“That was not cool, Cho.”

Kyuhyun frowned when Donghae jogged up next to him. He slung his bag over his shoulder as he continued walking, wanting to just ignore the rest of the world. When Donghae caught him and grabbed his shoulders, Kyuhyun shrugged his hands off.

“Leave me alone, man.” Kyuhyun muttered. “I’m not in the mood for this.”

“I’m just saying, leaving the class in a middle of lesson dramatically is my kind of my thing, not yours.” Donghae chuckled, smiling sheepishly. “What’s got your in a bunch?”

Kyuhyun stopped walking and sighed. At least they were finally outside the school ground. Kyuhyun leaned against a wall and covered his face with his hands. When he refused to talk, Donghae leaned on the opposite of wall across of him taking out a lighter and his box of cigarettes.  

Donghae looked Kyuhyun over and shook his head, “You can’t keep doing this, man.”

“Doing what?” Kyuhyun asked, crossing his arms.

“You look like the walking dead.” Donghae gestured to Kyuhyun from bottom to top and then continued. “And you’ve been skipping classes a whole lot this month.”

“Yeah. So? You do it too.”

Donghae chuckled, “I’m known for that. But you aren’t. Come on Cho, tell me what’s up.”

Kyuhyun squeezed his eyes shut, head leaning back against the walls. No one would understand him, no one would. His attention was diverted by the cigarette Donghae was holding. The latter always seemed so relaxed and carefree, never bothered by anything in his life. He walked out of classes like he owned the school and he shrugged off worries and doubts like it was nothing. Sometimes, Kyuhyun envied Donghae.

“Give me one.” Kyuhyun insisted, tilting his head at the burning stick against Donghae’s lips.

Donghae raised his brows with a challenging glint in his eyes. “Why should I?”

When Kyuhyun refused to speak, Donghae continued. “Tell me what’s been bothering you and I’ll hand you one.”

Kyuhyun sighed, his heart clenching. He hated talking about this, talking about his feelings. It seemed even Kyuhyun himself was not able to understand his own complicated feelings. His insides was a mess of feeling betrayed, angry and sad at the world, at his own faith.

Kyuhyun sighed, bracing himself for the nausea to overcome him every time he tried talking about what had been bothering him. “I’m just pissed.”

“At who?”

“At… “ Kyuhyun threw his arms in the air. “Everyone!”

“I’m pissed at everyone. I’m pissed at all the other students for going on with their lives when I just lost both my mother and father. I’m pissed at my noona for not letting me go to the hospital earlier. I’m pissed at my umma and appa for making me study all the time instead of spending time with them. I’m pissed at them for calling the cops when they saw the people breaking in our neighbour’s house. I’m pissed at myself for not being able to stop this from happening and I’m pissed at you for being so damn carefree.”

When Kyuhyun ended his rant, he huffed as he looked at Donghae. The latter only whistled, a smirk plastered on his lips. But there was something in his eyes, a glimmer of an emotion Kyuhyun was not able to understand.

“You sound like could use one of these.” Donghae comforted, pulling out his box of cigarettes. He lighted the cigarette before handing it to Kyuhyun who took it almost immediately.

The feel of the rough paper in his hands made Kyuhyun feel weird. It was his first time after all. Was he going to really do this? But he needed it. How many times had he wanted to just forget about everything? How many times had he wanted to get lost and forget about everything going on? When Kyuhyun inhaled from the stick, he unexpectedly coughed. The smoke in his mouth felt yucky and his head started to spin. The smell of cigarettes was everyone, on his hands, on his mouth and even on his hands. The smoke in his mouth tasted kind of… hot and acrid. While Kyuhyun was busy trying to figure ou