3.6 thousand words of IDEK and STFU I KNOW IT'S NOT GOOD

Sorry guys.

Cheesy, Sunggyu thought, as he and his best friend for 2 years, Nam Woohyun, was watching a movie in their shared dorm. It was Saturday, and they decided to just relax and watch chic flic, because what’s wrong with that? Woohyun was lying down on Sunggyu’s side while Sunggyu’s hands were wrapped firmly around the younger’s waist. Sunggyu loved this position very much. Ever since they met, he had harboured feelings for the other, but never had the heart to tell him. Mainly because he thought Woohyun was straight and his feelings were one-sided. But even though he knew they wouldn’t be together, he can’t help but fall for the other harder each and every day.

Their peaceful moment was interrupted by Woohyun’s phone. It rang loudly in the small living room and Woohyun groaned. He stood up and grabbed it on the small dresser in the corner. He saw the caller ID and immediately brightened up. A bad feeling coiled in the pit of Sunggyu’s stomach. He was nervous about who could be the caller. Woohyun slid the screen and the call started.

“Yeobeoseyo?”

Sunggyu could hear a loud, “Woohyun!” coming from the phone.

“Ah~ Jagiya! Don’t scream through the phone!” Jagiya?

"Jagiya? Woohyun’s in a relationship?!" Sunggyu thought. He was burning holes at the back of Woohyun’s head with his gaze. Woohyun felt a chill run up his spine, and he turned his head slightly, catching Sunggyu’s gaze. He suddenly remembered the other’s prescence.

“Um…I-I’ll be right back.” Then Woohyun stormed out.

Sunggyu couldn’t believe it. Woohyun’s in a relationship? And Woohyun didn’t tell him? Sunggyu felt betrayed. He’s been bestfriends with Woohyun for 2 years for goodness’ sake! They promised each other that they won’t hide anything from each other. But amidst all the betrayal, he can’t help but feel his heart break into a million pieces, and those million pieces break into a million more pieces. Sure, he knew Woohyun would have to get into a relationship sooner or later, but he never thought it could hurt so much. And he never thought that he would find out in the most unexpected way.

Betrayal and hurt combined, and Sunggyu couldn’t take it. As Woohyun was stepping inside their living room, ready with an explanation and an anxious heart, Sunggyu ran out and ran towards his own room. He wasn’t ready to face Woohyun just yet, especially with tears b his eyes and were ready to spill out. He didn’t want Woohyun to see the weak side of him, and it would obviously bring out his secret.

He didn’t know when, but he apparently passed out on his bed from all the crying. And he could see a small plastic container on his bedside drawer and a note attached to it.

“Hyung! I am so sosososo sorry! I promise I’ll explain. Since you passed out, I made some cake for you. Your favourite flavour~ I went out for a bit, but I promise I’ll explain once I get back. Namu is sad if hyung is mad! Please don’t be mad anymore!

-Namu<3”

“Tsk. This kid can make me forgive him instantly. When will I ever learn to stay mad at you, Nam Woohyun?” Sunggyu complained aloud. Ofcourse he couldn’t stay angry at the other for a long time, he loved him too much.

~*~

After eating the cake Woohyun made, Sunggyu took out a small black book from below his bed. He held a pen and started writing on a blank page, voicing out his thoughts in writings.

Nam Woohyun has a girlfriend, how about my heart?

My heart is yearning for him all these years, and he has finally broke it. But why does it keep beating, for him?

I remember the day we met, in college. How did he manage to make me fall inlove with him instantly? It is really a mystery. But ever since that day…all I think about is him. About how perfect Nam Woohyun is and about how I don’t want to lose him.

He closed the book, and placed it under his pillow. He thought Woohyun won’t see it there, since it’s not the day to change the pillows.

~*~

After a few hours, Woohyun came back. But he was startled when he opened the door, a quiet atmosphere enveloping the average-sized apartment. Sunggyu had gone out, leaving Woohyun alone. Woohyun made his way through the space and to Sunggyu’s bedroom.

