Han Tae-sun needed to be in control right now.  For Kim Dong-hyub, it was so new and confusing.  Kim Dong-hyub was vulnerable and Han Tae-sun felt he had to make sure Kim Dong-hyub felt comfortable with this new discovery. 

“What do you want to do? Do you want to be alone?  Do you want to go somewhere with me?” He asked Kim Dong-hyub.  They were still standing with their faces on each other’s shoulders.  Kim Dong-hyub hands on Han Tae-sun’s back and Han Tae-sun’s hands lightly wrapped around Kim Dong-hyub’s waist.   “We should sit down” Han Tae-sun whispered.  “We are in school”.

Kim Dong-hyub had difficulty calming himself down.  He wanted to keep kissing Han Tae-sun but Han Tae-sun’s words reminded him where they were.  He reluctantly loosened his hold, still keeping his head on Han Tae-sun’s shoulder, taking deep breaths.

He finally let himself move.  He did not want to acknowledge he had a bulge in his pants and he had felt one in Han Tae-sun’s pants too.  It was too scary and new and exciting all at once.  He gently pushed Han Tae-sun away with his hands, looked at him and said “I think I want to process this” 

Han Tae-sun let him go.  Feeling of loneliness swept over Kim Dong-hyub the moment the touch was gone.  He knew it was stupid.  He looked into Han Tae-sun’s eyes, his hands in his pockets.  Han Tae-sun returned the look and said yes.  “Yes, you want to process this.  Call me if you want to talk”.

Kim Dong-hyub left a lingering look at Han Tae-sun and decided to leave and figure out what had happened between them.

Han Tae-sun called him out.  “Hey, what is your number?”.  Kim Dong-hyub took Han Tae-sun’s phone and typed his number and gave himself a call.  And then he left. 

......

All the while Kim Dong-hyub debated with himself, Han Tae-sun had stayed quiet.  This is Kim Dong-hyub’s decision.  He needed to figure this out for himself.   It had taken all of his self-control to stop the kiss.  It was not the time to follow the instincts of his body.   He needed to give Kim Dong-hyub the space he needed to figure things out for himself.  ‘I am proud of myself’ he patted himself on the back for his self-control.  ‘I may be helping someone here’.   

When Kim Dong-hyub finally left, Han Tae-sun felt a little disappointed.  He shook himself.  Someone was discovering a life altering truth about themselves.  ‘The last thing I need to think is about how I am.’

‘May be I will call Hyun-ki.  He is always ready when I call’ Han Tae-sun felt better.  Hyun-ki was a model and was gay.  It was easy to call each other for a mutual stress release session.   Neither of them emotional about each other.  It was not complicated.  It was just .  Neither was in any relationships.  That made things very easy.

....

While Han Tae-sun was feeling proud of himself, Kim Dong-hyub was in turmoil.  ‘That just happened!  I am gay!  That kiss was hot! What happens now?’

....

After spending several days wrestling with himself on his next move, his choices in life, Kim Dong-hyub finally decided he had enough angst.  He could not get crazy over this.  ‘I am adult.  I will figure this out.’

At least now he knew where he stood.  He was attracted to Han Tae-sun and the kiss did not feel uncomfortable at all.  In fact, it was hot.   Apart from the gender of the person he liked, his life would on as usual.  This had no impact on his profession.  He was not an actor or an idol that he needed to worry about getting exposed.  No one else needed to know yet. 

Colin.  ‘Should I tell Colin?’  He did not think he was ready for that yet.  One of these days, he would tell him..  But not today.  ‘I need to start feeling confident about this before I start sharing the news.’   

Kim Dong-hyub also needed to think about Han Tae-sun.  He was attracted to him.  That had what started all this.  He remembered what he felt the first time he saw him.  He wanted to remove that melancholy look from his face.  He wanted to make him smile and laugh.  Han Tae-sun had intrigued him and that was why he thought he was so persistent.  

But now he knew better.  He was persistent because he was attracted to him.  It did not appear as if Han Tae-sun needed any help.  He seemed perfectly fine.  He had dropped his snark and had tried comforting him and had given him space. 

What would he do if it was a girl?

He decided to do what he would normally do.  Ask him out.  Go on a date.  He might be new to being gay but he was not new to dating.  It could not be so difficult right?

