Sorry about the late update. It's been a little hectic. Anyway, be prepared for this angsty chapter. Thanks for reading!

Jongin's heart is pounding furiously as he dances. He doesn't even notice the music anymore. It's just the pounding of his pulsing blood in his ears. Step. Turn. Body roll. He does familiar routines, but it's just not right. Nothing's right. His eyes don't need to be open to know how jerky and disconnected his movements are because he can feel it. The distraction of his dancing isn't working. He's not working. 

But he keeps at it. It's the only thing that can possibly be a distraction when everything is wrong.

Yifan and Luhan are gone.

Tao's leaving.

Taemin is avoiding him.

Kyungsoo is pushing him away.

Every little thing is tearing him apart. His inability to dance properly, his confusing emotions about Taemin, the sorrow of losing members, and Kyungsoo's actions towards him. All of it weighs him down and tears him apart piece by piece. It's all encompassing and suffocating. Everything is like a dagger to his heart, and he can't stop thinking. He can't lose himself and his emotions. Normally dancing makes his mind blank. There's nothing but the music and his body. But not now.

Now, it's everything. It's every memory of laughter, every tear he's ever cried, every sting of rejection. All of it's at the boiling point and Jongin can't hold any of it back anymore. A swirl of anger, heartache, bitterness, and sorrow overtake him as he tries to follow the choreography he's known ever since he debuted. He can't feel the music, he can't lose himself in their beats. The movements are worse than he's ever performed them. 

He botched the entire song. He knows it. He can't even bring himself to meet his own gaze in the full length mirror.

He's never been so disappointed in himself before. He can't take this, so he turns the music up louder and does it again. And again. And again.

Nothing changes. He doesn't feel better; he feels a thousand times worse. His body is protesting against the overexertion, and he can't seem to ignore it like normal. He doesn't realize it, but tears are starting to mix themselves with the sweat dripping down his face. 

He changes the song and tries again. Even though it's a different routine, he's not doing any better. As a matter of fact, he's making mistakes he's never made before. His fists clench and he tries to find his rhythm again, desperate now. If he can't dance the pain away, what will he do? He needs this. So he does the dance again.

This time's even worse than the last, and he's overwhelmingly and uncontrollably angry. He's angry at everything and nothing at the same time. He impulsively turns on his heels and punches his fist into the wall as hard as he can. His knuckles sting, but the wall doesn't cave under his wrath. 

Jongin feels so trapped, so suffocated in there. He's never felt this way before, and before he even knows what he's doing, he's out of the studio and the door closes behind him with a slam. His feet take him to the one place that has never failed to make him feel better. The rooftop. 

As the heavy metal door opens, Jongin is immediately struck by the weather. Rain pounds against his skin so hard that it stings. It's dumping down from the cloudy black sky above. He doesn't care about it, though, because the distraction is more than welcome. He debates about just sitting there, but he knows he's too restless for it. So he starts dancing. The rain makes him think of Baby Don't Cry, so he doesn't think. He just dances. 

He feels so free, so fluid. Everything that was going wrong in the studio isn't touching him here. Up here, he's himself. He's not putting on a show for anyone. He doesn't have to be flawless and perfect or smile the right way. The dancing feels almost euphoric in the pouring rain. The roar of the rain drowns out his thoughts, and it's the sweet distraction he's needed this entire time.

Hours pass. The weather still doesn't let up, and neither does he. But his dancing is still suffering. He's slowly losing it again. He knows logically that he's at his limit and he needs to rest but he can't stop. If he stops, he'll have to feel again. The physical soreness of his calves is a much easier pain to deal with. So he keeps dancing. 

Even as the sky grows lighter and the clouds thin, he's still dancing. He decides that he'll dance just one more song.

So he starts the choreography, and immediately he knows something is wrong, and it's not his emotions. His knee feels strange, like the bones are grinding against each other. He shrugs it off and pushes on. This is the last song anyway, and he won't quit now.

But when a sickening crack fills the air, he's suddenly hit with overwhelming pain and staggers backwards. He trips and falls, whimpering in pain.

For a moment, everything goes entirely black. He opens his eyes wondering when they even closed. Everything is fuzzy and his head suddenly aches like someone took a hammer to it. His body is unnaturally sluggish as he tries to sit up. All he can think is what happened?  

When he finally achieves his task, overwhelming fatigue brings his eyes closed. He feels dizzy and disoriented. He can't tell which way is up or down. 

