Its our second last day in Shanghai, before we leave, the professor in their local university wanted to treat us few to high class dim sum.

"They said its the third floor, there's nothing here!" Hyejin complaint. This hotel was too huge, we lost our way trying to find the location of the restaurant in the hotel.

"you want to check a level up? I still think its nit here Hyejin." I argued back, trusting my instinct.

"Ah," she pointed out to the cleaner in the hallway. "I'll check with him." she walks towards the cleaner who seems to be busy picking up stuff off the floor. Only the back was facing us.

"Chogiyo  ahjusshi, ah ani.. Uncle! Can help us juseyo?" She spoke in broken English. "Uncle.." She walk nearer to him and I followed suit.

The uncle stood up, oh he is tall. He turns around... Mother of #$@%...

"TOP-" Hyejin paused.

"Ahjusshi?haha, yes may I help?" He laughed. He looked at Hyejin then landed his eyes on me, and as if he was surprised to see me. He might know about Jiyong and I too, since he was at the practice room.

"Uh.. Uh..." Hyejin was far from speechless.

"Do you know where's the Chinese restaurant?" I ask instead.

"Dae," he came closer to the both of us. "Turn right after that corner, it's right inside." He pointed.

"Khamsahamida." I bowed, hesitating if I should ask about- wait, why should I even ask about him. I shouldn't be even thinking about Jiyong.

"You know he's actually an idiot." Top chuckled. I was rather surprise, can he actually read my mind?

"He told me everything. It's okay since we're all adults here. But he's my friend and I can't stand seeing how disorientated these days, like a crooked person. I can only do much, but I'm counting on you." Top continued.

"Me? I don't get it, what about Dara?"

"Its so obvious that the girl kn the picture doesn't look dara. If we could tell, why not the fans? You are still mysterious." he smiled sheepishly.

"I don't get it..."

"He doesn't too, trust me. I bet he doesn't even know what he's doing."

All of a sudden I felt encouraged, all of a sudden that dying hope spark back to life. All of a sudden I regretted pushing him away. Everything becomes clear now;  we were chasing each other, reluctant yet scared.

"You have to be quick tho, he's now back in Korea for his schedule but we're preparing for our world tour already. By then, it's even harder to see him, better yet chance to get him back. It's up to you." He gently smiled.

As he took a step, he stop by Hyejin's side and tilted his face towards her.

"I heard you're a really big fan. Want a picture together?" He smirked. Hyejin's face instantly turns red, she looks at me and back at him. I shouldered her near him. After the hasty photo with nervous Hyejin, TOP ruffled Hyejin's hair and walked off Cooly.

Hyejin turned to me, expressions so wide I could tell her happiness bout to explode.

"I'm never going to wash this head again."

____________

Call.. Not to call.. Call...

I came back from Shanghai a few days back and TOP's words have been stuck in my head since: I stared at my phone for a long time. I needed to talk to him. I want him back. But how am I even going to start off? I don't even have the courage right now.

My fingers trembled at the call button.
AISH FORGET IT. I really can't do it. No, I have to. It's now or never. I ready my fingers at the call button. A moment of tension and my phone rang by itself. I jumped at the sound but came back to reality quickly.

My manager called.

I was asked to replace someone's shift. I agreed since I have nothing to do. Maybe by getting busy was the perfect excuse to forget someone. And so I did.

We ended late as usual and I was the last to leave. The empty area and silence in the cafe reminded me of how lonely I felt, how empty and pathetic my life is right now, how I needed- ah I was suppose to stop thinking. How long will this torment take?

I walk along the quiet street. Something  caught my eye. I squinted and saw a familiar figure walking by across the street, blocked by a wall. I focus and sees Jiyong. Excitement got the better of me and I readied myself to wave at him.

"Ji-y-" I paused when I saw a girl approaching him. They smiled towards each other, bodies almost touching and their faces so close. That girl was Dara. Was TOP lying to make me feel good? I guess I was too loud, before I could feign ignorance, Dara looked over. I've been spotted, this is so embarrassing. What was I even thinking then, calling out to him when he's taken. I was really stupid believing he had feelings for me. I turn away and walk as quickly as I could.

"Pabo" I said to myself. My eyes swelled up and my lungs pressurize in my chest. The moment when you have to take a deep breathe cause you're so close to crying.

'Don't cry don't cry don't cry.' I thought repeatedly. The emptiness is overwhelming inside. I cared too much it destroyed me. Please, stop this pain.

I sped up then took to my heels, running from this nigthmare. Just keep running and don't turn back.

It was an unplanned route, too late already when I realize that I reach the foot of the building. The rooftop. Not too high of a story, I reach the top of the building in a jiffy. The wind blew at me, the fresh smell of air lingers into my nostrils. The feelings i kept in a long time, I need to let it out. I walk towards the edge, the place I once stood with Jiyong.

'Maybe it's time I should let you go.' I thought to myself. Chasing isn't healthy at all. I should have done so long time ago. If I can't do anything about it, I should let go, I don't want to Imprison myself in sorrow. "I love you." Is probably what I never will hear him say. I'm so drowned in my loneliness...

I leap over the edge, felt the wind brushing my skin and hair. Taking a deep breath in, I wanted to let it all out by screaming at the top of my lungs.

"Yah." Someone interrupted.