When Jessica was seventeen, she took her first trip overseas alone. The following year she had already visited five countries, temporarily lived in two.

In her twenties, she stood somewhere in the crowded LAX airport. Her skin was faintly the scent of a certain dark-haired woman she had met barely 24 hours before. She never thought she’d see Tiffany again after that.

Now that she’s almost in her thirties, she wondered how one meeting could take such a turn in her life. From one lover to the next, she never had anything comparable to the times with Tiffany. She wasn’t sure if she was going to classify whatever they had as serious. Even the one and a half year rebound-relationship with Yuri was more consistent than their years of brief meetings. Yet why did she always feel that somehow, she just got Tiffany. A lot better than she did with anyone else in her time.

Maybe that was why she hadn’t really found anybody else.

After departing New York, she also left another relationship behind. After the quiet understandings, the secret hunch of knowing something wasn’t right, and the threatening tears from Yuri’s side, they both knew that there was nothing more to them. Jessica was sorry, so sorry, but she could never love her like she wanted to. Not that way.

The years flew by then in a daze of work and trying to settle down, yet never succeeding. One place turned into the next, one job turned into a better one on the other side of the world, and some contacts were great to have. Her education might have been scarce, yet her working experience spoke for itself. Yet she knew for a career, that would never work out in the long term.

And before she knew it, her birthday was approaching. Jessica’s own tale of her roaring twenties were coming to an end as she knew it, and even if one year wasn’t exactly going to change much, a certain twinge of nostalgia still invaded her mind. Except for the normal worries about a slower metabolism, less time for “fun” and people always wondering why she hasn’t married, she didn’t really mind. In many ways, she hoped for more peace on her mind. Still, changes were sometimes a scary thing.

Her legs were crossed together snuggly as she sat on the floor of her newest studio apartment. It was rather small, yet it fit her perfectly with its simplicity. The windows between her bed and the couch let in enough sunshine to light up the room with nothing more during the day. Sunset, however, cast more of a golden glow upon the brown card boxes that were mainly unpacked. Getting up from her position on the floor, she walked over towards the island to retrieve her new keys, and stepped into a pair of old flats.

The coming night air hit her face as she exited the building and headed towards the street. She had no idea on what she was going to do the final hours before her birthday kicked in. The only thing she had in mind was food, and maybe a bottle of wine while she was at it. Something made her want to drink again – or was it someone?

Several lights filling up the markets and the food stalls give the city an almost warming atmosphere. The sight of people conversing, exchanging money with fresh goods, or sitting by the tables of some restaurant with close friends. The sight gave her a faint smile, not really knowing why, but it made her feel less lonely despite being alone. It got her mind off some things, yet increased the priority of others. Reminding her about what was, and probably won’t be again.

It had been a few years now since the last time they saw each other. Wherever Tiffany ended up she didn’t know, the press stopped reporting about her long after the band’s indefinite hiatus. Jessica didn’t know much about what went down. Apparently, few do know anything except the bandmates themselves.

The one thing she did know, was that Tiffany never contacted her after the press release. Jessica didn’t know how to feel after that, several unreturned calls and a change of phone number later made her give up. She didn’t want to admit how much it bothered her, yet she knew that the summers that followed were the worse. Sometimes she even got drunk in a random bar, thinking of calling again, but not doing it either way. Maybe Tiffany found someone else? Finally hit it off with Taeyeon? Was over Jessica for good? Too many questions, no answers.

She spent more money than intended; a quick meal at a local restaurant, before a slice of cake to go with two bottles of red wine for later. The thought of sitting alone having a meal wasn’t foreign to her, she had done it a lot, yet somehow it didn’t feel so comfortable as it always was. There was this lingering feeling of loneliness, a wavering ground that couldn’t be steadied. Maybe it could be the fact that she was aging making her feel so alienated from herself. Maybe Jessica wondered if she could continue living like this.

On her way home, she glanced down at her phone, noting the digital clock saying it was soon eleven pm. Soon her birthday, one spent alone, and that was all there was to it. Had Krystal been nearby she’d celebrate with her, but she was too far away this time. Seoul and San Francisco aren’t exactly neighboring cities. She had no idea where Tiffany was in the world either.