He opened the door, half-expecting a passed out Sunggyu on the bed, but an empty mattress and sprawled out blankets welcomed him. Typical Gyu-hyung.Sunggyu wasn’t one to fix his bed when he had Woohyun around, because Woohyun almost always did the chores around the dorm.

Woohyun laid down on the bed, smelling the familiar scent of his hyung. He hugged the extra pillow, inhaling more of the strawberry scent.

“I’m so sorry for not telling you hyung. I was gonna tell you, but you found out already. Hope you’re not angry anymore.” Woohyun murmured to himself as he twisted and the bed. When he pressed his palm on the pillow to sit up, he felt a small lump.

Curious, he lifted the object and a small book greeted him. What’s that?, Woohyun thought. He grabbed the book  and flipped through the pages. He landed on one particular page, and he immediately saw his name in it.

Do I love you Nam Woohyun? Are you the one for me? That’s what I keep asking myself. But no matter how many years passed, he never noticed me. I’m only like a brother to him, and it hurts me. But I can’t be anymore happy to be with him. I hope he never leaves, my heart will still find him.

Woohyun’s eyes widened. Oh no, he has found Sunggyu’s diary. He stopped himself from reading more because he already found out that his best friend, practically brother, likes him. But he failed and continued reading. He knows it is wrong, but he can’t stop himself. He can’t explain the pounding of his heart against his chest, and the nervous butterflies fluttering in his stomach. He then landed on the most recent entry.

Nam Woohyun has a girlfriend, how about my heart?

My heart is yearning for him all these years, and he has finally broke it. But why does it keep beating, for him?

I remember the day we met, in college. How did he manage to make me fall inlove with him instantly? It is really a mystery. But ever since that day…all I think about is him. About how perfect Nam Woohyun is and about how I don’t want to lose him.

Woohyun couldn’t explain what he was feeling. Was he angry because Sunggyu wanted more from him? Nervous because he found out about Sunggyu’s secret and he would be angry at him? Or maybe…flustered? He really couldn’t tell.

But suddenly the door burst open. Speak of the devil. Woohyun was still holding the small black book in his hand, and the older dropped the bag he was holding, shocked.

“W-woohyun…”

Said man had an unreadable expression.

“H-hyung…what the hell?!” Woohyun suddenly raised his voice, and this startled Sunggyu.

“Hyung, I thought you were straight! And you like me? I have a girlfriend, damn it!”

“W-woohyunit’s not-“

“You lied, to our friends, to everyone, and to me…I thought we won’t keep secrets from each other anymore.”

Sunggyu just stood there, speechless. He didn’t know what to say at that point. And he inwardly scolded himself for not hiding his diary well enough.

But when Sunggyu did find his voice, he retorted, annoyed. “How about you? You kept your girlfriend a secret from me, right? You’re such a hypocrite.” His voice was laced with anger and annoyance but he kept that façade on as to not alert Woohyun of what he was really feeling.

“I was gonna tell you!”

Woohyun then stood up and headed for the door, after sending one last comment to the older.

Sunggyu woke up due to the blinding lights from the window. He tried his best to open his swollen eyes, and he looked around, looking for any sign of Woohyun. He cried the whole afternoon until he fell asleep, blaming himself for everything and begging for Woohyun to come back.

Sunggyu stood up and headed to the kitchen, his throat dry and soar. When he approached the fridge, he noticed a note attached to it. As he skimmed the note, his heart broke and tears were streaming down his cheeks again.

“I’m staying over at Sungjong’s for who knows how long. But I took all my luggage with me, in case I decide to move. Sorry hyung, but I can’t live with you like this. I hope you find someone better, I’ll pray everyday that you do.

This may be the last time I ever talk to you, and I’m sorry about that. I just want to say thank you.

-Woohyun”

Sungjong plopped down next to his hyung on the bed and started speaking in a quiet but annoyed voice.

“Hyung, you should really stop this childish act and just make up with Gyu-hyung already.”

