Chapter 9

Present Day - November 18th, 2015

Taeyeon blinks at the wall, unfocused and struggling to brush away the feeling of being watched. Watched by Jessica. Her eyes dart around, trying to make some sense, find the missing person.

“Taeyeon-ah,” Jessica is behind her, whispering into her ears. Her hands travel across Taeyeon’s back, feeling the cool, rumpled cloth on her skin. “I loved you.”

More than a Soulmate.

“Jessica?” she asks out loud, afraid and vigilant. She suddenly feels pathetic; there’s no one in the room. Only her and her insanity. Being lonely is unbearable. But its the only thing she’s good at. Being lonely.

“Forgiveness.” Taeyeon murmurs to herself, closing her eyes and wondering what it would be like if Jessica, Sooyoung, and Tiffany never left. Would everything be different? Girls’ Generation the occupants of the top charts? The name and head of KPOP? Or would things still crumble apart into dust, just the way it is now? She dismisses the thoughts and instead, sings Tiffany’s favourite lullaby, Scars Deeper Than Love.

She understands now, what the lyrics mean. Her voice is steady, singing it with a heart full of hurt. She feels the pain, accepts it, and resents it. Once you enter Hell, just go through. Don’t look back. Because the sight behind you will only end in scars. Scars deeper than love. Who knows, maybe you can come out and feel love once more. Or be stuck, in the cold cold pit of death.

Hell is cold.

So is Life.

How can she accept other people if she can’t even accept herself? She used to say the words, “You are my everything to me.” to Tiffany… and Jessica. What does it mean now? What is ‘everything’? Is it the miserable life she has? Or perhaps something else?

What