When the slice of sugary cake was in front of her on the coffee table, with a single birthday candle on top courtesy from herself, she couldn’t help but wonder what her wish was this time. No, Jessica didn’t believe in shooting stars or birthday lights granting wishes, yet she had this odd thing for 11:11 wishes. It was those small moments she would make a small request, a want that in theory didn’t have to be too much, just something to brighten up her day. A small raise at work, having a good day, being able to get up on time, and other trivial matters. She never wished for riches, or eternal beauty, or love. She didn’t even wish for Tiffany.

Yet this time she missed it, not realizing the time as she sat by the living room nine minutes before midnight. The one wish she actually wanted to make, one that was maybe impossible, she hadn’t made. No, she wasn’t superstitious, yet faint disappointment crept through anyway. It was stupid, she knew that, but shrugged it off.

Pouring a glass of wine, she took a sip before looking at the time. Four minutes left now. What was she going to fill the time with anyway? She couldn’t blow the candle before the clock struck exactly twelve.

She went through her phone, scrolling through her saved songs and playlists before she encountered one she hadn’t played in a while. Uncertainness made her question if this was a good idea, Jessica hadn’t heard the songs in years. Still, she couldn’t help it as her thumb instinctively pressed play anyway, and the first strums of an old guitar echoed through the speakers of her phone.

Tiffany strummed a little while more, before beginning on the first verse of Jessica’s probably favorite song. It never got released, there are no professional touches to the track, just plain acoustics with a familiar and inspiring voice. “I’ve seen the world, done it all, had my cake now” the then younger voice sang firstly. “Diamonds, brilliant, in Bel Air now”

Maybe the audio was scratchy and her voice fell out of pitch from time to another, still it was more about the pure emotions she got from the track. One that made Jessica make-believe that Tiffany couldn’t have written it just despite. “Hot summer nights, mid-July. When you and I were forever wild”.

The instant memories of the night after the club, before the first intimate encounter, when Tiffany took her to the merry-go-round. “The crazy days, city lights. The way you played with me like a child.”

Maybe, just maybe, Jessica was on her mind that time when she wrote it down with her old guitar beside her. She liked to believe that from time to time, feeling the lyrics hit her deeper than any other tracks on the demo-album. It was also the longest, the most “finished” song so to say. It was also the one she heard Tiffany playing to that one morning, and it made Jessica wonder how long she worked on it. She must have put a lot of effort.

Another gulp of warm wine ran through as the chorus kicked in shakily, almost unsure, yet regaining its strength somewhere along the line. The sound almost made Jessica smile, not really knowing why she always found that part endearing. A certain warmness filled her body, and it wasn’t just the wine.

The most familiar verse made her reminisce more, about how Tiffany hit it big and how she lit up the stage as her own. At such short time, it seemed as if she had the world on her feet, more than Jessica had, and things were looking bright. It was sometimes hard to believe that Tiffany’s brightness on stage, often turned into a dull shimmer when left alone.

“Hot summer days, rock and roll, the way you played for me at your show,” made Jessica sing along then, not really knowing why or how she even remembered the lyrics. It had literally been years since she heard it. Still, there was always something so easy as remembering one’s old favorite song. “And all the ways I got to know, your pretty face and electric soul.”

It made Jessica think, as the clock soon approached midnight, about what had happened all over again. How those dark eyes would sometimes haunt her in her dreams, how playing her song made her feel better and worse all the same, or the fleeting moments of their touches on bare skin. Was all they had ever physical, or was there something deeper? The pillow talks weren’t exactly small talk either, but their official dates equaled to zero.

Who knew, maybe it was better that way? They were both getting older, and it was time to think about the real future ahead.

“Oh, that grace, oh that body, oh that face makes me wanna party,” comes in a higher pitch, and possibly Jessica’s favorite part of the entire song, sending chills down her spine. “She’s* my sun, she* makes me shine like diamonds.”

