They woke all tangled up.  Long limbs thrown around each other.  They were going to be late for everything today.  Han Tae-sun still had to go back to his apartment.

“Do you think we should just stay in and forget everything else today?” Kim Dong-Hyub asked slowly. 

“Hmmmmmm” was Han Tae-sun’s response.  He was barely awake. 

Kim Dong-Hyub laughed softly.  “That is not an answer you know.  We have to clean up too.  We smell disgusting”

“Hmmmmm” Han Tae-sun said.

“I don’t know what you have in the morning, just FYI, it is almost 10” Kim Dong-Hyub let him know.

“What?”  Han Tae-sun finally woke up.  Sat up, rubbing his eyes.  He actually looked like a small kid and Kim Dong-Hyub reminded himself he was not a little kid last night.  Thought of the night made him move his eyes all over Han Tae-sun.  Half of Han Tae-sun’s body was exposed.  He did not look like a little kid anymore.  He was growing hard visibly under that blanket under Kim Dong-Hyub’s careful scrutiny of his body and face.  Kim Dong-Hyub was as well but he was already standing up, just looking at Han Tae-sun.

“I want to photograph you like this” Kim Dong-Hyub said. 

“With a hard on?” Han Tae-sun asked. 

Kim Dong-Hyub laughed easily.  “I don’t think I can help with that right now.”  Gesturing to said hard on.  Then he went closer, rubbed it on top of the blanket, “May be I can take care of it when we are cleaning up” and then he happily walked away. 

“You are a ing tease!” Han Tae-sun shouted.

Kim Dong-Hyub shouted from outside the bedroom while laughing.  “We need to start the day.  Come on, get up.” 

…..

Han Tae-sun demanded that Kim Dong-Hyub fulfill his promise in the shower.  Kim Dong-Hyub was happy to oblige.  That took more time as one thing lead to another.  They were panting against each other as they finished.  Han Tae-sun said, “I might get into a coma”. 

Kim Dong-Hyub finally pushed Han Tae-sun from the bathroom saying he wanted to have a proper shower now.  The shower was really not made for two. 

Han Tae-sun in the meantime, wondered around looking for food.  Found bread and eggs in the fridge.  He was looking for coffee things and Kim Dong-Hyub came out of the shower.

“What are you looking for?”

“Some Coffee”

“Wait, let me help.  Are you actually going to make eggs?”

“I am hungry” Han Tae-sun said.

“Go finish your shower and I will have something ready” Kim Dong-Hyub said.

“My lucky day” said Han Tae-sun as he walked into shower. 

‘Exactly how am I going to handle not having him around?’ Kim Dong-Hyub thought.  Already missing Han Tae-sun. 

Then Han Tae-sun was back and they sat together in silence eating a quick breakfast.  They did not say much.  For a change, their silence was not awkward. 

Han Tae-sun had to leave.  Both reached for the kiss at the same time.  Both reluctant to let each other go.  Kim Dong-Hyub sighed against Han Tae-sun’s neck.  “Go, will talk later”.

He felt a nod from Han Tae-sun.  Han Tae-sun finally let go and left.

…..

Lee Pil-suk called Han Tae-sun when he was on his way to his apartment. 

“How come you are not in school?”

“I woke up late” said Han Tae-sun.

“Where did you wake up?” Pil-suk asked. 

Han Tae-sun was about to snap at her.  Pil-suk giggled “You don’t have to tell me”

“You are becoming a pest” Han Tae-sun snapped. 

“Whatever” Pil-suk was happy.  “By the way, I don’t think you can just skip classes like that without getting permission.  So, you better talk to teacher when you come in.”

“I have read the rule book too.  Do you have anything intelligent to talk today?” Han Tae-sun asked.

“Nope, I have to make another call now. “  Han Tae-sun heard her giggling.  Before he could tell her to stop whatever she was up to, she had already disconnected the phone.  He knew her next call would be Kim Dong-Hyub.   ‘Aiiiish’…Han Tae-sun thought. 

That was exactly what Lee Pil-suk did. 

“Hi, Kim Dong-Hyub, this is Pil-suk.  I was just thinking of coming over to your department just to chat.  Are you free?”

“Oh hey Lee Pil-suk.  Sorry, I am running late today.  I will be reaching a bit late.  Can I call you later?”

Pil-suk giggled.  “That is fine.  Did you wake up late?” She asked. 

“Yes actually.  So, I am kind of in a rush” Kim Dong-Hyub said.

“No problem at all.  Will catch up with you later” 

Kim Dong-Hyub wondered what was making her so giggly.  ‘Ah! She must have called Han Tae-sun”

‘Aiiiiish’ Kim Dong-Hyub thought.

…….

