Close To You | Rihanna

 

KRYSTAL POV

 

“I know you know.  But I know it too.  I know that you feel the same about me too.”

 

No matter how strong a person can be, watching someone you think you’re in love with love someone else will never sit well and will always leave a stinging sensation in your chest.

 

So I looked away.  I heard what I needed to anyway.

 

A few moments later, “Yuri, I’ll get Tiffany.  You take care of Amber…” My sister’s words prompt me to look back up.  In the corner of my eye I can see Tiffany unnie running off to the other side of the parking lot.  I see Amber alone by herself, her feet planted on the ground.

 

I don’t have to see her face closely or ask questions on what just happened to know and sense the heartbreak she’s going through right now.

 

“Soojung…” Jessica turns to us, “Kai, Joohyuk, Irene…”

 

She uses a stern tone, “I trust that whatever you saw and heard in this parking lot will remain in this parking lot.  Do you understand what I’m saying?”

 

We tip our heads in acknowledgement.

 

“You guys should head inside,” she says before heading towards the direction that Tiffany unnie went.

 

In the distance, I can see Amber with Yuri unnie.  A part of me wants to see, wants to be there for her, wants to understand what just happened.  But I know my place.

 

“Joohyuk, I want to go home,” Irene whispers.  I take a peek at her and clearly I can see the same state of shock and its effect on her.

 

“Okay, I’ll take you home,” Joohyuk pulls her away and sends me and Kai a careful nod.

 

That leaves the two of us in silence for a good minute.  The image of Amber and the desperation in her confession is still processing in my thoughts.

 

“We should follow your sister,” he broke the silence. “We should go back to the party.”

 

How could I go back to that party and pretend that nothing happened?

 

“Kai…I think I just want to go home too.  Can you please take me home?”

 

He lets out a deep sigh as he concedes to the circumstance too, “Yeah, sure Krystal.”

 

---

 

Tiffany didn’t’ stop Amber.  She let her kiss her.  Deep down she wanted it too because Amber was right…she felt the same way too.

 

Amber eventually pulls back.  Tiffany’s eyes remain closed, both faces wet from each other’s tears, and hearts pounding like there’s no tomorrow.

 

“Tiffany…”

 

Amber lifts her chin to meet her ocean eyes.  They have both kept everything buried for too long and neither one was prepared to deal with the consequence of their actions.  Tiffany has always looked into the same eyes with longing, with care, and with protection but she has learned to love her without the need to say it.  That was the chivalrous flaw to this whole dilemma.  Underneath the myriad of emotions, buried beneath the desperate truth hence remained her first priority to do what’s right.

 

So she whispers into the thickness of night, “I’m sorry.”

 

More tears fall and Amber watches helplessly as Tiffany pulls away from her embrace, simultaneously pulling on the strings from their heart-tangled connection, leaving Amber there, soul stifled, chest tightened, legs paralyzed.

 

The entire minute it took for Amber to watch Tiffany disappear felt like a thousand millenniums.  And right there where she stood, in a parking lot of a five-star hotel, she becomes another victim of time’s cruelty—it’s immutability and one’s powerlessness in rewinding its course.

---

 

Yuri was the one who took responsibility for Amber.  She took her to the café.  Knowing that the last thing that the teenager wants to do is to go home, she thought it to be the best place to cool off and to hopefully…talk things through.

 

Yuri returns from the kitchen with two shot glasses and two green bottles of soju.  She slides into the booth, in front of the dazed teenager and carefully places a glass in front of her.  She heaves a long sigh as she uncaps a bottle and pours it first in front of her companion’s glass before doing the same for herself.  Liquor is probably not the most intelligent idea at the moment but it’s the most human way (even if it’s for fraction) to alleviate the internal wrenching that Amber is probably feeling right now.

 

Amber, however, does not budge.  She stares detachedly at the short glass but doesn’t move a muscle.  Yuri stares too before taking her first shot, letting the deafening silence sink in.

 

Yuri takes about a minute.  She sees how Amber’s eyes are agonizing the details of the events not too long ago and she sees the hopelessness and feels pity and grief.  She is not one to push her opinion nor does she want to cavalierly make trite attempts to make sense of the very human experience many call heartbreak.  However, she does feel the need to at least tell it how it is in hopes that Amber will begin to understand and in turn progress into a step forward.