The clock is less than a minute away from twelve, and she filled her wine glass a bit more than needed. Countless memories flashed through her slightly dazed head. Was it from the song or the alcohol? She wasn’t sure anymore. The only thing she was sure of was that something couldn’t make her stop thinking about her, about them, about everything that was so ed up and so right all at once.

She lit up the single candle on the slice of cake, thinking about what was the point of sitting there thinking about the past. It was sort of ultimate, it so felt, that Tiffany wasn’t coming back.

“Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?”

Would Tiffany still love her now? Jessica is by no means old, yet she had matured. She had aged ever so slightly, and soon enough the signs would be even more visible. What would happen when her skin would turn wrinkly and her bones weak? Would Tiffany really love her the same?

“Will you still love me when I’m not young and beautiful?”

Twelve am. Midnight. It was illogical.

“I want to see her again,” Jessica whispered to herself, eyes shut. No one else was there to hear her secret wish anyway. What came out of these four walls would stay there, Tiffany’s voice singing through the background.

Then she blew out the single flame to signalize the end of her roaring twenties, and the beginning of an entirely new chapter. One that she hoped would put her on the right track. Maybe she’d get that education, get that career, and find someone to appreciate it with. Not tomorrow or next month, but it was never too late to start. If she was going to be optimistic that was.

Still sitting in the same place, she finished half of the slice and downed another glass of wine. Maybe it was time to sleep, and try to do something productive for the next day. Even if it was her birthday, she knew that life was supposed to go on like it always did.

Before she could continue with that thought, a buzz from her phone interrupted her. For some reason, it nearly made her heart leap, even if she didn’t know why. Then before she knew it, an anonymous number was displayed on her screen, a single message underneath. She opened her phone to get a better look.

Confused lines drew themselves on Jessica’s face, wondering what that was supposed to mean. There was an image attached to the message, the simple view of the Han River and the colorful lights illuminating the rippling water. Nothing more, nothing less. It took her a while to gaze at the dark night sky only illuminated by the city lights, the tall buildings and the railing separating the photographer from the water. An eerily sense of déjà vu occurred then, lasting until she realized.

Then she didn’t need to wonder, she didn’t even need to guess, because she just knew.

Looking out the window, she figured that she didn’t live too far away. Maybe it was a leap of faith or herself going mad, yet she didn’t have much to lose. Grabbing her shoes and jacket, she rushed out hoping she wouldn’t be wrong. Please, not this time at least. Don’t let it be a sick joke.

Clumsily and with many attempts with google maps on her phone, she found her destination. Yet, there were no familiar faces anywhere beneath the street lights. Not that there were many people out this time of night either. She walked through the small crowd, not knowing what to do, and slowly feeling dumb for going all the way out for a chance of maybe seeing her. For all she knew, it could be a message sent wrong or someone messing with her head.

Thoughts raced through her head, wondering if this was it, and if she was going to see her again. Would she? Would she not? Was Tiffany already gone?

Her steps stop somewhere by the railing, letting her body lean on the coolness that seep through her blouse. Looking out at the dark river, the lights from the bridge, wondering how it felt like something she had experienced for the first time. She had seen this view so many places, places that were more extraordinary than this, and yet she felt slightly amazed. Why?

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” a voice, female and husky and bright at the same time, asked from behind.

Then she could swear time stop, wondering if this was really happening this time. The cold air seemed to be less noticeable, yet the sound of the traffic and the air and everything became much clearer. Especially the presence of someone that made her want to shiver for many reasons. It couldn’t be… could it?

When she turned around, it was obvious that yes, it could be. Since there stood the woman she remembered; wild hair with a set of dark eyes that never seemed to go out of style. Dressed in a huge leather jacket, and a simple outfit underneath, it almost felt as if returning back to when they first met a long time ago on the other side of the world. True, there was no guitar case, and they had both changed a lot since then. Tiffany’s smile wasn’t as big as usual, and even so there was the faintest hint of age in her face. Nothing she wouldn’t have noticed hadn’t Jessica been studying her so closely.

“That’s not fair,” Jessica then uttered, not really knowing why. “You don’t call me for years and suddenly you just decide to show up?” she continued. No, she wasn’t furious, but she couldn’t hide the slightly aggressive tone in her voice. That wasn’t how she imagined the first meeting to go, but she couldn’t help it.