It looked like they could handle staying away from each other.  Their lives were busy, especially Han Tae-sun.  They tried to meet at least twice a week.  They could not behave like a couple in school.  They could not even behave like friends inside school.  It would look too strange with everyone being aware of Han Tae-sun’s personality.  He was not the hanging around guys type.  So, it was mostly Kim Dong-Hyub who would walk over to music department and find him whenever he wanted to see his face.  He would wave and Han Tae-sun would nod.  Kim Dong-Hyub would grin and Han Tae-sun would smirk back. 

Then they would have a text conversation and sometimes just looked at each other while on the phone.

It was nice and romantic. 

Kim Dong-Hyub still had to tell his parents.  He procrastinated. 

In the meantime, Han Tae-sun agreed to be his model.  So, they went to the park very early morning, when light was just right for good photographs.  Kim Dong-Hyub had carried all different lenses and he shot several hundred photographs of his face and hands. Mostly close ups and then upper body shots with his hands in focus.   He needed HTS to be cute, joyous, pensive, aloof, lonely, bad boy, angry, rebellious, and seductive and everything in the middle.

Han Tae-sun could do pensive, aloof, and lonely very well.  He had trouble with cute and joyous.  After some struggle, Kim Dong-Hyub asked him. “Shouldn’t the model be able to act?”

“I am a runway model.  I am not expected to be cute and cuddly.  Just fierce”

“Well, you must have had some cute moments sometime in your life.  Can’t you think of them and act?” Kim Dong-Hyub persisted.

“Not going to happen.  Move on” Han Tae-sun said.

They again struggled for joyous mood.  Kim Dong-Hyub was frustrated with him.  “You are a bad model”.

“That is why I don’t make a lot of money there”

They may be had just another 15 minutes before the light did not work anymore.  So, Kim Dong-Hyub moved along to bad boy, rebel and angry.  Those, Han Tae-sun excelled in.

Kim Dong-Hyub thought, I can get seductive in bed later.  That made him happy.  He grinned to himself. 

“Okay, it’s a wrap”

“What’s with the hands thing?” Han Tae-sun asked him as he helped him pack.

“Actually, it is not the hands.  When I was shooting I realized, it was the movement I liked.  I like the way you wear these rings and those bands in your wrists.  The way you interact them unknowingly.  Some of your gestures with your hands feel sensual to me.  Especially, how you move your left hand.  And, I am not saying this as your boyfriend, but as a photographer.  You have good movement.  I don’t think still photographs for hands were a great idea.  But your face is fantastic.  I wish you could find a way to smile more.  When you do, you look really nice.”  That was a long speech for Kim Dong-Hyub but he was simply critiquing as a photographer and advising a model.  For a brief moment, he did not even realize he had said boyfriend very easily.

Han Tae-sun blushed for more than one reason.  He knew Kim Dong-Hyub was talking like a photographer.  He had heard that feedback in the past.  Photographers looked at you like an object and encouraged good expressions and discouraged the ones that did not work.  But, this was Kim Dong-Hyub and he had called himself Han Tae-sun’s boyfriend and saying all these nice things.  So, he did not take the feedback as if a photographer was giving it.  This felt different. 

Han Tae-sun could not recollect, when he had made this transition from a guy with a prickly personality to this guy who blushed like a girl and felt light headed and giddy.  When did that happen?

Han Tae-sun thought, ‘I need get Han Tae-sun back!’  It was much safer then.  What he was feeling right now could not last.  ‘It feels like a drug and then there is an inevitable crash.’ That thought pulled him back from his giddiness. 

Kim Dong-Hyub watched Han Tae-sun’s face.  He needed to shoot these expressions.  He had already packed and he regretted that for a second.  For a moment, Han Tae-sun had looked at him as if he was in love.  His face was soft, slightly breathless.  And then suddenly, Han Tae-sun was back again.  It was a sudden switch. 

‘How I wish I knew everything he was thinking.  That way, I could get him back to the previous face that was all softness’   Kim Dong-Hyub sighed to himself.  He had not learnt anything more about Han Tae-sun.  He did speak about Oska but Kim Dong-Hyub knew based on how Han Tae-sun was talking that it was over long ago.  He had moved on.  So, Kim Dong-Hyub was not curious anymore. 

One of these days, he was going to probe Han Tae-sun again for more information on his life.  Why did he become this prickly person? 

“So, you are my boyfriend then?” Han Tae-sun asked.

“Hmm What?” Kim Dong-Hyub asked distractedly.  He was still thinking about Han Tae-sun as he picked up his stuff.

“You said, you are my boyfriend” Han Tae-sun reminded him. 

“Oh yeah, I said that” even Kim Dong-Hyub was surprised.  When did he become the boyfriend?

“What, you did not know you were saying that?” Han Tae-sun asked.

“No, not really.  But it looks like I am your boyfriend.  You don’t like it?”

“It feels weird” Han Tae-sun said.

“What do you want to call our relationship then?”

“That makes me your boyfriend too” Han Tae-sun reminded him.

“Sure” Kim Dong-Hyub said.

“It feels weird” Han Tae-sun said that again.

