The waves hit the shore on a sunny day, people crowding around the beach with their laughter and chattering and just general existence. Even the seagulls cry above the crowd, flying in wild directions beneath the blue sky, void of any clouds.

Jessica let her eyes close, taking a deep breath, before opening them up again to meet nothing but the empty sky. It was bright to the point that it almost felt too bright, matching with the glaring sun, reflecting on the bright blue ripples of the water. The ocean was cool on her body, her entire being floating in the middle of nowhere while looking up at the sky. With the summer breeze flowing through her face, she let the darkness surround her although there was no point for her.

Stupidly enough she only saw the same face, deep eyes looking straight back at her. She didn’t see anything else; not her pink lips or her smooth skin, not even her hair or body. It was just the outline of her eyes, how they looked when they smiled or when she was serious or just looked at Jessica. It was an odd experience, but the darkness that surrounded the familiar outline made them stand out even more.

She knew she should stop thinking about her, but yet she was lying in the ocean seeing her eyes as if it was an image playing on and on in her mind. For a moment she wasn’t even sure of what to think of it, because even if they weren’t anything special and there wasn’t even much to move on from, it still felt odd. Was it pain or was it disappointment? She walked a fragile line between the two, but she wasn’t sure because nothing seemed to make sense.

Her lips began humming to a familiar song, one she had heard countless of times in the safety of her room or wherever she could find solitude. One that ran through her ears, that made her body feel things she shouldn’t, even with the salty sea around her. Singing Tiffany’s song in the middle of the ocean, her eyes closed while the heat pours upon her, she wondered if she did the right thing or not.

It could’ve ended up badly had either one of them actually, well, felt more than whatever they did. The thing was, Jessica wasn’t entirely sure of how she felt. No, she wasn’t in love, but she thought that maybe she once could be. It had been a long time since she even experienced the feeling, or whatever it’s called, not after he left at least. She didn’t necessarily give up on the idea of it, but it wasn’t easy for her to fall for someone again.

She didn’t know a lot, but she knew two things; maybe she liked women, and maybe she could eventually fall for Tiffany. That was the worst thing; she could imagine it, holding hands and doing other things that didn’t involve , even if they hadn’t done that before. She could imagine waking up to see her bedhead and messy appearance, and that was what scared Jessica that day in the car.

Mostly because if she ever did head that way, into the rocky path of falling for Tiffany, then she’d end up more hurt than loved. Not that Tiffany ever said anything about it, but there was something beneath her witty and humorous voice and jokes. Something in her eyes gleaned, and Jessica wasn’t sure if it was something more than what they were or not. However, Tiffany never got too close unless it was about , so much she knew. Even if there were times that Tiffany seemed vulnerable and generally wanted Jessica around, because those fleeting moments didn’t escape Jessica’s eyes, it just wasn’t enough. There was something holding her back, and maybe that was what made things end as they sort of did.

Jessica still wondered about why she gave her those songs; they were recorded with a scratchy mic and a lot of buzz echoed throughout the tracks. Sometimes, she could even hear Tiffany saying something to herself because she forgot to turn off the record button. Still, there was something haunting about the way she sang over an instrumental or her guitar, with lyrics that were a mystery on their own. None of the songs were completed, not really, but they were still good. Good in a very unique way though, because they weren’t songs that the general public would like, Jessica thought.

They had known each other for three, nearly four years, and they never spoke about themselves all too much. There were still a lot of things Jessica didn’t know about Tiffany, and vice versa, but she wasn’t unfamiliar. Not in the slightest bit, because she could probably talk with her about deep stuff and it wouldn’t be weird. Not really, because something made her oddly comfortable amidst her pounding heart and everything else.

When she got up of the water, the cool drops already drying on top of her pale skin, she had no idea on how much time passed her by. Was it an hour? Thirty minutes? Two hours? She had no idea, but she looked around to see the crowd slowly fading away and diminishing by the minute. It was late because the sun was already beginning to set, she could see it by the slowly golden sky above them.

Jessica had no desire in going to her little apartment, because she’d probably fall asleep to dream of one specific person. When everyone was rushing her to work or to live, she could fall asleep to feel Tiffany’s hot touch on hers, telling her that she was fine and everything was all right. Soothingly calm and fiery at the same time, things that didn’t make sense, and kept Jessica almost nervous from falling asleep. Maybe she wasn’t in love, but it couldn’t be normal to think of stuff like that.

While she was walking towards the small distance to the bus stop, because Coney Island was still a while away from her actual apartment, she felt her phone buzz. Leisurely picking it up, she felt a bit deflated for not seeing the caller ID she wanted to see, even after two months of nothing.

She answered quickly enough, trying to keep her damp hair away from her face as she walked on the scorching hot concrete that seeped through her flip flops. “What’s up?” she asked as she waited for her sister to reply, looking aimlessly at the coast and the trees around her.

