Youngjae hasn't heard of the restaurant they were sitting in at the moment. Jinyoung had been all about it, telling his friends how extraordinary good the Spaghetti here were. Yeah, Jinyoung sort of had a thing for Italian at the moment, it was funny to Youngjae how often his younger friend changed his taste in food and generally anything else too. He was wearing round specs and black ripped jeans, a black and white striped shirt tucked into his pants and several earrings were pierced through his lobe. He looked different from the last time Youngjae had seen him and that was only for a few short minutes in the mall some weeks ago. Back then he was wearing shorts and a plain shirt, Youngjae couldn't have found earrings even if he would have looked for them. He looked neat back then.

Honestly, right now Youngjae could see all the girls goggling at him, or their table in general.

He himself wasn't really an eyesight though, Youngjae had had a long night, his eyes just didn't want to listen to him and sleep came slowly to him. Daehyun had been haunting his thoughts, Youngjae wanted to deny that his newly found information about his friend scared him. There were so many prejudices all over the entire country, people who can't believe people like that are alive and allowed to walk on the same streets their kids do. Truthfully, Youngjae wasn't one of those people. He just never had been associated with someone that wasn't straight. It did sound dumb, yeah, but it has been the norm for the student until now and Daehyun just surprised him the last night and he didn't really have enough time to think over the entire situation.

Youngjae also felt angry with Daehyun. He just dropped such a bomb on him and now Youngjae was left alone to brood over it and yeah, it has been Youngjaes fault for running out on Daehyun but his mind sort of short circuited and he had the urge to breath in fresh air. Yet, he didn't really know how to handle it. Being gay has always been a joke to his friends and probably also him in high school. Boys made fun about it, not taking the issue very seriously although they could have been hurting the guy standing at his locker, hearing them joke about gays and feeling terrible because he couldn't do anything. Already tried to date girls, watched , forced himself to stop.

And immature boys just joked about it. Now, that Youngjae was in college he rarely heard those comments anymore. Maybe one or two when it came up since he started his studies. Jaebum also would rebukingly yell at him, he's never been one of those people, he never really liked to pick on others and Youngjae appreciated that.

Jinyoung never really talked about it either, seemingly unaffected by the topic but Youngjae learned thought the glances the youngest gave Jaebum that he didn't like the subject too much.

Youngjae turned his head, looking at Jinyoung who was skimming over the menu, one hand lazily lying on the table and a finger tapping to an unheard rhythm.

Youngjae had taken a psychology course the last term, he knew the meaning of those fast darting eyes that were flying way too fast over the card and Jinyoungs slightly shaking hands. You would guess the boy was shivering, although it was a rather warm spring day and the sun was shining. But Youngjae knew, maybe he was wrong, but his intention wouldn't lie to him, right?

"Youngjae?"

"What?" Youngjae looked up, looking at Jinyoung who seemed to have asked him a question.

"What do you wanna order?"

And Oh the waitress was standing at their table, her small notebook in her hand and a new page neatly folded over and she was looking at him expectedly.

"Oh, I'll, get this." Youngjae pointed at the dish on the menu because everything here was in Italian and Youngjae really didn't know how the hell to pronounce that language. But apparently Jinyoung had some sort of knowledge and was able to tell him and Jaebum what exactly was in their food.

Jinyoung seemed so happy. Talking animatedly about everything interesting that has happened the past couple of weeks they haven't met up, let alone the month(s) they weren't able to properly hang out. Youngjae tried to follow the conversation as best as he was able to but his mind was wandering off on its own and every time Jaebum would ruffle through Jinyoungs hair and the younger ones smile was lighting up the world Youngjae felt a small rush of regret run through his body.

Daehyun had looked at him like that too, and it hadn't meant anything. He pondered over if maybe he was wrong, maybe Jinyoung wasn't even remotely close to liking Jaebum but that thought was thrown out of the window as soon as it came when Youngjae saw the blush on the boys face and his eyes fluttering down. Daehyun never blushed. Daehyun wouldn't flutter his eyelids and neither would he try to shift closer to Youngjae.