Tiffany just looked at her, not saying much to begin with. “You said I was supposed to find you,” she retorted.

It was the truth, that was for sure, yet not how Jessica imagined it. Not like that, with several years of nothing and suddenly her showing up. She didn’t want all that drama and confusion again. Not anymore. She didn’t want this to be a routine of them – she wanted something more than that.

The silence went on, still being close yet not close enough. Tiffany let out a sigh. “There’s a lot to talk about; why am I here? Why didn’t I call? Why is the earth round and not square?” she asked then, before stepping towards Jessica. A faint smell of her scent entered her nose, yet she wasn’t going to think about how much she missed it. Not now.

A faint chuckle escaped Jessica. “You are so clever,” she replied sarcastically. The tension made it clear though, that even if she was a bit pissed, she wanted to be near her. Intoxicating scent, familiar warmth, just wanting to have her close and listen to this woman talk on and on about whatever. She didn’t know why she wanted that so much. She was supposed to be mad at her. “What took you so long?” Jessica asked a bit curiously.

“There’s something called life,” Tiffany began without explaining much. “I thought you’d be more curious of how I found you, to be honest,” she continued with a small smile again. It wasn’t a cocky smirk like Jessica almost would have expected. It was almost cute in a strange way – childlike with a sort of expectation.

Jessica couldn’t help but wonder why she didn’t ask about how. Maybe it was mostly because they always met like this. “We rarely meet through excessive planning,” she mentioned then. “What actually makes me question the time, is the fact that you’ve gone missing for years and ignored me as if I was the FBI,” Jessica continued before sighing, trying not to look too emotional. “I thought you never wanted to see me again.”

Tiffany did have a change in her expression then – not drastic, but noticeable. For once in her life Jessica wasn’t sure what she was going to say to that reaction. She didn’t seem too affected from a first glance, yet there was something apologetic with her eyes. It was always so easy to read them, even if they sometimes were a bit tricky as well.

She took a moment, maybe gathering her thoughts, before she slowly begun talking. “That was not my intentions, even if it’s hard to believe,” Tiffany explained. In that moment, Jessica almost expected her to pull up a smoke. It seemed to be a tough question to answer. She didn’t however. “A lot of things were happening with the band, times were tough, I needed time.”

It wasn’t the most elaborate reason for the lack of contact, and honestly, Jessica wasn’t sure if it was good enough. She understood it would take time, Tiffany had spent a huge part of her life with these girls way longer than she knew Jessica. Of course, it would be tough, probably tougher than Jessica would ever understand. Still… “Is that a reason to change your number and never contact me for years? For all I knew you could be dead or married with kids in a picnic fence home in the suburbs, while having mediocre one or twice a fortnight,” Jessica blabbered on not really thinking about shutting up. “But at least you’re not alone, and that made me feel even worse about my lonely self,” Jessica blurted out thoughts that probably weren’t worth being mentioned. It almost made her embarrassed when she thought about what she said out loud.

Tiffany was obviously trying to suppress a chuckle, the corners of her glossed lips pointing upwards. Her hand covered parts of her lips then, before returning back to a more neutral expression. “Although cute that you think of me, I can assure you I’m not married, I’m not a mother,” she informed then, a before a lighthearted half-smile returned. “And I’m not dead… yet.”

“You’re way too lighthearted about important matters and controversial subjects,” Jessica observed then. She wasn’t really angry though. Maybe a bit annoyed, but she knew that it would pass just as quickly as the times Tiffany would try to get into her pants. Though this time she wouldn’t be that lucky. Not as quickly at least.

Then came a soft breeze from the spring air. Some strands of Tiffany’s hair followed suit. “You know I’m not the most serious person on earth either,” she chirped in. Jessica didn’t bother saying anything, just giving her a certain look to get her point across. Tiffany sighed. “Look, I’ve been meaning to call you, I just didn’t know what to say.”

Another look equipped with raised eyebrows and a whole lot of really was expressed on Jessica’s face then.