And then he feels the ground again. His cheek is pressed against the cold wet concrete and he's terrified to find that he can't even move properly. His arms feel weak and his knee is killing him. He musters the strength to roll onto his back and he frantically feels around his pockets for his phone. He tries to ignore the pounding inside his skull as he attempts to sit up again. He immediately collapses back down to the ground. His last thoughts are filled with panic before he blacks out again. 

...

Kyungsoo wakes up with Joonmyun's arms still around him. For the first time in weeks, he feels truly comfortable. His heart feels lighter now, like he's finally starting to sort through himself. It feels great, for once, to not feel burdened by his feelings for Jongin.

He doesn't want to move away from Joonmyun because he's so warm and he feels safe where he is, but he does want to do something to thank him for comforting him last night. So he wiggles out of his hyung's grip and with the intention of making breakfast. He watches Joonmyun sleep for a few moments, and a small smile creeps up on his features. He's so grateful for his presence last night. For all of it, really. Joonmyun's been there for him a lot lately.

He notices the empty bed across the room and for once doesn't feel anguished. If anything, he feels reassured. Jongin will come back when he's ready, he thinks. He walks out of the room silently and heads to the kitchen. He just barely is getting started when Joonmyun groggily comes out of the room and offers to help. Kyungsoo stubbornly refuses. Eventually, Joonmyun settles for just chatting with him while he works. 

Soon breakfast is done and all of the other members are stumbling out of their rooms wondering what smells so good. Kyungsoo secretly loves making food for the group, even though he pretends to complain. He really does love how much they appreciate his cooking. Not that he'd ever voice that, though. 

He dishes everybody up and realizes he over cooked. He usually makes breakfast for Jongin, too, so there's more food than necessary. He tries to ignore the unsettling feeling he gets at Jongin's absence and focuses on the conversation everyone is having. It's light; none of them really want to talk about the most recent news about Tao. And Kyungsoo thinks that this is okay, because honestly, they each absorb things at their own pace. 

So he jokes around and goes with the lighthearted demeanor as they enjoy the food. Today is another day off to relax, and they all disperse after an hour or so to do their own things. Soon, it's just Joonmyun and Kyungsoo in the kitchen. Kyungsoo usually cleans up alone, but today, he has help.

Joonmyun and him just talk about simple things. Clothes, plans for the day. It's nice and easy. He doesn't have to overthink his responses to hide his feelings, and he enjoys spending time with him. So they decide to go out for coffee. They continue talking about anything and everything. Kyungsoo can't remember the last time he felt so carefree. Before he knows it, it's three in the afternoon. 

But Joonmyun doesn't suggest going back. Quite the contrary, actually. He suggests going to see a movie in theaters. Since Kyungsoo doesn't want this to end, he goes along with it. The two of them end up watching a ridiculous romantic comedy (one of the only things playing at the time.) It actually has them laughing, and both of them are in a content mood once it's over.

It's almost seven in the evening when they get back to the dorm. It's quiet since most of the members are still out. Joonmyun asks Kyungsoo to teach him a recipe for dinner, and the two of them text everyone (except Baekhyun, who was back before them) to ask them if they want dinner with them or if they have other plans.

"Sure," Baekhyun replies. Normally he's cheery, but everything with Tao has him pretty down. "Thanks. I'll be in my room, okay?"

Joonmyun nods sympathetically. "Okay. We'll come get you when it's ready." 

Baekhyun smiles briefly before going down the hall. Kyungsoo checks his phone for replies from the rest of the group. Everyone replies except Jongin, and ice creeps into his veins. "Hold on a sec," he tells Joonmyun. He makes his way to their bedroom, and finds Jongin's phone right where Kyungsoo left it after speaking to Taemin the night before. 

Surely he would have come back by now, right? Kyungsoo panics, and immediately looks to Jongin's closet. It doesn't appear to have been touched since yesterday.

It's been almost twenty four full hours since the last time can remember seeing him, and now he's incredibly worried. "Joonmyun," he says nervously when he reenters the kitchen. 

"What is it?" he asks, immediately noticing the change in the air.

"I don't think Jongin's come back yet," he answers uneasily. His heart is beating faster than it was a few minutes ago. 

"Have you text him yet?" Joonmyun asks, remaining calm. 

"He left his phone here yesterday. It's in the same place that I moved it to... And the room looks untouched, too." Stay calm, stay calm.

"I'll call the guys and see if they've seen him," Joonmyun says softly. He pats his shoulder gently and smiles as if he's trying to reassure him. "Hey, relax, okay? He's probably at the studio."

"For twenty four hours without showering, his cell phone, or a change of clothes?" he speculates aloud. His brow creases as he tries to recall every detail he can about when Jongin left. He only had a thin sweatshirt to protect him from the crazy rain they had last night. 