 

Yuri reaches for Amber’s glass and takes hers as her second shot.  “You know…everything…has always been for you Amber.”

 

She waits carefully for any reaction but finds none.  She takes that as a green signal to continue.

 

“Everything that Tiffany has done has always been for you.”  She pauses again.  She takes a deep breath before continuing.

 

“And you’re right about everything too…she has always known how you felt about her and you’re also right about how she feels about you…and you two weren’t the only ones who knew.”

 

Yuri lets out a small chuckle, a slight scoff to mock the tragedy of the situation.

 

“So she did what she had to.  She did what she thought was the right thing to do.  She left Seoul, her home, for Boston, for you.”

 

Amber’s stare shifts to Yuri while the rest of her muscles stay fixed.

 

Yuri bears a soft smile.  “It might be difficult to conceptualize her resolve but I think you know Tiffany as well as I do enough to understand that everything that she does always has intention.  That intention—for as long as she’s known you—has always had you at its highest priority…she understands who you are, she knows the person you will become, she knows the position you will sit in one day, and she’ll do everything to make sure she doesn’t stand in your way…even it means sacrificing what could have been or what might have been in a world where no angle of approach—no matter how you look at it—will ever concede to your favor.”

 

She understand who you are…

 

She knows the person you will become…

 

She knows the position you will sit in one day…

 

She’ll do everything to make sure she doesn’t stand in your way…

 

She swallows every line and lets the weight of its meaning drop to the depths of her soul.

 

Yuri pauses to take another deep breath before flashing another smile.  “Like I said…she won’t stand in your way.  She won’t let it happen…because that’s how much she loves you…”

 

Yuri chuckles and takes another shot, “But she did waver for a bit, you know…that’s why she came back…When I visited New York I’ve only ever heard of how she has been soaring in Harvard and how she had that huge internship lined up.  But because she missed you too much—and because you wouldn’t answer her calls or text her back—she couldn’t resist it.  She turned it down and came back to see you.  But then…”

 

Yuri inhales before continuing, “When that happened…when she walked away earlier…I think it finally clicked again… The same reason she left five years ago is the same reason she had to walk away an hour ago.  It’s to put you first.  To do what’s hard.  To do what’s right.  To do it for you.”

 

“Amber…I’m your friend.  Not once in our friendship have I ever claimed to have all the answers and the clearest way of perceiving things even as I’ve spent many years studying people.  Perhaps even now, I may be overstepping a line drawn between two friends…so it may be in your best interest to take everything I just told you with a grain of salt.  However…if there’s one thing I’m sure about, one thing I won’t have regrets in saying even it means crossing a line in our friendship is this…love is not something that should remain in our tight grasps.  It never confines, it always sets free.  So please…don’t mistake Tiffany’s actions for anything other than love for that is exactly how she chooses to live with her thoughts and feelings for you…as a person she cares about, as a person she loves dearly, as her sister, as her family.”

---

 

It’s about five minutes past six in the following morning.  Amber is greeted by the housemaids and butler a little in shock with the young miss’ overdue arrival.  Amber spent the night at Yuri’s though she has only managed to shut eyes for no more than five minutes.

 

She slowly makes her way upstairs, stopping at the end of the hallway in front of her bedroom.  She slowly twists the handle and pushes the door quietly.  Tiffany shifts for a moment in her bed but shows no sign of being awake.

 

Amber makes her way to the side of her bed and carefully sits right next to her without waking her up.  For the next moments, Amber just sits without saying a word.  She stares longingly at her perfect hair and swollen eyes that spent most of all night and morning crying over what happened.

 

Amber feels all sorts of emotions swirling inside of her but she grits her teeth as pushes it away.  Instead, she focuses her energy on the crossroad she finds herself in, a place where she is pointing a direction to a definite resolve when it comes to her once and for all.

 

Amber reaches forward and delicately pushes the straying hair away from Tiffany’s face.  The tips of her fingers lightly brush her skin, which Tiffany registers, prompting her to open her eyes.

 

She squints a few times to process the person in front of her until she realizes whom it was.

