During a late summer night there were many bodies pressed together underneath the velvet light, dancing to the heavy bass that thumped through their chest and made the drinks in their glass ripple a bit. The odor of sweat, smoke, liquor and other types of smells that were just impossible to identify, she sat by the bar wondering how she used to find this amusing. Swarming through endless of strangers, trying to get a number or a drink in the process, and she didn’t know why she used to do this. She rarely got drunk, she never did anymore, but she frequented a bar or two for the hell of it. Life was too short to not experience something, that was what she had learnt all along, and the open road gave her people who helped her in many ways.

She met many people on her way because connections did help her out; if it was money, travel, jewelry or anything else. Some didn’t give her materials, but gave her advice nevertheless, worth more than whatever she had gotten before. Stories about making it alone, about being young and wild and free, and everything in between that stuck through her mind whenever she found herself in a sticky situation.

And then there was a woman she met, invading her thoughts whenever she saw fit and annoyingly so. When she closed her eyes to sleep, to forget, she only saw the image an intense gaze, one that she’d never really forgotten. It was the same look that followed her whenever she didn’t have anything else to think of, the one that made Jessica question if what they had was genuine or not. Maybe they didn’t talk a lot, but their conversations were memorable in the most twisted of ways, and her touches were fiery and blazingly cold all at once. It was in more than one way or another where she felt high and dry, yet fulfilled in so many ways, even if she tried to let herself believe that she felt nothing at all.

She watched the crowd go at it again, a man and a woman dancing and grinding underneath the lights. His hands were on her waist, and probably wanted to wander underneath her already skimpy enough dress. The woman was only giggling, whispering something into his ears while she let her own manicured nails fiddle with the zipper on his jacket. Jessica took the moment to wonder if what they were smoking were actual cigarettes or something entirely different, but it wasn’t her business.

Still she looked at the pair, going at it as if no one was around, and there was only lust in their movements. Another one night stand, one out of many that would be committed that evening, and she’d done them many times before. Yet the thought made her sick to the stomach now, simply going to bed (if there even is a bed involved) with a stranger, even if she did that so many times, and Tiffany was a stranger. At least in the beginning, maybe more of a long-lost friend later on, but that wasn’t the same as when she looked at the couple in the middle.

Sure, that night with Tiffany and Jessica at that bar she barely remembered named Chaos was made up of lust eventually. She still remembered what happened that night, touching skin to skin and broken sounds escaping them both, and it made them both better in ways that only can do.

But if Jessica really thought about it, she came to think of the fact that they had some sort of banter between them. She didn’t know Tiffany then, but they joked around and there was something so electrifying with the whole experience, one that made it seem like such more. And it developed to become more in one way or another, maybe not according to most people, but for two women who weren’t of the relationship kind, that was a lot.

There aren’t many things she actually has from the said woman; except for the songs that meant a lot to her. She had her voice on repeat, over and over again on her phone, through every failed, croaked, beautiful or great note. No, she didn’t have any photographs, not ones that didn’t already exist online. But if she were to have any, they’d probably look a bit younger, although not by much. She wasn’t sure of how she felt about that however, and she wasn’t sure if she felt like figuring that out either.

Letting her gaze drift away from the dancing pair, she was prepared to turn around and say her goodbye and go home. Maybe she’d pick up a pack of cigarettes on the way; not that she’d actually need it because she didn’t actually smoke. Yet sometimes she lit one up, and she took a couple of drags before she got rid of them, as if it was memories to be ashamed of. And maybe they were, maybe they weren’t, but she didn’t need to think of that either.

What she did not expect was a lean figure sitting on a velvet sofa, a bunch of people surrounding the table with their drinks or make-out partners. But that person who sat in the center, an unlit Marlboro placed upon faintly glossed lips and a black necklace clinging onto her neck ever so tightly. And Jessica thought that for the tiniest moment that it couldn’t be her, it just couldn’t, but when those dark orbs came into her vision, there was no way to escape them.

