youngjae feel even tier than he was feeling at the moment. It's as if his mind was saying " you for ing things up with the only person who understood you." Youngjae could see Yoongi in his favorite striped shirt, black shorts and sneakers waiting for Youngjae to get dressed in his living room. Youngjae could see his bright smile as he saw Youngjae. Youngjae could see him waving excitedly and then babbling about how much fun they were going to have.

"Youngjae, you really are stupid." - Youngjae muttered under his breath, his tears were dry long ago. The only thing he felt at the moment was numbness and regret. Why did Youngjae have to be depressed? Why can't Youngjae just be normal like the rest? Why did Youngjae have to do that particular stupid thing on that specific day? Why then at least he have to be found that goddamned day?

But then as Youngjae was sitting on his bed alone in the dark, his ringtone suddenly went off, surprising and scaring Youngjae. He quickly found his phone and answered it not bothering to look at who was calling him.

"Hello?" - Youngjae said into the speaker, but heard nothing.

"Hello?" - Youngjae tried again. Maybe he should've looked at the number. What if it was a psycho stalker person calling to tell creepy stuff about him? Or maybe it was a voice trying to tell him: "7 days, Choi Young Jae." Youngjae quickly revomed the phone from his face and glanced at the ID. "Im Jaebum." - it read. Why was Jaebum calling him in the middle of the night? Or was it an accident? Maybe Jaebum -dialed him?

"Hyung?" - Youngjae whispered, getting ready to end the call.

"Youngjae." - Jaebum's low voice could be heard through the phone.

"Can we meet?" - Jaebum suddenly asked. Youngjae was incredibly confused. He would understand or at least try to if it was Jackson calling him and suggesting to meet. But Jaebum was another case. It's not Youngjae and him hated each other or anything, but rather it was that Jaebum and him weren't exactly on that level or friendship, where they meet each other at 4am yet.

"What?" - Youngjae asked, praying that he had misheard the older boy.

"I'm at the park near our university." - Jaebum said and hung up, not letting Youngjae drop another word, not explaining anything else either. As soon as Youngjae noticed that Jaebum had hung up on him, the inner conflict started. Should he go to that creepy looking park and meet that creepy looking dude in the middle of the creepiest part of the night? Should he just ignore everything Jaebum had just said and go to sleep? Show Youngjae even be up at this hour? Youngjae was probably going to be really sleepy tomorrow. But nevertheless, Youngjae put on his sweater from the previous day and some pair of pants. He quietly opened the front door and left.

It was almost 5 when Youngjae finally arrived at the park, he passed by every morning on his way to university. Jaebum was sitting on one of the two swings, slowly swinging back and forth. Youngjae ran over to him and took a sit on the other swing. Jaebum didn't bother to look up, he just continued to blankly stare at the ground while humming a song. Youngjae didn't bother him either. Neither of them talked for a while, they just both sat there, enjoying each other's company that was comfortably accompanied with Jaebum's humming. Youngjae had to admit, it was so much better sitting outside with Jaebum doing nothing and savor each second of this soothing silence, rather than being alone in his sad bedroom and think of "the one who shall not be named". After a while, Jaebum stopped humming as if he was tired of doing so and then instead took a huge breath, sighing at the end. Youngjae instead started to sing along to a song he was listening to on the way to the park.

"Baby, we built this house on memories.." - Youngjae sang quietly, making sure not to disturb the quietness of the place.

"Is that 'House of Memories'?" - Jaebum suddenly asked, looking up from the ground for the first time since Youngjae got there.

"Do you know the song?" - Youngjae asked, sincerely surprised by Jaebum's music taste, as he looked like the guy who listened to people like Tupac, 50 Cent, Ice Cube and any tough rapper guy you could name.

"Yeah, I love that song." - Jaebum said and looked away to stare at the miniature Ferris wheel that was in front of them. Youngjae smiled. Never until this day had he met anyone who shared his music taste and loved the same bands and songs as him other than Yoongi. Even Yoongi sometimes would slightly start to judge the stuff Youngjae loved, so Jaebum liking this particular song by this certain band made him happy and not as useless as he felt before.

"Memories turn into daydreams..." - Jaebum hummed, making Youngjae smile wider. Youngjae very pleased with everything, started to hum along. Soon enough, the two of them were singing the song on full volume, literally screaming out the lyrics. Both of them were laughing harder than they've ever laughed, or at least it hurt like it. Who knew music would eventually make these two very awkward and quiet young men come together as one? Definitely not Youngjae. If anything, Youngjae only used to think that his music taste would separate him from people, which is why he never shared his favorite songs and musicians with people. The only person he'd ever talked about music was Yoongi, but ever since he left, Youngjae kind of just got used to enjoying the music by himself.