"I'll admit, it does sound weird. I'll ask some of the other guys. Why don't you ask Baekhyun if he's seen him?" Joonmyun asks, still trying to maintain a calm composure, but he can tell that he's worried, too. 

He goes down the hall and tries to stop his hand from shaking. He knocks on the door, and a few moments later, Baekhyun opens it. "Wow, that was fast," he says. "What did you make?"

"Dinner's not done yet. We haven't even started... but have you seen or spoken to Jongin since yesterday?" Kyungsoo asks, keeping his face neutral. 

Baekhyun takes a moment to think it over. "Now that you mention it... no, I haven't. Did he pull a vanishing act again?" he asks half serious, half joking.

"I'm worried, though. I haven't seen him since this time yesterday," Kyungsoo answers, doing his best to remain calm. He has such a bad feeling about this, though, and he can't seem to shake it off.

"Well, hopefully he's just asleep in the dance studio," Baekhyun says, nudging his shoulder. "I'll ask around, too. Have you guys tried Taemin yet?"

Kyungsoo shakes his head. "Not yet. I'd do it myself, but... I'm not very comfortable with him."

Baekhyun thankfully doesn't comment. He just pulls his phone out and scrolls through his contacts. He taps the right one, and Kyungsoo's thankful he can hear the ringing on the other end of the line.

"Hello?" Taemin answers, probably wondering why Baekhyun would be calling him.

"Hey, Taemin... I was just calling to see if you've heard from Jongin lately?" he asks casually. Baekhyun doesn't really seem all that worried.

There's a heavy pause on the other end of the line and Kyungsoo wonders why. Did Jongin and him fight? That doesn't seem likely. Those two never ignore each other. Kyungsoo knows that Jongin can't stay mad at him for very long... and he hardly ever gets mad at Taemin. "Uh... no. As a matter of fact, I've been expecting a call from him since yesterday. Why do you ask?" Taemin sounds pretty nervous, too.

"We haven't seen him since yesterday is all," he replies easily. "And he's not answering his phone, either." Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo for approval at his guess. 

"He actually left it here last night," Kyungsoo corrects quietly. 

"Ah, actually, I just found out he left it here," he says.

"Oh... and he still hasn't picked it up?" Taemin asks, worry evident in his tone. "He should have come back by now. Are you sure he didn't?"

Kyungsoo nods tensely while Baekhyun replies. "We're positive. Do you think he's at the studio?"

"I'll go check," Taemin says immediately. "He and I need to talk anyway. I'll let you know if I find him."

"Okay, thank you, Taemin-ah," Baekhyun says, nervousness finally making its way into him, too. 

"You're welcome. Bye," he answers before he hangs up.

The two of them share an intense look. "Something's wrong," Kyungsoo says in the quiet of the room. "This isn't like Jongin. He would have at least checked in with us by now." 

"You're right. Let's go see if Joonmyun has anything," he replies, worry scrunching up his forehead. He gently bites his lower lip. If Baekhyun wasn't worried before, he's definitely worried now.

The two of them walk out to the kitchen where Joonmyun stands, frowning at his phone. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun don't even need to ask before he says, "Nobody's seen him." 

It's Kyungsoo's worst nightmare. Jongin is missing. He paces the kitchen floor anxiously while Baekhyun fills Joonmyun in his conversation with Taemin. 

"I guess there's nothing to do but wait," Joonmyun says nervously. Even he is worried and he's usually able to keep calm. 

The three of them sit in thick silence, unsure of what to do in this situation. 

…

Taemin has had a bad feeling about this ever since Jongin hadn't picked up his call yesterday. All day, he's kept himself busy but nothing's been enough to distract him. The whole thing kept bugging him. Jongin never ignores his calls, and he thinks that by two in the afternoon, Jongin would have found his phone and called.

But he didn't. 

So Taemin worried that he did something wrong, but he honestly couldn't think of what it could have been. Missing his calls while he was asleep the other day just doesn't seem like enough to justify this. He's been distracted thinking about this all day. 

Not even going out to dinner with the rest of SHINee pulled him from his thoughts. They all asked what was wrong, of course, but he couldn't even put it into words. Instead of lying, he just said just that. To which he was smothered by his overprotective band mates. 

Nothing was enough to distract him. So when Baekhyun called him, he panicked. His worries intensified drastically. 

Since he hates feeling useless, he jumped into his car and immediately left.

