Her favorite playlist was blaring in her ears as she tried out her newly-bought headphones. She nodded her head to the beat and smiled in satisfaction when she loved the quality of her pre-loved headphones. She scooted backwards on her bed to lean against the wall of her room with her eyes still fixed on her iPod. 

Not long after, she saw, from the corner of her eyes, the turning of the doorknob before the door was pushed open and her roommate entered the room. She noticed her roommate's gloomy expression. She is usually icy and has that natural y-rest-face but Tiffany knows very well when her bestfriend/roommate is not in a good mood. She just watched her silently as the girl dropped her bag by her desk and took off her cardigan, leaving a tank top on. Tiffany hung her headphone on her neck and it wasn't long before she heard a sigh.

"Hey..." she called her roommate who was now sitting on her own bed. "Sica-yah..."

"Um?" the blonde answered.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Jessica answered the question with another sigh. "I don't know."

"Wanna talk about it?" she suggested. She took off her headphone, got off her bed and sat on Jessica's bed, next to her.

Jessica let out another sigh. She hugged her knees and leaned against the wall.

"I don't know," she said. She really wanted to talk and just let out all of her tangled thoughts to Tiffany, but even after being friends for almost 3 years, she wasn't sure if that is a good idea.

"You can tell me anything," Tiffany assured. 

Jessica looked at the girl. Deep down, she knew that Tiffany is one of her most trusted friend. She knows about her lingering depression but never once has she ever been tired with Jessica. She is always this cheerful girl who could force a smile out of Jessica even when she is at her worst. Maybe, that's why Jessica never open up to Tiffany. She is always cautious to only show what she wants her to see and she is forevermore grateful that Tiffany never tried to pry her secrets open.

She really wanted to tell Tiffany about what's bothering her but she is scared that Tiffany might react like how everyone else did if she sees the twisted mind of hers.

What if she leaves me because of it?

What if she thinks that I'm a freak?

What would happen then?

What would happen to us?

Because despite all, friends are friends, but friends are still people. We are open to so many... changes.

"We broke up."

Tiffany was surprised to receive the news, "BROKE UP? You and Henry? Why? How? When?"

"Just now. I broke up with him." Jessica stated, as if it was a matter of fact.

"After 3 years? Why? He is the nicest guy." Tiffany continued to question her friend. She has met Henry for a few times. She knew that they were high school lovers and how well Henry treated Jessica. Hence, knowing Jessica's reason was an important thing for Tiffany to fathom the whole thing.

"That's why. Coz he's nice. And I couldn't lie to him.

I can't lie to myself." Jessica said before burying her face in her arms.

"Are you seeing someone else?" Tiffany guessed. "Or... are you in love with someone else?" She could hear Jessica sighed again when she finished her question.

"I don't know," she mumbled with her face still buried in her arms.

"Tell me what you know then."

Slowly, Jessica lifted her head up to look at Tiffany. She straightened her legs out and let her arms fall to her side.

"I know Henry is a good guy," she started.

"I know he loves me.

I also know he deserves better.

And I definitely know,

that my heart yearns for someone else.

Someone who..." she sighed again, frustrated with her inability to find the right, logical explanation for all this.

"Does this have anything to do with someone by the name 'Sooyoung'?" Tiffany guessed, this time, correctly. 

"How.. How do you know?" Jessica moved closer to the girl.

"Um... Random guess because you did call out that name a few times when you're sleeping."

"I did?!"

Tiffany nodded. "Tell me about this person~" Tiffany picked up a pillow and hugged it, her legs folded on the bed, ready to listen to Jessica's story.

Should I tell her?

Jessica sighed again.

"I've lost so many people when I open up. But I do hope you would be different, Tiff." she warned the girl.

"Try me."

"Okay..." Jessica took a deep breath. "Where should I start? I don't know where to start!"

"Ummm... How did you meet this person?" Tiffany tried to help.

"I first met her when I was 6... or is it 7? Whatever. She saved me from drowning."

"Okay... It's a She." Tiffany was restating the first info she got. "She is at the same age as us?"

Jessica went silent for a moment, trying to figure out an acceptable answer, because she knew that things will be complicated as they go further.

"No... She was at her 20s, I think, at that time."

Tiffany furrowed her eyebrows while doing a mental math of Sooyoung's current age.

"Let's say she was 20 when you are 7..." she paused, while mumbling numbers on her lips. "That means..."

"You are so slow with numbers."

"Shh! That's why I changed to Arts! That means she is 33 now?"

"34"

Tiffany rolled her eyes before resuming. "34?! Hmmmmmm... Maybe you won't like her so much now if you see her."

Jessica went silent again.

