it has been a week since i joined the vampires, and strangely enough i enjoy the stay. life here is fascinating, and completely different from my usual life. above all, i feel safe.

“here, drink this,” junmyeon throws the red drink in my hands. the first days they fooled me by saying it was tomato juice. but i knew well enough, it was blood that i needed to survive. although junmyeon, yixing and i are the only ones who drink animal blood.

i’ve met the others. though i’ve shared some talks with kris, he frequently disappears into the bedroom with tao. according to yixing, tao is a half-hybrid imprisoned by kris for ‘personal’ reasons. i’m sure the two are in love, but junmyeon denies my suspicion. he said kris has turned off his feelings decades ago.

beside these two, you have the silent minseok. he’s usually wandering in the woods, or with the so-called enchanter jongdae. yixing told me minseok suffers the most from luhan’s death. although his great sorrow, minseok always smiles kindly to me. it strikes me how miserable the vampires are, and then i realize i’m one of them.

will i ever get tired of the immortal life? if so, who will stand by my side forever?

i look through the window, thinking of chanyeol and baekhyun. how are they doing? if i come back and the two aren’t still together, i’d be upset. yixing warned me to be careful when meeting them. “the people you love are just weapons that will be used against you,” he whispered, referring to the hunters. i suddenly wonder how jongin is doing, even though he’s my enemy and in all probability luhan’s killer.

“,” i scold when my foot bumps into something. i now notice a coffer under my bed and grab it. the initials ‘lx’ are engraved in it. “what could this be?” i think out loud and my curiosity increases. a book is placed in it which i browse in, trying to find something. suddenly i realize what i have in my hands.

the diary of the murdered vampire, luhan.

we celebrated christmas together, and one thing led to another. he said his family lived too far, and that he preferred my company. then he kissed me. you cannot imagine how red my cheeks were. but above all, it was the best day of my life. my love for him is only growing, and kris can’t know about this. he would only hurt him.

he makes me so happy, and at once tears me apart. i truly love him and when i look at him, i see the rest of my life. it’s just not possible. how could i be so selfish to love him? today i met his roommate jongin. he seemed a bit scared of me.

i haven’t spoken to him for days, and i’m suffering under it. jongin knows who i am, and he threatened to tell sehun if i didn’t disappear. sehun sent so many message, but i had to ignore it. fortunately jongdae has agreed with my plan, and promised to be quiet.

i can’t believe it, i’ve never cried so much. it’s as if i have no more tears left. i have finally enchanted sehun, and i thought i’d be reassured. i regret what i did! he will never recall me. at least that is what jongdae guaranteed with the potion. i hate myself, but it’s too late.

goodness, could it be that luhan fell in love with a human? am i the only who knows this now, since i’ve read this? i never knew one could love a person so much. luhan even enchanted that sehun in order to protect him. the saddest is that sehun won’t recall luhan, ever.

this morning i woke up with ‘good’ news. the vampires have found the enemy’s lair. it actually was yixing’s silent work. “we’ll finish them off,” kris said revengeful. his eyes showed how serious he was, and that made me afraid. isn’t revenge a confusion of pain?

i empty the bottle of blood and stare at the weapon yixing gave me. it’s a combination of an arrow and a rifle. it doesn’t feel good to take it, since i’m not aggressive. i will never be, but then i suddenly remember the pages from the diary.

luhan definitely earns his revenge.

we have been observing their house for hours. it’s a rural area, not so far from our quarter. the house looks innocent, as if a family lives in it. yixing informed us that there are two hunters. this may appear easy, but they are always prepared. minseok and i are hidden behind the bushed, with our hands wrapped around the weapon. we’re standing guard while the others are in the house.