A tan hand snapped a couple of times in front of her face, making her zoon out from her thoughts to turn around and see her girlfriend of almost a year stare right at her. There was worry circling around her eyes, and soon enough a warm hand lands on her shoulders as she could barely register an “are you okay?” escaping Yuri’s lips. It took Jessica every fiber in her body to not let her façade break, trying to ignore the stare running through the back of her head, and she knew that Tiffany knew it was her. There could be no other way, and she wanted so badly to turn around and stay put at the same time, and she hoped that the VIP booth was swamped so no one could get out or in.

Jessica let a faint smile grace her lips, replying that she just felt a bit off and wanted to go home instead of waiting for Yuri to finish her shift. It made her stomach drop, because she always waited for her to close up so they could go home together, and it would be the first time she actually didn’t keep that little tradition. Yuri only gave her an odd look, not suspicious of the kind Jessica feared, but there was something off. Yet she only pecked her lips as a goodbye and that they’d see each other later. They still didn’t live together, but a bunch of each other stuff and items had made its way through drawers and shelves, and keys to both apartments. In that moment Jessica didn’t want to see anyone, and she didn’t ask Yuri to come over this time either.

The guilt had seeped through her entire being, even if nothing happened that night and she was alone in her bed, and it made her sick. “I’m too pathetic,” she mused out aloud to herself, and that was all she could really think of. But maybe that was it and they were over, and she’d be gone the next time.

However, another night came with another stare that burned holes in the back of Jessica’s head, and she had no idea on what she was going to do about it as she sat by the bar uncomfortably. Honestly she thought of skipping the visit altogether, but she didn’t want to make Yuri worry more than before, and so she sat there while she tried to distract herself. She’d do it by talking, kissing, lightly touching, drinking… but it only worked for so long until some customer needed her girlfriend’s attention and she’d be alone for a while. Those moments without anyone or anything to keep her mind off the heated stare she felt were the worst and it made her nearly squirm in her seat, not knowing what to do.

The minutes dragged on and Yuri was still kept up, focusing on doing her job and never had Jessica felt so angered for not having her around. At least with her being close she could ignore the fleeting memories for a little bit, but now there was nothing to stop those images that were not child-friendly…

She got up from her seat, needing to get out of there and out of Tiffany’s sight. Even just for a little while, as she walked towards the slightly dirty restroom. With her hands grasping onto the edge of the sink, she tried to sort out her thoughts and just think. So maybe Tiffany was there in that moment, looking at her, but it didn’t have to really mean anything. She could just be imagining everything and that Tiffany was just trying to be friendly. Jessica knew she was lying to herself, but she needed some sort of reassurance so she wouldn’t snap, and those white lies did the trick for a little while.

Now she hadn’t thought of how stupid this idea of running off was, until she heard a click and steps echo throughout the room. And she didn’t have to look up to face the person, because she already knew, and she sighed deeply whilst trying to straighten herself up. Now was not the time to look affected, because that would just be exactly what she wanted, and Tiffany wasn’t going to get the satisfaction of a distressed Jessica. “You’re back in town?” Jessica let herself ask, keeping her cool as she opted to stare at her own reflection from the mirror.

Tiffany stood a small distance away, only parts of her denim jacket and her too tight to be allowed outfit to be seen from the reflection. Her hair was tied up most likely, as Jessica couldn’t see much of it from the corner of her eye, but then again she tried to avoid looking at her altogether. “I didn’t expect to find you here,” Tiffany said and one could practically hear the smirk. Yet she did seem a bit surprised, judging by the tone of her voice, but Jessica didn’t let herself dwell onto that.

Instead she adjusted her skirt, feeling too revealing all of the sudden, as if every part of her was bare. “Were you expecting us to meet in Dubai or something like that?” Jessica retorted, even if it did sound a bit stingy to her own ears, and maybe she wasn’t as good at keeping her cool as she wanted to be.

The chuckle that echoed through the stall was light, but not really of much humor. It caused Jessica to turn around, still not feeling too comfortable being in the same room as her. “It’s just that I’ve never met you in the same place twice,” was the reply, and it was very much true because they hadn’t.