"Youngjae, what is your major?" - Jaebum asked, after some time passed.

"Psychology." - Youngjae answered, his eyes shining bright and his heart burning with passion. Jaebum just smiled and nodded.

"So you're going to be a therapist?" - Jaebum questioned. Youngjae smiled again.

"Sort of. I'm going to be a music therapist." - Youngjae replied. He fell in love with the profession when he was around 7 and Yoongi brought it up to him. "Healing people through music must be so much fun!" - young Youngjae shouted in excitement, passion already growing deep inside him. He still to this day remembered Yoongi laugh and those few words. "Why don't you become a music therapist then? I think you'll be good at it." Those two sentences basically defined Youngjae's future. Youngjae even went against his parents to take up the a profession of a music therapist. It was good that psychology started to interest him and attract him with it's diverse topics and problems, or else Youngjae would've been screwed.

The two again started to sit in silence, where their breathing could only be heard. Even though it was a bit weird sitting on a kids' swing at 6am, it still felt nice to sit next to someone and feel his presence.

"Who else's music do you love?" - Jaebum asked, as dawn started to settle in.

"Years & Years?" - Youngjae replied, hoping and praying that Jaebum knew them. A small smile appeared on Jaebum's face, causing Youngjae to do the same.

Youngjae and Jaebum spent the next two hours talking about their, weirdly enough, shared music taste and exchanging opinions on different songs and music videos and what not. It was nice finally meeting someone who you had shared interests with. Youngjae felt free and confident with Jaebum while talking about his favorite bands and his most favorite songs, that loved ever since he was a child. Jaebum didn't hold back on anything as well. He was openly sharing music he had just started listening to and music he'd loved ever since he was in his mother's womb.

"But weren't your parents angry when you told them you were going to pursue a not very promising career?" - Jaebum asked, wanting to know more about Youngjae.

"Why is it not promising? If you go by the right path, it can pay a lot of money." - Youngjae defended the only thing that has left from Yoongi.

"But yeah, my parents were extremely angry, especially my dad. He wanted me to become a doctor ever since I was younger, because he couldn't himself. But then one day his weird son comes home and declares that he was going to become someone they've never even heard of. Of course they were angry. They were devastated and disappointed." - Youngjae truthfully admitted. It was one crazy day when Youngjae announced his family his college major. Everyone was screaming and yelling at each other. His mom at some point started to cry. Youngjae however didn't exactly understand the reason his parents were so mad at him. Wasn't it up to Youngjae who he was going to become? It was his life after all.

"Why didn't you become a doctor?" - Jaebum asked again. Youngjae laughed out loud.

"I can't stand the sight of blood for some reason. It was fine when I was younger, but these last years I guess I've become weaker. So now I instantly throw up whenever I see blood." - Youngjae confessed. It was really strange how easily Youngjae opened his mouth when he was with Jaebum. There was only one other person Youngjae could be so honest and open with was Yoongi and also his pet, who passed away a few years ago.

"Oh I just remembered my pet. She was so cute, but unfortunately she died." - Youngjae suddenly brought up his dog's miserable fate.

"What kind of a pet?" - Jaebum asked, just like he's been asking all morning.

"A dog. Maltese. She was so cute. So white and so soft and just so adorable." - Youngjae smiled, remembering the soft plushie that was his dog.

"I have a cat. She's also so adorable." - Jaebum also smiled widely, which lead to another conversation about pets and animals that lasted for half an hour.

Yoongi.

Same old boring Yoongi was slowly getting tired of doing. Not that Yoongi hated it all, it's just that everything was getting a bit tiring, boring and all the same. It was great to have creative control over everything and it was great he got to share this amazing experience with his six best friends, with millions of people cheering for them on top of all that. But for some reason, Yoongi was still not satisfied. Yoongi understood perfectly that he was being a selfish and ungrateful , but there were these things in life that you just needed and couldn't live without. In Yoongi's case, it was home, family and old friends. That spark, that light that was there when he was just a small guy from a small band has somehow disappeared. Yoongi has lost his passion and he knew it, but couldn't do anything about it.

"Yoongi, is something wrong?" - Namjoon asked, while they were sitting in the living room watching a random TV program. Namjoon noticed long ago that Yoongi's been acting a bit off, a bit different, a bit sadder. But today Yoongi's been acting a bit too weird. He's been pacing back and forth in their small dorm, mumbling something under his breath. Either that or he's been laying around a lot with his eyes closed, trying his best to fall asleep.

"Nothing's wrong." - Yoongi answered. This single phrase was becoming Yoongi's catch phrase, whenever someone would ask "Is everything okay?"  or "Something is up?" he'd immediately, without thinking twice about it, answer "Nothing's wrong" or "Why wouldn't it be okay?" These fake okay's were starting to worry Suga's fellow members. He already was a reserved person, but on top of all that something came up that made him even quieter and more introverted. He didn't go to group dinners that BTS had once or twice a months, nor was he present at group gatherings. Yoongi spent most of his time in his room or studio doing God knows what.

