"The shock of any trauma,
I think changes your life.
It's more acute in the beginning
and after a little time you settle back to what you were.
However it leaves an indelible mark on your psyche."
- Alex Lifeson

Dalnim (11 years ago)

A crash, metal screeching, hysteria spreading – Dalnim, though, felt incredibly calm.

Then a loud splashing sound, blood-curdling screams.

Water.

Water everywhere.

Water freezing her body and filling her lungs, yet Dalnim was calm.

Darkness embraced her like a velvety, soft blanket as she watched everyone else screaming without sound, their mouths forming hysteric words that got swallowed by the sea.

Someone grabbed Dalnim's shoulder; it would have been painful if her skin wouldn't already have been numb from the low temperature.

Eyes big as saucers urged her to move, but she didn't care.

Her vision slowly started to blur out and turn black on the edges, but not before she turned her head to the side. Next to her, she stared into a face that looked just like her own, with eyes shaped like almonds and pouty, pink lips,, that were slowly turning a pale blue from the cold and the lack of oxygen.

It could have been her reflection in the mirror, except that the girl she was looking at seemed panicked, her eyes ripped open and red from the tiny blood vessels that had burst from her silent screams.

Dalnim extended her tiny hand to touch the other girl's cheek, brushing it softly to make her calm down. The other girl grabbed it, clutching it to her own chest. Her breathing became ragged, less and less bubbles escaping her lips as her grip tightened around Dalnim's fingers even more. The girl's eyes were still full of fear, so Dalnim gave her a soft look; she tried telling her that everything was going to be fine, that she wasn't alone and that they would go through this together.

All together.

Their whole family would eventually die together, and go to heaven together.

Together forever.

No more bubbles formed from her twin sister's lips, for they were pressed in a tight line, the corners curling up into a smile. Good, Dalnim thought, she understood.

Dalnim watched her sister's eyes roll to the back, only the whites showing, and she knew that it was time. Time to let go. She held the cool hand in hers tighter and smiled as she closed her eyes, ready to follow her everywhere she went. A silent tear built in her eye, immediately mingling with the salt water surrounding her, lulling her into a dark, comforting void.

The peace didn't hold for long, though, for she was brutally ripped back into the blazing cold, her eyes flashing open and her gaze frantically searching for her sister, who looked lifeless.

No. No, this wasn't right! She should be with her sister.

Dalnim fought against whatever force was pulling her out of the car; out of the loose grasp of the only person that mattered.

With her last strength, Dalnim let out a scream that hurt her chest as she watched her sister's hand drop in her own lap, landing palm facing up, not a single life sign visible.

She screamed and screamed, the voice drowned by the masses of water around her, until she passed out, the void taking over her.

Dalnim

It felt like that day all over again.

For the first few seconds, Dalnim fought.

She fought against it, she tried to keep her chin above the surface of the water that pulled at her feet so diligently, trying to keep her in its deathly embrace like all those years ago.

Then, it hit her mind.

She escaped its grip then, but now it wanted her back for good. She actually could be with her family.

She could be with her sister.

The only person that mattered.

Within a split-second, Dalnim stopped moving her limbs, and she started to sink, her surroundings becoming darker with every inch she neared the bottom of the ocean.

The face of her twin flashed before her eyes; the way her panicked eyes turned peaceful and her lips curled into a smile as she clutched Dalnim's hand to her chest. She missed her so much.

But then, other faces started to appear behind her closed eyelids.

Hoseok. Seokjin, Yoongi. Namjoon. Her new family. The people that saved her from herself and gave her a purpose after she lost everything.

Jimin. Taehyung. Jungkook.

Suddenly her eyes fluttered open against the darkness of the depth and she started fighting against it. Fighting against the weight pulling her down, trying to push herself up, but the cold stiffened her muscles, making it hard for her to even move.

Hoseok, Seokjin, Yoongi, Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook.

She repeated the names endlessly in her mind as she tried to break through the surface.

Hoseok.

Seokjin.

The water around her got a little brighter around her and her determination reached its peak as her hands broke through the surface, and she just hoped that somebody would help her.

Hoseok.

Then, out of nowhere, a pair of arms slung around Dalnim's waist and she clutched to them for her dear life. She felt that she was being dragged upwards and soon, her face broke through the water and into the cold air, vulnerable to its icy cuts, but she didn't care.

She wasn't dead, and that was all that mattered.

Just like back then, she passed out, but this time with a thankful smile on her lips.

Jungkook.

Jungkook

Jungkook collapsed onto the shore, grabbing tightly onto Dasom's soaked and cold body. He gasped for air and his hearing was muffled from the water in his ears.

It felt like he was watching the scene from far away, as Jimin and Taehyung knelt down in the sand next to Dasom's still body. Jungkook noticed just then that her eyes were closed and her chest wasn't moving. At all.

He didn't know what to do. He couldn't move, couldn't think. All he did was stare at the lifeless body of the girl he had just dragged out of the freezing cold water. Why wasn't she breathing? Why wasn't he doing anything?

A loud voice rang in his ears, but he couldn't focus on it. Was it Jimin? Or Taehyung? He didn't care. All he cared for were the sickly blue lips in front of him, and the fact that there was no breath coming out of them.