“It’s not like you contacted me every day before either,” the dark-haired woman replied with a shrug. She took a small swing towards the left, then took a few steps away. “For all I knew you could still be dating the same girl like last time.”

Jessica followed suit, a bit of rush and annoyance in her steps. “That is totally not the same,” she began. “You were like super famous, always on tour, and not to mention I was never sure about what to expect from you or your libido,” Jessica continued as they walked along the colorful and bright bridge by the river.

Few people were around, but she was pretty sure that some did turn around to observe their exchange in the middle of the night. Tiffany let out an ironic laugh. “And you were super predictable?” she replied sarcastically while still walking. “It’s not like I could drop everything off with the band and just visit you wherever you were,” she kicked a small rock on the way then. “Hell, I didn’t even know where you were most of the time,” she stopped it there.

The walking speed slowed down then just a little, Jessica now standing approximately beside her. “You know me and how I get by,” Jessica stated. “I was young and adventurous and there was no need for me to settle down somewhere just because,” she told the truth then. Though not really knowing if she was a changed woman or not, she could at least say that it wasn’t really going to be much travelling for a while. “Sometimes I got so caught up in wanting to be free-spirited, that I might have ignored reality.”

Tiffany turned her head around to give her a look, one that was a bit hard to read at first, but Jessica did notice something fragile behind them. “Then how could one know if you really wanted to settle?” she asked softly, before suddenly stopping underneath one of the street lights. “Or was it more that you just didn’t want that with me?” she continued and Jessica could barely catch it at first.

The question made Jessica think, but she felt a small pang of sudden guilt. She wasn’t really sure what to say to that. Knowing that she had settled with Yuri once upon a time, she couldn’t call herself a non-relationship girl anymore. Still, it was not what Tiffany was thinking. No, not in a million years. “It’s not that,” she confirmed then. “But I thought you couldn’t love anyone, let alone me, so what was the point?”

For a moment, there was silence, making Jessica question in her mind what was going on. How could all of this happen in the span of a few minutes? This must have been one of their most honest conversations ever.

Slowly, the dark-haired woman faced her again. “Because I did for a long time, I just didn’t know how to prove it or admit it to myself without screwing everything up,” she admitted then. It made Jessica’s heart almost stop and accelerate all at once for god knows what. “And to be honest, I guess I still don’t know how to make things work,” she ended it there briefly.

“You haven’t exactly tried to make things work either,” Jessica chimed in.

They looked into each other’s eyes then, not saying a word and letting the white noise fill the silence. Could this be the end of a turbulent journey that was built upon excitement, longing, waiting and too much to handle for Jessica’s insecure heart. Sure, her cool exterior could make it seem like she had everything on track and the confidence of a queen. Yet she knew herself well enough to know that there were many issues about her self-esteem. Most of them did berate her and made her believe that everyone deserved so much better than her, especially Tiffany.

A sigh escaped Tiffany’s lips. “Neither have you,” she retorted, still looking at Jessica with her wide eyes.

Well there was the truth, and though it could be easy to blame either one of them, they both must have known that it does indeed take two to tango. However, it didn’t necessarily mean that they were ready to face the music and whatever could happen when the song comes to an end. It made Jessica realize for the nth time that nothing was every permanent.

She wanted to turn away and walk home. She wanted to end this all then and there, knowing that the possibility of them having a future would be pointless. What were they going to do anyway? Jessica didn’t want Tiffany to give up the band because of her. Yet she couldn’t sit around at home either; waiting for months on end for Tiffany to return from her busy tours and events and recordings. She wasn’t sure if she could handle the loneliness or the time apart for huge amounts anymore.

Still, there was the what if question again. What if things changed for the better? What if they found a way to make it work? What if love was all you needed anyway? It was juvenile to believe that old tale of happily ever after, yet she didn’t want to grow up at the same time. Weren’t we all in need of ignorant bliss from time to time?

“Would you…” the words almost didn’t escape, making Jessica stutter. “I mean; do you think you love me?” she asked the dreaded question not knowing what to think.