Kim Dong-Hyub laughed.  This was a funny conversation.  “It’s not important Han Tae-sun.  I love you.  That is more important.”

“How is it that you say that so easily?” Han Tae-sun asked.

“What, I love you?”

“Yeah, you say that easily.” Han Tae-sun said.

“You should try it.  You have said that to me only when we are in bed and after when you get all overly sensitive.  What you say then does not count.  You have not said it once when we are having a regular conversation”

“I can’t say it that easily”

“Why not?” Kim Dong-Hyub asked.

“Because, I used to say it easily and get beaten up”

That hit Kim Dong-Hyub right in the stomach.  He did not care who was around then.  He dropped his stuff back on the ground, Pulled Han Tae-sun close and hugged him.  “I am so sorry Han Tae-sun” He wanted to cry.  Han Tae-sun struggled against the hug.  “Let go please”

Kim Dong-Hyub held on for few more seconds and then let go.

“It was long time ago.  I just wanted you to have a little background. “

Kim Dong-Hyub held back the sudden rush of tears that were threatening to just come down.  Han Tae-sun would feel very uncomfortable. 

So, he held back and just nodded.

“You know, you can say it whenever you feel comfortable.  I don’t care.  But I love you.  Just keep that in your head.”

“Also, Whenever you tell me who that was, I am going to him up” Kim Dong-Hyub said.

Han Tae-sun laughed.  “There would be more than one”.  He shook his head.  ‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself.  It was long time ago.  You are over all that now. ‘

Kim Dong-Hyub did not know how to react to that.  He had got beaten up by more than one person?  “I am going to them all up.  Put them in a room, lock it tight and light it on fire.  You are going to help me and then you can say you love me”

Then he remembered his own behavior that day when he was irrationally jealous of that Park Hyun-ki.  How he had handled Han Tae-sun roughly.  It made him feel terrible about himself.  Never again he thought.  ‘No matter what.  I will not be violent.  Never again.’ 

Han Tae-sun did not respond.  He kept walking with one of Kim Dong-Hyub’s bags on his shoulder. He was getting emotional and he did not want them now.  This is the problem with thinking about those days.  You can’t think straight after that.  He is good now.  He is in a good place.  ‘I am at a good place’.

Kim Dong-Hyub said, “Let’s go home”

Kim Dong-Hyub’s apartment had unofficially become ‘home’.  It was just more comfortable there, and more space.  ‘Plus, Kim Dong-Hyus’s scent was everywhere’ Han Tae-sun thought.

“Yeah, let’s go home”

……

When they reached up, they took their time to put Kim Dong-Hyub’s photography equipment in place.  Kim Dong-Hyub tried keeping a light conversation going telling Han Tae-sun about some of his photography experiences.  Some of the models he had used; places he had visited.  He talked about how his family automatically had assumed he would become a doctor too. 

But he was always fascinated by photographs and paintings.  They did not know how he could survive on that alone.  But they had let him try it.  They were still supporting him though he had made some money doing photography.  He hoped to work in the film industry one day.  May be doing documentaries or independent films.  He knew he had a long way to go and he was running out of time. 

While telling all this to Han Tae-sun, he was reminded again that if his parents had issues with him being gay, and if it becomes hard, he did not want to be dependent on them anymore and he was still not clear exactly how was going to support himself.

He was honest with Han Tae-sun about all this.  ‘I have to really think about this’. 

Han Tae-sun said, “Maybe I can help”.  “How?” Kim Dong-Hyub asked.

“I don’t know right now at the top of my head but we can think about that.”

Kim Dong-Hyub nodded.  They were already making long term plans.  While it excited him that Han Tae-sun had offered something that implied a long term relationship, there were lot of things about Han Tae-sun that needed healing. 

They had gradually come to the couch while talking.  Kim Dong-Hyub simply pulled Han Tae-sun close and said “Thanks.  I feel we will figure it out.  Thanks for offering.”

He kissed Han Tae-sun tenderly.  He did not want to be rough and aggressive today.  He wanted things to be as gentle as possible.  He wanted to make sure Han Tae-sun felt how much he was loved. 

He took him to the bedroom and was tender with him all the time.  It was not the push, pull, throw, , bite kind of today.  It was all loaded with tenderness Kim Dong-Hyub felt for Han Tae-sun.  He wanted rest of Han Tae-sun life to be a happy one.  He will make sure of that.  But, for now, his collarbones were inviting him.  And then his lips, and ears and those beautiful hands and then every part of Han Tae-sun body.

Han Tae-sun felt he was being loved in a way he had not experienced before.  Every time with Kim Dong-Hyub was emotional for some reason but today felt extra emotional.  He knew Kim Dong-Hyub was bothered by what he had confessed about.  But Kim Dong-Hyub had not pushed him for more information.  Han Tae-sun was thankful.  And now, Kim Dong-Hyub was making love to him as if he was his precious thing and Han Tae-sun felt precious and loved.

…….