“No.” The older answered quickly.

“Well, I know hyung wanted to confess to you personally, and he didn’t want to push you into having a relationship with him if he knew you didn’t want to.”

“My answer is still no.”

Sungjong reached Woohyun and Sunggyu’s dorm and opened the locked door with the spare key he had. He had used it many times before to interrupt Woohyun and Sunggyu in their “bonding” moments  together. Sungjong looked back at this, and he wondered how their relationship could just break in a day. He entered the threshold, and what immediately caught his attention was Sunggyu lying on the floor, with bottles of soju surrounding him. He seems to be sleeping, so Sungjong quietly approached the other male and shook his shoulder softly.

“Gyu-hyung, wake up!”

The other only stirred and whined, turning to his side and continuing to sleep.

“Hyuuuuuuung~!”

“Mmhh…Woohyun, stop it…”

Sungjong immediately stopped and looked at the sleeping man. He his hair to help Sunggyu to have a nice dream. He thought the other needed it, when his life twisted the past day.

“Woohyun…I love you…w-wait oh gosh I-I’m s-sorry-!”

“No no no no please don’t…”

Sunggyu started to cry and Sungjong kept on trying to comfort him.

“Woohyun…please…”

Sunggyu cried really hard, and Sungjong figured it was time to wake his hyung up. He shook the other violently.

And it worked, because Sunggyu immediately sat up, hair messy and voice hoarse when he called out to the younger.

“S-Sungjong…”

He looked at the younger with blood-shot eyes, and all the younger could see were dark orbs with no soul at all, only an endless pool of pain. Sungjong felt really bad for Sunggyu. He embraced the other in a comforting hug and his back, soothing him. Sunggyu couldn’t cry anymore, because there weren’t any tears left. He just wanted to be done with Woohyun, but whatever he does, he can’t bring himself to forget him.

“Hyung, maybe you should take the first step in fixing your relationship.”

Sunggyu just looked up at him.

“Gyu-hyung, you should go apologize to Woohyun, and try to make him change his mind. I know he won’t give up on your relationship. After all, you guys have been through so much. But he’s just being stubborn now. Maybe you should knock some sense into him.”

Sunggyu considered this for a moment, but then abandoned it immediately because he thought Woohyun wouldn’t want to even see his face anymore.

“But, he’ll just push me away, I know it.”

“He won’t hyung.”

Woohyun stirred and turned in his bed, feeling guilty all of a sudden. He remembered Sunggyu’s scared face, the tears filling his eyes, looking like a scared little child. He remembered all the things he and Sunggyu have been through, the late-night study sessions, the weekly movie nights filled with laughter, tears, and playful remarks, and those times when Sunggyu would cry out, because of a scary nightmare he’s had, and Woohyun would sleep with Sunggyu in his bed. He would the other’s forehead and cheek, helping him have the most beautiful sleep he’s ever had. He would gaze at his face and think he’s the most beautiful person ever, but would immediately push that thought away.

Suddenly, he heard a knock at the door. He only ignored it, thinking it was only Sungjong. But the person kept on knocking.

“What?!”

“Woo~”

He immediately recognized that voice. It was his girlfriend, Seoyeon. Woohyun immediately stood up and opened the door, happy to see her. He hugged the younger girl, but then a feeling of regret filled him when he remembered the times where he would hug his most beloved hyung. He suddenly missed him, but he shook his head and pushed the thought away. Seoyeon looked at him with a little bit of concern.

“Anything wrong, Hyunnie?”

“N-no, it’s nothing.”

She smiled widely and brightly, Woohyun mimicking the action.

“Woo~ I’m hungry~!”

He chuckled, amused by his girlfriend’s antics. He and his girlfriend went down to the kitchen and Woohyun grabbed some of the ingredients he needed to make some fried rice. Another pang guilt hit him when he remembered the times he would cook for Sunggyu. An unknown emotion swelled up in his heart when he thought of the moments he would feel electricity surge through him when Sunggyu would hold his hand, when Sunggyu would suddenly hug him from behind, or when Sunggyu would return his embrace.