“We’re going out,” Krystal began and Jessica almost stopped on her tracks. Sure, Krystal wasn’t anti-social or anything, but she didn’t really go out a lot either. At least not in the downtown-scene-partying kind of way, if that was on her mind, and Jessica had no idea on what to reply to that.

A moment passed and a couple of steps more, Jessica kicked a pebble before asking where they were even going to go. Sure, she didn’t feel like staying home, but the thought of being around someone, even her sister, didn’t sound too appealing. Maybe solitude would be better, maybe, but then again Krystal never took no for an answer.

She could hear the younger sigh over the phone. “Come on, we haven’t done something together in forever,” she began and she was right. They didn’t really spend a lot of time together, mostly because they never lived in the same area. The thing was that when their parents got divorced, Krystal moved with their mother while Jessica stayed behind with her father. She didn’t like the ordeal, actually none of them really did, but that was the most right thing to do in a way.

They were still close as sisters, of course, but at times they wouldn’t see each other for months on end. This time they actually lived in the same place for once, on two different parts of town, but still closer than what they had in a long time. Jessica couldn’t really say no, sighing before giving in. In the end they agree meeting up by this fancy new restaurant and bar, one that Jessica quickly forgot the name of but Krystal texted her the address.

When time had passed and she finally arrived, she had no idea on why Krystal still wasn’t there yet. Jessica had arrived, a bit late as always, waiting by the bar a bit awkwardly. She didn’t really drink anymore at all, so while everyone was having a fancy glass of Chardonnay or Vodka on the rocks, she was just sipping a glass of water.

Another moment passed, with her waiting impatiently until she almost felt the need to leave or ask the host to give her a single table until a voice interrupted her. “Stood up?” a slightly husky, yet obviously female voice, asked from behind her. Jessica, who had her back facing the bar, turned around a bit to see someone she had never seen before.

The person’s eyes were smiling, along with her lips although it wasn’t anything too grand. Hadn’t Jessica known better, she would’ve thought there was something flirtingly about that gaze and the way her gaze was so intent. Her skin was tan, contrasting the crisp white shirt on her body, along with her dark hair that was tied in a ponytail.

Jessica only looked at her before shrugging. “Most likely,” she replied because Krystal was nearly fifteen minutes late and that wasn’t really like her. For a moment Jessica was seriously getting worried, wondering if she came in an accident or something else, but then again she never checked her phone.

She was going to do exactly that, but she stopped as she locked eyes with the other woman. The bartender looked at her, something sparkling in her eyes, a look Jessica had seen countless of times before. Not as much from women, well maybe except for one although she wasn’t sure about what Tiffany meant with it, but this was different. It felt a bit more intense, and Jessica wasn’t sure if she was going to suffocate or feel flattered. Maybe she felt a bit of both.

“That ,” the bartender replied while cleaning up a glass with a white cloth that looked very fancy. “Had it been me, I wouldn’t have stood you up at all,” she said and it could’ve been friendly, but then Jessica would be dumb and she wasn’t. And another thing was that she really wasn’t in the mood to flirt, not after her contradicting feelings towards Tiffany who she sort of broke it off with, but still she could’ve sent a message or something…

Jessica shook her head quickly; although faintly so she wouldn’t look like an idiot either. A quick sigh escaped her lips before she looked over at the bartender, not really knowing what to say other than “Don’t you have any clients to take care of?”

But the bartender just chuckled, placing the glass down before placing her hands on the counter. “I’m not the only bartender working here,” she replied then and gestured towards the two others a small distance away and there weren’t that many people around yet, so she didn’t seem to have to rush.

“Still,” Jessica said while leaning on the counter herself, eyeing her a bit before catching her name. “Megan, I’m not the only one here you know?” she finished a bit lamely, not sounding as confident as she really wanted to, but it didn’t seem to matter.

The tan woman smiled a bit, but she quickly shook her head. “My name’s Yuri, actually,” she shared, switching over to Korean suddenly, before reaching out her hand for Jessica to grab. Jessica looked a bit confused at her, but shook her hand either way, noticing it was softer than what she thought it would be, despite being very warm. “Megan is just my English name.”

It had been a while since she even spoke that language, and even if she was fluent it felt a bit foreign to her. She hadn’t really noticed Yuri’s accent before she actually switched over, and although it wasn’t bad it wasn’t fluent. Jessica suddenly smiled softly, for no apparent reason, before they suddenly held an actual conversation… one that Jessica didn’t know she would actually go through with at all.

Yuri wasn’t that bad of a woman, not really, although she had a few very cheesy lines that would make Jessica cringe otherwise. Still, it was sort of nice because in the few minutes she got to know some bits about her; why she came to New York, how she’s a dance instructor on the side and her love for it, and she was in her final year in college and other small things.