“Well congratulations. Do you want to in a hotel room or right here?” Jessica found herself saying and she knew that it was anything but nice. “Or do you have your car? You know the white one by the beach; we had some ing fun moments in there, right?” The slight passive-aggressiveness in her voice didn’t escape her own ears, but she thought that she might as well just take it all out in one blow, because when would she have the time otherwise?

And Tiffany stood still, not saying anything for the longest while, and Jessica wondered what she would’ve said anyway. That she was sorry? That she didn’t want to do anything to her at all? That there was nothing they could do?

Then she parted her lips ever so slowly, a dark shade of red on them, making them even more tempting than what they usually were. “You were the one who broke things off,” she had shared. And it was so damn true that Jessica couldn’t deny it, but she did it for a reason, and sometimes she just couldn’t get Tiffany at all. “And I wasn’t following you here to get laid; I don’t know if I’ll see you again so I might as well take the opportunity now.”

Jessica had many questions to that, but she didn’t speak or think about them, because she’d rather not confuse herself anymore. Even if Tiffany had something to say about them, it would be too late now, and they both probably knew it. “If you’re going to apologize then I already know, you don’t have to rub it in my face,” Jessica uttered before heading towards the door, but one swift movement of her wrist made her unable to move, and before she knew it she was backed up against the corner with intense eyes back on hers.

And the contact made her heart pound onto her chest, beating louder and louder until she was sure she could feel it leap off. The touch of Tiffany’s skin was cool; not something she would’ve expected from a stuffed and heated club. “Just let me talk,” she began and they were so close that it awoke too many emotions at once which didn’t involve talking, but Jessica tried to ignore the urge as much as possible.

She shook her head then. “No,” she began softly. “I don’t want to hear it, I…” escaped her lips and she was lying. The curiosity was killing her to the point that she wanted to fall apart by the tension, by the longing that she didn’t want to admit she felt and by their mere proximity. And Jessica was never good with words, so trying to put any meaning behind how she felt would’ve been impossible.

“I miss you,” was the only faint thing that escaped those red lips, and honestly, that was all that was needed. Because even through the pounding bass from the music that echoed through the walls, and the people complaining outside, and from the rapid heartbeat, the words bounced around quite loudly. It was as if it was the only thing Jessica could hear, and her knees went weak and she felt so damn pathetic again that she could barely react to Tiffany’s lips that just came closer and closer…

The touch almost made her jolt, her hands together as Tiffany was still holding onto her wrists. It made her almost lose her balance, and she hated that her eyes closed so quickly just to savor the missed feeling of her lips and her scent and everything that was just so damn Tiffany.

But even if she enjoyed it too much, she knew it was wrong, as she parted. “I have someone else now,” Jessica said and even if that was the truth, she almost didn’t want to think about Yuri in that moment. “And you can’t do this to me, not now, not…”

She was interrupted by another kiss, one that almost knocked the breath out of her because it had been so long, too long, and she could feel her guard crumble with every second. Tiffany let her lips linger for a while, as she let go of Jessica’s wrists only to grab her by the waist and pull her closer. “ you,” she cursed to the dark-haired female, hating herself for letting this happen, for feeling the heat surge through her body and pool around her with a burning desire by each kiss.

And Jessica just returned them after a while, feverishly and unforgiving and all the pent up emotions that should’ve been gone. She let her arms wrap around the other woman, grabbing onto the back of her head as she untied her dark hair so it was let lose, and she lost herself in the touch and the feeling of just being so close. “ me,” Jessica nearly moaned out the command, as cold hands found their way on her thighs, inching closer and closer, and everything about it was so wrong yet so right.

Tiffany’s lips were on her neck by then, and a faint chuckle vibrated throughout her body. “I thought that was what we were trying to avoid?” she teased and normally Jessica would’ve hit her or called her something rude, because this wasn’t a joke and it would ruin everything between them and yet…

No, instead she shut Tiffany up with another kiss, and by not so gently pushing the rock star by the wall herself. “The other way around works for me too,” Jessica said and yes, she’d regret this in the morning, but then her lips found Tiffany’s, and maybe she hoped that she could forget it all as if it was a dream.