Now he's sitting in his car and trying to think logically. Jongin must have been really upset yesterday (and Taemin still has no idea why). If he was upset, the dance studio is logical. He's always there whenever he needs to unwind or distract himself. He has to be there. Nowhere else makes sense. 

Even though he knows that Jongin probably just lost track of time and is probably curled up on the floor asleep, he still has a bad taste in his mouth. He usually trusts his instincts, so he's feeling super on edge about the whole situation. He's unable to calm down.

As he hits a red light, he impatiently taps his fingers against the steering wheel. He doesn't have the patience for this right now. He heaves a sigh of exasperation seconds before the light turns green. A few minutes later, he arrives at the studio and runs in to find Jongin. He has a weird sense of deja vu when he approaches the dance studio. He pushes the door open and expects to see him either dancing or asleep, but finds neither.

Jongin's jacket is tossed haphazardly over the chair in the corner, and Taemin's heart pounds as he walks over to it. He picks it up, and it's unsurprisingly lacking Jongin's warmth, meaning he left it here some time ago. With it in hand, he goes to check the bathrooms. Empty. His heart starts beating quicker. 

Now he's extremely worried. Nobody just disappears. His still pounding heart sounds louder behind his eardrums until he sees a manager. "Have you seen Kai of EXO around?" he asks quickly, trying to act cool.

"Not since yesterday evening, no," he answers with an upturned eyebrow. "What's this about?"

Taemin's lip trembles and he says, "Nothing. Thank you!" He hopes that the manager can't see through the lie, and he storms back over to the dance studio, hoping that he'll magically be there this time. He isn't, of course, but Taemin can't help the childish hope. He paces the room back and forth and thinks.

Where else would Jongin go?

His mind keeps coming up blank, adding to his frustration. After a few minutes of coming up with nothing, he suddenly remembers that Jongin liked to dance on the rooftop when it was too stuffy in the studio. He all but runs up the stairs leading to the rooftop and slams the door open. His heart still beats loudly in his ears, and he looks around until his eyes focus on something that makes ice flood his veins and stop cold. 

"Jongin?!" he cries as he runs over to a heap on the ground. When he gets closer, he knows instantly that it is his best friend. His head is slack against the concrete and his legs are bent in a way that wouldn't be comfortable for sleeping. "Jongin?" he asks, gently touching his shoulder, trying to tell himself that he's only sleeping. 

No response.

"Jongin?" he asks desperately. His voice is trembling now. He looks over one more time and ice freezes his heart when he notices the dried blood in Jongin's hair. Immediately, he cradles his head and looks at the wound. His hands shake while he examines the damage. It looks like he fell and hit his head on something sharp. His eyes glance around the area frantically and then he sees it, not even two feet away. An air conditioning vent... and the corner has blood on it.

His heart pounds as he gently lays his head back down. He takes a good look at the younger's face. His normally healthy glow is nowhere to be seen. His skin looks pale and washed out. His lips, too, look dull from lack of proper blood flow. He brushes his cheek, hoping that his eyes will flutter open and everything will be okay. "Jongin, please wake up," he whispers, biting his lower lip in tension. "Jongin, please." When he receives no response, he pulls out his phone and dials for an ambulance with shaking fingers.

"What is your emergency?"

"I found Kim Jongin unconscious at the rooftop of the SM Entertainment building. It looks like he hit his head on a vent... and it's bleeding. He's probably been here for a few hours..." he rambles, hoping it all makes sense to the operator he's speaking to. He knows he's going a little too fast, but he can't control it. He's so worried, and sort of in shock. He's never been through something like this before. 

"Okay, an ambulance will be there soon."

Taemin wastes no time in hanging up. He lays Jongin's discarded jacket over him. When his hands come in contact with his skin, though, he realizes that Jongin's going to need a lot more than just that. He takes off his own jacket and lays that over him, too. His lip is trembling as he takes Jongin's hand in his own. He's so cold. It's unlike him; Jongin's always warm. 

A single tear cascades down his cheek, but he's too in shock to notice. He desperately looks over Jongin one more time, trying to make sense of what happened. He wouldn't just fall. Something had to have happened to make him fall. 

Then he notices the swollen knee. His heart thumps in his rib cage, wild with worry. Taemin wants nothing more than to hold him and make sure he's okay, but he doesn't want to risk moving him. "Oh god, Jongin, please be okay. Please be okay." He doesn't even know what he'd do if Jongin doesn't wake up. 

Taemin's breathing is shallow, and his heart is pounding against his chest. He's never been this nervous and unsettled before. This whole thing is so unexpected and sudden that he can't think clearly. 