He didn’t notice that he was spacing out too long until when Seoyeon was waving a hand in front of his eyes.

“Hyunnie, Sunggyu’s here to see you.” Then she went up the stairs, feeling uneasy from the tension between them when she mentioned Sunggyu.

He turned around and faced the front door, seeing the older standing there with an almost identical expression as his. Several emotions rushed through his body, and many flashed in his eyes.

Relief.

Happiness.

Sadness.

Love-

No.

Woohyun blinked his eyes and mentally berated himself. Woohyun approached Sunggyu and spoke in an angry but calm voice.

“What are you doing here?”

Sunggyu started shaking, suddenly scared of Woohyun.

“I-I was j-just…”

Sunggyu then remembered that if we wouldn’t keep his cool and stick to his plan, he wouldn’t achieve anything and ultimately get Woohyun back.

“…I was just gonna…”

Woohyun then realized Sunggyu was holding a letter. Sunggyu then shyly gave Woohyun the letter with trembling hands, and Woohyun took it maybe a bit more harshly than needed.

“Hello Woohyun,

You know…I’ve been thinking…I didn’t confess to you properly. So, I guess here’s some cheesy stuff.

Nam Woohyun.

Huh. I didn’t know I would fall more in love with that grease ball.

But, I did.

I’ve had eyes for him ever since that day at uni.

Really though. I never thought we would become friends in such a short time. But we did.

But ofcourse, there’s a twist. THERE’S ALWAYS A TWIST. And that twist is that he’s straight and the chances of us getting together is lower than my self-esteem. And that’s saying a lot.

But…I’m can’t be anymore happy. Because he noticed me that day, and he wanted to waste his time with a nobody like me. He’s always the one making me happy, making me sad, making me confused, making me flustered, making me feel loved.

Thank you.

And I love you.

Nam Woohyun.

-Sunggyu <3”

Woohyun felt like he wanted to cry, but why? With overwhelming sadness? Anger? Or maybe…happiness?

Woohyun was silent. Sunggyu was silent. Everything was silent. But after a while, Sunggyu broke the silence.

“Woohyun…?”

“I’m sorry.”

Sunggyu was confused. Maybe…Woohyun wanted to say sorry because of his actions? Maybe he wanted to apologize and he wanted to be friends with Sunggyu again?

“H-hyun-“

“I’m sorry hyung, but I can’t. I j-just can’t.”

“C-can’t what?”

“I JUST CAN’T, OKAY?!”

Sunggyu was startled. He really can’t understand Woohyun about what he can’t do.

“W-woohyun-“

“Hyung, I can’t face you. I can’t come back to our dorm with you. I can’t…fall in love with you.”

Sunggyu’s heart just snapped into smaller pieces and any trace of hope was gone.

“I’m not forcing you into having a relationship with me, damn it!”

“But I can’t face you knowing that you like me that way!”

“Why can’t you just forget, Nam Woohyun? Why can’t you just forget that I like you and let’s just go back to our life before?”

“It’s hard, hyung. You wouldn’t know the feeling.”

Sunggyu gave Woohyun an unimpressed glare.

“I don’t know the feeling, Nam Woohyun? Do you think I can forget you?”

Woohyun kept his mouth shut after. Sunggyu got fed up from Woohyun always pushing him away and keeping things to himself. He left Woohyun with one last look.

Woohyun couldn’t stop thinking about what last happened between him and Sunggyu. On one side, he can feel a sense of longing after the older said goodbye. But on the other, he felt kind of relieved that maybe Sunggyu would finally let go of him, that he would finally stop loving him and he won’t hurt the older anymore.

Sungjong’s assigned ringtone woke him up from his sleep. He’s been getting this really weird dream of Sunggyu sitting on the edge of a bridge, looking off into the distance. Then Woohyun himself looks to where Sunggyu’s looking, and all he sees is darkness. Sometimes it’s night, sometimes it’s day. But even if the sun’s way up in the sky, all he can see is the color black. It’s like he’s blind or something.