.....

So, he called Han Tae-sun.  He was nervous.  He wanted to start by saying thank you.  But, Han Tae-sun was not available on phone so, he left a voice message.  “Just wanted to thank you.  Hope to catch up with you soon”.

....

Han Tae-sun sang at the club every Friday and Saturday.  Kim Dong-hyub decided to just go there on Friday when he did not hear back from Han Tae-sun.

So, it was there Han Tae-sun found him, sitting alone at his table.  Their eyes met when Han Tae-sun looked around at his audience.  Apart from the small fan base that would sing along with him or at least watch him sing, most patrons focused on food or talking softly.  That did not bother Han Tae-sun.  He loved what he was doing so far as there was some audience and he was getting paid for it.  Then he saw Kim Dong-hyub sitting alone watching him.  Kim Dong-hyub smiled at Han Tae-sun.  Han Tae-sun acknowledged him with a slight nod. 

Han Tae-sun was surprised to find him here and frankly excited.  He could not deny there was strong physical attraction between them and wondered if Kim Dong-hyub had made up his mind about anything yet.  ‘He is here alone.  That should mean something’

Kim Dong-hyub watched Han Tae-sun doing what he did best.  Singing while working the piano.  ‘He really looks good’.  He could feel his heart rate go up watching him.  Their eyes met several times.  Each time doing a number on Kim Dong-hyub.  He was not sure if he was imagining it or Han Tae-sun was deliberately being suggestive at times.  He desperately needed to meet and talk to the guy. 

So, when Han Tae-sun took a break, Kim Dong-hyub went to meet him backstage.  “Hey”

Han Tae-sun looked up.  His bangs fell on his left eye and Kim Dong-hyub wanted to move them away.  He almost raised his hand just when Han Tae-sun shook his hair to get the bangs just right.  

“Hey yourself.  Surprised to see you here.  Are you turning into a full time stalker now?” Han Tae-sun asked with a slight smirk. 

“I did confess to an attraction.  Stalking sounded fine in my head as the next best move” Kim Dong-hyub replied.  Han Tae-sun chuckled. 

“So, do guys ask each other out on dates?” Kim Dong-hyub went ahead and asked.  Not showing the anxiety he felt on his face. 

“Are you asking me out?” Han Tae-sun asked with a scowl that did not look encouraging. 

“Well, you are the only one I know” 

“Then probably you should get to know more people.  I am not into relationships” Han Tae-sun said bluntly.  He needed to make sure there were no misunderstandings. 

That surprised Kim Dong-hyub.  That kiss was mutual.  “I thought you said you were attracted to me”.

“I am attracted to you.  So, if you want to have , call me”. 

This was not how he expected this conversation to go.  Is this how it was in the gay world?  Girls did not talk like this.  This conversation was making him distinctly uncomfortable. 

“Is this how all gays talk?” Kim Dong-hyub asked. 

Han Tae-sun looked at him.  He did feel sympathy.  ‘May be I am being too hard on the guy’.  It did not look like Kim Dong-hyub was into casual .  Well, Han Tae-sun was not into relationships, period.  After his one sided crush with Oska, he had sworn to himself it will take a long time before he falls in love again.  is a different matter altogether.  ‘But, I don’t want to influence Kim Dong-hyub in any way’. 

“Listen, this is how I talk.  You need to find your own way.  I can introduce you to some of my friends if you like.  May be you should interact with other gays.  Do you want to?”

Kim Dong-hyub was disappointed and speechless.  Han Tae-sun did not want hang around.  He did not want to make Kim Dong-hyub uncomfortable.  “Think about it.  I have to get back”.  With that Han Tae-sun went back to the stage.

He surveyed the club after a few minutes, looking over at the table Kim Dong-hyub was sitting.  He had not come back.  Han Tae-sun gave a mental shrug and continued singing. 

Kim Dong-hyub asked for his bill to be brought to the counter siting urgent business.  Paid up and left. 

‘Just when I thought he might be a good guy, he acts like a bastard’ Kim Dong-hyub thought. 

He needed to have some fun right now.  All this anxiety was killing his general cheerful self.  He called Colin.  Uncomplicated Colin.  Listening to his incessant chatter will definitely improve his mood. 

…..