Mama mamamoo~

Bending slightly, Moonbyul positioned herself to the first part of the dance. Honestly, she had no idea what time, or even what event she was at anymore. The same song that she had practiced countless times blared overhead, the voices of Solar and Whee In dominating the song. She side stepped herself to the position she was supposed to be at, one hand holding onto the microphone, the other half heartedly above her lips as she moved that hand sideways.

Towards the halfway point of the song, her mind started to wander, her dance more of a reaction than an action. She glanced at the outlines of Hwa sa’s and Solar’s backs, wondering how in the world could they still be so cheery and so concentrated in the performance.

Perhaps she had only herself to blame. Being in Mamamoo was a dream come true. Was. She knew that she would debut with concepts which she would not agree with, just like how Whee In hated cute concepts, but up until now, she did not find herself liking any of the concepts Mamamoo had done. Whee In’s demands were satisfied through the y outfits they wore in their live stages and events, but unlike Whee In, Moonbyul wanted something else. It wasn’t even the company’s fault. They complied with her preference of rapping over singing, pants over skirts and even recently, allowed her to wear sneakers instead of the killer heels which threatened to trip her every few seconds. Moonbyul would not pinpoint the exact thing which she felt was missing, only that she felt severe discomfort every single time she had to dance to their songs, and sometimes she even hated how cringeworthy her raps were. She had no idea when these thoughts had crept into her mind, lingering and swirling inside her.  All she knew was a desperate sense to seek out the missing piece she had lost, one that she knew that her other members had found.

Solar sent her an urgent glance, and Moonbyul realised that she had missed the opening beat to her rap. Quickly composing herself, she let the rest of the rap flow through her, allowing her lips to curl up into an embarrassed smile, which she knew the fans would squeal over and regard her lackluster performance as a cute mistake. The rest of the performance went without a hitch, and Moonbyul eyed, with slight envy, the bright smiles on the other three members, never leaving their faces even when they were exiting the stage for the next group.

“Are you alright?” Moonbyul felt an arm around waist, a familiar voice in her ear. Her standard reply of ‘Nothing is wrong’ was stuck in as she came face to face with her leader. Solar’s face was full of worry, but it was not the face of worry when one of the members were hurt. Her expression was one of knowing, almost like she would read the thoughts Moonbyul had.

Moonbyul felt that Solar deserved more than a superficial answer, and shook her head. “I’m not, but I can’t tell you why.” She couldn’t, because she herself had no idea what was wrong with her. Everything was going great, Mamamoo was getting more recognition, being invited as guests on variety shows more often, and even she herself had film a drama and featured in songs. Yet at the same time, she felt that she was merely a bystander of the whole process, one devoid of emotions. Almost like she was Byul yi, watching Moonbyul soaring in her career, both sides of her detached into two separate entities.

Solar squeezed her sides gently. “No matter what, I’ll always be here for you. I can’t promise you that I can lead you out of your maze, but I’ll be beside you, cheering you on.”

For the first time since she those vicious thoughts had formed, Moonbyul could feel the chains of the thoughts loosening their grip around her. Moonbyul decides that the puzzle piece she was missing to complete her life will come to her one day, but until then, she would enjoy her life as a member of Mamamoo, and maybe even emulate the joy she sees radiating from the other members. She would no longer drown herself in the endless chase to find the missing piece, but instead wait it to come to her, because to continue the chase would only ruin what she now had. The chase had blinded her sight to what was more important, to ignore the blessings she had received.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the two maknae’s bouncing towards them, eager to share their excitement on something that they had found. Her eyes refocused on Solar, knowing that their time alone was ending, and seeing the rays of lights shining from her. The sides of her lips curved up into a small smile.“Thank you.”

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Author here. I tried to change my style of writing by having longer paragraphs and fewer dialogue lines. Also, there isn't really a plot in the story, more on thoughts and feelings. It's basically a sense of having everything and yet nothing at the same time and also the struggle of artistes between their stage and off stage persona.