He squeezes Jongin's fingers in his own. "Please wake up, Jongin. Please," he whispers. Seeing him like this is ruining him. He can't take it. It's just so incredibly wrong. Jongin doesn't deserve any of this. His heart aches worse than any of the times he's broken down before. Unrequited love has nothing on this. This is so much worse than he could have imagined.

Taemin cannot do anything to help him. He can only plead for him to wake up and squeeze his fingers. All of it is so out of his hands, and it's unnerving him. Each time he looks at Jongin's unconscious face, it's like a little piece of his heart is ripped out of his chest. 

He remembers that he's supposed to call Baekhyun back, but now he doesn't know what to say. He's too wrapped up in worry to think clearly.

"Jongin, please wake up." His voice is so desperate that it scares him. "Jongin, please wake up. I love you. Please just open your eyes."

Even though the words are streaming without any real thought on his part, he means them. He knows that he loves Jongin and he has for years. Maybe ever since they slept together in the studio as trainees. But now, all the barriers that previously held him back have come crashing down. He doesn't want to hold it back, either. He wants to be able to love Jongin openly. He can deal with the repercussions later as long as Jongin is healthy and awake. That's all that matters to him. 

"Jongin, you need to be okay," he whispers, still reeling in shock over the situation. It's so surreal that he feels like it's all just a horrible nightmare. "I love you so much. Come back to me. Please." He bends down and kisses the cold hand in his with trembling lips. He pulls back and can't bring himself to look at his face.

His heart races when he finally hears the ambulance. They rush open the door to the rooftop with a gurney and a handful of medical workers. Taemin's instantly relieved, but he's still extremely tense as he watches them work. They lift him up and place him on the gurney, carefully minding his head. One of the medical workers comes up to him and asks him questions that are so incredibly hard to answer.

"How long has he been here?" she asks, looking directly at Taemin.

"I don't know," he replies thickly. It scares him how little he actually knows about the situation. Jongin could have been here since this time yesterday, and he wouldn't have a clue. The thought frightens him because he should have known. He should have gone looking for him sooner. They've never gone this long without talking before. He feels an enormous amount of guilt. He knows logically that there was nothing he could have done, but his heart disagrees. "If I had to guess... I'd say since sometime yesterday."

"Why didn't someone come looking for him sooner?"

Taemin really doesn't want to answer this. His eyes are locked on Jongin as they take him down stairs. He finds it hard to think of a reply when he's being moved away from him. His hand is shaking as he rakes it through his hair. "I think he was upset yesterday, and... when he's upset, he loses track of time. Everyone just thought that's what happened." He swallows worriedly because Jongin is now out of his sight. He wants nothing more than to be at his side. 

"Thank you for answering. Would you like to ride in the back of the ambulance?" she asks, probably sensing his anxiety at being away from Jongin.

"Yes, thank you." He doesn't wait for her answer as he dashes back down the stairs. He catches up to them and his heart pounds against his chest at the sight. They're lifting him into the ambulance, and he's still just as unconscious as before. He climbs in after all the EMTs and wishes that he could hold his hand. Jongin still looks so pale and it frightens him. Jongin is always lively and flushed. He's always warm. This couldn't be more wrong. 

He bites his lower lip to keep it from trembling. He doesn't want to lose it. Not here, not now. He focuses on his breathing to keep himself calm. He needs to call Baekhyun back. He and the rest of EXO need to know what's happening. He pulls out his phone and scrolls through his contacts. With shaky hands, he finds the number he's looking for. He taps it and takes another deep breath.

"Taemin? Have you found him?" Baekhyun asks urgently, clearly worried for his band mate.

"I... I found him. He... he was unconscious on the SM rooftop..." he says quietly. He's struggling to find the words to describe the situation. He still can't quite grasp it himself, much less explain it to someone else. 

He can hear the sharp gasp on the other end of the line. "Oh my god. Is he okay? Did you call an ambulance?" 

He takes a deep breath before answering. "Yes... I called an ambulance. They say that he should be okay, but they don't know why he won't wake up." He pauses to collect himself once more. "We're on our way to the hospital now."

"We'll be there soon," Baekhyun answers before ending the call. 

Taemin puts his phone in his pocket and buries his face in his hands. It's a long drive to the hospital, and he knows it's going to be an even longer night.

Thank you all so much for reading this! It means a lot. I'm still surprised at the response I've received from this. It was so much more than I was expecting! Anyway, for those who are interested, I've posted a Baekyeol angsty oneshot called "Sand Through the Hourglass." You can read it here if you're interested! (There's side Taekai, too.)