 

“Amber?”

 

“Hi,” Amber smiles.

 

Amber waits until Tiffany gathers herself, pushing through the exhaustion and sits up to face her.  After rubbing her own eyes, she blinks some more, and meets a pair of tired ones matched with a soft smile.

 

Tiffany recognizes that Amber is still in her dress shirt and tuxedo trousers bringing her immediately to her first question, “Did you just get home?”

 

Amber answers with a smile as she reaches for her hands.

 

She first examines the delicate hands in hers, takes a deep breath, and lightly squeezes her grip.  With the same smile, she begins, “There’s something I want to tell you and I want you to just listen.  Is that okay?  Can you do that for me?”

 

Tiffany nods, the same cadence in her chest from last night returning.

 

Amber takes a deep breath and starts, “From not answering your texts to making you worry…from not returning your phone calls to falling in love with you…from avoiding you when you visit to making you leave…from holding on to you too tight…and for kissing you last night and everything else in between…Tiffany…I’m so sorry.”

 

“Amber it’s—”

 

“Shh,” Amber lightly puts a finger on her lips.  “Let me finish.”

 

Amber closes her eyes for two seconds to control the welling in her tear ducts before continuing.

 

“I’m so sorry because I didn’t realize how selfish I've been with the way I have been putting all the burden on you and specially for failing to recognize all the sacrifices you’ve made to make sure that I become that dongsaeng you can be proud of.”

 

Tiffany senses Amber’s resolve, senses where the conversation is heading and concluding.  Never has agony and relief blended so perfectly in a mixture of peace and sadness taking form in emotions.

 

“And I get it now.  I understand who I am to you and who you are to me.  And I finally realize what it is I have to do…and that’s to let you go.”

 

“A-Amber…”

 

“Tiffany, I’m sorry for everything.  And I-I promise…from this moment forward I’ll do my best to not make you worry anymore and to not make it difficult for you.  You deserve the best even if it means going back to Boston, or to New York, or to wherever else this life takes you…I don’t want get it in your way anymore…but I promise…I’ll be the cool dongsaeng that you always believed I could be,” Amber chuckles and smiles at Tiffany even as her heart aches as her own words weigh in her gut with raw intensity.

 

“And I promise…I’ll answer your texts, I’ll return you calls, and I’ll try my best to not make you worry, and I’ll still love you…as your sister…as your beloved dongsaeng…as your family.”

 

Tiffany pulls her in an embrace.  “I will always love you Amber.  You know that, right?”

 

That love rings a little bit differently today.  Sure the pain of release is still raw but the freedom from that same release shall soften Amber’s heart eventually.

 

Amber knows that she will forever be loved by Tiffany.  Perhaps it’s a kind of love that’s meant of only care and affection and finds its home in nothing more and nothing less than that.  That is the peace that surpasses the selfish emotions that has haunted their situation for a long time.  And in this early morning, after a hurricane of thoughts and actions from the night before, the two can finally learn to breathe.

---

 

With a hundred meters left, Amber speeds up to a sprint to which Joohyuk and Kai can’t help but match.  As per usual, Joohyuk edges them two full steps ahead.  And as per usual, both Kai and Amber will never allow him to win at all cost.

 

Both Amber and Kai smirk giving each other an unspoken nod.  They jump to tackle Joohyuk making him lose his balance.  The three friends topple over each, landing unto the grass, laughing while trying their best to catch their breaths.

 

“Yah—not—cool,” Joohyuk said between breaths.

 

The two friends were still in a laughing fit as they too are struggling to catch their breaths.

 

After a few minutes, their heart rate calms as well as their amusement.  The three friends, still embracing the exhaustion of the 10-mile run, sit quietly on the grass, watching the stillness of the Han River as a handful of people walk by in this cold winter morning.

 

The short winter break seemed to have passed in a blink of an eye.  The following morning, they must go back to the regular routine of school and extracurricular responsibilities.  And for Amber, spending her last winter break moments of her high school career with her two best friends felt the most appropriate.

 

Kai and Joohyuk on the other hand can’t help but feel worried for their friend.  She hasn’t talked about Tiffany even though they know.  They know that apart from the first day back to school tomorrow, it’s also the day that Tiffany flies back to Boston.  And apart from that fact, she hasn’t really talked about the subject ever since the Winter Gala.