Panic froze him in place and on the inside he was shaking, but he felt paralyzed, betrayed by his own body.

“Yah! Jungkook!” The voice ringing in his ears almost hurt and he flinched, finally ripping his eyes from Dasom. “Do something!”

Taehyung was yelling at him, telling him things he didn't understand because he felt utterly overwhelmed. What was he supposed to do? It was like he had forgotten everything he had ever learned about CPR and his helplessness scared him.

Taehyung suddenly shove him away urgently, yelling words at him that didn't make sense. Jungkook simply backed away. He backed away until he hit solid rock and he collapsed in himself.

His eyes fixed the hectic scenery and it seemed like the time had slowed down with his heart racing in his chest. He saw Jimin letting himself fall next to Dasom in the sand with his phone pressed to his ear, speaking to someone, then lifting his eyes to talk to Taehyung, who answered with a curt nod before pinching Dasom's nose shut and tilting her head back.

Jungkook saw Taehyung take a few deep breaths before bending down and pressing his lips onto Dasom's blue ones, breathing air into her lungs a few times. Jimin talked to his friend again, probably giving him instructions. Taehyung straightened his back and then placed his hands on Dasom's chest pressing down a few times, when an ugly cracking sound cut through the night, making Jungkook flinch. One of her ribs broke under the pressure.

Taehyung repeated the whole procedure again and again.

A sudden touch on his shoulder snapped Jungkook out of his out-of-body-experience, and his eyes that were as wide as saucers fixed on Jimin, who was crouching in front of him.

“Jungkook! Jungkook, do you hear me?” he asked, his voice urgent.

“I....I....” Jungkook stuttered, fright making his tongue too heavy to form words.

What if she doesn't wake up, he thought to himself.

“I'm so sorry...” he whispered, and like a punch into the face, his surroundings started beating in on him.

The cold, his body freezing to the bones, his clothes clinging to his shaking body, the touch of his best friend.

Unbelievable guilt.

“I'm sorry. So sorry. I'm sorry” he repeated over and over again like a mantra.

Jimin shook his body and searched for his eyes, but Jungkook's empty gaze fixed Dasom again.

Then, her body shook underneath Taehyung's hand and she opened , unleashing a flood of water on herself. Jimin immediately bolted over to her, helping her into a sitting position, as she coughed up more and more liquid from her lungs.

Taehyung collapsed onto his , his arms resting on his knees. His face was a mixture of relief and pure horror and Jungkook saw a tear slip from his friend's eye.

The sound of the waves crashing overtook his hearing and he stared at his friends. They did everything for the girl he liked, and all he did was chicken out, too scared to even move a toe. The guilt overran Jungkook's thinking and he wished they had never come.

Red and blue flashing lights colored the beach and the shrill sound of sirens snapped Jungkook out of his guilt trance. The ambulance. Two paramedics rushed over with a stretcher. Jimin helped them place Dasom's lifeless body on it, and as they loaded her in the back of the ambulance, Taehyung jumped in with her.

At the sound of the doors slamming shut, Jungkook finally regained control over his body and he bolted to his feet, dashing towards the ambulance that was already slowly taking off. There was no way Jungkook would let them leave without him,

“Stop!” he yelled, his voice breaking from desperation.

He was held back by a pair of arms slinging around him, and he smashed into the body of Jimin with a sudden force.

“Jungkook” he whispered. “Jungkook, stop. We'll follow them, I promise, but let them go now. For her!”

At his best friend's last two words, his body collapsed. He slumped into Jimin's embrace and it felt like all wells were breaking. Tears were running down his cheeks and there was no holding back.

“Jimin, I'm so sorry” he cried, the sobs rippling through his body violently. “I'm so sorry.”

“Jungkook” Jimin repeated, his voice gentle and soft as he rubbed his back. “It's fine; she will be fine. Jungkook, you saved her!”

“No. I did nothing. Nothing!” Jungkook yelled, the sudden burst of anger surprising both himself and Jimin. “I did nothing and she would have been dead, Jimin! I'm ing worthless!”

Jungkook watched his friend's eyes turn sad in helplessness. He knew Jimin only wanted the best for him – but he didn't deserve it. He deserved to feel all the pain; the guilt lashing at him like a whip.

In the distance, a bunch of nosy bystanders stopped and stared at the drenched boy who yelled at the top of his lungs in the middle of the night. They had been drawn to the beach by the sirens, curious about what had happened.

As Jungkook felt their stares in his back, he snapped his neck around, facing them with bare rage in his eyes.

“ off” he yelled at them angrily, his voice cutting through the stillness of the night. “The show is over!”

Jimin instantly wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulder, hurrying to get him away from the beach.

“Jungkook” he murmured. “Keep it together, for now at least. We'll go to the hospital now.”

Jungkook gave away under the soothing words, letting his shoulders and head hang; and allowing Jimin to drag him away.

He never wanted to go to the beach ever again.

Dalnim

Slowly, Dalnim was awaking from her deep slumber, tangling in her blankets and trying to erase the past nightmare by rubbing the images out of her tired eyes.

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