He answered the call and surely, Sungjong’s annoying voice (said by Woohyun) sounded through the line but, it somehow sounded rushed and panicky...?

“Woohyun-hyung! Woohyun-hyung! It’s Sunggyu-hyung. He’s about to jump!”

Before Woohyun was about to ask what he meant, he heard Sungjong shouting at someone.

“Hyung don’t! It’s not your fault! You can still fix this!”

“Sungjong, where are you?!”

“At this bridge near your old dorm, remember that? Hurry up!”

Woohyun ended the call and sped through the house into the parking lot. He didn’t care if it was freezing outside and if he was just wearing a white tee with sweatpants, but he still grabbed an orange cardigan on his way to his car. He started the engine and drove quickly towards the bridge. He remembered that bridge, because so many memories of him and Sunggyu happened there.

He arrived at the place and saw Sungjong staring at the top of the high railings in fear. He was visibly shaking and crying. Woohyun ran up to Sungjong and embraced the younger, hoping to calm him down, but he too became like the other once he saw Sunggyu sitting at the very edge, staring off into space. It was just like his dream, Sunggyu’s feet dangling on the edge, looking like he’s done with everything. Sunggyu slowly turned his head to look at Woohyun, and flashed him a small smile. He  said something but Woohyun can’t quite catch it. Woohyun wobbled towards the older and stared right into his eyes.

“H-hyung..”

“I thought you won’t come. I thought you hated me and would live better if I was dead.”

“Hyung...d-don’t say that-“

Sunggyu stood up abruptly and nearly fell off, but he caught his balance at the last second. Woohyun ran towards him on instinct but stopped when he was close enough.

“They say that time’s supposed to heal you, but I haven’t done much of it. Why do you mean so much to me, Nam Woohyun?”

“I don’t know hyung, but we can make this work, please just don’t—“

“No.”

Sunggyu hovered his foot over the edge, signalling his intentions. He was really close to doing it, but he could hear Woohyun’s sobs, and silent pleas. He looked behind him, and saw Woohyun staring at him, communicating with his eyes instead of shouting verbal nonsense that Sunggyu would surely ignore. They locked gazes, and Sunggyu could see something, and he knew what that something was. Swimming along with other emotions that showed in Woohyun’s eyes.

And that something was love.

 “I’m so stupid! I’ve loved him all along, and now I’ve pushed him too much...” ,Woohyun thought.

“Hyung, I was stupid. So, so, very stupid. I’m an idiot for not realizing earlier, for pushing you away these past week. I’m sorry. I know it’s a weak apology, but I truly am sorry. Please hyung, don’t jump. My life was hell enough when I was avoiding you, and now you’re going forever, do you think I would still be able to move on? I love you hyung...”

His mind was so foggy he hadn’t realized Sunggyu walking towards him, pulling him into a hug by his neck. Everything finally processed when Sunggyu placed a little peck on his cheek and whispered,

“I love you too, pabo.”

Well...I think that was a bit anticlimactic.I don't even know if the last part was worth reading. I just at drama and suicide scenes.

And WHOOOO WOOGYU'S FINALLY TOGETHER! thank you Sungjong  Sorry, no kissing. Just a peck kekekeke.

BTW, did anyone get the "Hello" by Adele reference? Browny points to you if you did.

But if you guys happened to enjoy this chapter, please subscribe and comment if you haven't already! :) And I would like to thank you guys for the amount of support this fic has been getting! I love you all and I hope I won't disappoint any of you. :)

Also, sorry for the constant lapses and I'm sure some of you got fed up with the (~*~) thing I used somehwere in the fic(I have when I was writing this, but I thought the lapses where necessary).

And to @marieah, I won't say for sure, because in the future I might change my mind, but as of now, I'm planning to have a sad then suddenly happy ending to everything.

Okay that's all.