Yoongi's been having that stupid dream about Youngjae continuously for a week now. And every dream would be different, but have the same theme: him not being famous, but being a normal university student and Youngjae and Yoongi living together. And every new dream would be the continuation of the previous one, which is why Yoongi's been trying really hard to fall asleep as fast as he could, just so that he would meet Youngjae for a little while and spend some time with him. Yoongi would wake up and do all of the stuff he has to do that day, come back home and go to sleep. It was as if he had exchanged his real life with the one in his dreams. It was as if Yoongi was been actually living in his dreams, rather than here, in reality.

"Yoongi hyung!" - Youngjae would greet him every day, with a huge smile on his face. Then he'd tell him he'd missed him a lot and hug him tighter than ever, squishing him. Yoongi would hug him back happily and then they would proceed to spend the day however they wished. There was the benefit of the dream - Yoongi could do anything he wanted, whether it be a skydiving experience with Youngjae or just a normal movie night with him on the couch, snuggled up under some covers.

"Dude, stop lying. I can see that something's up." - Namjoon demanded. He was sick of seeing one of s depressed and gloomy like this, he was the leader after all. Yoongi just shook his head in response and continued to blankly stare at the TV, thinking whatever he thought.

"Ya, Min Yoongi." - Namjoon tried again. Yoongi continued to stare, as if he didn't hear Rap Monster's loud and clear voice, which really frustrated Namjoon.

"It's Youngjae again, isn't it?" - Namjoon sighed. He was the only one that knew who the hell this Youngjae kid was, although every single member has heard the name before. How can you not hear the name, though? Yoongi used to have nightmares and wake up screaming out that exact name every single night for a full year. Yoongi would yell something like "Youngjae, no!" or "Youngjae, I'm sorry." every single night without a doubt and wake up everyone. Yoongi then would stay up all night after realizing it was just a dream, staring at nothing in particular. One night Namjoon couldn't take it anymore and just just straightforwardly confronted Yoongi about his screaming in his dreams. That's when Yoongi completely opened up to a person and told him everything. Everything, including Youngjae's suicide attempt, along with how Yoongi rejected Youngjae's call when he had called a minute before killing himself. That's when Yoongi confessed everything to Namjoon: how he blamed himself for Youngjae's suicide attempt and depression, how he should've never left Youngjae alone, how he should've never auditioned for "this damn company" and everything else. Namjoon just sat there, attentively listening to everything Yoongi had to say. But even though Namjoon was listening to Yoongi's every word and understood everything too clearly, he still didn't have words for Yoongi. He simply didn't know what to say or what to do, which is why that night Namjoon just patted Yoongi's back and told him that "It'll be okay", living him alone with his thoughts.

"Youngjae?" - Yoongi suddenly froze in his place after hearing the name.

"Yeah, Youngjae. Did he do something stupid again? Is he bothering you again?" - Namjoon asked, worried about his best friend.

"Youngjae..." - Yoongi whispered. It's been too long since he had tasted the bittersweet taste of that name, way too long. Yoongi couldn't remember the last time he'd pronounced that particular name.

"He's okay... I hope." - Yoongi muttered, closing his eyes, as if saying those few simple words were too hard, too hurtful to say. As if saying that felt like a stab or something even worse.

"You haven't talked to him since then?" - Namjoon carefully inquired. Yoongi was ready to cry, or worse he was ready to breakdown to millions of small pieces and give up, it was obviously written all over his face. Yoongi was struggling to keep a straight face. It was hard for him to even think about that day. The day he received the single most horrible news of his life. He never wanted anyone to feel what he felt at the moment, not even his worst enemy deserved to feel that way, ever.

"Yoongi, can you come home? Youngjae's in the hospital." - Yoongi remembered hearing his brother's voice through the phone all too well. Yoongi was at the practice room at the moment and he had froze in place, after hearing the news. He couldn't do anything, not move, not speak, not even freak out or cry. Yoongi was too scared to do anything, to go and see Youngjae's pale face, to ask what was wrong with Youngjae. Yoongi was too afraid that he would see what he didn't want to see and hear what he didn't want to hear at all.

"Yoongi, do you hear me? Youngjae tried to kill himself." - his brother spoke again. That one sentence broke Yoongi. That one ing sentence he didn't want to, he didn't bear to hear. That one ing sentence that ruined every single ing thing in Yoongi's life. Those few meaningless words that haunt Yoongi every day. Those cruel that his brother dared to use.

"No, I haven't." - Yoongi replied and left the living room.