She was still seeing black. But slowly, she started to notice how her body felt. She felt lighter now but she couldn’t ignore the stinging pain in her womanhood, or the constant thump in her head, or the thirst that burned , or the general tiredness that was weighing down her entire body. Gradually, the faint smell of blood greeted her nose.

Just then, her mind recalled the scene she just went through.

She grunted.

Labor. No wonder it is called ‘labor’.

The more she regained her consciousness, the more everything seemed to ache.

She was aware of the numbness in her feet and thighs now. And the stiffness in her tummy. And soreness in her walls. And everything else that she failed to describe.

And then she collected a faded sound of cry from the background of her thoughts and a soothing hush that followed it.

 She collected every strength left in her just to lift her eyelids open. From the tail of her eye, she saw a familiar figure sitting by her side with a newborn baby in her arms.

Sooyoung?

She lifelessly watched the angel, embracing the baby in her arms, cooing it to sleep.

She grunted again.

“Jessica?” she heard her name slipped out of the angel’s lips but she was too drained to do anything, “Look, little one, it’s mom,” she heard.

‘Mom’. I am a mother now.

.

And soon enough, the wailing of a newborn pierced her ears, worsening her existing headache.

She heard the angel hushed again.

Little by little her strength started to build up again.

“Do you want to sit up?”

She lightly nodded to the offer.

She felt her upper body being pushed slowly by the elevating bed. She could see the baby in Sooyoung’s arms now.

She stared at it.

“She’s beautiful,” Sooyoung said, “Just like her mother.”

She stared at Sooyoung’s smile.

She gathered her breaths and croaked out,

“Where’s Henry?”

And watched how Sooyoung’s expression stirred.

Ah. He is not here, is he?

She continued to stare at the baby with questions gradually flooding her mind while Sooyoung left the question unanswered and continued to lull the baby in her arms.

What’s gonna happen now?

Am I gonna raise her all on my own?

I can’t even take care of my husband, can I be responsible of another life?

Where do I start?

Who should I call?

Mom?

Dad?

Ah. I guess divorce runs in the family.

Krystal?

Tiffany?

What should I do first?

“Jessica?”

She paused her train of thoughts and directed her focus to Sooyoung.

“Do you want to hold her?”

She watched how the baby was calmly sleeping in Sooyoung’s arms.

Thank God, Sooyoung is here.

"Here." Sooyoung stretched out to pass the newborn to her mom.

Wait. No.

I don't know anything yet.

Wait.

Her heart hesitated to accept the newborn baby into her arms but her brain reflected the opposite. Soon enough, she was holding a living human in her arms. The one she brought to being and gave life to.

She kept reminding herself that she should feel happy. At the same time, she couldn’t help but to wonder, why wasn’t she?

Her hands started to shake in fear as the questions started to fill her mind again, making it so hard for her to breathe.

“T- ta- take it off me.”

“Um?”

“T-Take this baby away from me,” she repeated, straining those words out louder than before.

Sooyoung reached for the baby on time before Jessica snapped,

“TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME! TAKE IT AWAY! TAKE IT AWAY!”

She flailed her arms as if she was trying to break free from invincible ropes that were tying her down, including the tubes and needles in her arms.

Sooyoung laid the little girl in her crib before grabbing Jessica by her wrists.

“Jessica!” she called out. She pulled the girl into her arms and trapped her in a hug. She endured the pain as Jessica dug her angry nails into her back. “Jessica. Love, this is me. Calm down.

I’m here.”

Jessica’s breathing labored.

“I’m here.”

Her scratching stopped.

“I’m here.

Don’t be scared.

I’m here.”

She stared into the abyss.

“I’m here.”

She broke down.

Overflowing tears spilled onto Sooyoung’s shoulder.

She wailed. Almost as loud as her newborn baby was.

Sooyoung pulled the woman deeper into her arms. She listened as the woman continued to bawl in her arms. She felt the warm tears spilling out on her shoulder. She felt Jessica’s fingers clawing on her back, not hurting her but enough to tell her about the pain the latter was feeling.

“I’m here.”

A nurse entered the room to soothe the crying newborn.

After awhile, Jessica’s crying began to subside. She pushed Sooyoung lightly away from her, forcing every bit of her to refuse the touch she longed for so much. She hung her head low.

“Jessica?” the angel called her name.

Out of her sobs, she mumbled,

“Go.”

Sooyoung hummed a short, quizzing tone.

“Go away, Sooyoung.”

The angel tried to pull her back into a hug when Jessica pushed her again.

“Go away. Please.”

“I won’t go because you need me ri-“

“I do need you. In fact, I need you so much. I need you all the time.

But I can’t.”

“What do you mean?”

Jessica held onto Sooyoung’s shoulders, head hung low.

“You’ll be here now, Sooyoung. But when you leave the next moment, I’ll become so paralyzed without you. Unable to breathe without you. Unable to do anything without depending on you.”

The angel kept quiet while tears began to well in her eyes.

“I could do that when I’m alone. I can do that to myself.

But I can’t let that baby go through the same thing.

I can’t let her hope and depend on something so… momentary. Something so uncertain.

I can’t let her hope on a fluke.

I can’t, Sooyoung.”

A tear finally escaped the angel’s eye.

“But, I’ve vowed to keep you safe.”

“Then, watch me from afar like you have always done.”

Jessica lifted her head to face the latter and their eyes met, tears overflowing. Jessica cupped her angel’s face and leaned her forehead against hers. She closed her eyes, letting her tears fell free and refusing to see how much the latter was hurting. She couldn’t bear the sight in front of her. It shattered her.

“I can’t keep you close anymore. I can’t. I don’t know how I am going to live without you. But, for her, I will try.”

Both of them stayed quiet for the longest seconds they could’ve ever imagined, sharing their almost unbearable pain.

“Then,” Sooyoung quavered, “when can I ever touch your face or hold your hand in this life again?”

Jessica tried to toughen up but her voice cracked as she succumbed to her grief

“Come back to me when I’m dying - when you will never have to leave me again.”

Sooyoung shook her head against the latter.

“I need you.”

“I don’t. I swear to God.

I don’t.”

"Don't say that."

Ever-so-reluctantly, Jessica withdrew herself from the touch of her angel.

“Goodbye, Sooyoung.

The next time we meet, we’ll never be apart.

Promise me that. Please?”

“You’re not thinking straight.”

“I know. That’s why I have to say this now. Because I know, if I am, I won’t be able to even let you go.

Please, Sooyoung.

Let’s do this for her.”

Sooyoung turned to look at the baby, who was in the nurse’s arms. She turned back to look at Jessica. She leaned close to her and planted a longing kiss on the latter’s forehead.

She stood up from her bed.

“I guess, it’s true - a mother’s love knows no boundaries and recognizes no pain.”

She made her way to the door and slid it open.

“Goodbye. For now.

I’ll see you.

And when I finally do, I won’t leave your side. Never again.”

If you're wondering why Jessica is acting that way, it's called postpartum depression. True story.

Honestly, i kinda ran out of idea on how to connect the previous chapter with the next one hence, this crappy update.

Sorry TT^TT

It won't be angsty for long now. Hang in there.