Jessica never got an education, mostly because she felt she never needed one. She wanted to experience life and all that before having to sit behind the school bench again, something she would postpone for a long time. She had just graduated high school before she left, after all. So sometimes she forgot that yes, she could’ve been a college graduate with a diploma of some sorts, but that wasn’t really her.

“Feels like I’ve been talking too much about me already,” Yuri shared then, looking over at Jessica with that same sparkle as if she was the most interesting thing in the world. It made her feel a bit awkward, but in a good way, as she lightly shrugged.

What was there to say about her? Jessica wasn’t anything extraordinary, yet she had some stories to share she supposed. But what was okay and what wasn’t? She was usually very talkative with just about anyone, but with those eyes staring at her she felt at loss. “I’m a traveler,” Jessica said before cocking her head to the side, going through the many countries and places she had visited in her life.

So that was how she told Yuri the more pleasant parts of her journeys, about how nice the places were and the jobs she got and everything in between. She didn’t give much detail, hiding a lot in fact because she didn’t want to burden her with everything that happened since Tiffany and another person she hadn’t seen in a while.

“That sounds so exciting,” the bartender said with the same interest that didn’t falter one bit. There was something there in her eyes again, something so flirty and Jessica almost considered telling her that she wasn’t interested in women. But the hell, she slept with a famous rock star multiple times and she liked it, so that would be lying.

When she came to look at Yuri though, from her tanned skin and dark hair to calm and friendly, yet fiercely formed eyes that pierced through her. (Not in the same way Tiffany’s dark eyes used to make her breathless at times, but still had a sort of impact). She had a nice smile and was tall, and since she’s a dancer she must’ve been athletic.

Okay, maybe Jessica wasn’t a lesbian or even biual, but maybe she was something else. Because in that moment, in that moment that Tiffany’s eyes appeared in the back of her mind, taunting her with everything she couldn’t have, she figured that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea. Yuri seemed interested enough, if Jessica read her signals correctly.

Even if she heard warning bells ring and something reminding her about Tiffany, Tiffany, Tiffany, she didn’t care before she let out what she hoped was an innocent yet seductive smile. Judging by the way Yuri suddenly swallowed and looked a bit taken aback, in a good way that Jessica expected; she figured things couldn’t go that bad.

“I know this might be sudden, and I don’t know if you’re even interested but…” Yuri began while scratching the back of her neck a bit nervously. Jessica was tapping her fingers on the counter, looking at the bartender. Her eyes seemed a bit anxious, probably about to ask her about something. “But, well, I’d like to take you out or something,” she began.

Jessica would’ve found it cute, and she actually did. It wasn’t the first time anyone had been nervous around her, but she liked the fact that people could feel intimidated by her. Not too much, but enough for them to feel just a bit nervous. She let out another seductive smile before “casually” placing her hand right next to Yuri’s. Not to hold it, but to let it brush by ever so innocently.

No, Jessica hadn’t flirted with a single woman before and yet it came so easy to her. It wasn’t like with Tiffany where they just sort of bickered, although that could be flirting in its own way, but this was more out there and had more purpose. Maybe it had; at least, she wasn’t sure where she was going with this at all.

“I will, if you answer me this one question,” Jessica said after a while and Yuri only looked at her, waiting for a reply of some sorts. The paler took her time with replying, still having her hand dangerously close to Yuri’s before continuing. “Have you heard of TTS?”

The moment Yuri shook her head, saying something about mostly listening to hip hop and R&B and just music she can dance to, Jessica only smiled. Then she took out her phone, seeing three missed calls and multiple messages from Krystal with something about being on her way. She ignored them and gave it to Yuri, asking for her number, not really wanting to give her own away.

Then she took her phone back after a while, a picture of Yuri there before standing up straight. “I’ll see you around,” Jessica said then, smile on her lips although it felt a bit empty, watching Yuri smile and the red tips of her ears. Then Jessica winked for good measure, making Yuri smile and she wondered if she actually ever was going to call Yuri at all.

An image of dark eyes, hot lips on her skin and the smell of cigarettes course through her body, the words about everything and then she shook her head. She wasn’t going to think about Tiffany, after all Jessica was the one that suggested ending everything and yet… why did she have to pretend that she didn’t really feel empty?

Maybe she was even hurt, if she dared go to that extent, thinking how different things could’ve been had they just… been real in one way or another.

When Krystal finally arrived and they sat down, Jessica ate and spoke although she still felt a bit lost. The conversation with Yuri had barely lasted for twenty minutes, but it was longer than most conversations she had with Tiffany… No, she wasn’t going to think about her again. Even if Krystal seemed a bit worried, Jessica shook it off, acting like nothing. Nothing was wrong, not really because it shouldn’t be. Still, she couldn’t stop thinking about her in one way or another and it didn’t help her confused mind one bit.