I don’t have the ease of being able to give you my heart
I live every day beyond my strength
Each day is too much so I cry

When I woke I was alone. My face felt stiff and puffy from crying. It had been awhile since I last cried. My everyday frustration was sent over the edge when Nam Woohyun appeared in front of me. The man I almost married.

That was a part of my life only Sungyeol knew about. It was him who helped me find the courage to stand up for myself and escape from Woohyun's grasp.

"Are you awake yet?" I gasped and rolled over to find Sungyeol with a cup of coffee in his hand; lounging in one of my chairs. "I'm glad your butler likes me." He chuckled.

"You didn't leave?" I whispered, touched.

He looked up from his cup. "You said you didn't want to be alone. Besides, with all the crying you were doing I was worried what you'd do in my absence. Revenge isn't that far beneath you." He winked. I returned it with a tired smile.

"What would I do without you?"

"Be very lonely." He said it teasingly but we both knew it was the truth. Without Sungyeol I would just be an empty shell, a puppet waiting on my mother's command. I'd probably be married to Woohyun right now too. I shivered at the thought.

"So, your date with Sunggyu. How'd it go? Considering you came back in tears I'm sure you're never going to see him again."

"Woohyun. I saw Woohyun yesterday."

There wasn't much more I needed to say for him to understand why I was so distraught. Sungyeol's expression grew dark and I was almost afraid he was going to crush the glass mug. The air grew tense. He had to clench his jaw a few times before speaking.

"That monster dared to approach you?" He growled.

"Sunggyu helped me. I wasn't alone." I tried to reassure him but that just made his temper worse.

"Sunggyu?" He laughed. "Haeri, Sunggyu isn't any better than Woohyun. In the end he's just using you."

"That's what Woohyun said."

That brought Sungyeol up short. He swore under his breath. "Still..."

"I told Sunggyu I never wanted to see him again. I met his demand and now there was no reason for us to see each other. We each would live our lives like we had never met."

Sungyeol nodded approvingly. I felt sad at the thought. Even though we had only known each other for a few days Sunggyu felt like someone I would want to have as a friend.

"Hoya wants to practice today, Can you make time?"

I yawned and sat up. "I have a dinner tonight. We'll just have to practice a few hours before that. My mother is going to want me at the house today."

"What kind of dinner?"

"Some thing for charity. Though it's really just an excuse for everyone to dress up and flaunt their money. So tiring."

"Let me call Hoya." He walked out onto the balcony.

I took this opportunity to freshen up. Showered, changed, kept my face bare with only slight eyeliner to help minimize the puffiness of my face. Sungyeol was waiting for me just outside the gate. "It amazes me how skilled you've gotten at sneaking in."

He laughed and threw an arm around me. "It's easy when all the staff likes you. Though it does make me embarrassed when they give me approving looks because I spent the whole night in your room. Too bad reality was just you blubbering all over my new shirt."

"Yah!" I reached to smack him but he jumped away. "Come here!" The streets were filled with laughter as we chased each other. Sungyeol was always this to me. The one that could fill me with such joy and help me forget.

It was L's home we always practiced at. He was the only one with a full set up of drums and sound system.

They were all there. Dongwoo was tuning his bass and Hoya was in a corner doing vocal exercises. L was picking a few chords on his guitar.

Since my mother would freak if she found out I played an instrument, I had to keep my guitar hidden at this house. Because of that these practices were the only times I could pick it up. It was a beautiful hardcore guitar, black with light grey stripes running through it. I brushed my fingers over the strings.

Dongwoo came from behind and wrapped his arms around me. "So how was the date with the rich young chaebol?"

"Oh you know, stiff and boring. The usual." We laughed but I felt bad for saying it.

~

I wasn't one to ponder over a woman. Even now, the next day, her laughter, smile...kiss...were all fresh in my head. I got a chance to peak into her life, which is what I wanted. Just a glimpse so I would no longer be curious but it just made me hunger for more.

And yet, no matter what I tried to think of there was absolutely no reason for me to seek her out. I had asked her to meet me under the guise of keeping her secret, she met her end. Now I was tossing and turning; feeling unsatisfied.

"Oppa?" Jieun poked her head into my room. I lifted my arm up from over my eyes and encouraged her to come in. "Oppa?"

I sat up. "What is it?" The only time she came seeking me was when she wanted something.

Tears started to pool in her eyes. "Mom is setting up a marriage for me."

"What?"

"Oh Oppa!" She wailed and threw herself on me. "I don't want to get married! I thought you had to be first! As long as you remained single I thought I was safe!"

I thought that too.

"Do you know who it is?"

She shook her head. "I'm going to meet him tonight at the charity ball."

"That's good. I'll be there. It'll be okay." I lifted her face and wiped her tears away. "Let me talk to mother. Maybe I can get her to change her mind." She nodded.

"Omma." I knocked on her office and let myself in. She was leaning over some paperwork at the desk.

"If this is about your sister getting married I don't want to hear it. It's already set." She looked at me over her glasses. "They are to wed within a few months."

"Why are you rushing this?"

"We're going bankrupt Sunggyu. This family can help save us. Still, if you would have tried harder with the Moon family this wouldn't be happening."

"I went on another date with Moon Haeri." I hated myself for what I was about to say. "We're to see each other again tonight." Mother looked up in surprise. "We've already been on another date since the marriage meeting."

"I'm glad to hear you're finally taking responsibility for your family. But I'm still not cancelling your sister's marriage. She can be our safety net if your relationship fails."

~

Sweat dripped down the sides of my face. We had practiced hard for a few hours but I had to get back home and get ready for the ball.

"Want me to walk you?" Sungyeol asked after I packed up my guitar.

"Sure!"

I said my goodbyes to the boys and promised I'd make it to tomorrow night's concert.

At first we walked in silence. My thoughts were heavy with Sunggyu and Woohyun. Fear filled me with the chance I'd see either of them tonight. I wanted to see neither, but one was preferable over the other.

"What will you do tonight if you run into Woohyun?"

"Right now he thinks I'm dating Sunggyu, so I hope that means he won't be too much trouble."

"Why would he think that? Just because he saw you two together?" Sungyeol looked over at me.

"Well....there is the fact that we....kissed."

Sungyeol yanked me around. "You what?" I had never seen Sungyeol's eyes so intense.

"I initiated it. Only to throw Woohyun off." I ducked down. Somehow I felt like I had done Sungyeol wrong.

"Is that all?" His grip began to loosen.

"I promise that's all it was."

"Still, I don't like it." Then he really wouldn't like the fact that Sunggyu kissed me back.

"Come on!" I tugged on him to lighten the mood. "Help me pick out a dress for tonight!"

"I have a bad feeling."

"Don't be ridiculous. There's going to be a ton of media there and no one wants a scandal."

Sungyeol didn't say much after that but I knew what he meant, I had a bad feeling too.

_____________