It was ridiculous. Youngjae had thought, that because people, boys, were talking about that in high school, things were still the same. It was as if he hadn't grown up the slightest bit, believing every word coming out of anyone else's mouth. They would say that if you were around a boy that likes other boys you'd end up like him. Or the boy would seduce you and you weren't able to escape anymore and all that crap, even back then, Youngjae had thought that some people probably had lost their brains on the school yard. And yet he had considered avoiding Daehyun because of something that  didn't even include himself. So why bother? Youngjae felt so selfish, as if Daehyuns uality had anything to do with him, as if Daehyun would suddenly start acting differently because now Youngjae finally knows the truth. The one that Daehyun had tried to hide in front of him and Youngjae didn't even stay at his apartment to ask why. Why hadn't Daehyun told him about it earlier?

Didn't he trust him? Was it because of that that Youngjae found out through Himchan? He couldn't fathom Daehyun wanting someone else to tell him that he's gay. He seemed to be so comfortable talking about it, as if he'd been out of the closet for ages already. As if the terrible encounter with his parents had been left behind by time and he had accepted himself.

Youngjae had never doubted that Daehyun was proud of who he was. He was a very proud young man, boasting about even the smallest things, happily talking in his heavy accent although he admitted of hiding it when first moving to Seoul. He was proud of his skills behind the counter, showing off to Youngjae nearly every damn weekend when the student could afford to stay a little longer.

Youngjae just didn't want to believe that Daehyun was ashamed of who he was, it wasn't like him.

He had to ask him.

He had to visit him.

So did it matter that Daehyun didn't like girls? Youngjae wasn't even in the slightest involved in Daehyuns love life, it was laughably that he ran out on Daehyun when he had been all but honest to him that evening. Youngjae groaned, letting his face fall into his palms, nearly crying over his overreaction. Damn, how embarrassing.

Jinyoung laughed, a bright smile sent over to Jaebum.

Exams are the ing worst.

Youngjae hated exams. He wasn't able to study for a long period of time until he got bored and distracted. He honestly tried to pay attention to his books but any literature piece was the same at the moment and even if he should be finishing reading his lectures which were the main topic of his exams in English, his mind was putting up a fight and Youngjae knew he had already lost. At least the project with Minhyuk had been going well, they were about to finish, a few touch ups and he would think their work was close to an A. And if not, Youngjae would definitely blame Minhyuk and his hanging out at his "lovers" house. He didn't even want to tell Youngjae the name of the girl, after all they went through (Hungarians politics mostly), he only settled on calling her his lover and Youngjae thought it was a little bit odd but Minhyuk all in one was a little but odd so that was okay.

And although his slight anxiety of working with Minhyuk, who he found out later on was a huge dork, had faded completely and he was able to set his mind off the assignment, Youngjae couldn't help but stress over the work he hadn't been doing although he knew he should have. He had to go though the exact same experience once and was not up to go through that again.

Not even allowing himself to text Jaebum anymore he worked his way through the thick textbooks and lectures, ignoring calls from Yongguk who texted him later only to ask for Junhongs number (how mature of him).

His only interaction with Yongguk after that was something along the lines of:

Yongguckie hyung: you seem stressed //

Youngjae: haha yeah, it's the stress ////

But one evening when Youngjae had a pile of take out on his kitchen counter and the biggest amount of Starbucks clattered all around himself, the door bell rang and it was not funny how his pencil scratched its way all over his paper and created a very ugly and uneven line. Great.

Youngjae tried to walk around everything on the floor, nearly tripping on a half empty Espresso (which he literally made this morning and it was around six in the evening now). "I'm coming!"  Youngjae slammed the door open, already expecting a delivery guy to bring him a pizza he did not order but maybe he did and Shakespeare was playing with his head.

"Himchan? What are you doing here?" Youngjae asked, looking at the man standing in his door frame.

"Checking if you're still alive I guess." Himchan said, as serious as possible but a soft laugh left his lips and he just pushed past Youngjae and dragged him along with him until they reached Youngjaes rather messy who are we kidding living room. "Wow, what happened here? Looks like the apocalypse but in small."

"We're very funny today, aren't we." Youngjae sighed, picking up a few empty cups of noodles and threw them into the trash can. "Try to make yourself at home." And Youngjae flopped down onto the carped were he had been studying before the bartender had barged in. "Why are you here anyways?"

"Why am I here? Do you know how long you've been gone? And I try to get your address out of Daehyun only to find you in a pile of books, how boring." The older pouted, yeah, pouted.

