Love’s Crossing

Chapter 10

Love is like a road. It is filled with surprises and unexpected turns. I guess what makes it really unique is the fact that no one takes the same road, and same journey throughout. You may start with the family who grew you up and you may end it with a family on your own. Sometimes, you were alone in your travelling, but at the end of the day, you just find yourself being with someone

At that point in time, I was having a change of course, and therefore probably a change of company too.

Monday morning in the month of February, I found myself in the second floor of our school building, staring at the wide field of the school and the morning scene it gives. The sun has already risen in the east and damn can someone tell me how come the sun looks so magnificent all the time?

It was around six thirty, I guess. A few students were coming in but still, the campus looks empty. I can even bet my life that I am the only one in my building.

Well, not exactly.

I had my eyes closed at that time, just taking in the fresh air and the morning breeze. I was in peace. Not until someone spoke beside me that shook me out of my trance.

“Good morning?” Park Chorong asked in uncertainty. She was standing next to me and I don’t know when she got there. Still, I wasn’t complaining if she did ruin my solo moment. Before, I was itching to have at least a second of her time. I guess I am not one to complain.

Giving her my usual smile, I greeted back. “Good morning to you, unnie.”

She nodded her head and broke a smile too, before staring at the view in front of us. “The school looks peaceful in the morning. It was almost like the paradise I’ve lived in for four years. I can’t believe we are leaving this place soon. Well, you’ll leave sooner. That for you.” She tried lightening up the mood, which I am really grateful of. Lately, I still can’t grasp that thought that I am leaving this place. In fact, I still don’t know what to do when we will transfer overseas. I mean, I know I can adjust, but being in a different country is different. I don’t know what I’ll do.

“You know, Eunji, I guess I know now why I fell for you.”  Her sudden statement seems to take me back for a bit. I guess we’ve talked about this before, but then I guess this will really put a closure on all of our still lingering feelings towards each other.

“Why?”

“Hmmm…” She turned her head so she won’t be facing me. I did too, because it was kinda embarrassing, “Well, you make people feel special without trying to.”

“E-eh? W-what do you mean?”

“I mean, think about it, yes you are kinda clumsy, kinda stupid, and really slow, but in little things, you make people’s heart flutter. In little things, you show that you care, somehow. Hmmm… You know what to say and to compliment someone. You make people so comfortable at you and make them laugh, until such time they will realize that they fell for you. And that was the part that hurts the most.”

I didn’t respond and just took everything she said in. Probably she hit the bull’s eye on that one. And it really hit the target, 100%. Because even when I act like I didn’t notice, a part of me really knows why people like me. I know it, and yet I didn’t want to claim it, or entertain the thought. Why? Because a part of me knows I am not here to stay anyway.

Like they say, feelings can easily change.

“It hurts… because people know what you have to offer at the same time. That you always make it clear that you are in it just to be friends and that you can’t accept the offer of people of companionship. You are not meant to stay. And that’s why I am partly apprehensive on liking you back too.”

That’s when Chorong unnie finally looked at me, straight into my eyes as if she wants to know something back. “You… you don’t even plan on being together with me, right?”

I turned my head, hoping that she will drop that question, in which she didn’t. “What nonsense are you talking about now, unnie?”

“No, Eunji, it’s true. You were always holding back something, even way before when we both know that something was going on between us. You were being apprehensive too, as if you are being careful around me. Yes, you are vocal with your feelings, but at the same time you are being reserved on it too. Tell me, did you even think of asking me out?”

I took a deep breath and answered her finally, “No. In fact, I was hoping it will vanish away, like my previous crushes. Why? Because I was scared. Or probably just because I am afraid of the complications. I don’t want to be in a relationship, a part of me is, because when I think of being with someone, I would keep on worrying. I freaking love you, unnie, but I was scared and was probably kinda wishing that you’ll wait for me too, until such time I am ready to speak up. However, our story ended without even a formal start. And all I can do is helplessly telling you about my feelings that were starting to crumble down inside me.”

There were a few moments of silence until such time she began to ask me one last thing.

“Is that why… why you didn’t tell Naeun the truth?”

I froze upon hearing the name. Lately, that’s happening to me. I just go weak whenever that name was