“i’m sorry,” minseok suddenly speaks. it feels strange to hear his voice, but stranger to hear an apology. “why so?” i say confused. minseok sighs and looks into the distance. “for overwhelming you with this,” is his answer. i smile by his concern. “i’ve never thought about it, i just accepted everything that came to me,” i honestly say, with my eyes on the house.

out of sudden, a car turns into the house. “,” minseok grabs his phone. “kris, they are here!” he warns the others, and i notice jongin at the house. even from afar, he look so beautiful. “we have to go,” minseok orders. i’m a bit taken back. “we cannot delay this fight, it’s now or never,” with these words, he starts shooting at the figure with jongin. out of nowhere deafening gunshots are heard.

i can recognize the vampires hanging out of the windows, holding their rifles on the hunters. i can’t move, the only thing i see is the vampire hunters running into the woods beside their house. “let’s go,” minseok and i start running towards the house. at that moment, the others arrive. “they can’t be far, they’re wounded,” kris smiles as he charges his weapon. yixing’s face is bathed in sweat, and junmyeon is out of breath. “this is for luhan,” junmyeon says panting, and we begin the search in the woods. on behalf of luhan.

we really underestimated them, they are hidden better than we thought. i lost sight of the others, but i continue searching. it could be that they are already found, and i put myself against an oak. i feel a strange desire for blood, but i can control it.

“stay awake, idiot,” i suddenly hear near me. a voice i immediately recognize. i reach for my weapon and follow it. it leads me to a huge cave, behind the trees. i can see jongin with an injured person in his arms. i’ve never seen him so scared. “is there anyone?” i hear him raise his voice. jongin grabs a weapon and focuses it on me. what should i do? i get up from behind the bushes and reveal myself.

“kyungsoo?” jongin is surprised. his usual smirk is replaced by a weak one. i walk closer to him and look at his partner. “is he okay?” i can’t believe i’m asking this. he’s the villain after all.

jongin tenderly caresses the face of the person, as if he has given up. the wound looks very bad. “he’ll be fine,” is his short reply. “bring him to the hospital,” i command him, but jongin only grins. “how? your dear friends are everywhere in the forest,” he mutters coldly. of course, he’s angry. i dial kris’ number on my phone, and call it.

“kyungsoo, where are you?” the deep voice scolds me. “i couldn’t find you, so i went home,” i lie with my eyes on jongin. “let’s stop the search,” i sigh and jongin looks speechless. “we have to find them, no matter what!” kris voices on the other line. he seems determined. “kris, what will change? luhan stays dead!” i shout and then i realize what i’ve said. “i’m sorry, kris,” i try to save myself, but the line is already broken.

“how could i?” i cuss myself loudly. i lied to kris and even confronted him with luhan’s dead!

“luhan?” jongin playfully smiles, “i killed him, right?” i can’t believe his shamelessness. jongin gently places his partner on the ground, and stands up. i take a frightened step backwards, and jongin reaches for his weapon. “what should i do with you?” jongin questions and drives me into a blind spot. “what should i do with someone who even betrays his own kind?”

his knife is dangerously close to my chin, and i hold my breath in fear. was i that foolish to trust jongin? “you promised me,” i weakly say. jongin lowers the knife which makes me breath calmer.

“you’re so beautiful,” he suddenly says and my cheek. “shut up,” i walk to his wounded friend and notice he’s steady breathing. “he must be asleep,” i notice. jongin rolls his eyes. “you’re not going to pretend as if i just didn’t try to kill you, right?” his deep voice echoes through the cave. i place myself on the ground. “stay quiet,” i growl annoyed. i don’t want to answer his question. he has to be grateful, after all i saved him from a horrible death.

then suddenly the other hunter wakes up. “where are we?” is the first thing he asks. jongin bends down and helps him sit up straight. “don’t worry, sehun,” jongin whispers and says a familiar name. where have i heard it before?

“did you kill kris?” sehun’s question frightens me. is that their goal? jongin shakes his head, and points to me. “but we’re holding him hostage,” he smiles innocently. jongin then commands me to give him my weapons. “if you betray the vampires, what’s stopping you from betraying us?” jongin speaks out.

but the promise, i desperately think. i have to hold in my tears, but he is still telling the truth. at the end i had to stay true to the vampires and not fall into his trap. still i refuse to listen to him, and i suddenly get an idea.

as jongin comes closer to me, i rapidly grab him by the collar. “stop!” sehun tries to stop me, but he’s too weak to actually stand up. for the first time, i reveal the bloodthirsty monster i am. i must avenge luhan. yixing told me about luhan’s horrific death, and what is preventing me from killing these two?

my fangs are dangerously close to jongin’s neck, and i can clearly see his adam’s apple. “bite me, kyungsoo,” jongin muffles under his breath. until this moment, he can’t move his honor aside. i aggressively throw him on the ground, and i feel my breathing become regular again.

“don’t bother us anymore, or your death will surpass luhan’s death.”