"Well I'm sorry I'm not in the hospital with a broken leg, what'd you expect?" Youngjae said, picking his notebook up and flipping through the pages to try and get into the topic again.

"Well, Daehyun was all weird and sad and I thought something happened but apparently he just doesn't get that people have to actually study for their exams unlike himself."

"What do you mean he's been weird and sad?" Youngjae questioned, trying to look the tiniest bit interested in his notes but the guilt he had tried to push to the back of his mind had just made itself noticeably again. Youngjae hadn't really contacted Daehyun after the evening at his apartment and that had been a solid four weeks ago, of course Daehyun would be panicking. Stupid.

"He's been moping around the bar, his eyes wouldn't  leave the door and it was funny to watch but at some point I got worried." Himchan said, walking around the small room to look a the few pictures Youngjae had on his wardrobe and the TV stand, occasionally flipping a book over to look at its blurb. "I don't really know why because I couldn't believe you two had a fight but I also didn't want him to go."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't know for sure if you two had a fight and Daehyun wasn't talking so I assumed that visiting you would be the best." Himchan said, halting in his steps as he stood next to the sofa and sitting down on the edge. "So care to tell me what happened? I didn't things up, right?"

"No! No, no you didn't. I just, he told me the entire thing and I needed to deal with it on my own." Youngjae answered with his eyes fixed on the floor, a little bit embarrassed that he had been acting so childish and selfish.

"What's there to deal with? I mean, he's the one who's parents threw him out because they said he is sick and now they desperately want him back only to manage their ing company and you have to deal with it?" Himchan said, his voice suddenly raised and Youngjaes shoulders flinched under the harsh tone the elder held in his voice.

"I didn't mean it like that Himchan. I was just- surprised, is all." 

"Great, you can be surprised for as long as you want but that does not allow you to ignore him for months. He seriously thinks he's done something wrong." Himchan spat, getting up and turning around before opening the door. "You gotta fix this Youngjae." And with that the door closed shut, leaving an irritated Youngjae behind who felt like the world was against him for some reason.

Youngjaes exams ended two weeks later, the boy took a deep breath as he walked out of the classroom after handing his essay over the teachers desk. He really couldn't have been happier, those exams were always the worst, the ones before the end of the year. It somehow was late May and the light spring breeze had faded and welcomed the warm sun and hot summer days.

Youngjae knew Daehyuns birthday was approaching and he felt terrible. He had tried to message Daehyun but the older one would mostly ignore him or text back with the shortest of replies possible and it frustrated Youngjae to no end but he kinda, sorta knew that he deserved that treatment.

Although that didn't mean it didn't hurt to be rejected like that, Youngjae didn't have the time to call Daehyun up or meet him because he really had to study for his exams and usually texted Daehyun when he was about to fall asleep or when he was eating something and taking a small time out from his books and notes. And it seemed as if Daehyun would only accept an apology from Youngjae in person, because Youngjae had tried through texting but Daehyun was just as stubborn as usual.

Youngjae knew it was only fair because he's probably hurt Daehyun more than he originally had thought and he just really wanted to make it up to him but didn't quite know how. It would be extremely awkward do give him some sort of apology present because Seriously Yoo Youngjae, you can do better but there wasn't anything coming to his mind and maybe, just maybe it would be enough to spend the time with Daehyun they had missed together. For now, because he really wanted to get him something for his birthday.

But how exactly should he contact Daehyun, he couldn't just call Daehyun and expect him to be alright with meeting up after not seeing each other for so long, how long has it been, but technically he couldn't do anything else except visit him and Youngjae thought that would be too much and a little but creepy too. The easiest was to text him and just ask to celebrate because exams had ended, not that he had looked up Daehyuns college and accidently clicked onto the digitalized examination timetable; that's just weird.

Youngjae decided to call him, anything else seemed to be rude and dishonest and he felt as if he'd been behaving terribly towards Daehyun the recent months. They were supposed to be friends but all of a sudden Youngjae felt nervous to call Daehyun and he shouldn't feel nervous, that's just Daehyun, what's there to be nervous about? He couldn't answer that. 