"That's the problem," she bit her lip.

"I saw her 4 years ago. And... ummm... surprisingly... she didn't age. At all."

Tiffany raised an eyebrow. "Wait. There's a few incongruent points here. One, she didn't age? Two, you 'saw' her? Not 'met' her? How can you see her but not catch her?"

Jessica sighed for the nth time that evening.

"One, surprisingly... No, she didn't. She looked exactly the same as she did 14 years ago. Two... No, I was not fast enough to catch her."

"Fast enough? What is she? An immortal road runner?"

"She... disappeared."

"Disappeared?"

"Yah!" Jessica slapped Tiffany on her arm, flinching her, "Stop repeating my statement and turning them into questions!"

"I have a lot of questions, honestly but... hmmm... Do you know who is she? Or where you can find her? Have you tried Googling her? Or stalk her on any SNSs""

"I have a theory. But... you might think that I am crazy."

"Try me."

"I think, she is...

an angel."

Jessica was anticipating a reaction from Tiffany who was staring at her, processing the statement.

"She works in a stripper club?" The girl blurted.

"Strip- what? NO! Where did you get that idea?"

"Coz I know a few strippers that used Angel as their stripper name."

"YAH! NO!"

"Okay~ Sorry... So you mean like a real angel... angel?"

Jessica nodded. 

"What makes you say that?"

"You see... ummmm... do you ever have this little voices in your.... ummm..." she scratched her head, trying not to sound crazy, stupid or anything in between, "something like, hunches! Or do you ever have a dialogue in your head?"

"Well... sometimes... yeah." 

"Well, I think... I believe... that... Sooyoung is my... sort of... guardian angel and sometimes... well, even since I was a kid, I think she is the one that gave me all these hunches and calms me inside."

Silence fell upon the room. Jessica was waiting for a word to come out of Tiffany's mouth, while Tiffany was busy understanding the whole idea. Jessica stared at her as she was thinking - her eyebrows scrunched, forehead creased and mouth slightly opened - looking confused.

After what felt as the longest moment of silence for Jessica, she finally decided to break it.

"You know what, Tiff. Just forget about it, okay? Just forget everything that I told you and let's just say that I am a depressed, closeted lesbian. Okay?"

Jessica hopped off her bed and grabbed her jacket on her way to the door.

"Wait! Where are you go-" Tiffany didn't manage to finish her sentence as Jessica walked out and slammed the door shut, "Well... it's actually quite interesting though. Oh, well., we'll continue when she comes back."

Jessica, on the other hand, was trying hard to hold back her tears. As she reached the residence tower rooftop by taking all her secret doors and routes, she finally let them all out, knowing that there's no one there to judge her.

She dragged her tired feet until her hands were able to grab the railings of the rooftop.

She fell on her knees, her hands clenched tightly on the metal railings. 

"Why?" she spoke out.

"WHY?" she shouted. She stood up and leaned forward against the railings, screaming her thoughts to the innocent night sky.

"WHERE ARE YOU?! I KNOW I ASKED YOU TO LEAVE ME! I KNOW I ASKED YOU TO STOP BOTHERING ME!

BUT LOOK AT ME NOW!

Look at me now," she began to beg.

"I'm so lost. 

My heart feels so... tired.

And empty.

Why do I have to fall in love with you?

Why can't I be normal?

Why do my heart, out of all people. Why does it have to love you?"

She sobbed, as sadness and hurt engulfed her.

"Do you know how hard it was for me?" she spoke out again. 

Slowly she began to climb over the railing and stood at the edge of the rooftop.

"You would always be there for me, at least that's what I thought. That's what I believe. But this whole thing, is so hard for me. It's so hard for me to hold on to something that I can't explain." she mumbled into the thin air.

"So, if I am right, you won't let me jump off this building. 

But if I'm not,

then I guess, it's better off this way."

She looked down to the pavement, staring at the long way down.

Somehow for Jessica, love feels like falling off a building. 

As you look down, you see the dreadful end.

But putting it aside, you could imagine the thrill of the fall.

You could imagine how the wind rushes against you.

And for once, you want to know how does it feel to fly and float in the air.

But you're scared, because you know, once you hit the ground, hard and you'll be lying alone on the concrete of reality.

You'll be left alone in misery. 

You fell so hard, only to be left alone.

Slowly, she put one foot forward onto the thin air.

Her hands were still gripping on the railings

. 

She leaned her body forward and confessed her love into the rushing wind,

"I'm falling for you. Sooyoung.

Will you save me?"

I'm splitting this into two chapters, hoping that it won't confuse you... but honestly, i don't know.

What's your guess for the next chap? :)

Comments~