 

That is partially the reason for them two bringing Amber out on a run…to see how she was really doing.

 

Kai sits up and right as he was about to open his mouth to ask the question, Amber surprisingly beats them to it.

 

“I’m fine, just so you guys know.  And I’m not gonna be like I was before…I promise.”  Amber sends the two a warm smile.

 

“And Tiffany noona?”  Joohyuk adds.

 

“We’re fine.  We’ve talked about it and I think we’ve both finally come to a place where we can let each other go yet remain as is for each other…as sisters.  And believe it or not…I think I finally have peace about it…even though I’ll miss her like crazy.”  Amber chuckles as she exhales deeply while trying to suppress the threatening tears.

 

She breathes deeply once again and assures her friends, “I promise…I won't give you guys any reason to worry.”

 

The two believe it and caringly pats her back.  No more words need spoken after that.

---

 

Amber waits patiently outside, her back leaning against the car.  She has mentally prepared for this all week.  She rehearsed in her thoughts all night to be brave, to be strong, and most importantly to stay cool.

 

Each passing day got easier.  Each day she has learned to detach those feelings from Tiffany.  And each day she has learned to love her differently.

 

Yet still…saying goodbye is never an easy thing.

 

Tiffany descends from the porch steps surprised to find Amber at the bottom.  Amber opens the door for her with a tender smile.

 

“At lease let me take you to the airport.  I promise to go straight to school afterwards.”

 

Tiffany smiles as she endearingly rubs the teenager’s cheek.  “I would love that.”

 

About an hour later, they arrive at the international airport.  After having gone through the process of checking in, the moment has come for Tiffany to enter security.

 

Amber takes a deep breath as she takes a step closer to Tiffany.  She forces a smile but this time, the thought of physically letting her go is finally sinking in and as it does, a wave emotions sweeps her in, rendering her unable to lift her head to meet Tiffany in the eyes.

 

It was hard for Tiffany too.  Biting the bullet to accept the inevitable resolve of their decision is easier said than done.  Why?  Because of the very human condition that is controlled by emotions—emotions that are swayed and moved by moments that beckons for inherent response—moments such as happiness, sadness, love, heartache, loss, and gains.

 

Tiffany reaches for Ambers hands and grips is tight one last time.

 

“I’m so proud of you.  When I think about you all I could do is smile because of how wonderful of a dongsaeng you have turned out to be.  And you know…I’m not worried anymore because I think you’re gonna be more than just fine…So please…”

 

Tiffany chokes up but manages to restrain her tears.  She cups Amber’s cheeks to make her face her, “Please…stay as that cool and brilliant dongsaeng I know that you are.”  Tiffany giggles, “Or else I’ll come back here just to kick your .”

 

Amber nods and genuinely smiles.  She then pulls Tiffany in and wraps her arms around her and takes one last chance to embrace her as tight as she could.

 

Amber whispers, “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

 

Tiffany responds by nodding in her embrace.

 

“And you promise to call me every once in a while?”

 

“Promise,” Amber answers.

 

“I love you Amber.”

 

“Love you too.”

---

 

It was the first day of school after winter break.  Krystal is curious and is occupied of what thing: Amber.

 

Of course she knows that Amber took Tiffany to the airport.  That information was passed by Joohyuk and Kai before class started.  But it has been more than three hours and she should have been back already.  She could only think of one place she could possibly be.

 

Krystal excuses herself and quietly exits the classroom.  She slowly walks up the stairs towards the library as she recalls a conversation she had a week ago…

 

---

It was a special Christmas for the Liu’s and the Jung’s this year.  Both families are complete and to celebrate the occasion, Michelle Hwang has invited their closest friends for a rare Christmas dinner.

 

For Krystal, this is the first time she’s seeing Amber after the Winter Gala incident.  She was hoping to see her and get the chance to see how the tomboy was doing.  Not a day went by in the past week where she didn’t rehearse what happened in the Gala.  It wasn’t by choice either.  All the strange feelings she has for Amber has been lingering and has made comfortable home in the forefront of her mind.