Youngjae couldn't bother, even if his fingers were shaking the tiniest bit as he opened up the contacts on his phone and scrolled down until he landed on Daehyuns name, looking very unceremoniously with the plain black letters shining through the screen. Youngjae tapped the call button, breathing in, hoping for Daehyun to pick up because if not Youngjae definitely had to consider visiting his flat or the bar or-

"Hello?"

"Daehyun, hey." Youngjae said, too caught up in the moment to realize that he sounded like an utter idiot but Daehyun hopefully wouldn't mind.

"Youngjae? You- Hey." Daehyuns voice sounded so strange through the line, it was weird to hear his voice again but Youngjae felt relieved, happy even that Daehyun had picked up and didn't sound angry at all. Yet the thought sneaked its way into Youngjaes mind, that Daehyuns accent was covered, the heavy drawl usually coming out form in between the older mans lips was masked well and it shot a pang through Youngjaes chest.

"I wanted to ask, if you maybe wanted to hang out. At my place. You know. Celebrating after exams, I mean." Youngjae swallowed, chewing on his nails, a habit no one really liked but he couldn't get rid of it.

"At your place?"

"Yeah, if that's alright." Youngjae cursed, it has always been alright, but what if Daehyun didn't want to, what if he really was offended and angry with him now.

"Of course it is." Daehyun said, a soft chuckle followed and Youngjae felt the knot in his chest untangle.

"Uhm, it's Friday so I would be free but, uhm, do you have work, or?"

"It's fine, I can get Himchan and Jongup to cover for me since I've been doing that for the past couple weeks for them, it's no big deal." 

"Oh, good. So, you can come around eight? I gotta get some stuff before heading home." Youngjae asked, fiddling with the loose skin around the nail on his thumb, peeling it off a little more until the skin felt irritated and reddened due to the constant pulling and rubbing.

"Yeah, sounds good to me, I'll see you later Youngjae." And with that Daehyun hung up, leaving Youngjae standing at the college entrance gate with his phone pressed against his ear.

Whilst Youngjae got some groceries, the half peeled off skin on his thumb annoyed him more and more and he once and for all pulled it off, wincing as it stung but ignoring the small bubble of blood that dribbled out. He was standing in front of the liquor, not quite sure if he should get some because he knew he was out of any but also thinking about letting it be because it's only Daehyun coming over and if he had wanted to get drunk with the older one he would've gone to the bar so why on earth were there two bottles of Château in his shopping card.

His keys were too loud, he was afraid of angering the old lady who was about to move out and Youngjae was about 99% sure it was because of him and his loud keys.

Horrible.

How unthoughtful of him.

He entered his flat.

When Youngjae heard the doorbell ring, his feet immediately got up and he carried his body over to the door, griping the knob and twisting it.

Daehyun was still only slightly taller than himself, wearing a white dress shirt, why, and a black pair of jeans. His hair was the same, maybe a little bit shorter making Youngjae wonder if he had gotten a haircut recently.

"Hi. Can I come in?" His voice sounded different than on the phone, more natural and it made Youngjae feel at ease.

"Oh, sure." Youngjae stepped aside, letting Daehyun in and closing the door behind him to turn around and face Daehyun who was standing in the small hallway stiffly, hands dangling down his body and it all looked pretty awkward. "Hi."

Without being able to say another word Youngjae got crushed into Daehyuns arms, head being held into the crook of Daehyuns neck and Youngjae could smell the cologne and Daehyun and he may does not want to admit that his mind went fizzy for a second.

"I was so worried." Daehyun breathed out, letting go of Youngjaes pliant body and scratching the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry." Youngjae sheepishly said, biting his bottom lip, not sure how to properly apologize now that he had the chance. "I needed some time to think, and exams came and it was so stressful and I really tried but I really thought you were angry at me."

"How could I be angry with you? I honestly thought you hated me." Daehyun said, walking behind Youngjae to sit down onto the couch. "I'm sorry for being a via text."

"Well, thanks. I tried and you were being all quiet." Youngjae snickered, sitting down next to Daehyun and crossing his legs, fingers resting above his ankles.

"Okay, sorry for being a huge ."

"You have never talked this much about or made as man jokes in my entire time knowing you."

"Well now that you know my-"

"Don't even dare to, Daehyun." There was a weight on his shoulder and Daehyuns body leaning over from laughing, crescent moons graced his eyes which crinkled up and drew small whiskers on his cheeks.