Silence stretched on, not a word being uttered. They didn’t need it either way as Jessica was suddenly pulled closer. Close enough to feel the warmth of Tiffany’s skin and her lips upon Jessica’s. With a firm grip on her waist, it wasn’t difficult to fall into the temptation of an electric pulse she hadn’t felt for years. It was more than nice, if she was to describe it herself, almost making her fall deeper.

When they part, breathing slightly heavy from several minutes of pure making out, it didn’t take long for Tiffany to answer. “I do love you, Princess,” she said then, and there didn’t seem to be any shadiness or dishonesty behind them. Just the real truth that she wanted Jessica, and it made her knees almost go weak, still after all this time. Yes, even if Tiffany still used that stupid nickname.

Jessica couldn’t help the smile gracing her lips, though she knew that it wouldn’t ease her heart completely. “Will you still love me when I’m old and ugly?” she asked then, knowing that things wouldn’t always remain as they did now. Even through the florescent lights from above, Jessica could spot the fine lines on Tiffany’s face coming from years of stress and hints of aging. Time would always change everything; their youth and appearance would one day disappear into their memories and photographs.

A wider smile was mirrored by the woman in front of her, almost chuckling while looking into Jessica’s eyes. Those that had haunted way too many dreams late at night. A pair she wouldn’t forget. “Why did you think I wrote that song about you?” she only asked back.

Confusion set in Jessica’s head, but soon enough she understood. The song that had been her favorite all this time, one that she almost couldn’t believe was meant for her, and the fact that it maybe did answer her question.

“Times may change, but some things will always stay consistent,” Tiffany then continued while still holding onto Jessica by the flowing river. The dark sky was getting brighter, stars were beginning to fade towards the light, and warm hands cupped Jessica’s face to shelter her from the early morning chills. “Like how life imitates art, or the flow of the river we’re standing by, and your constant resting face,” she said then while earning a laugh by both of them.

Jessica felt herself giving the other woman a light push, yet pulling her closer at the same time. “You’re not that great of a poet,” she said teasingly, deciding to lean her head just a little closer with the calming breeze. It felt safer, and the calmest Jessica had been in years despite having all the time in the world to fulfill her desires. The warmth in the midst of the cold, the calming silence during all this noise… Maybe Tiffany was unexpectedly the gravity that pulled her down from the sky and her wavering emotions.

Tiffany shrugged then. “Maybe not to you,” she retorted as they stood by the metal gates by the water. A few crickets sang from the bushes, and even a white petal fell on the contrasting dark hair of Tiffany. One that would someday turn as white as that same flower. “But one day when we’re old and wrinkly, we’ll look back and realize that what we have is a classic example of a timeless romance, my dear,” she continued before kissing her softly. Very gentle, and it made the lighter brunette feel safer more than ever. “Therefore, I can word it how cliché as I want to, because you’re still going to love hearing our countless tales over and over and over.”

Jessica nodded then, another smile breaking through her face as well. “Timeless,” she repeated then, liking the sound of what was and what was to come in their own ride against age and life. A tale that probably in all sense wasn’t traditional¸ but classic in its own way that would stay true just for them, no matter what the future would hold.

They may be growing, and Jessica may disappear without leaving too much of a mark on this world, yet she knew that she did what she wanted to. She also hoped she would do more, only with one more person beside her.

“By the way,” Tiffany began then. “You never said you loved me back.”

Jessica only smiled then, poking Tiffany’s nose before kissing it. “You know I love you dummy, why else would I put up with your poetic ?” she replied teasingly.

Another chuckle. “Admit it, you like it,” she replied as they began to walk along the river, close together.

“Your poetic clichéd quotes or your behind?” Jessica replied with the same playful nature. Liking the way Tiffany oddly became flustered by the question, she couldn’t help but smile a bit by her suddenly red ear tips.

“You’re an idiot, Princess.”

“You’re weird, Honey.”

It made Tiffany look at her before asking - “Are we going to do this for the next decades?” with a lively tone, knowing well that if things were to last, it might be the scenario for their lives together.

Jessica could only shrug. “I must say, we have a long road ahead,” she replied. Only hoping that there wasn’t a need to pray for a miracle anymore.

That their journey would be timeless.