the cold wind makes me shiver. i rub my hands together to warm myself. “why are we here?” i ask junmyeon who’s walking in front of me. junmyeon remains silent. he’s behaving strangely. out of the blue he had to take me somewhere.

and now we’re here at a graveyard.

junmyeon suddenly stops walking, when we arrive at two tombstones. junmyeon bends over to dust off the dirt on it. “do you know them?” i question aloud, and junmyeon chuckles. “do i know them?” he repeats my question in an ironic way. he then looks at me. “kyungsoo, i want to tell you something,” junmyeon speaks and tickles my curiosity. “tell it,” i eagerly answer. junmyeon doesn’t seem sure, as if it’s a secret.

“this person who’s buried here..” he starts his sentence, but then stops. “never mind,” junmyeon heaves a sigh, and stands up. rather than being curious, now i’m more confused. what is he trying to keep from me?

“just tell it,” i now impatiently hiss. junmyeon puts his hand on my shoulder, and shows a weak smile. “it’s not important,” he says before turning around. i frown and now know how important it is. who are these people who are buried here? “c’mon, kyungsoo. we have to go,” i hear junmyeon shout in the distance. i look for the last time at the tombstones.

kim jongin and oh sehun, those names are on it. i’ve never heard of them yet they sound familiar. i decide to let it go, and follow junmyeon to the car.

days after junmyeon brought me to the graveyard, i still can’t stop thinking about it. the names on the tombstones sound so familiar. i’m determined to find out who they are, who they were.

i have decided to move in with junmyeon and yixing. they have a spacious apartment in the city center, and have convinced me to live with them. in the beginning i was against it, because their apartment is hours from baekhyun and chanyeol. but on the other side, i could use the fresh start.

i’ve only been with junmyeon and yixing for a day, and i already like the city life. moreover, the apartment has a beautiful view on the city. it also feels liberating to be away from kris.

“do you want a cup of coffee?” without waiting for my answer, yixing pours me a cup. not that i mind, the coffee distracts me from the thoughts i’m having lately.

“yixing, i have a question,” i say as i take a sip of the bitter drink. yixing sits down beside me, and looks expectantly. “do you know a kim jongin?” i wonder aloud. yixing’s eyes are now wide-open, and his cheerful expression fades away. he knows him?

“and oh sehun, who are they?” i add excited. maybe he can give me the answers i’ve been looking for. yixing looks a bit lost, and seems relieved when junmyeon enters the living room. “good morning,” junmyeon greets us and takes a cup from the cupboard.

yixing mumbles a good morning.

“i have to go,” he then suddenly says. i stop him by grabbing my arm. “you haven’t answered my question,” i hiss under my breath. yixing sighs and ignores my remark. “kyungsoo, i don’t know them,” is his short reply. i then see him pulling junmyeon in their bedroom. i put my ear on the door, hoping to hear something.

“we have to tell him,” i hear junmyeon’s voice after a while. “no, he’ll never forgive us,” yixing now mentions. i frown by their words. are they referring to me? why did they do? and what has it to do with the persons on the tombstones?

i’m already on my fourth coffee when the two leave the room. before i can even speak, yixing takes the word. “we have to tell you something,” he announces in a serious way. “actually show you something,” junmyeon adds and they sit down. yixing slides a photo to me, that i carefully pick up.

i see myself with an unknown person on a merry-go-round. “who is he?” i ask confused. yixing looks helplessly at junmyeon. “it’s kim jongin,” junmyeon answers my question. wait, the person of the tombstone? i’m the one that knows him. how is it that i can’t remember a thing?

“we have erased him from your memories,” yixing says regretful, without facing me.

flashback

i’ve been here so many times that i almost see jongin’s apartment as my second home. it seems that even sehun enjoys my company. i’m trying to repair their friendship, even though i shouldn’t interfere their business.

“so what shall we do today?” sehun asks as he looks at jongin and i. “we always remain in this apartment,” jongin pouts as he folds the laundry. i inhale the washing powder that smells like peach blossoms. “let’s go to an amusement park,” i propose.

sehun and jongin exchange glances. “what do you think?” sehun asks jongin while putting the pile of clothes in the closet. jongin’s eyes turn into crescents. “an amusement park?” he mockingly repeats me. i actually feel like visiting one. the careless atmosphere, delicious waffles and the exciting feeling you get when you’re flying.

“i just suggested something,” i mumble under my breath. jongin stares at me, and rests his face between his hands. “let’s go then,” his words make my heart pound. i smile triumphantly. “are you sure?” i hear sehun’s suspicious remark. to my surprise, jongin shakes his head. “i don’t know,” is his answer.

why did he agree then? frustrated and slightly humiliated, i turn my gaze to the window. i don’t want to appear hurt, so i decide to ignore jongin. suddenly a familiar scent tickles my neck, making me hold in my breath.

“i’m not sure about anything around you,” jongin’s hot breath against my neck drives me insane. i gulp and turn around, looking straight in his eyes. i can never find the words to describe his beauty. our eyes connect with each other, in a desperate way.

“i’m going to the store,” i hear sehun sigh. but i don’t even bother to answer. “an english poet once said,” jongin gets closer to me and presses me against the wall. i can feel his hand my back. “soul meets soul,” he continues with a hoarser voice. “.. on lover’s lip,” jongin cites before pecking his soft lips on mine.

filling up the emptiness i had for so long. the last kiss.

looking at the picture, i suddenly remember pieces of that day. the person beside me in the picture looks familiar. the only thing i remember about him is his appearance. his full lips, slender body and tanned skin. or am i being delusional?

“why did you erase my memories?” i ask the two without looking away. the picture fascinates me. “don’t you know?” yixing answers my question with one. he exchanges glances with junmyeon. “it would hurt you,” junmyeon says as he sips of the cold coffee.

“what would hurt me?” i turn my eyes from the photo. junmyeon seems to regret his words and helplessly looks at yixing. “let’s go to jongdae, he probably knows a way to break the spell,” yixing proposes. but i’m more confused. am i bewitched? is there something that i don’t know?

moreover, am i ready for the truth?