Daehyun had spotted the bottle of wine at some point in the evening and of course Youngjae knew the bartender wasn't gonna let go of it until they both drank a few sips. They were sitting on the carpet around the coffee table, wine glasses in their hands and Daehyun laughed about last week where Jongup all of a sudden lost the mask he's always been wearing at work when a bunch of pretty girls walked in, nearly losing his balance when serving them their cocktails.

They weren't drunk, or at least Youngjae wasn't but Daehyun had a much higher alcohol tolerance so he couldn't be much more drunk than himself.

"This is nice, actually." Youngjae sighed softly, shifting on the floor so he wouldn't squish his legs under the coffee table. "I missed this."

"You drunk right now?" Daehyun asked, his voice was thick, as always but Youngjae only noticed recently how badly it affected him and how it shouldn't.

"No, I'm not." Youngjae laughed, head tilted back and a gleam swimming between his dark lashes.

"Good, I sorta wanted to ask you something." Daehyun said, fidgeting a bit with the neck of the bottle in his hand.

"Go ahead."

"What'd you mean last time." The older on looked at him, eyes focused on Youngjae and Youngjae alone, leading him to gulp and feeling the nervousness bubbling up inside of him once again, just like a few hours ago when Daehyuns voice had shaken him up over the phone.

"When?" Youngjae asked, and he was so so glad to be sitting on the floor because if he wouldn't he'd probably get all shaky and everything.

"When you were over at my apartment, on your birthday."

"What'd I say?" Mumbles left Youngjaes dry lips, only to reach Daehyuns ears clearly.

"That it must be easy for me, getting all the girls I want because him "hot", you remember?" Daehyun really did seem as if he wanted to know and it made Youngjae feel bad. Because he honestly didn't know himself.

"Oh, I mean, yeah. I guess, I meant something like it's easy cause, not to be mean, you got everything. The looks, the money, the education. Probably all the girls, or well, boys I guess, want you. I was just feeling a little bit down to be honest."

"Oh."

"Sorry if it sounds dumb or anything." Youngjae said, fearing the worst because of how silent it suddenly had become. He felt something warm lean into his side, guessing Daehyun had shifted closer.

"Hey. You really think I'd get any boy or girl?"

"Yeah, I guess. You could get anyone."

"Anyone?"

Youngjae didn't answer, he could feel Daehyuns breath caress his cheek, he felt his hands tighten into fists, he felt his stomach twist.

"What about you?"

Youngjae looked up, fast, so fast he couldn't react when Daehyuns rough hands cupped his cheeks adoringly. So fast he couldn't react when Daehyun was leaning in. He felt Daehyuns lips graze his own pair, he felt his heart beat quicken.

Daehyun kissed him. His thick, pillowy lips were dry and felt perfect, fitting onto his own like silk gloves and Youngjae could feel Daehyuns tongue poking his bottom lip every time he went in to steal more kisses. Daehyuns hands were resting on Youngjaes cheeks still, his thumb caressing the soft skin, gliding over to Youngjaes closed eyes and over the lid and long, gorgeous lashes. Youngjae felt as if he couldn't breathe anymore, Daehyun was kissing him so urgently, so needy and it felt so good and Youngjae hated himself. Daehyun nibbled on Youngjaes lips, catching the whines which left the younger ones throat, pulling him closer to his body and hooking an arm around Youngjaes thin waist.

Youngjae couldn't anymore, placing his slightly smaller hands over Daehyuns and pushing him back only until their lips weren't touching anymore.

Wide eyes stared at Daehyun, doe like, a beautiful color. Perfect. 

He started realizing. His own eyes widening at what he had just done. Letting go of Youngjaes body completely.

Daehyun quickly gathered his phone from the floor and strode out of the apartment, running down the stairs, slamming the front door of the apartment building shut.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

hey ppl ~

I'm back and look at that, what have I done. hehe

please please comment, I love hearing your thoughts as always ^^ I got the next chapter planned, and oh man *sighs* hope it won't take so long but y'know, no promises bc school is rly hard and I wanna do well and all and ugh, Europe and school systems~

Alsoo^^ this story got translated into Russian, I'm gonna put the link in the foreword soon~ so happy about that~

See you next time ♡