 

She walks up the steps with a tinge of nervousness, unsure of how she would react after not seeing her for a while.  She enters the mansion immediately bombarded with a delicious aroma of their Christmas dinner.  They are greeted warmly by both James and Michelle as they are led to the dining area where they find the most elegant dining table prepared for the grandest of feast.

 

“Michelle, did you prepare all of this?”  Krystal’s father asks in excitement.

 

“I would be lying if I said yes.  But I tried my best to do most of it,” aunt Michelle answered, “There’s just one last dish we’re just waiting on, which is still in the kitchen before we can get started.”

 

Krystal’s mom insists in helping, to which aunt Michelle gladly welcomed.  The interactions between the two couples indeed shows closeness and the longevity of their friendship, a sight that is rare to come by in the world of business politics.  And beside the glamour of their esteemed lives that the two families live, the two elderly couples remain candid and very down-to-earth with one another.

 

Meanwhile, in the corner of the dining room, Amber enters.  Krystal’s immediate focus is marked on her.  Amber approaches Krystal’s dad and Jessica first to greet them politely.  After the short hellos, Amber turns her head towards Krystal.  Krystal’s heart jumps for a brief second but is immediately melted the moment she finds the corner of Amber’s lips curl a small smile that has the ability to communicate so many secret things.

 

Amber approaches Krystal and keeps her handsome smile as she stands with her hands in her pockets in front of her.

 

She seems fine…Krystal observes.  A million questions races through her mind that it hasn’t occurred to her that she’s just staring at the tomboy nervously without greeting her yet.

 

Amber sniffs out a hint of this nervousness and almost want to pull on time so that she linger in her gazes for a little longer.  Soon after a moment, Amber chuckles and finally is first to break the ice, “Hi Krystal.  Merry Christmas.”

 

Her voice shatters through her insulating thoughts.  Clearing , Krystal forces a smile and greets her back, “Merry Christmas to you too Amber.”  I missed you.  She was quick enough to at least keep those thoughts to herself.

 

“You look beautiful,” Amber adds.  In fact, that was the first thought that crossed her mind when she walked inside of the room.  Even just seeing Krystal in her peripheral, her ethereal beauty does cannot go unnoticed in any room.

 

Krystal smiles, looking away to diffuse her nervousness, before responding back, “Thank you.  You don’t look too bad yourself.”

 

It was pleasantly awkward after that.  It’s almost as though not much words are needed to be exchange for there to be substantial interaction between the two.  Perhaps it’s all these questions and hidden definitions that makes the slightest of smiles and the delicate eye contact speak much louder than words could express.  It’s as if instinct has replaced language, and the very look that Krystal gives Amber and the very smile that Amber gives Krystal is the answer to the questions that they’ve had all week, questions like:

 

How are you feeling?

 

Are you still sad?

 

Is everything okay?

 

Did you think about me the way I thought about you?

 

The interesting thing in Amber’s mind that she is finding in this very moment is that she is, in fact, willing to tell Krystal.  She is, in fact, wanting Krystal to ask.  She is, in fact, willing to have her listen.  She is, in fact, willing to give her answers to any questions about her that she may have.

 

“Listen…Krystal…I—”

 

“Amber, I think your aunts needs help in the kitchen.  Do you mind giving them a hand?”  Uncle James conveniently interrupts Amber in mid sentence.

 

Amber simply nods back and obediently heads for the kitchen.

 

Despite Amber now being in another room, the questions lingered the same manner Krystal's smile has.

 

Meanwhile, another person has long entered the dining room who has been observing the two all along.  To Krystal’s surprise, she feels a gentle tug on her arm as this person meets her with a tender smile, “Krystal.  Do you have a moment?”

 

She finds the ever-so-elegant Tiffany Hwang equally as stunning as the last time she saw her.  She nods respectfully, trailing behind her as she leads the younger girl towards one of the privately secluded guest rooms down the hallway not too far from the dining.

 

She follows Tiffany to couch area where she sits facing Tiffany who is sitting across on a single chair.

 

She wonders why Tiffany has led her to a more private setting and she was curious to what importance the following conversation holds.

 

With a delicate and genuine smile, Tiffany compliments her, “You look gorgeous Soojung.”

