I did not expect her to take off her ring. I did not expect her to leave with Woohyun. And I did not expect her to leave me in such a dangerous state. She was too careless. She shouldn't have left. Why? Well, because I trashed my own home. I ripped down the photos on the wall, threw everything off the table, broke most of the chinaware, headed upstairs and did the same thing. I was a stupid mess and I was pretty sure I was still drunk but that's not a surprise.

I didn't go to work that day and I didn't even call in. I was sure my staff and Junhyung abused my phone but I didn't check because I went out to drink once again. I stayed at the bar until night fell but I didn't drink much. I cried most of the night, unable to take a sip because I was choking on my tears. I'm sure everyone was staring but I didn't notice.

Don't drink and cry. It's horrible.

It wasn't until morning of the next day I was rudely woken up by ruckus. I didn't really think it could have been a burglar because I was still out of it. But then again, what would a burglar take when I already trashed the place? Getting up with a big groan, I stomped over to Yuna's room where the noise was coming from and swung the door open. "Shut up!" I yelled with my eyes half open. I saw too blurry figures stand up so I rubbed my eyes to get a better look. "Jia..." I called, surprised she was even here. "What are you doing here?"

She took a couple steps towards me. "I need you to sign the divorce papers." It took me a couple seconds to register what she said and when I did, I was wide awake. "No."

Her face fell. "Why not?!"

"Because I don't want to." I turned and headed towards the washroom. Jia was yelling behind me but I blocked it out. My head hurt and her words gave me a bigger headache so I jumped into the shower with my clothes still on and the cold water. What she didn't know was, I already had the legal papers on hand. I signed it and everything. I just needed to get her signature but I was a jerk. After everything, I still wasn't able to let her go. She wasn't able to go through the divorce. Instead, I chose to trap her by legal means. She would be named a widow instead of a single mother.

Was the alcohol to blame or was it my greediness? Why was I so cruel? Why did I let her go through all of that? I thought I loved her...I thought I did.

And so as days passed, I still continued with the alcohol but I stopped bringing random ladies home. She was no longer living with me anymore so there was no reason to do so. Eventually, I realized my end was near. Now that Jia was gone, anything could happen without anyone realizing. I could have died by simply falling down the stairs, burn the house down with a stove fire or even get into a car crash while on my way to work. My death could have happened at any time and I wanted to get everything ready. I wanted to at least explain to my wife why I went crazy. I wanted to apologize a million times. I wanted to get those divorce papers in before my death certificate was produced.

It had been maybe two weeks since I last saw Jia and her parents called me, wanting to meet up with the three of us for a lunch date. So I called Jia and told her in the coldest way possible. I swear I never meant to. It just came out naturally. When we met at the restaurant, Jia looked better than she was when she was with me. She still looked tired but still, much better than I saw in a long time. "Daddy!" Yuna called excitedly from her stroller. She lifted her arms up so I could pick her up. My heart instantly shattered for my little girl. How long have I ignored her? When was the last time I held her? Why was she acting like none of it ever happened? Ignoring my internal thoughts, I picked her up and she immediately latched on to my neck. I watched as Jia's eyes widened, knowing the answers to my questions. "Will you behave in there while we eat with your grandparents?" I asked and she nodded.

Lunch with Jia's parents went well. We kept up the facade. Well, more like Jia kept up the facade. I wasn't acting in front of her parents. I gave Jia more sides because I was concerned about her diminishing health. I gave her my cup of water to calm down her coughing. I even wiped the corner of her lips because I didn't want her parents to think she was still a little girl.

Finally, I was able to take care of Jia like I wanted to. I didn't have to act like I wanted her out of my life in those precious two hours. It felt like a heavy weight just lifted off my but it was quickly dropped down once we exited the restaurant.

Her parents left right after while I decided to go on a stroll with my family. I decided that it would be my last chance to actually be the husband and dad I was before everything turned upside down. Jia also agreed to be with me for another hour because she claimed Yuna wouldn't stop crying for me.

I was also being selfish that day. I wanted this day to be her last memory of me because I was not planning to meet her again. I wasn't going to let her suffer because of me. After that day, I planned to submit those divorce papers and erase everything I have related to her. If someone were to find me dead in my house, hopefully no one would be contacted. So, I told Jia that we had to look like a couple in front of the parents that were at the park and for Yuna. Of course, she was hesitant but I was greedy and held her hand. She tried to pull away but soon gave up when I wouldn't let her go. A simple gesture such as holding hands made my heart pound. I couldn't remember the last time I held her hand. I felt like I was in high school again. I wish I could relive those moments again because they were the happiest couple of years I ever had in my life. I met a lovely girl and a good friend that I wish will be with her forever.

Soon enough, it was time to leave and Yuna didn't like it at all.

"No! I don't want to! I want to keep playing!" she whined.

"Yuna, we have to go. It's time for dinner. You can always go with me next time," said Jia.

"I don't want to go with you!" she cried. "I want to go with daddy!" I smiled and picked her up to put her back in her stroller, despite the cries and the kicking. "Now, don't say that to your mom. She'll go with you next time."

"When will I go with you?"

"...later."

We stopped at the traffic light and I decided it was a good time to leave. I didn't want to see where they currently lived. What if I did something stupid while I was drunk? "Jia," I called. She turned her head towards me and by impulse my eyes stared at her parted lips. I leaned towards her and gave her a small peck. "I love you." Her face immediately turned beat red and she looked somewhere else. I couldn't help but grin. When the traffic light turned to green, she awkwardly laughed and said, "Let's go," quickly trying to walk across the street.

I shook my head with a smile and was about to follow her but something caught my eye. I saw a car trying to beat the light and it was going too fast to stop in time. Without thinking, I pushed Jia and the stroller out of the way.

It was too early. It was way too early.

There were so many things I needed to do. I needed to sign the divorce papers; I needed to write a letter explaining my behaviour and I needed to ask Woohyun an important favour. I couldn't do any of that and my heart aches. It aches so much, just thinking about how Jia is. She witnessed me with different women, she cried herself to sleep and she took care of Yuna by herself when I was the one who promised to take care if her together. I did all that and then I confused her by feeding her, holding her hand and kissing her. I wasn't able to apologize to her at all.

God is cruel. He left her at her most vulnerable state. Or was it me that left her like that? He must be punishing me. I haven't once visited her in her dreams. Each second that pass by feels like a lifetime. All I know is, I'm trapped but somehow I am able to communicate to you. Although you don't speak, you listen and that's all I need. I wanted to tell you about my beautiful and tragic love story in hopes you're not stupid like me. Don't make your loved one hate you because you know you'll die whether it is from a fortune teller, a tumor or an incurable disease. Don't puncture a hole in their heart. Instead, love them. Love them like you've never loved before so there will be no regrets.

Also, have you ever wondered why I like Winnie the Pooh so much? It's because he has more wisdom than a man like me will ever have. He's a bear that knows more about friendship and love than I ever will. He could also say the cheesiest thing and everyone would still love him. I wanted my daughter to be like that bear. I wanted her to be wise, uphold close friendships and love like no other.

Unfortunately, I couldn't.

If I could tell Jia one last thing, it would be this: "How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." - Winnie the Pooh

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Yes, yes, yes. It's finally completed. For those who have been reading this, I hope you haven't been bored or frustrated. This is a more mature theme and for those who did enjoy, I'm glad you did! Thank you for keeping up with me! xoxo