Chapter 11

Present Day - November 22nd, 2015

“Jessica.”

“Taeyeon.” replies in a monotone. There’s nothing special about that name. Its just a common Korean name. She’s met another Taeyeon or two. Nothing. Special.

“Do you miss me?” Taeyeon blurts out, her voice desperate for an answer. To justify all the confused and mixed emotions raging inside her. She needs a word. A sentence. From the hater herself. Jessica Jung.

Jessica sneers. “Miss you? I’m far from that.”

Taeyeon looks away, a tear concealed by the shadows traveling down her cheeks, obscured from the former member’s view. “Why are you here then?”

“You thought I came back for you?”

Yes.

“Are you serious?”

Yes.

“Aish, jeongmal.” The ex-member hisses in irritation. How can the kid leader still believe that she would come back for her. She’s officially done with Girls’ Generation. Why can’t people just forget that she once was a member of that girl group. Besides, she’s going to have a fresh, new start soon. A brighter one. She will be better than them. That bunch of wary girls who do nothing day and night, only stay indoors in that filthy apartment. She’s been inside, Sunny had shown her around.

Sunny is the only member she’s close to after the massive argument they all had, having Sunny to be the last to cast her out was something to respect and appreciate. Everyone else voted her out. Taeyeon being the first. She had begged for an explanation only to get icy words from the leader, and now, here they are, standing face to face again, just like the time they had stood outside of the SM Entertainment building.

“Welcome to our mansion!” Sunny had exclaimed dejectedly, her smile tired and sick. Sick of living in a dumpster-like place that she has to call home.

Jessica gasped, her hands flying to as she took in the sight before her. Walls with peeling paint, greyish mould in every corner, cracked tiles, flickering lights, and wobbly chairs and tables. She had felt a tiny spurt of pity towards the girls whom she had once called sisters. After all, that so-called apartment was only supposed to be a storage room between two penthouses. A storage room for cleaners to put their equipment. Obviously, it wasn’t well taken care of and due to the large amount of money lost by Girls’ Generation, the company decided to move them into the storage room, where they build crappy walls and filled it with second-hand furniture. It seemed impossible that a lavish building could have such type of room.

Pity brought her into the surreal world of her past with them, together as one;

Taeyeon hugging her, telling her to stop crying and that everything will be okay.

Tiffany dying, and her not attending the funeral.

“Jigeumeun, So Nyeo Shi Dae!” her and Girls’ Generation shouted determinedly before performing Mr. Mr. for the first time.

Taeyeon falling asleep on her lap.

Taeyeon sitting alone on the floor because there was no more room for her on the couch.

Taeyeon’s watchful and worrying eyes at the rest of the member, masked by a face of innocence and ignorance. Her caring for her sisters through a distance, never letting anything slip past her without her knowing.

Taeyeon.

Taeyeon.

Taeyeon.

“I know.” Taeyeon whispers softly, her voice shivering and crippled.

With a jolt, Jessica realizes that the girl is afraid. Afraid of what? Her cold facade shake and the taut face she’s been holding up shatters. Her defenses breached with compassion for the broken Taeyeon.

“I should get going then.”

Taeyeon turns around and opens the door to Girls’ Generation’s dorm. It creaks and with a brisk nod to herself, she closes it shut. And never looks back, into Jessica’s eyes. Which were, by then, only a mere kindle of fire. Not the raging outbursts of a woman driven by hatred.

Jessica sighs and she closes her eyes. “Why can’t I ever understand you, Kim Taeyeon?”

You’re so hard to understand.

She takes a deep breath. “How can I forgive you if I don’t even know you?”

Make me know you.

Make me understand you.

Make me love you.

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