 

Flattered, Krystal nods her head and returns the compliment, “I could say the same thing about you unnie.”

 

“Soojung,” Tiffany starts with a combination of warmth and sternness in her tone, “I have a favor to ask you.”

 

Krystal is taken aback by this sudden request.  She feels as though she isn't in any position to reject it either.

 

“I’ve decided to go back to Boston.”  Oh no.  This information prompts her to think about Amber immediately.

 

Tiffany reads Krystal’s thoughts to the tee.  She immediately senses the worry in Krystal, which affirms the her decision to talk to Krystal in the first place.

 

“I know you probably have a lot of questions but…in due time, I think you’ll hear the answers from Amber herself.  But I’ve decided to pursue finishing my doctorate and pursue my own career apart from JL Group in the US.  And because of that, I have a favor to ask you.”

 

Krystal is still in the middle of processing through Tiffany’s first sentence but nods her head to show she’s listening.

 

“I’ve seen the way you look at her and I know very well the way she looks at you.  And I think she really respects you and admires you and most importantly, finds comfort in you.”

 

“Amber is probably not the easiest person to deal with, as I’m sure you’re familiar with.  But she is much warmer and much more delicate than people think she is and that was always something I worried about.  She wears her emotions in her sleeves more so than most people realize.  It’s just that she doesn’t really let people get close in the first place.  But with you…I am surprised by how much guard she has let down in just a short amount of time you’ve known each other, which is why I wanted to ask you for this favor.”

 

Tiffany takes a moments to gather her emotions before continuing.  “She’ll probably try to hide under her shell and she’ll probably try to push you away.  I’m asking you to help her not to do that.  To pull her back whenever she tries to push or hide.  Soojung, will you please take care of her?  And when I say care, I mean…”

 

Tiffany doesn’t finish her sentence.  Instead she chuckles at the thought of what she witnessed moments ago—two people who have this rare connection and need for one another but hasn’t fully understood what those feelings are yet.

 

“Unnie,” Krystal speaks up unsure of the suggestive undertone in Tiffany’s request.  “I’m not really sure of what you’re asking of me.”

 

 Tiffany tosses her a smile and drops the question, “You’re in love with Amber aren’t you?”

 

“I..I-I uhh it’s not like—”

 

“Maybe it’s love, maybe it’s not.  But there’s something about what you two have and that something makes you care about her a lot.  That’s why I’m asking you to please watch over her for me, to take care of her, to make her smile again…to make her love again.”

 

Krystal swallows those words.  She isn’t sure how to respond.

 

“Believe it or not Krystal…I’ve seen the way she looks you at too.  She cares about you too.”

 

---

 

Krystal pondered on her conversation over the winter break.  To be honest, she’s still ruminating on Tiffany’s intention and meaning.  But one thing she has taken away from that moment was, yes.  I’ll watch over and I’ll try my best to take care of her.

 

Krystal enters the library and sure enough, she finds the person she was looking for in her corner, lying down in her makeshift bed of chairs.  She finds her with her earphones inside her ears, one arm resting, covering her eyes.  She notices something else too—the light sobbing that is muffled forcefully by will, so quiet that anyone who passes by wouldn’t even notice, and the glistening cheeks where trails of tears are silently falling.

 

She’ll probably try to hide under her shell and she’ll probably try to push you away…please watch over her for me…take care of her…make her smile again…make her love again.

 

Krystal musters all courage, with the permission she received from Tiffany.  She hovers over the tomboy and gently removes her arm.  She meets the heartbreak in Amber’s tear-stricken eyes and feels the same wrenching in her own heart.  Krystal then reaches both her hands and cups Amber’s cheeks.

 

Gathering her most tender smile, she leans close to Amber and whispers…

 

“Hey…you’re okay…I promise you’re gonna be okay.”

 

For the first time in a long time…something clicks, something unlocks.  Amber’s pain vanishes briefly as she’s staring into ethereal beauty’s eyes.

 

Perhaps…she is going to be okay.

 

---

 

Author's Note

Sorry and thank you for being patient with me :)

Anyways, with the story, all i can say is...

When one chapter closes, a new one awaits when you turn the page.

Z